Mercychen:
Hi fam.

Something has been bothering me of late and leaving me emotionally and mentally stressed and drained for the past weeks and I'm cut between the devil and the deep blue sea.

There's this bro we're trying to see if we can work things out. though, I never really wanted anything relationship again or at least for now until I'm decided later in the future on what I really want for myself.

Before, I delve into the main discuss , let
me quickly highlight how it all started.

Some months back, My publisher came to deliver the books I ordered for. So while sorting the books, he just got teasing me like " Babes, na wa o. What's up with your romantic life now?. I've never seen you pulling with anyone. It's always work, biz Money money money I see you pursuing. Lol... I just told him, guy, free me abeg and I went on counting the books at the boot of his car.

He now walked up to me and said, on a more serious note, what is happening? So I told him it's a personal choice cos I dont have the strength for relationship brouhaha now. He agreed with me that truly its not easy and even as a married man, he too feels the heat but the good thing is, he married in the Lord. So I should choose wisely from among the brethren.

So he said, he has this family friend, an eligible bachelor, who wants a decent lady and I'm the one that comes to mind each time the guy mentions it because since he's be dealing with me, he can vouch that I'm a very honest, hard-working and decent lady. So he would want the bro to have me.
That was how I got to meet bro.

Now fastforward to the main reason of this post.
There was this particular day we tripped out to cool off and discuss about US. So we got talking and planning on how to build our home in a way that we will not be caught unawares with some setbacks and unplanned responsibilities. So the issue of children came up and I suggested we have only one, which he reluctantly accepted after much convincing. So we tried to look at ways we can maintain that decision and I suggested a vasectomy. citing the possibilities of health risks (as a result of mismatches ) and failures that might occur if the family planning is done on me but with vasectomy, no issues. He looked me in the eyes and said, "my darling" no!

I was dumbfounded.... And became a little worried because, if he has no plans of having more children, why would he kick against the idea of a vasectomy?

If we are going to be one and follow one course, why shying away from a plan that will benefit us as a couple and a family?


Could it be, he only agreed to have one with me and plans to have more else where?
Is vasectomy a life threatening condition?

I was still trying to wrap my head around his refusal, when he said, it will be done on you ( the family planning). That instant, I felt all alone, like im on my own. So I told him I needed to cool off, and he said feel free.
I left the tent and went to the waters prentending to be playing with the water. He came and dragged me out of the water. we strolled without a word and I asked him to take me home. He did.

He called when he got home. I was cold to him so, he promised to call again but since then Ive refused to pick his calls or reply his texts.

The big question is ..
WHY DID HE BLUNTLY REFUSE A VASECTOMY?

COULD HE HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

IS IT NOT BETTER TO OPT OUT NOW THAN PRETEND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE AND END UP IN REGRETS?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

Raalsalghul:


Case closed.

The female version is hysterectomy if I'm right.

Meanwhile, I could swear I've seen Mercychen saying "she's done with men" somewhere on this forum.

Dreadshy:
What is sauce for the goose is also good for the gander... tie up your tubes if you dont want more kids, simple. Trouble will end, relationship restored

Hathor5:


I don't even know which one is your old moniker.

And you are right, I don't care. Had I cared enough, I would have reacted earlier but I didn't. I only reacted to what Klass wrote because I loved her comment, the underlying message in it.

PEACE OUT

Maryjane001:

Ask yourself this....turn the tables around.
If u were in his shoes, would you do the same?. Everything shouldn't revolve around you my dear. You want one child, that's fine. There are ways you could go about it by consulting a professional doctor.
How do you even think he would feel after he accepts to undergo vasectomy?. His ego would be ruined and depression would likely set it in. Worse still, he would put all the blames on you.
Marriage never start, you don dey groom wahala....na wa o. I hope you are ready to dance when the drum starts. No be by gragra o

Mercychen:


You are the one who needs to shut that gutter you call a mouth and have been using to spew trash all over the place.

Common sense they say is not common otherwise you would have reasoned that every one is entitled to their choices and what they want in a relationship regardless of what the other person or society thinks. Dumbo!
It's now Left for both parties to agree on common grounds or disagree and go their separate ways.

Just try to be logic in your reasoning for once and stop sounding sentimental like a broken record.

Some of you men want more than what you can cater for and later you start seeking help from your single friends to feed the battlion you formed in future.

We are trying to be proactive about such situations to avoid overpopulating the country, you're here crying like someone cheated of his birthright.

Buzz off and don't even dare mention me.

Michelle55:

Please leave her to keep deceiving herself.
This same her publicly declared that she's done with men yet she's here masturbating over the fact that some dude refused her selfish conditions.
She should kindly marry her work like she proudly declared here and leave men for those that loves them even with their shortcomings.
To be boastful no good at all, na only she say she's done with men and na still she dey worried say one of those she's done with no gree for her suggestion.
Confuse folks everywhere!!

AdaSunshine:
Your terms and conditions are just simply too much, a huge turn off.

-Don't you think that is too much of a sacrifice to ask of someone you're not married to?

-Do you think you're worth that sacrifice?
Why would you ask someone to give up their fertility?
-How far have you gone with him to dare to ask that of him?
-Do you know the magnitude of the sacrifice you're asking for?
- Isn't that selfish of you?

-Will you be ready to take the blame later in future?
If I were the guy, I'd take that as a red flag.
I'd be the one to opt out.

Mercychen:
Hi fam.

