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After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags - Romance (19) - Nairaland

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Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by pikechukwu6(m): 8:13am On Jun 24, 2021
Aunty you might be the problem of yourself... Check yourself well, possibly your expectations are very high
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by tbliss22(m): 8:14am On Jun 24, 2021
Aunty, that your new path of being born-again making you see other Christians inferior will do nothing than to make you a potential hypocrite. Don't be stupid to loose a man who loves you all because you didn't pray.

He that findeth a wife has got a good thing, this is what the bible says.... Its a 45 to 50 years contract, stay with your man and let go extremist way of life of being born again
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Nobody: 8:14am On Jun 24, 2021
"Do not be unequally Yoked"...My sister,be careful with this statement.....Most men of God and there wife are like Cat and Dog in the House....No marriage out there is perfect,.....if he is not Abusive in any form,in words,actions etc.....My sister pray for him....Like someone said "..Most moralist out there are better than "Most Holier than thou" ...Out there....All the best..

1 Like

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by PotatoSalad(m): 8:15am On Jun 24, 2021
livingchrist:

You cant shy away from the truth religion is an important marital criteria that shouldnt be overlooked @bold I pity for your wife,she is carrying load she is not suppose to carry, your wife is certainly not happy for your condition , do you know as you are satan can just make use of you any time he wishes? I laugh, yes sir you cant change a leopard's skin that is why you should let the leopard go instead of endangering your life.
Are you married? Face your wife and leave his.
It works for him. Doesn't mean it'll work for you too
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by BRATISLAVA: 8:18am On Jun 24, 2021
francdec4:
You have no point my dear. Assuming that he is not a "born again" because he is a Catholic is myopic to say the least. You are obviously supporting her because you share in her believe system too which is very lowly to think Catholics are less of Christian because he is not in her church. For his sanity I really wish he leave that relationship cos this lady will make life difficult for him if he refuses to join her. Let her pastor find a husband for her. I shouldn't be replying you anymore if you have this kind of mentality.



Suddenly because she's Pentecostal it means her pastor must be finding a husband for her. Nonsense. Talk about myopic reasoning, bias and lack of understanding. And you think you've made a point.

Bet you want her to be single until she's 50 because she doesn't think the way you do.

She is free to not be with someone because of religious differences. Face it.
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by PotatoSalad(m): 8:18am On Jun 24, 2021
CSTRR:

For example, Someone that goes to every night vigil organised by their Church, fast often, prays often, and pays every seed offering, versus someone that only goes to church every Sunday during mass and rarely prays.

Surely, you can see the difference in spirituality.
It's too early for this amount of sarcasm grin
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by 2kurupt(m): 8:19am On Jun 24, 2021
Buziness101:
Just tell us that you are now in love with another man... SMH... Women
This is the long and short of the whole write-up my brother.
Obviously one slick looking dude from the new church has caught her fancy.
Humans can rationalise anything to suit their fancy

1 Like

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by okonyia(m): 8:20am On Jun 24, 2021
I didn't see much issues here accept you are seeing another guy or you are falling for another guy. But since you are not married yet, you can still pray for his salvation and he will be born again. You didn't mention if they guy is abusive, womanizer, drunk, or living a bad life, but since he is a Christian, but not born again, I think prayers and cuncilling can solve this.
I wish you all the best and please do not rush to conclusion that he might not be the one if you have not ask God to confirm, this is to avoid making a huge mistake.
God bless you
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Saintinoo(m): 8:21am On Jun 24, 2021
mugnmuffin:
Dear Nairalanders,
I have an issue that has been on my mind for weeks now. My fiancé and I have been dating for over three years. I love him and he loves me too. We are physically attracted to each other. We’re both catholic but since I graduated, during my service year I gave my life to Christ, got saved and left the Catholic Church. So I’ve been a Pentecostal Christian since then. He on the other hand is still catholic. I subtly try to nudge him to consider getting saved, i.e acknowledging Christ as lord and savior and becoming born again but he is content with his laidback Christian life.

Earlier this year, he asked to meet my parents and I let him. My parents like him especially because my younger sis is married and they have been waiting for me too. They’re glad I’ve someone. However, after the introduction,I regret it. I’m now certain that he’s not the one. I think about my spiritual life and how lukewarm he is about the things of God, I think about kids and how we’ll raise the, with such differing views about God and I’m discouraged. I feel like I’m settling because he checks all the boxes on the checklist of physical attributes. Another mistake I made is, I didn’t pray about this decision and that worries me because anything that involves him,I just act with pausing to ask God, but I always ask God about other aspects of my life. So it’s like my associating with him is a minus for my spiritual life and that’s a huge cause for concern.

