Positive discipline for better mental and physical health and a happy childhood.

There are no bad children, only bad behaviour.




How to discipline your child the smart and healthy way.

There comes a time when every parent struggles with how best to discipline their child. Whether dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teen, it can be hard to control your temper. No parent wants to find themselves in such a situation and the bottom line is that shouting and physical violence never help.
Thankfully, there are other, more effective ways and one of them is positive discipline. We consulted Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and mother of two young boys, to explore how the approach can help parents build positive relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation and self-discipline.


Why positive discipline?

“Parents don't want to shout or hit their kids. We do it because we're stressed and don't see another way,” says Professor Cluver.
The evidence is clear: shouting and hitting simply do not work and can do more harm than good in the long run. Repeated shouting and hitting can even adversely impact a child’s entire life. The continued “toxic stress” it creates can lead to a host of negative outcomes like higher chances of school dropout, depression, drug use, suicide and heart disease.
“It’s like saying: here's this medicine, it's not going to help you and it's going to make you sick,” says Professor Cluver. “When we know something doesn't work, that's a pretty good reason to look for a different approach.”

Rather than punishment and what not to do, the positive discipline approach puts an emphasis on developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations around behaviour. The good news for every parent is it works and here’s how you can start putting it into practice:

1. Plan 1-on-1 time

One-on-one time is important for building any good relationship and even more so with your children. “It can be 20 minutes a day. Or even 5 minutes. You can combine it with something like washing dishes together while you sing a song or chatting while you're hanging out the washing,” says Professor Cluver. “What's really important is that you focus on your child. So, you turn your TV off, you turn your phone off, you get to their level and it's you and them.”


2. Praise the positives

As parents we often focus on our children’s bad behaviour and call it out. Children may read this as a way to get your attention, perpetuating poor conduct rather than putting a stop to it.
Children thrive on praise. It makes them feel loved and special. “Watch out for when they're doing something good and praise them, even if that thing is just playing for five minutes with their sibling,” recommends Professor Cluver. “This can encourage good behaviour and reduce the need for discipline.”


3. Set clear expectations

“Telling your child exactly what you want them to do is much more effective than telling them what not to do,” says Professor Cluver. “When you ask a child to not make a mess, or to be good, they don't necessarily understand what they're required to do.” Clear instructions like “Please pick up all of your toys and put them in the box” set a clear expectation and increase the likelihood that they'll do what you’re asking.
“But it's important to set realistic expectations. Asking them to stay quiet for a whole day may not be as manageable as asking for 10 minutes of quiet time while you have a phone call,” says Professor Cluver. “You know what your child is capable of. But if you ask for the impossible, they are going to fail.”

4. Distract creatively

When your child is being difficult, distracting them with a more positive activity can be a useful strategy says Professor Cluver. “When you distract them towards something else – by changing the topic, introducing a game, leading them into another room, or going for a walk, you can successfully divert their energy towards positive behaviour.”

Timing is also crucial. Distraction is also about spotting when things are about to go wrong and taking action. Being mindful of when your child is starting to become fidgety, irritable or annoyed, or when two siblings are eyeing the same toy, can help diffuse a potential situation before it becomes one.


5. Use calm consequences

Part of growing up is learning that if you do something, something can happen as a result. Defining this for your child is a simple process that encourages better behaviour while teaching them about responsibility.

Give your child a chance to do the right thing by explaining the consequences of their bad behaviour. As an example, if you want your child to stop scribbling on the walls, you can tell them to stop or else you will end their play time. This provides them with a warning and an opportunity to change their behaviour.

If they don’t stop, follow through with the consequences calmly and without showing anger, “and give yourself credit for that – it’s not easy!” adds Professor Cluver.
If they do stop, give them lots of praise for it, recommends Professor Cluver. “What you are doing is creating a positive feedback loop for your child. Calm consequences have been shown to be effective for kids to learn about what happens when they behave badly.”

