Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,176,793 members, 7,898,838 topics. Date: Tuesday, 23 July 2024 at 08:19 PM

Am Older Than Him? Please Help - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Am Older Than Him? Please Help (2502 Views)

Top 6 Reasons Why You Look Older Than Your Real Age – A Must Read / Top 8 Nigerian Celebrities Who Look Way Older Than Their Age / Guys: Would You Date A Lady Older Than You? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (Reply) (Go Down)

Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 12:31pm On Mar 23, 2011
My name is Simi and Am 33years old. It happened that i date my ex for over 6yrs. Dnt blame me for waiting ds long. He was actually based abroad but always coming home not until he finally came back to Nigeria in 2009. While he was there, i made all attempt to join him but i was not granted visa.
To my story short, after coming home, i started talking about marriage but he was not really serious about it. I became worried cs he started telling me to wait for him that he wuld soon settle down. We were on ds for over a year.
I made some findings and i discovered that he was married to a Nigerian there.
Late last year i confronted him abt this and he didnt deny it. He told me that he married her for papers but the lady has refused to give him divorced and he was  miserable that was why he has to relocated back to Nigeria so ds wuld not affect his job cos he works works a multinational coy.
I discovered there was no point waiting for him again. It is so painful at my age to lose out just like that.
I thot about where i wuld start from and also realised that i didnt hv to be desperate.
I meant another guy last month. He is a very lovely guy, caring , strict and disciplined. We so much love each other that he has introduced me to his friends and i have started hanging out wit his sister.
Just last 2 weeks we were going out and i asked him about his past rship. He told me the girl was childish and still in school so he culdnt cope wit her atitude so they went dir separate ways. I tried to yarb him that hw old is he trying to say somebody was too childish, he told me he was 28 shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked
I culdnt believe wot i heard. This is guy i thot he was in his mid 30s cos he is physically built and tall. He is so matured with his words and attitude. I felt as if i shld jump out of the car. Whn he asked for mine, i told him 33. He didnt show any attitude, all  he said was that i looked 25-26.
I know i look younger dan my age and a lot of pple have been telling me.
I asked him hw he felt dating some1 older and wot his pple wuld say.He promised me that he wuld tell his friends and family am 26 and i shld just tell my pple that he is 35 cos he has the looks of 35. I told him i couldnt cope wit him but he was like he shld be d one to complain and he is not doing that.
The truth is i have fallen for him and i dnt know if i shld get out now cos aint sure if i will regret ds.
He comes around now as if nothing is happening, we go out to fxns 2gether, parties and everywhere. He is so fond & proud of me.

I have actually met another man (a divorcee wit kids and he is in his 40s) but i just dont like him which may be as a result  that he is divorced wit kids.
Please what shld i do be4 i embark on ds mission.
I  need sincere advice and please be matured with your comments
Thank u
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by alfchye(m): 12:48pm On Mar 23, 2011
Nairaland this is for you all
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Omolola1(f): 12:50pm On Mar 23, 2011
you nko?
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Tosinville(m): 12:51pm On Mar 23, 2011
Hard to Answer.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 12:55pm On Mar 23, 2011
Tosinville:

Hard to Answer.
Is it so hard that i cant find anyone to advise me here? I thot NL has some nice pple that can give you good advice. embarassed embarassed embarassed embarassed
So my case is so bad and critical dat no body has nothing to say to it cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Omolola1(f): 1:00pm On Mar 23, 2011
OP
Since d 28yr old isnt complaining, why re u stressin urself?
u re old enough to knw what'z best 4 u anyway. . .
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Odunnu: 1:07pm On Mar 23, 2011
5yrs his senior?thats a gap gurl. If you feel age is a barrier now,you'l feel worse when married. Since its an issue for you,i'l advice you talk it over with him and have a clean break and go for ths 40something guy who's already showing you off and blocking other guys frm reachn you
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Tosinville(m): 1:07pm On Mar 23, 2011
Be sincere
Naw!! i'm not saying that, there's no problem without solution but my head is hot at moment to just give an answer, situation like this is a thing someone have to think twice before giving the poster an option.

Mzdarkskin, where u at?

Goldieluks, where u at?

Annawhite, where you at?

Iyatrustee, where you at?

Ms.potato, where you at?