At this point, I want to tell my parents I am not convinced it’s him but I’m afraid of the disappointment this will cause. *sigh* I’ll appreciate your thoughts, comments, criticisms...
You are either a new Lord's Chosen or Deeper life member who thinks any other christain who is not a member of your church is not human. This is how these two churches see other people, your church has brainwashed you to not marrying a non member, well pls, tell the innocent man that you are not interested anymore so he can go and find a wife.
By the time you clock 40 without a husband, the charm might have cleared from your eyes.
Miss Saver.

2 Likes

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by BRATISLAVA: 8:21am On Jun 24, 2021
cocolacec:

Unfortunately muslims have this kind of problem too.TMC dont allow members to marry non members,if you do the group turns against you.
They can matchmake riff raffs with educated persons.

Don't know why Christians make a big deal out of it.

Over 15 pages of anger and outrage over a lifetime decision that they will not be a part of its hiccups.
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Anselem4289: 8:21am On Jun 24, 2021
You people are misquoting the op what she is insinuating is that some are going to church for going sake without having a genuine repentance, people that does not take things of God seriously.
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by rita25(f): 8:21am On Jun 24, 2021
MY SISTER RUN OH TILL UR SLIPPERS TOUCH BACK OF YOUR HEAD OH.........RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Clinghton: 8:22am On Jun 24, 2021
Can't you give your life to Christ and remain in your former church.

1 Like

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Futureschool(m): 8:22am On Jun 24, 2021
One of the ways you know God is with you on a matter is the peace of mind and contentment in heart that you possess about that issue.
If your peace of mind is no more there, then that in itself is a red flag.

Secondly, issue of denomination/place of worship is a really critical factor for consideration in recent time for intending Christian couples; it was not really meant to be but because of issues of divergent doctrines, teachings, beliefs and practices, many Christian home are experiencing various types of storms.

I will advise you to take out time to pray, listen to your heart and not to anybody; because when the chips are down, no one will bear the brunt for you; not your parents and not even you friends and advisers. Then, make up your mind and do a desired.

May the Lord be with you.

2 Likes

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Tribalism123(m): 8:23am On Jun 24, 2021
Writer
Fool @35. Idiot @40. Tears @60.
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by emifunrami: 8:23am On Jun 24, 2021
A true Christian is one who believes that Jesus Christ is not only Lord but the only mediator between God and man. They don't access God through Mary or pray through some dead "saints "

"For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus" 1Tim 2:5
Having said that, my advice is:
1. Don't act in haste. Don't move ahead until you hear from God.
2: Fast and pray that God will reveal his will to you.
3. Consult other spiritually matured Christians to confirm what you personally receive.
4. A broken relationship is to be welcomed and treasured if it will be an escape from years of sadness, torture and anguish that is usually the result of a marriage that is not God's will.

Finally there are some morally upright Catholics just as there are some depraved, morally bankrupt Pentecostal. A marriage requires
more than morals.It requires commitment to walk as Christ walked. However success in marriage stands a better chance if the man is God's will and is in an environment where the true gospel is taught and the couple commit to live according to the word of God.

2 Likes

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by PotatoSalad(m): 8:23am On Jun 24, 2021
One big brother for church don tell OP that he prayed and fasted and God showed him that she should leave whoever that she's seeing and that he's the right man for her. She's made up her mind even before making this post. She just needs your comments to validate it.


[BEATS TAMBOURINE]
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by lacoach: 8:24am On Jun 24, 2021
Madam spiritual life, you are sick and need medicine. Please pass me the Roman Catholic dude's phone number my sister is ripe for marriage. How do you know that you are safe ? Is it because you have been brainwashed and now mingle with Papa boys with well tailored suit who will not even marriage you.
Who the new generation churches help? The last time i checked, they are robbing the poor and building themselves, their children and hundred generation to come an empire. I regret ever opening your thread because its baseless. Please set the poor man free. You don't love him.

3 Likes

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Nobody: 8:26am On Jun 24, 2021
My sister,hope say you no be KINGDOM FELLOWSHIP (a.k.a Jesus Deciple fellowship) ... Because, that place don ruin many lives...
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by ICEWIN: 8:27am On Jun 24, 2021
infogenius:

Good u're seeing properly now and not when you are married.
If u're not spiritually connected, kindly end the relationship. Spirituality is far more important than physical attributes.
If only many youths can see this way before getting married
NONSENSE. 2MUCH SPIRITUALITY LIMIT YOU TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL. SPIRITUALITY OR NOT,IF YOUR MARRIAGE WILL CRUMBLE IT WILL. SPIRITUALITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PERFECT MATCH OR MARRIAGE. 2MUCH SPIRITUALITX LIMIT XOXO AND YOUR CHANCE OF GETTING MARRY 2/10

1 Like

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by wirinet(m): 8:28am On Jun 24, 2021
mugnmuffin:


First, I want to apologize for the statement insinuating that Catholic Christians are less Christian compared to Pentecostals. That was not meant to be a generalization. The reason why faith is my principal concern is because, as a Christian, there are certain ethics and codes of conduct a person adopts and practices that guide their actions and decisions. It is the crux of the matter for me.

