Am I Paranoid? - Family (4) - Nairaland
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| Re: Am I Paranoid? by 080ictcom(f): 11:45am On Jul 29, 2011 |
That is the problem with Ladies, but you have to take it easy with them. Only prayer can solve the problem not volience. Check www.080ict.com |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by chardino(m): 11:51am On Jul 29, 2011 |
[An apology can come in different ways, a person doesn't always have to say the words "I am sorry''. These words are often abused and people utter them without sincerity. Does she try to apologize in other ways by her actions? Such as cooking your favourite meal afterwards, or just doing things to please you?] There is no better way to say sorry, I think is better for men to concentrate mostly on their responsibilities as to provide for the family, women most time take advantage of been so nice and over caring to them, all in the name of showing love to them, wen man don live the work way in suppose do, come they do woman work how the woman go value / respect you again? the Bible even separate the duties of the man and that of the woman, THEY ARE HELP MATE. that should not be the only way to show love to them |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by cgift(m): 11:56am On Jul 29, 2011 |
Nice one with the software versions.  Really nice. Just go and buy another laptop Will buying another system solve the problem ? |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by geosegun(m): 12:00pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@Annamaria, This beautiful. This is the most serious Discussion on NL in recent times. I recommend it for an award. Its is sure devoid of ethnic bigots and the immature ones. Almost 95% of the comments are wonderful. KEEP IT UP GUYS |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by newbride: 12:06pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
Akiolu, I understand what you are going through as I have been through the same. I didn't know how to say sorry to my husband for years and years and years he complained. Then, he stopped saying sorry to me too then I felt the pain he had put up with for years and now i say sorry to him when i am wrong. Don't say sorry to her when you wrong her and see how she will change. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by madoba: 12:07pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@ okada_man I don't need a ride from u and am fuming @ the s. e. x. u. a. l undertone of that particular phrase in your post.  Secondly, I don't need my man or anyone to regulate my behaviour as you put it. However when I act in a way or manner that is extremely exasperating or offensive to anyone which is bound to happen because am human and not perfect (either consciously or unconsciously). I would appreciate it (not immediately but much later) when I'm read the riot act and not allowed to get away with my bad behaviour. Do you comprehend now? @ tpia Seriously,  I'm wondering how you could misconstrue my reply and come up with a response like that. Now I may be young at heart but am definitely not naive. And I know just the sort of man that will suit my personality, to each her own. You really need to loosen up as someone suggested on another thread, you sure can be uptight about plain/simple matters |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by ikooko(m): 12:08pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@poster, I think you are more foolish than paranoid. A real man must know the different btw a husband and wife and their positions. You practically collapse that demarcation. It's a good thing to love and appreciate your wife. It's also good to give helping hands to your wife at house chores, but if not checked, you become the house boy. Really what helping hand does a full-house wife requires from her husband? You aren't seen nothing yet, wait until she gets a job, then you will realized your real position as house boy-1. I think you also need some form of extra-curricular activities, if you don't like going to joints you can attend regular mid-week services. This will reduce the attention she gets which I think will shape her up if truly she value your kindness. You may also ignore her meals for a couple of times, she'll surely want to know why and make corrections. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by newbride: 12:08pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
for those that said an apology can come in different ways, I don’t believe that. I believe in the word 'I am sorry', and that’s what I want to hear when my hubby wrongs me and I do the same when I wrong him. You offend me then buy me flowers without saying that word?, not accepted |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by Nobody: 12:10pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@OP' It's great to know we still have very wonderful men, of which u'are one, kudos, But, do u pray with your wife, study the bible together e.t.c, just to acquint her of what is demanded of a good wife, wen u do these, u're sure to get positive results,  |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by shegosay: 12:15pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
THE WORD SORRY IS LIKE A TWO EDGES SWORD THAT HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT IN INDIVIDUAL LIFE. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by akiolu: 12:27pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