I'll recommend these ladies for you for a suitable advice.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 1:24pm On Mar 23, 2011
Odunnu:

5yrs his senior?thats a gap gurl. If you feel age is a barrier now,you'l feel worse when married. Since its an issue for you,i'l advice you talk it over with him and have a clean break and go for ths 40something guy who's already showing you off and blocking other guys frm reachn you
@ Odunnu
Sorry may be i didnt write very well.
It is not the 40s dats showing me to pple, i meant the younger guy.
Thanks tho
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Odunnu: 1:30pm On Mar 23, 2011
Thought you said you go to functions with the divorcee?
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by alfchye(m): 1:46pm On Mar 23, 2011
Really hard to answer, But please follow your mind becos no matter what the advice will be your mind will play a great role here.You've been with this people and you know them so follow your heart.
As for age , it is just a number only in Africa the lady sometimes allow things get into their head, they will surely want to show seniority and that reduces a man ego,
God be with you.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by MrsChima(f): 1:48pm On Mar 23, 2011
Odunnu:

5yrs his senior?thats a gap gurl. If you feel age is a barrier now,you'l feel worse when married. Since its an issue for you,i'l advice you talk it over with him and have a clean break and go for ths 40something guy who's already showing you off and blocking other guys frm reachn you

That is sensible Odunnu. I agree if she feels that it a problem now it will be the same after they are married if they get that far.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by OYINBOGOJU(m): 1:59pm On Mar 23, 2011
You need better advise , take this thread to family section,there you find matured minds and great family that will help you out.

he didn`t show any attitude to the age issue because he has lived in abroad and its a common things there for a woman to be older.

infact some guys prefer their woman older than them.

as for me, i don`t see any problem in it. age shouldn` be the issue.

If someone younger than you treats you better,love and respect you,why not tie the knot and let age be the number you won`t remember.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 2:04pm On Mar 23, 2011
alfchye:

Really hard to answer,  But please follow your mind becos no matter what the advice will be your mind will play a great role here.You've been with this people and you know them  so follow your heart.
As for age ,  it is just a number only in Africa the lady sometimes allow things get into their head,  they will surely want to show seniority and that reduces a man ego,
  God be with you.
Believe me, this guy is firm aand knws hw to handle a woman so u cant just  be rude to him. It was part of wot he told me that he wuld be the man in the rship so nothing shld enter my head. In some situation, am the one that makes mistakes and needs to apologise.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nautillus(m): 2:09pm On Mar 23, 2011
My friend, You better stick to the one that loves you, So he is younger?, Lucky you, he does not mind, whats now your problem, ohh, you think you are the first, lol, i have lots of married friends whose wives are older than they are, no big deal, (and they are all happy together)
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by assme: 2:18pm On Mar 23, 2011
@poster

u sound to me like a very confused person (sorry I had to say that) u dated a married man for 6yrs!! &after realizing ur mistake, u still haven't learnt a lesson. I don't think the answer u r looking for is here on NL, its only when you sit down think in ur right senses(not biased with momentary love)&tell urself the truth that u will know that "once beaten, twice shy"
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by adelove21(m): 2:22pm On Mar 23, 2011
AS 4 ME AGE IS NOT BARRIER IF TRUE LUV EXIST BTW BOTH OF U,DEN U HV NO PROBLEM- MA GBE OUNJE ALE E FUN OLOGBO, BE WISE
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:05pm On Mar 23, 2011
Does the age difference matter to you? obviously the guy does not mind so YOU should be doing the soul searching to be sure if you can cope and how you wish to handle the age difference.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by assme: 3:13pm On Mar 23, 2011
you can not readily tell if the age doesn't matter to the guy. jst because he said it doesn't mean he means it. he might just be acting he doesn't care but in his mind he's just keeping u; knowing fully well that it wouldn't lead to what u want.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:25pm On Mar 23, 2011
assme:

you can not readily tell if the age doesn't matter to the guy. jst because he said it doesn't mean he means it. he might just be acting he doesn't care but in his mind he's just keeping u; knowing fully well that it wouldn't lead to what u want.