Many of the comments are asking for elaboration especially with regards to other aspects besides spirituality. Some of the red flags in terms of his attitude and behavior that give me cause for concern are how he relates with ladies; I found that he cheated on me a couple of times. Some of my friends who are married assure me that it is nothing to worry about because “men will always be men”. However, I feel like overlooking that means ‘settling’. Also, he tends to act like we’re competing for career success. I’m a banker and he works with a company and is well paid. From comments he makes when I make attempts to pursue growth, like take courses or attend conferences to network, his response shows that he thinks it’s a waste of time and resources. I don’t always expect him to give me financial support, even if encouragement. But he feels I should be content with my current status. It scares me that he may staunch my progress after marriage.
I’m no saint myself, but I know marriage is a lifetime affair and just because I didn’t look before I leaped into the relationship doesn’t mean I shouldn’t at this point try to make amends.

This your update is at variance with your opening post. You yourself is not being truthful with yourself and with your fiancee.

How can you reconcile these two opposing statements? "he checks all the boxes on the checklist of physical attributes" and then "I found that he cheated on me a couple of times"?
Your initial post gave us the impression that your fiancee was a perfect man and that the only issue was one of religious or should I say doctrinal differences only for you to later insinuate that he is misogynistic cheater.

It's not about religion. Don't blame your doctrinal differences. What I have discovered is that religion does not change people, else Nigeria would be the most moral country in the world, with everyone claiming born again. it only hides their worst impulses. Marriages between born agains don't have a better success rate than the general population. The same problem of infidelity affect born again marriages like every other marriages.

The keyword to a successful marriage is love, respect and communication. You should be sharing your concerns with your prospective husband instead of on social media. You guys need to sit together and discuss what you both want from the marriage. You need to discuss kids - number and how they are to be raised, finances, career paths and how you both will deal with the in-laws. Marriage like any other human endeavour requires planning, hard work and dedication to make it work. It has little to do with religion.

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Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Nausonad(m): 8:29am On Jun 24, 2021
If ur new spiritual life can't accommodate someone u spent 3yrs, then ur spiritual life Wil remain single all all d dayz of ur life,, because no man will ever marry a spiritual life woman with all ds nonsense u are talking... Ur younger sister is ordained married n u are stil single.. If u think after losing ds guy & God Wil provide another guy that Wil match ur spiritual life,, U wil b disappointed n remain single u see papa madu to come manage marry U. Spiritual WOMAN @ HOW OLD ARE U??

2 Likes

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by funmiayo55: 8:29am On Jun 24, 2021
Still call and talk to him about it again.so you won't fall victim.
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by malel1: 8:29am On Jun 24, 2021
zed7:
If your only complaint is that he isn't a fanatic then you have no problem.
A well behaved moralist is better off than a religious fanatic without morals.


I didn’t get any point tooo, village people don Dey call this girl

1 Like

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by miketayo(m): 8:29am On Jun 24, 2021
mugnmuffin:
Dear Nairalanders,
I have an issue that has been on my mind for weeks now. My fiancé and I have been dating for over three years. I love him and he loves me too. We are physically attracted to each other. We’re both catholic but since I graduated, during my service year I gave my life to Christ, got saved and left the Catholic Church. So I’ve been a Pentecostal Christian since then. He on the other hand is still catholic. I subtly try to nudge him to consider getting saved, i.e acknowledging Christ as lord and savior and becoming born again but he is content with his laidback Christian life.

Earlier this year, he asked to meet my parents and I let him. My parents like him especially because my younger sis is married and they have been waiting for me too. They’re glad I’ve someone. However, after the introduction,I regret it. I’m now certain that he’s not the one. I think about my spiritual life and how lukewarm he is about the things of God, I think about kids and how we’ll raise the, with such differing views about God and I’m discouraged. I feel like I’m settling because he checks all the boxes on the checklist of physical attributes. Another mistake I made is, I didn’t pray about this decision and that worries me because anything that involves him,I just act with pausing to ask God, but I always ask God about other aspects of my life. So it’s like my associating with him is a minus for my spiritual life and that’s a huge cause for concern.