Thank you all. Thanks for your wonderful contributions. I cannot respond to all the questions now as I promised earlier but some of the questions have answers in the original post. A few I will say something about. 1. She is still in the village so the situation is still the same 2. She has not therefore apologized openly or by other means. However, I am not accepting any other form of apology except a sorry that comes from the heart. Trust me I know one when I see it. 3. You have all spoken well and everyone has taken this issue serious. I cannot thank you enough. Each of your contributions has something different to offer and I do appreciate you all immensely. 4. Someone talked about psychology. You are very right. I have thought about her growing up and her behaviour. I have tried to correlate that in the past and relationship tends to 1. It is time for a change anyway and believe you me, when I go for it, I get it. Like I said, I do not believe I know it all which why I have consulted you all. I did not want to talk to anyone who knows her and you all have not disappointed me. All the comments are valuable including that from Claremont. BlueDiva: I am one of those who cover their exam sheets in exam. I do not utter a word. A hate expo and sorting with passion. So, I did not even know her when she was a student. I met her during youth service. As per my age and hers, I am one year older than she is. geosegun, papido, jennykadri, outstrip etc thank you. Claremont, thank you for being on the side of my wife  Thank you all! |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by madoba: 12:28pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
newbride: I said that , and I believe an apology can really come in different ways. I think these two words "[b] I am sorry" and " I love you" are often abused[/b]. We tend to utter them without truly meaning them. And the phrase I'm sorry can be said sooooo defensively sometimes.Personally, I would prefer to get an apology in action rather than in words, after all our actions do speak louder than words. I like the scenario you created above with the flowers add my favourite chocolate to that, with a simple note that says "Can you please let it go, Can we start over or I miss you" and that will honestly be good enough for me. I don't like flowers though, so sending me chocolates at work with such a simple note, will let me know my man is sorry for whatever he has done. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by Nobody: 12:30pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
even if my husby buys me a range rover sports 2020 model without saying I am sorry, I no go collect(ok, well I will think about it first). That word ''i am sorry'' goes a long way in one's life, no amount of gifts or good food can change that. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by Nobody: 12:36pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@OP No worries mate. @topic Infact one of the best love making time ever is the one done after the ''I am sorry'' word from the heart. See woman with pikin in naija married to a man wey dey go down on woman, you dey do shakara. I actually thought the men in naija consider themselves too cultured to do oral. Op's proved me wrong. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by madoba: 12:38pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
jennykadry: Jenny, jenny am LOL at the bolded part . You no serious. The gift of the car will be an apology in itself why do you want to hear the words? I need to understand this part oooh, for those of you saying the words are necessary.Pls explain it to me.Me I still like apology in action not in words ooh! Talk is cheap, way too cheap. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by slymm(f): 12:42pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@OP, no you are not paranoid. Your wife is a spoilt biatch and has take you for granted, and if you do not draw the line on this matter, i am afraid, you will start wearing buba and iro in the house, maybe you should get your shade of lipstick too. I too could never say sorry, always wanted my way and threw a tantrum when i did not get it, until my fiance drew the line and said, nah nah nah, its either u cut your bullshyt, or i walk out of this relationship, men, i get to understand myself oh, he helps me with the cooking and all, but now i apologise if i wrong him and i understand that i can not always have my way. Draw the line now, or ignore @ your own peril. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by Nobody: 12:43pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@poster, olease don't get us wrong, our advice is not meant to side you or your wife but to help you amicably settle and enjoy tho joy and happiness dat comes with marriage. If only people knew how sweet marriage can be then a lot of this drama will stop. If a man will love his wife and d wife will submit you are home and dry oh, you will always be smiling and glowing. Poster pls love her, love doesn't keep account of wrong or right but love corrects wrong lovigly, when this is settled by the Grace of God don't hold it over her head, go ahead and love her, care for her and spoil her, however let the issue be settled. I wish I could talk with her, I don't want her to turn a caring and loving man to a mean vindictive one. Don't change who you are please but at the same time stand firm and correct her. I know you are angry now but still cool down so and calmly settle this once and for all. I pray by monday or even this weekend we will hear some goodnews |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by tjide: 12:44pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