^^take this into consideration as well i think it has plenty sense at the end of the day can he marry you despite the age difference?
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 3:46pm On Mar 23, 2011
assme:

you can not readily tell if the age doesn't matter to the guy. jst because he said it doesn't mean he means it. he might just be acting he doesn't care but in his mind he's just keeping u; knowing fully well that it wouldn't lead to what u want.
This is my fear and not really the age difference. He is serious abt our being 2gether cos he said nobody will knw anythg if i dont tell them. He is even the one encouraging me and he tries his best to cheer me up and makes sure i feel comfortable whn we r hanging out.
Honestly i love his sense of maturity but i just pray it lasts embarassed embarassed
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:54pm On Mar 23, 2011
Then just go with the flow.he sounds like a nice guy and I hate to say this but this time around have a back up plan.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by kunlej2: 4:00pm On Mar 23, 2011
back up, that sound dangeous especially to someone like me.
if you cannot cope then leave. well who knows the guy could be real
a living dog is better than a dead lion
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by assme: 4:03pm On Mar 23, 2011
@op

let me tell u where I have a problem. Assuming this guy said he would tell his family&mayb friends(not necessary) your age and stand by it no matter what, it sounds like a long term agenda to me but saying he will conceal it to family and friends sounds like a short term project (as long as it lasts).
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 4:23pm On Mar 23, 2011
assme:

@op

let me tell u where I have a problem. Assuming this guy said he would tell his family&mayb friends(not necessary) your age and stand by it no matter what, it sounds like a long term agenda to me but saying he will conceal it to family and friends sounds like a short term project (as long as it lasts).
Dnt really understand ds? .
He said he wuld tell his family and friends dat am 26 and i shld tell my pple he is 35 just for things to work out cos our pple may not agree to the rship and also our friends shld not yarb or somethg
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:25pm On Mar 23, 2011
assme:

@op

let me tell u where I have a problem. Assuming this guy said he would tell his family&mayb friends(not necessary) your age and stand by it no matter what, it sounds like a long term agenda to me but saying he will conceal it to family and friends sounds like a short term project (as long as it lasts).

Good one!

Be Sincere:

Dnt really understand ds? .

She wants to know if he's too ashamed to tell his family and friend your real age!
cheesy cheesy
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:29pm On Mar 23, 2011
Be Sincere:

Dnt really understand ds? .
He said he wuld tell his family and friends dat am 26 and i shld tell my pple he is 35 just for things to work out cos our pple may not agree to the rship and also our friends shld not yarb or somethg

That will only make matter worse . . . what happens when you meet mutual acquaintances who attended the same primary school with you . . . or when you meet your younger cousin who was his classmate in secondary school . . .

The idea is to develop a long term plan and damn the consequences.

I don talk too much jare . . . Abeg Jenny, wey that baba kadry brother wey dey village?
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:31pm On Mar 23, 2011
Is it just me or does OP sound desperate to get hitch?! (hello, body clock alert!!!)
Ok let's analyze this RAW:
First you think that dating someone for 6yrs was wrong BUT we can clearly see that you didn't know jack shiit about this STRANGER.

Second he ask you to wait for him but you were in such a hurry to get married that you left . . . I guess you had your body clock in mind.

Third only to meet a new guy that you have NO CLUE ABOUT and claim to "fall for" within a month, yeah right!!!
Haven't you learn anything from the past 6yrs?!

Fourth You would have normally "jumped out the car" when you heard he was so young (you even said you couldn't cope with it) but since you are SO desperate to get hitched with just about anyone, you continued this charade.

Fifth AND TO TOP IT ALL, while you are with this spring chicken, you are MEETING and CONSIDERING some 40yr old divorcee, damn how desperate are you?!
Here is a clue: if you keep on searching, while dating this young guy, it means he is NOT what you seeking for, so do yourself and him a favor and let him go.

As for the icing on the cake, you wrote: "it is so painful AT MY AGE to lose out just like that". Honey, I am sorry to say that thinking the way you do, you will probably NEVER find happiness!

Let me be the bearer of bad news: the fact that you don't have the discipline/time to focus on ONE PERSON and truly get to know them (desperate people tend to act this way) will end up in A) never truly knowing who you are dating B) ultimately marrying a stranger C) end up a miserable bitter wife when the honeymoon period is over.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 4:31pm On Mar 23, 2011
Ujujoan:

Good one!

She wants to know if he's too ashamed to tell his family and friend your real age!
cheesy  cheesy
Let me tell u that i will never be comfortable wit the rship if he tells them my really age. It can just b a secret btw just the 2 of us.
Its not that he is ashamed but he is only trying to protect me
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by jaybee3(m): 4:35pm On Mar 23, 2011
@OP
IMO, you are playing a high risk game.
Most men below 30's prefer to test water before taking the leap. Ask yourself the question if you can afford to wait only to be disappointed.
dating an older woman surely isn't a problem but marrying one is a whole lotta different ball game.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:39pm On Mar 23, 2011
MRbrownJAY:

Is it just me or does OP sound desperate to get hitch?! (hello, body clock alert!!!)
Ok let's analyze this RAW:
First you think that dating someone for 6yrs was wrong BUT we can clearly see that you didn't know jack shiit about this STRANGER.

