Wow!!! A big thanks to everyone that offered their tips on my previous thread on managing my emotion when dealing with my son, because that's the major reason I'm here.

I forgot to mention that I called his teacher the next day after he brought the other lunchbox home again and she told me the lunch box was in school as the other kid was searching all over for his own the previous day. So, he got it and he was happy to find it ( he didn't leave it intentionally, it was a mistake)

I guess I'm expecting too much from him as a 7 Year old boy. Lol.

Some details were missing and I'm going to chip them in right here.

When he was little, he was very stubborn and we used to flog him a lot. He does things the way he wants and he spoilt almost everything in the house and lost his personal belongings. I would flog and flog and he would spoil more things. Infact, his dad would always leave two canes at home, so it's not a case of sparing the rod.

Soon, people advised us against it because he became too shy in public and he lost his self-esteem. Later, I resolved to shouting.

His father doesn't even have time for talk and shouts, all he does is beating him at every mistake. Later, I had to throw the canes away for a while when the beating became too much and he was acting too timid and lost his confidence.

I think he just recently gained back his confidence but it's on another level now.

I know shouting is not ideal because I don't like being shouted at too, but the boy's confidence is on another level these days. I guess we'll reintroduce the cane for scare purposes and flog when absolutely necessary.

His dad overdo things, he can flog mercilessly or tell him to pick pin for one hour and he still will not release him even when he's shaking (I can't stand it).

It's the major reason I don't report him most of the time. I only tell him when necessary and I look away when he flogs him. So, it's not a case of sparing the rod at all. We only flog him when it's necessary.

I read some advises here and I was just shaking my head. See, if you have a child and you think flogging him for every little mistake will make him behave well, you're just deceiving yourself. I learnt this the hard way but I was lucky cos he's still in his formative years. I'm still working on hitting him ONLY when necessary though.

When he was 5, kids of 2 years, 1 year, will be beating him (he was 5 then) and he'll be crying. He was scared to stand up for himself. The neighbour's children would bully him and he'd not share with me. He'd cry and cry and I won't do anything. I later discovered the negative effect of this and I stood for him on few occasions and he was happy. Then, I'd tell him in private then:

" See, I won't be there to stand for you every time, learn to speak for yourself. If anyone hit you, let them know it's wrong and tell them not to do it again. If they do it again, hit them back" and he started doing just that.

I was so happy the day his bully came to report him and my son stood up for himself for the first time saying:

"He started it first and I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen..so, I had no choice but to hit him and he started crying" ( I think the boy was 8, he was 6 then).

Luckily for me, and him, I work from home. So, everything was glaring and I knew I had to change my parenting style. Hence, my resolve to do more of scolding and less caning. It helped a lot because he improved academically and emotionally too.

Now, we're closer we talk a lot and he doesn't hide things from me ( I always make him promise not to).

Now that we're here, I'll take the authoritative style of parenting advice from someone here (thanks a lot!). I'll learn to keep my emotions in check and also deprive him of things he loves when the need arises. I will also set rules and try to be as strict as possible.

I read some really fantastic advice here and I truly appreciate them. Thanks for taking time out to do this. God help every parent trying to do things right and raise kids the right way.

Our efforts on them will never be in vain!
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

You didn't spare the Rod, you made it hard.

Teettyllayho:

Wow!!! A big thanks to everyone that offered their tips on my previous thread on managing my emotion when dealing with my son, because that's the major reason I'm here.

I forgot to mention that I called his teacher the next day after he brought the other lunchbox home again and she told me the lunch box was in school as the other kid was searching all over for his own the previous day. So, he got it and he was happy to find it ( he didn't leave it intentionally, it was a mistake)

I guess I'm expecting too much from him as a 7 Year old boy. Lol.

Some details were missing and I'm going to chip them in right here.

When he was little, he was very stubborn and we used to flog him a lot. He does things the way he wants and he spoilt almost everything in the house and lost his personal belongings. I would flog and flog and he would spoil more things. Infact, his dad would always leave two canes at home, so it's not a case of sparing the rod.