As the head of the family, your wife should give you all the respect you deserve. If she offended you in anyway, then she ought to apologies. After all she is apologising to other people. As a man you need to put your foot down in the house. And if she is still not cooperating with you, then let the elders in both your families come into it. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by IbegbuPI: 12:51pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
My dear, your story is natural. You are killing your marriage by yourself. If you do not correct yourself, then divorce will soon come. You are the problem, not your wife. Women are weaker sex not because their bones are not strong but because they are very weak in resisting evil. You dont need to smoke. If you beat her, you worsen the whole issue and bid peace bye. Silence it is. Not a moping type. Silence backed with action. To be a man is not to carry prick. But to withstand emotional pain without letting your neighbour see the pain through you. 1. Stop helping her in the kitchen. This is marriage NOT COURTSHIP. 2. Stop playing dirty with her. Your jokes must be controlled. Kids are coming 3. Stop being her father. You are a husband. Let her seek out a job, assist if she asks you to. Do not be a fool, wait for her to ask for your help in starting biz before you do. When she starts earning money the real challenge will come. Church grouping, office guys, biz guy that will give credit etc 4. Learn to ignore her food even when you are hungry. Forget her pussy, you wont die but do not play out because God watches. 5. Love her, do not PAMPER her. Pet her but do not bathe her. 6. What do you need her SORRY for. Be in the house only physically, yet be completely out in real emotional detachment, and a real SORRY will come. 7. If you need respect from your wife then work for it. For now, you are a boy friend not a husband. From the way you sound people will soon come and manage your home for you. 8. Every woman wants to control her husband. It is the conflict that results that usually leads to divorce. Those who refuse divorce die early or get estranged. However if you are man enough from day 1, then you are sure of sleeping at home with both eyes closed. You must be crazy to be playing a farting joke with your wife. SORRY. Dig your grave and she will bury you; & move on. THANKS. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by LongOne1(m): 12:53pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
Interesting and educative thread for some of us who are yet to take the marriage plunge @ poster, I really hope you are able to settle it with your wife, ‘cos u really are an ideal husband. Unfortunately, I can’t comment as I have absolutely no experience in such. Now, this comment in bold below is worrying, and I want to believe it’s not true. That it’s possible to turn out like our father above and not our earthly father…if not, men, some women are in trouble O! debrief08: |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by akiolu: 12:56pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
debrief08:Thanks. I am not seeing it that way. I made that comment on Claremont's post because s/he said s/he is on my wife's side and that was on a lighter note All appreciated! |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by ogianyo(m): 12:58pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
Where I come from,it willbe rgarded as a mighty insult for my wife to express a wish that my FACE is farted on.It is unimaginable that She would say talkless of do actually do it into my mouth.I still cringe when I imagine what happened to you. You young men are the ones destroying the marriage institution.I bet you have condoned a lot of other demeaning acts in the past which may have happened playfully and you saw nothing wrong.These things are progressive.Women are much better at reading body language than we are and she will not usually deliberately do anything to threaten a marriage that means anything to her. You have not done anything wrong if we agree that all the niceness was to set the tune for the marriage as you would desire it to be.Welcome to the real world you now know that your early posturing will not work with this particularly woman.You need to pull back and watch her reaction which will tell you what the marriage means to her.There are no textbook theory here but if she calls your bluff.Well it means it does not mean much to her and then you have to decide how much you are willing to do to keep the marriage on the same terms. If you love her so much and want to keep the marriage I suggest you pipe down.If you love her but insist on certain amount of reciprocal respect and self dignity then call her bluff.At this stage anything will be possible.If the marriage survives this you will both enjoy it because you boundaries would have been well stated.I wish you balls |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by Iyineda(m): 1:02pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
Thread starter: [. . .] I am writing this because of what happened 2 days ago.  |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by alexola20(m): 1:21pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by ssam(m): 1:59pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@Poster, some women could be so rigid that way, that is never to say 'sorry' but its the man that needed to stand his ground. Please discuss the issue with her once again when she is back. Also lets her know that you won't need to borrow someone's else mouth to put her in order. Wish you all the best in your marriage man! |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by daniellle(f): 2:01pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
