[size=18pt]A GOOD MAN IS HAAARRRD TO FIND!![/size]


i left a relationship because of this kinda poo      ,  learning fast from all this contributions,  no more nice guy

That is some bullshyte man. I cannot but pour you cold water and flog u, for you taking it all this while. Well be a man, by not being a ghadafi and not a wussy (which you were/are exhibiting) but a man. The deed has already been done, Grow a pair.

gonon:

That is some bullshyte man. I cannot but pour you cold water and flog u, for you taking it all this while. Well be a man, by not being a ghadafi and not a wussy (which you were/are exhibiting) but a man. The deed has already been done, Grow a pair.

I have 2 already lol

my wife does that too

bigfat05:

my wife does that too

Then learn and take action immediately.

call Chaz B., pls.

That is some bullshyte man. I cannot but pour you cold water and flog u, for you taking it all this while. Well be a man, by not being a ghadafi and not a wussy (which you were/are exhibiting) but a man. The deed has already been done, Grow a pair. Shocked
I have 2 already lol


Are you sure, you dont need another pair?lol
Since you say you do, hang them down and set them loose, Seriously bros.

gonon:

That is some bullshyte man. I cannot but pour you cold water and flog u, for you taking it all this while. Well be a man, by not being a ghadafi and not a wussy (which you were/are exhibiting) but a man. The deed has already been done, Grow a pair. Shocked
I have 2 already lol


Are you sure, you dont need another pair?lol
Since you say you do, hang them down and set them loose, Seriously bros.

Yes oo. I have done that

Some people here are funny. What is all this be a man talk. What exactly will a "real man" do. Slap her around or what. The woman has some serious issues but it is not because the man is a wussy. Married people take each other for granted all the time. The vibe I get from this poster is that he and his wife are actually also very good friends besides their obvious love for each other. He still needs to use tough love but when friendship is a huge part of your relationship you cannot use the same approach that a dictatorial man that expects a subservient wife will use. After this wahala I am sure he still wants his wife to be his friend and not just the woman he married.

A man must learn to draw his lines and enforce it!. . . If you don't let people know, that there will be consequences for their actions and you re willing to punish them for the things they do wrong, you'd continue to be the pole and they the pigeon!

Being assertive without bein violent (no pun intended) is the key. . .if you don't like it, spell it out right from the onset, taking bullshyt does not make you a "loving husband", it makes you a fcking pant!  if you do the dishes, cut veggie, and still have to do a full time work while she sits her [i]a[/i]rse down doing nothing, why the hell does she not have the right to fill your lungs with farts?

A woman will appreciate and respect a man who does house chores only once in a dark blue moon than the other who does it all the time.  Stop looking weak in your own house, if you do, it will only be a matter of time before even your kids begin to think "there is nothing daddy can do".

Many Women would give an arm to have a guy like you for a partner, some people deserve nothing good and your wife is one of them. Not only is she arrogant and ungrateful, she's also full of herself! For crying out loud, what will it take out of you as a wife to utter a simple five-letter word "sorry" to your OWN husband?
Whats she even feeling like self?. . . .Queen Elizabeth? She's a graduate, and so bloody what? And you think someone who feels he/she is above teaching would now sit down and agree to sit all day in some stall or shop? C'mon! You've done no wrong in treating her like an egg, but its high time you pull her off that high horse.
While growing up, Mum always complained about this same issue, Oldman was was full of pride and had this i-am-always-right attitude, but whenever he knew he offended her and couldn't say sorry cos he didn't want to loose face, atleast, always showed remorse via his actions. Its no fault of yours that she's jobless. . , [and your ain't complaining]. . .so why should now treat you like dirt?
Farting right in your mouth, what da f***k?. . .even found it amusing
SMH.
Marriage su[i]c[/i]ks.ver he knew he offended her and couldn't say sorry cos he didn't want to loose face, atleast, always showed remorse via his actions. Its no fault of yours that she's jobless. . , [and your ain't complaining]. . .so why should now treat you like dirt?
Farting right in your mouth, what da f***k?. . .even found it amusing
SMH.
Marriage su[i]c[/i]ks.