Soon, people advised us against it because he became too shy in public and he lost his self-esteem. Later, I resolved to shouting.

His father doesn't even have time for talk and shouts, all he does is beating him at every mistake. Later, I had to throw the canes away for a while when the beating became too much and he was acting too timid and lost his confidence.

I think he just recently gained back his confidence but it's on another level now.

I know shouting is not ideal because I don't like being shouted at too, but the boy's confidence is on another level these days. I guess we'll reintroduce the cane for scare purposes and flog when absolutely necessary.

His dad overdo things, he can flog mercilessly or tell him to pick pin for one hour and he still will not release him even when he's shaking (I can't stand it).

It's the major reason I don't report him most of the time. I only tell him when necessary and I look away when he flogs him. So, it's not a case of sparing the rod at all. We only flog him when it's necessary.

I read some advises here and I was just shaking my head. See, if you have a child and you think flogging him for every little mistake will make him behave well, you're just deceiving yourself. I learnt this the hard way but I was lucky cos he's still in his formative years. I'm still working on hitting him ONLY when necessary though.

When he was 5, kids of 2 years, 1 year, will be beating him (he was 5 then) and he'll be crying. He was scared to stand up for himself. The neighbour's children would bully him and he'd not share with me. He'd cry and cry and I won't do anything. I later discovered the negative effect of this and I stood for him on few occasions and he was happy. Then, I'd tell him in private then:

" See, I won't be there to stand for you every time, learn to speak for yourself. If anyone hit you, let them know it's wrong and tell them not to do it again. If they do it again, hit them back" and he started doing just that.

I was so happy the day his bully came to report him and my son stood up for himself for the first time saying:

"He started it first and I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen..so, I had no choice but to hit him and he started crying" ( I think the boy was 8, he was 6 then).

Luckily for me, and him, I work from home. So, everything was glaring and I knew I had to change my parenting style. Hence, my resolve to do more of scolding and less caning. It helped a lot because he improved academically and emotionally too.

Now, we're closer we talk a lot and he doesn't hide things from me ( I always make him promise not to).

Now that we're here, I'll take the authoritative style of parenting advice from someone here (thanks a lot!). I'll learn to keep my emotions in check and also deprive him of things he loves when the need arises. I will also set rules and try to be as strict as possible.

I read some really fantastic advice here and I truly appreciate them. Thanks for taking time out to do this. God help every parent trying to do things right and raise kids the right way.

Our efforts on them will never be in vain!
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

you are doing great ma'am..just have a very good balance of talking to him,be very friendly so he can be telling you everything and flogging when absolutely necessary...just strike a very good balance...talk more,flog less...he will get better and better once he trust that you love him and doing the best for him...glad he got his lunch box...kids.. Lol... continue being a super mum...don't forget talk to him Randomly not only when he does something bad...and use the cane when absolutely necessary and make him realize why the cane is out before using it...all the best ma'am

rickpat:
you are doing great ma'am..just have a very good balance of talking to him,be very friendly so he can be telling you everything and flogging when absolutely necessary...just strike a very good balance...talk more,flog less...he will get better and better once he trust that you love him and doing the best for him...glad he got his lunch box...kids.. Lol... continue being a super mum...don't forget talk to him Randomly not only when he does something bad...and use the cane when absolutely necessary and make him realize why the cane is out before using it...all the best ma'am

Thanks a bunch!

Okay

Like I said in my previous post, you're doing the right thing...
I flog my 3yr old son alot and I'm trying so hard to stop it... I also need to learn how to apologise to him whenever I shout for him cos I noticed he always feels bad after that...
The Lord is your strength..

Well done ma'am.

You don't know how to flog.

You've not really flogged that Boy before.

No be by force to born and raise pikin ooh.

Eat. Exercise. Fuçk. Play games. Travel. Read. Drink Alcohol.