At this point, I want to tell my parents I am not convinced it’s him but I’m afraid of the disappointment this will cause. *sigh* I’ll appreciate your thoughts, comments, criticisms...

You seem more like the problem here. When u were a Catholic, were u worshipping d devil or I don't understand. Not until u kabash in prayers before God will hear u. Quit d relationship let d poor man find a better half
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by PotatoSalad(m): 8:30am On Jun 24, 2021
I remember the girl I really wanted to date after my NYSC. She said we were worlds apart and that she'll never date me. Based on I'm not as spiritual as her.
I followed her updates for sometime before cutting off the friendship entirely. She eventually started going out with the bassist in her church. A brother better than me.
Anyway, I bumped into her when I went to pickup something from GUO just before lockdown last year, she was a shadow of herself. Couldn't believe my eyes. Omo I kept screaming 'damn damn' in my head even after we greeted.
I may not be perfect spiritually, but I value morals more than anything.
I was ready to treat her right but she valued a prayer warrior more.
To each their own
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Ategberoson(m): 8:30am On Jun 24, 2021
Op my wife was like you with low IQ about God and spirituality before, I'm glad I change her fanaticism and made her reason like a normal Human being



I pity the guy if he end up with you, you will surely make life hard for him with your extremism. extremist are brainless entity that will never allow human development and progress


in your post, you didn't mention the immoral things the guy is doing, you're even insulting the catholic members with your post. you're a disgrace to Christianity, may God have mercy on your draining brain

3 Likes

Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by chineloSA(f): 8:32am On Jun 24, 2021
Johnsown1:
Please don't marry him, he is not your other half. Because Catholics are not christains and Pentecostals are the true christains. Fast for 80 days for cleansing then ask one of your pastors to marry you since they are closer to your God. Shalom

Wow, what criteria do you use to measure a true Christian ? shocked shocked shocked
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by uvie66: 8:33am On Jun 24, 2021
Bola146:
I don't really get your points. Which God? Is he worshipping something else?! Seriously I don't get it. Maybe you should ask yourself what is causing the confusion sad
The thing weak me.....So because you are pentecostal he has to tow the line, are Catholics worshipping a different God?, or Muslims for that matter. So throughout your life you will only relate with pentecostal Christians?
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by malel1: 8:33am On Jun 24, 2021
Why are some women confused and stupid same time ? U dated a man for 3yrs , after intro,u remember say she no be the person Nawah ooo Nawah ooo
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by siaco(m): 8:34am On Jun 24, 2021
mugnmuffin:
Dear Nairalanders,
I have an issue that has been on my mind for weeks now. My fiancé and I have been dating for over three years. I love him and he loves me too. We are physically attracted to each other. We’re both catholic but since I graduated, during my service year I gave my life to Christ, got saved and left the Catholic Church. So I’ve been a Pentecostal Christian since then. He on the other hand is still catholic. I subtly try to nudge him to consider getting saved, i.e acknowledging Christ as lord and savior and becoming born again but he is content with his laidback Christian life.

Earlier this year, he asked to meet my parents and I let him. My parents like him especially because my younger sis is married and they have been waiting for me too. They’re glad I’ve someone. However, after the introduction,I regret it. I’m now certain that he’s not the one. I think about my spiritual life and how lukewarm he is about the things of God, I think about kids and how we’ll raise the, with such differing views about God and I’m discouraged. I feel like I’m settling because he checks all the boxes on the checklist of physical attributes. Another mistake I made is, I didn’t pray about this decision and that worries me because anything that involves him,I just act with pausing to ask God, but I always ask God about other aspects of my life. So it’s like my associating with him is a minus for my spiritual life and that’s a huge cause for concern.

At this point, I want to tell my parents I am not convinced it’s him but I’m afraid of the disappointment this will cause. *sigh* I’ll appreciate your thoughts, comments, criticisms...

You are not serious, by the time it is clear to you that you are the problem here, you would have become evening paper. Be wise!
Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by MobilityMFR(m): 8:34am On Jun 24, 2021
My dear sister, I am sorry to say that you have fallen into the classic case of the gullible humans I know; Catholics are not Christians? Haba nah? What pastor taught you that? Tell you what! I married a Methodist, she accepted the Catholic faith without duress; we've been happily married for ten years. You actually DO NOT LOVE THIS GUY; or better still, if you marry this guy you would want to control his every move. What's this Born Again crap anyway? You know what? The humans who have dubbed me introduced themselves to me as pastors. Shine your eye, you may be throwing away someone precious all in the name of CHURCH. What is the name of this church if I may ask?

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