Second he ask you to wait for him but you were in such a hurry to get married that you left . . . I guess you had your body clock in mind.

Third only to meet a new guy that you have NO CLUE ABOUT and claim to "fall for" within a month, yeah right!!!
Haven't you learn anything from the past 6yrs?!

Fourth You would have normally "jumped out the car" when you heard he was so young (you even said you couldn't cope with it) but since you are SO desperate to get hitched with just about anyone, you continued this charade.

Fifth AND TO TOP IT ALL, while you are with this spring chicken, you are MEETING and CONSIDERING some 40yr old divorcee, damn how desperate are you?!
Here is a clue: if you keep on searching, while dating this young guy, it means he is NOT what you seeking for, so do yourself and him a favor and let him go.

As for the icing on the cake, you wrote: "it is so painful AT MY AGE to lose out just like that". Honey, I am sorry to say that thinking the way you do, you will probably NEVER find happiness!

Let me be the bearer of bad news: the fact that you don't have the discipline/time to focus on ONE PERSON and truly get to know them (desperate people tend to act this way) will end up in A) never truly knowing who you are dating B) ultimately marrying a stranger C) end up a miserable bitter wife when the honeymoon period is over.

You didn't read her post well . . . .

She didn't leave the first guy, he married someone else while she was waiting for him.

There's nothing wrong with a woman setting a target for herself and working towards achieving it. If she wants to get married at 30 and is not 33, I'd assume that all her relationship efforts will be towards settling down . . . no?

Try and be a little more sensitive to her case . . . a woman of 23 losing a 6-year relationship will not feel the same way a woman of 33 will.

She doesn't need one year to tell when a man treats her right . . . maybe she dosen't really 'love' him, but she could . . over time.
Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 4:44pm On Mar 23, 2011
MRbrownJAY:

Is it just me or does OP sound desperate to get hitch?! (hello, body clock alert!!!)
Ok let's analyze this RAW:
First you think that dating someone for 6yrs was wrong BUT we can clearly see that you didn't know jack shiit about this STRANGER.
Dating him for 6yrs was not wrong but

Second he ask you to wait for him but you were in such a hurry to get married that you left . . . I guess you had your body clock in mind.
He asked me to wait thinking he wuld divorce his wife and come back to me but whn dres no way out, i decided to back out without waiting for anyone to tell me again.

Third only to meet a new guy that you have NO CLUE ABOUT and claim to "fall for" within a month, yeah right!!!
Haven't you learn anything from the past 6yrs?!
I left my ex towards the end of last year and i met this one last month. Fine just a  month but we see almost everytime and we spend more time 2gether. What i experienced in my 6yrs is not the same here cos majority part of 6yrs was a distant rship

Fourth You would have normally "jumped out the car" when you heard he was so young (you even said you couldn't cope with it) but since you are SO desperate to get hitched with just about anyone, you continued this charade.
Point of correction, aint desperate oga. I was only shocked cos he doesnt look his again  and fine i felt bad cos i didnt knw d age be4 i fell for him. But i think its better cos after i realiased d age, ihavenot stopped loving him.

Fifth AND TO TOP IT ALL, while you are with this spring chicken, you are MEETING and CONSIDERING some 40yr old divorcee, damn how desperate are you?!
My colleaugue in the office was worried so she introduced ds man to me since  she didnt  knw i was seeing some1 else and damn it angry angry angry angry aint desperate  grin grin grin
Here is a clue: if you keep on searching, while dating this young guy, it means he is NOT what you seeking for, so do yourself and him a favor and let him go.

As for the icing on the cake, you wrote: "it is so painful AT MY AGE to lose out just like that". Honey, I am sorry to say that thinking the way you do, you will probably NEVER find happiness!
I feel sorry for myself that after waiting that long, i lost the guy i thot i wuld marry.

Let me be the bearer of bad news: the fact that you don't have the discipline/time to focus on ONE PERSON and truly get to know them (desperate people tend to act this way) will end up in A) never truly knowing who you are dating B) ultimately marrying a stranger C) end up a miserable bitter wife when the honeymoon period is over.
Please for the last time, i am not desperate.

(1) (2) (3) (Reply)

What Is The Best Way Of Showing Your Girlfriend That You Love Her / She Wants Me To Hammer Her Before Going To Church! / Pastor Says It's Natural For Men To Cheat: Wife's Should Understand That

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 76
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.