ogugua88:

If you were a woman na another song you go sing. Abi you no dey wear pride with your father's name? If you can let your pride go, then I'll back you in saying that women have pride issues.

I'm looking at things from the perspective of a realist. John McCain fought in Vietnam. John McCain married a beautiful pageant winner before serving in Vietnam. During his stay in Vietnam, his wife got into terrible car accident while trying to get home through a snowstorm. She had several surgeries performed on her, including on her legs. She was no longer the slim, statuesque pageant winner John McCain married. Due to spending months in hospital beds and recuperating from the injuries she had sustained, she was scarred, shorter, and heavier. John McCain returned from Vietnam with his two broken arms, divorced her, then married a millionaire heir, now known as Cindy McCain. Why wouldn't I plan ahead if there are people like that in this world?

"Till death do us part" is becoming a formality. 50% of marriages end in divorce. That's a fact. No one plans for it, but just because no one plans for it doesn't mean I should be foolish. I keep my expectations low with everything so that nothing is ever a surprise to me. Couples say they'll never cheat on each other, there will be transparency in marriages, etc., but you know how people are. A woman may say "I'll love you forever". He may say it too, but along the line, things may change between them and he or she goes back on his word. That's the world we live in. We live in a world with uncertainties. Anyone without a plan B not just for marriage but for anything in life is a fool. A lot of men chastise Elin Woods for the sum of money she received. Quite frankly, that was her plan b. My plan b? I'm signing a prenuptial agreement because I plan on making enough money on my own so that if any boyfriend/husband of mine fools around, I can leave him without thinking twice. I'm living this life once. I don't have time to cry for anyone.

I'm usually not vocal with these men vs women issues. This is something a man can never grasp anyhow, not until it either becomes a normality or he experiences it for himself. Just like I don't discuss men and their prostate issues, some of you do need to think twice about the way you discuss women and the issues that concern them and ONLY them. It concerns only them considering that in 99.9% of marriages with name changes, the woman is the person changing a name. Bottom line, if you don't like the idea of her keeping her name or hyphenating it with yours, then leave her alone.

seyibrown:

Nobody stops you from bearing any name you want! Mrs Fish, Salmon, nutter, slapper, littleman, peck, titman, goodfellow, sangogbewonsanle, Olorunbeloriite   . . . . . .  any name you want!   It's not illegal or immoral to keep one's maiden name! Many ignore the weightier matters in Marriage like faithfulness, honour, love, respect, and harp on about the ones that don't take one strand of hair off the head!  

bottom line. that is what I said from the beginning and I will continue to do so.
the relationship is not about showing male dominance and this false notion that is it a 'man's world'.
Rather it is SUPPOSED to be a union between a man and a woman/women (if polygamy is permitted) under the guidance of the Creator.

My reason for supporting the 'hyphen' is because of the following reasons:

my father passed and i want to carry on his name

and two, the world is changing from human to human contact to a more cyber world making the world smaller and ppl able to keep in contact and learn new things using their names. Case in point: Since joining facebook, I have found that SEVERAL i mean page after page of ppl with my name and the equal amount who are looking for me by my mother AND father's name. All being distant relatives of mine. I am able to find out more of who I am and to connect with ppl who share my bloodline who happen to live in the Europe, Canada and the Caribbean. Suppose I was married and kept my name off, this would not have been possible and if so it would have been more difficult. You may shrug your shoulders and ask the relevance of my 'sermon' but allow me to explain:

I have a unique history being a woman who is of a mixed western back ground. I do not scorn or dislike the men of both of my ethnicities but it is no secret that I do have a history for dating foreign men. Now I strongly believe the father of my future children will have an 'ethnic' last name. My children will have his name too (if he is responsible and MAN enough to sign the birth certificate.  ). I would love for my children to bear their father's name to me that is not an option as it is for me. Now I would also like for my children to know MY sides of the family and at the present moment I am in the process of building my family tree for future generations and for my own enjoyment. To know my roots. Keeping that link, that name is VITAL in doing so. This is a huge reason why I have no issue hyphenating, but bottom line and either way my name will stay.