Being consistent is a key factor in positive parenting, which is why following through with the consequences is important. And so is making them realistic. “You can take a teenager's phone away for an hour but taking it away for a week might be difficult to follow through on.”


Engaging with younger children

One-on-one time can be fun – and it’s completely free! “You can copy their expressions, bang spoons against pots, or sing together,” adds Professor Cluver. “There’s amazing research showing that playing with your children boosts their brain development.”


Engaging with older children

Like younger children, teenagers seek praise and want to be thought of as good. One-on-one time is still important to them. “They love it if you dance around the room with them or engage in a conversation about their favourite singer,” says Professor Cluver. “They may not always show it, but they do. And, it's an effective way of building a relationship on their terms.”

While setting expectations, “ask them to help make some of the rules,” suggests Professor Cluver. “Sit them down and try to agree on the household dos and don'ts. They can also help decide what the consequences for unacceptable behaviour will be. Being involved in the process helps them know that you understand they're becoming their own independent beings.”


Advice for parents during the COVID-19 pandemic

The pandemic has brought about sudden and drastic changes in the lives of families with parents directly in the middle of it. Here are some tips that can help parents get through these and any other stressful times:


1. Pause

We all know the stress when we feel our child is being difficult. At moments like these, being present and stepping back is a simple and useful tactic. Hit the “pause button”, as Professor Cluver calls it. “Take five deep breaths, slowly and carefully and you'll notice you are able to respond in a calmer, more considered way. Parents across the world say that just taking that pause is enormously helpful.”


2. Step back

Parents often forget to care for themselves, says Professor Cluver. “Take some time for yourself, such as when the kids are asleep, to do something that makes you feel happy and calm. It's really hard to do all the things right as a parent, when you haven't given yourself a break.”


3. Praise yourself
It’s easy to forget the as tonishing job you do as a parent every day and you should give yourself the credit, advises Professor Cluver. “Each day, maybe while brushing your teeth, take a moment to ask: ‘What was one thing I did really well with my kids today?’ And, just know that you did something great.”

“We might be in and out of isolation, but you are absolutely not alone,” she says. “Millions of parents across the world are all trying and we're all failing sometimes. And then we're trying again. We’ll survive this together.”

https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-discipline-your-child-smart-and-healthy-way

This list is incomplete
I did not see flogging there

Very nonsense post.

Spare the rod an spoil the child.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

coolcharm:
Very nonsense post.

Spare the rod an spoil the child.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

WoundedLamb:


That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

What good are the humans raised in the west? Bunch of spoilt and rotten heads right? Correcting your children with koboko 2.0 once in a while doesn't mean you don't love them or are not compassionate. Infact, it is an expression of love. You've got to balance the mix.

WoundedLamb:


That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

You are correct!

Despite our ways of correcting children, we are still morally bankrupt.

Beating children like animals in the name of correction is wrong.

coolcharm:


What good are the humans raised in the west? Bunch of spoilt and rotten heads right? Correcting your children with koboko 2.0 once in a while doesn't mean you don't love them or are not compassionate. Infact, it is an expression of love. You've got to balance the mix.

I never said Africans don't love thier kids. I'm sure they do. I'm only talking about their way of expressing that love.

A little deviation, you ask what good the humans raised in the West are, yet they are the brains behind the modern world as you know it today. Civilization started in Africa yet the West is light years ahead today. Everyone wants to run away from Africa to the West yet we say they're of no good. I know the only thing Africa has got going her is her dignity and pride, and Africans like to think they're more reasonable humans. That's a great sense of pride. But it would be ridiculous to pretend Africa has contributed half as much as the West to the well-being of mankind. Let's just leave it at that.

Back to the topic, I think flogging kids is a brute force approach adopted by people who do not have the knowledge or skills to implement alternative methods. It's hardening and only teaches the kids to master better of ways doing what they want to do without getting caught. I think a kid who doesn't do something wrong not because he understands the implications, but just out of fear of being hit is a time bomb.