[img]http://flagcounter.com/count/Nsu/bg=F4F4F0/txt=F4F4F0/border=F4F4F0/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=1/[/img][img]http://2.s01.flagcounter.com/count/Nsu/bg=F4F4F0/txt=F4F4F0/border=F4F4F0/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=1/[/img][img]http://states.flagcounter.com/count/q0/bg=F4F4F0/txt=F4F4F0/border=F4F4F0/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=1/[/img] y do u need 2 tell the whole world abt it? |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by showstopa: 2:05pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
Some men just came to this site and instead of offering advice,they are all blowing hot and cold, how dem wives would be licking the floor on their homes and how they don't help their wives in the kitchen.Don't fool anybody here,you know the truth when we are not there. OP is trying to put his home in order and you guys are here pretending to be Men in your homes.We know the true men by what they write not by their dreams, U wish ko,U wish ni. OP,i trust you to sift the advice here and apply to your wife,nobe every you go follow oh if not gbese oh,proper one. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by kpolli(m): 2:06pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
wow ur wife is riding on low self esteem. . . she thinks too much about her not having a job and not on the fact she is not suffering. . . but bros y ur mouth near her annus naa? |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by okadaman2: 2:11pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
madoba: When you are done fuming let me know. What is wrong with climbing on okada? don't you wear jeans? are you not a liberated modern woman? Very s/ e/ x/.ist. assumption, Because I said free okada ride then it's s .e. x .u . a .l? is that all you see when men speak to you or offer you something for free? In fact I'm almost offended. You are very very s. e. x i.s.t.
Of course you want a man to regulate your behavior, and that is s .e x.ist, very unfair too, men are not tools, deal with your own idiosyncrasies before you say yes to any man, don't kill us with drama. We will appreciate it too if you can just read the riot act to yourself and manage your bad behavior like a well adjusted adult, don't send us to an early grave because of your moods, We already live shorter lives than women abeg bikonu. s. e. x. u.a .l undertone ko, s. e. x. u. a .l ringtone ni. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by delpee(f): 2:12pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
@ Poster Judging from all your posts on this issue, you are a marvelous husband! I agree with those who say you need to be firm with her and probably avoid saying sorry to her when you offend her too to let her see how it feels. Her being jobless can make her moody atimes but its no reason to disrespect you. Good that she has gone to the village. I don't think she can narrate the real story there which gives you the chance to ignore her and wait for her to come back to her senses. She will have enough time to reflect, see another side of life and listen to older women who are likely to make her see her folly. When shes battle weary she"l come back home. I dont want to scare you but the truth is many women sometimes have mood swings due to some biological and emotional issues. Probably why people who dont know how to manage it divorce after many years of weathering the storm the wrong way. With your level of commitment and the steps you are taking, you should be able to stick together. Keep being a good husband and great dad but put your feet down strongly like a man whenever she crosses the boundary.Still help her with chores when you have the time cos only real men who are self confident can do that without feeling stupid. You also earn your children s respect all through life. You clearly love her so stop threatening her with divorce, it can be counter productive. I pray that she starts something soon to keep her busy and less prone to silly tantrums. A wise woman avoids denigrating her husband in the presence of her children and others. There are more decent ways of passing the message across. If you are xtians, she should read Proverbs 31:10-31 to remind herself of what a good wife is. Wish you the best. |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by Boboedom: 2:16pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
The word sorry is important in any marriage. Having said that, I don't understand why you so much want this "sorry"this time around, when she did what she did during the course of intimacy. Maybe you are becoming too observant or listening to other people or friends. I suggest you continue to love your wife as always and help her out in the house stuffs as you have done before-it only makes you a gentleman and not a less. You must try to win back your wives trust, love and confident. Your action may have necessitated her reactions, in terms of the complains about her joblessness. She did what she did to you during intimacy to bring more excitement into the relationship. God Bless you |
| Re: Am I Paranoid? by akiolu: 2:39pm On Jul 29, 2011 |
No I have not. I do not complain about her joblessness and I mentioned it in the original post. |
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