I think it would selfish of a man to think my quest is unworthy in comparison to his male 'ego'. That is just how I feel.

Phate07:


If a man thinks he is ok with his woman keeping her maiden name after marriage, then fine. That's his own choice. Its a personal decision.

Personally, i wont accept that kind of crap from my woman. If cant accept my name as hers, then we are incompatible. And it will be QUITS. It aint the end of the bleeping world.

tredkiller:

Naija women and their little nrains! A woman who refuses to take her husband last name has a total disregard for matrimony and would be ready to break up the marriage at any slightest problem or argument. She is a free woman and single. Whay will be her title; Mrs, Miss, Ms or Madam? Followed by her maiden name. I will never allow any woman to hyphenate or dilute my name. What God has joined together should be one.

naijangel7:

Hmmmm i wonder why this topic got so heated up that people are even name-calling and fussing and fighting. It's an individual choice dependent on the couple, i know a man whose kids bear a hyphenated surname: their mum's name and his own name as one name. The wife still bears her father's name too. It's all about reaching an understanding and personal choice. It varies from couple to couple. It's not a big deal that should lead to insults. people need to lighten up on NL. NL's just for recreation, i don't think it's the main thing in anybody's life!

where i come from sef, till the day you die as a woman, you would be referred to as "the daughter of so and so person". So whether you change your name or not, traditionally, you're always referred to as "the daughter of so and so". I visited my maternal home with my mother when she was about 50 years old and all the people who came to greet her kept repeating "Ah! you're welcome Ama (not real name), daughter of ----"

Bottom line, it's up to the couple. There's no right or wrong way to go about it. If a woman loves her man and he wants her to bear his name, i don't think it's a huge sacrifice if she does that. A man could also think it's not a big deal if his wife bears his name coupled with her dad's as a hyphenated name. Every man to his own.

jennykadry:

Me having my husband's identity is very important. My mum has my dads so why shouldn't I have my hubby's? My kids and I are not going to bear different last names.

GBAM!!

JUO:

no issue

Deep Sight:

@ Mrs Chima -

Please consider this comment, and kindly do revert.

I am shortly to be married and my fiancee has actually made a big deal about keeping her name. She has built a successful professional career as a lawyer and she feels that putting aside her name would destroy the professional identity that she has built. I understand that.

I believe in substance and not form, and for this reason I never place major stock by outward appearances or such things as mere names.

Nonetheless I also believe very much in family Identity. Let me explain: and please be open minded.

The entire concept of a name is a societal means of identification. If there was only one human being on the planet he would not need a name as there would be no one to identify him by the name. Thus a name is a means for societal identification.

A family is a societal unit.

A family name is the name by which the societal unit called a family is identified as one unit.

When a man and woman marry, they become one family.

Thus, it makes sense to me that they should bear one name.

Now, I am not particular about which name it is .

But It does make sense that they should bear one name.

We are thus considering a hyphenated name for her which drops the first part of my own already hyphenated surname. My issue with is is that as a family we will not have one name. The mother of my children will bear a different name from her own children. Although I already said I am into substance and not form, when I consider the issue of societal identification as a family unit (which is the exact purpose of a name), I am not comfortable with that.

What say you?

Freedom of choice.

Mrs.Chima:

Good for you that you found a woman that doesn't have an issue with accepting your surname. What that has to do with other women that have already hyphenated their names or father's surname? Nothing. What your fiance chose to do has no bearing on what other women chooses to do.

You said that you fiance was adamant about keeping her surname and may decides to accept your surname if so she doesn't want to hear the cries any more and trying to deal with the headaches. That is not good if she throwing in the towel, you would wants her to accept your surname with joy and not with contempts.

Look at the threads again, I am not the only one advocating Freedom of choice.

No matter how many men protests that they will not accept their women if they can get and keep one maintaining their surname, women all over the world are keeping their father's surname and/or hyphenating their surnames.

Henrinquo:

@Mrs Chima, LOL, Mrs Chima is already married and bearing her hubands name, Chima Isnt a lady's name, or is she gonna bear the name Mrs Chima love machine, ROTFLMFAO