I just went through the write up

This one na for Ajebo or All this oyibo children na

No igbati
That one Works all the time
Smart and effective

But not all the time o

But come to think of it o
If I list things wey Dem don use beat me during childhood ehn.

Belt
Cain
Koboko
Some people dey use broom flog their pickin
Hot knock for head
Omo the list too long

Go back to the Africa's communal ways...We are losing it....

Oyinbos ways no dey work....

Correcting without a little bit of spanking , canning or having someone the child fear between either parents no be discipline for this part of the world.


If you like, follow the oyinbos rules and don't drive sense into your pikin....


NB: I no say make you abuse am o, because some African parents own self too much ..dem fit carry pestle to beat a child

Where koboko dey??

Did you know??


The right ear is better at hearing speech and the left ear is better at hearing music.

goodmorning40:
This list is incomplete
I did not see flogging there

It's a "woke" world now.

They are forming not necessary to flog children. But go to the U.S now and see how many children disrespect their parents, some carry guns and kill, they become Emo's who become rebellious and don't listen to parents advice while living on drugs. Then some end up committing suicide.

The black way

hmmm....

Ok nice

As long as that post is...there is no mention of God in training up a child, how men constantly and indirectly try to replace God with human standards and philosophies wow!...you want to raise a human created by God, and you don't even have any reference to the source of that human! What a futile efforts. You think what makes a man to go wayward comes from papers...it comes from within and unfortunately, Science can not handle regeneration of Spirit and soul. Woe betide a fish that wants to swim on land or bed that want to fly in water. The source of evry man is God and until a man return back to his source the earth is not safe, parents will continue to raise children that will be a constant threat to the society. The best way to raise up Children is to Return them to God., let them encounter God personally, when his Spirit dwell in them, you have conquered them. Even when you are not around that God in them will supervise their motives and intentions anywhere anytime. You will have peace of mind even after death. Let your Children know God in Spirit and in truth and you will know peace

...


There are children that if you don't flog sense into their head they will never be sensible...

Very good! Some people don't know how to discipline their child/ children, they pamper them so much in almost everything , that's why we have thieves, drunkards, Oloshos and the rest of them at a very young age, Children learn very fast,be it good or bad, They learn mostly by watching

Hmmm

[img]https://media1./images/35dd1ea4bad446a4aa111746db823b19/tenor.gif?itemid=20650354[/img]

with all the Rob usage in Nigeria, we still have Cultistism, Banditry, militancy, Kidnapping, killing etc
Person were go bad go bad, whether you spare the Rob or spoil the child

coolcharm:
Very nonsense post.

Spare the rod an spoil the child.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

hey gyal!!

come a me yard suh

me wan yuh fi sidung pon di couch and watch TV
come a me yard suh

inna me house me song play pon DVD
come a me yard suh

weh me put it inna yuh me nuh haffi use CD
come a me yard su

sidung fi watch TV!!!


Hey gyaall

[quote author=Dannyset post=104754601]Positive discipline for better mental and physical health and a happy childhood.

There are no bad children, only bad behaviour.




How to discipline your child the smart and healthy way.

There comes a time when every parent struggles with how best to discipline their child. Whether dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teen, it can be hard to control your temper. No parent wants to find themselves in such a situation and the bottom line is that shouting and physical violence never help.
Thankfully, there are other, more effective ways and one of them is positive discipline. We consulted Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and mother of two young boys, to explore how the approach can help parents build positive relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation and self-discipline.

No slapping, spanking

Oyinbo now wants to tell Africans how to discipline ouy children and what they consider healthy discipline

For how long are they going to dictate to us and be our standards?

Their own children dey deliquent,on drugs,many in prison etc.abeg make them no vex me

I think using sticks to beat these children is the only way they can be morally upright

And what had been the result of this approach in the western world vs the African approach