Something has been bothering me of late and leaving me emotionally and mentally stressed and drained for the past weeks and I'm cut between the devil and the deep blue sea.

There's this bro we're trying to see if we can work things out. though, I never really wanted anything relationship again or at least for now until I'm decided later in the future on what I really want for myself.

Before, I delve into the main discuss , let
me quickly highlight how it all started.

Some months back, My publisher came to deliver the books I ordered for. So while sorting the books, he just got teasing me like " Babes, na wa o. What's up with your romantic life now?. I've never seen you pulling with anyone. It's always work, biz Money money money I see you pursuing. Lol... I just told him, guy, free me abeg and I went on counting the books at the boot of his car.

He now walked up to me and said, on a more serious note, what is happening? So I told him it's a personal choice cos I dont have the strength for relationship brouhaha now. He agreed with me that truly its not easy and even as a married man, he too feels the heat but the good thing is, he married in the Lord. So I should choose wisely from among the brethren.

So he said, he has this family friend, an eligible bachelor, who wants a decent lady and I'm the one that comes to mind each time the guy mentions it because since he's be dealing with me, he can vouch that I'm a very honest, hard-working and decent lady. So he would want the bro to have me.
That was how I got to meet bro.

Now fastforward to the main reason of this post.
There was this particular day we tripped out to cool off and discuss about US. So we got talking and planning on how to build our home in a way that we will not be caught unawares with some setbacks and unplanned responsibilities. So the issue of children came up and I suggested we have only one, which he reluctantly accepted after much convincing. So we tried to look at ways we can maintain that decision and I suggested a vasectomy. citing the possibilities of health risks (as a result of mismatches ) and failures that might occur if the family planning is done on me but with vasectomy, no issues. He looked me in the eyes and said, "my darling" no!

I was dumbfounded.... And became a little worried because, if he has no plans of having more children, why would he kick against the idea of a vasectomy?

If we are going to be one and follow one course, why shying away from a plan that will benefit us as a couple and a family?


Could it be, he only agreed to have one with me and plans to have more else where?
Is vasectomy a life threatening condition?

I was still trying to wrap my head around his refusal, when he said, it will be done on you ( the family planning). That instant, I felt all alone, like im on my own. So I told him I needed to cool off, and he said feel free.
I left the tent and went to the waters prentending to be playing with the water. He came and dragged me out of the water. we strolled without a word and I asked him to take me home. He did.

He called when he got home. I was cold to him so, he promised to call again but since then Ive refused to pick his calls or reply his texts.

The big question is ..
WHY DID HE BLUNTLY REFUSE A VASECTOMY?

COULD HE HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

IS IT NOT BETTER TO OPT OUT NOW THAN PRETEND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE AND END UP IN REGRETS?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

Mercychen:

Dreadshy:
What is sauce for the goose is also good for the gander... tie up your tubes if you dont want more kids, simple. Trouble will end, relationship restored

Mercychen:
Hi fam.



WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

JovialJune:

[/s]

What do you mean by the truth?

It behooves me that so many people are not and don't even know the meaning of "open mindedness", you all think because we are in Africa and Nigeria, certain things can't happen here, you are the kind of person that instead of facing reality, you prefer to see things in a limited way, your likes are the ones who insults, degrade people who decides to open up and speak up instead of keeping some certain aspects of their lives to themselves just to conform with societal norms, that is why Nigeria and most African countries are where they are today,

Change is constant, the world is changing fast leaving us behind, open your mind and accept the fact there are people who will continue to deviate from the usual norm you all are used to, so believe it or not, there are so many Nigerians(men and women) that are not interested in children, one child policy, and retaining their singlehood till old age/death, same with Vasectomy/hysterectomy. Go to hospitals and ask doctors/consultants.

AdaSunshine:
Your terms and conditions are just simply too much, a huge turn off.

-Don't you think that is too much of a sacrifice to ask of someone you're not married to?

-Do you think you're worth that sacrifice?
Why would you ask someone to give up their fertility?
-How far have you gone with him to dare to ask that of him?
-Do you know the magnitude of the sacrifice you're asking for?
- Isn't that selfish of you?

-Will you be ready to take the blame later in future?
If I were the guy, I'd take that as a red flag.
I'd be the one to opt out.

AdaSunshine:
Your terms and conditions are just simply too much, a huge turn off.

-

Kobojunkie:
So you are saying this man lied about wanting only one kid to begin with? So if the wife never dies or abandons him,he will be content with one child, if not, he willl want to have more children, even though he still gets to have and keep the one?

Do you even realize what having something "logical" to say even means? You are right that trying to sound intelligent and being intelligent are two completely different things indeed

Mercychen:


Exactly!
God bless you.



You know with the female family planning comes a lot of risk and issues of mismatch or even failure which leads to unwanted pregnancies. While the male type is safer and with less risks.

Pinkzebra:
He doesn't have an ulterior motive, but he is scared . As an African man, knowing he can't impregnate a woman and doing that willinging will wreck his ego. Since you brought the game of having one child , then cut off your fallopian tube . Is not risky , at least you get your period and get to enjoy sex without fear of pregnancy . So bear the burnt and leave him out or better still keep trying until you get a man who will dance to your tune .


On a lighter note : may my son not meet a woman like you, iseeeee!

nellyelitz:
You're the one that doesn't want more than one child, so why do u want to have him steriled instead doing that on ur womb. Anyway, u're a good fiction writer though.