Ok, now i have gotten over the fart phase and really read your thread. To me the woman is immature and not ready for marriage. It is also obvious you married a semi-illiterate. Who will honestly say they had a university education but cannot speak in public correctly. Are you sure of her kangaroo education? With this limitation it is better she goes back to school or take english calsses because she will never get a job if she cannot communicate properly. You married a local person, maybe out of love or a feeling that she will respect you more we dont really know. So now she is disrespecting you like a local woman shouting to the neighbors all her problems. The fact is at the moment the shop you will get for her will be her best bet to any kind of job. Also, she may be resenting the fact that her friends are doing something with their lives and she is just sitting at home wasting her years. Sit her down and ask her what she wants to do. She will tell you. Also be very realistic and tell her her limitations and make her tell you what she is willing to do about it. If she is too lazy or proud to go back to school to improve herself, then she will have to settle for a business. Make her understand that by doing this business does not mean she will now start misbehaving and neglect her duties. Because as soon as she goes to that level you will withdraw support from her business. What you are doing is fine, do not listen to people telling you to emotionally abuse her. She should learn to apologise when she is wrong and mean it. Also you should apologise when you are wrong. This is a characteristic of a mature and emotionally stable person with a conscience. Although i think you need to take some charge in your home, and stop playing with her too much. Also, when you are telling her you do not approve of some behavior, use a very stern and serious voice so she will know you are not playing at all. This is the method used by parents for their children and animals by their owners. If you want to pass on a serious message and take control of a situation, you have to master a serious tone and a serious look. If she still misbehaves, report to her parents and tell them you will send her back to the village if she does not change. They will talk to her.

my widow's mite on this issue is, when a lady cannot say sorry, it's best to forget such a lady - if she doesn not change, divorce might be the only solution at hand. it's hard to see how a marriage can work if one party refuses to say sorry - what will inevitably happen is that if one party fails to acknowledge wrong doing, he/she will continue doing wrong since they haven't done anything wrong in their own estimation, and it would get to a stage where the person who is being offended would find it hard to cope any longer - it's easy to say to a man, be patient, but how much patience can a mere mortal have if the offender is niot willing to change ? The word 'sorry' is far more important in a relationship than we human beings tend to acknowledge - when i'm in a relationship and i begin to realise the other party is unwilling to apologise, i quickly make my exit. It's no use saying, someone can apologise through action rather than words - inability to apologise through words of mouth is nothing other than pride and a ploy to avoid acknowledging wrong doing  

violent:

A man must learn to draw his lines and enforce it!. . . If you don't let people know, that there will be repercussion and you re willing to punish them for the things they do wrong, you'd continue to be the pole and they the pigeon!

Being assertive without bein violent (no pun intended) is the key. . .if you don't like it, spell it out right from the onset, dn't . . . . .taking bullshyt does not make you a "loving husband", it makes you a fcking pant!  if you do the dishes, cut veggie, and still have to do a full time work while she sits her [i]a[/i]rse down doing nothing, why the hell does she not have the right to fill your lungs with farts?

A woman will appreciate and respect a man who does house chores only once in a dark blue moon than the other who does it all the time.  Stop looking weak in your own house, if you do, it will only be a matter of time before even your kids begin to think "there is nothing daddy can do".

You are annoyed because you are concerned. Thanks

The helping in the house chore is not a daily thing. I said 'if I am not tired'
House work can be tiring. I have issues with housemaids/servants and so I am against that. However, that does not make your input irrelevant. You are still on the money

Thanks!

poster if she begs you something, do you do it for her, especially money?

@ Akiolu Please pardon me for derailing your thread here.


@ Okada_man

Am still fuming ooh! am not done yet! Because it seems to me like you have deliberately chosen to misunderstand or misinterprete my words. And I am not s. e. x. i. s. t

So what exactly did you mean by " I'll give you a free ride on my okada" in your earlier post? Pls explain yourself. Because honestly that felt very suggestive and it came across as having a  s. e. x. u. a. l  undertone to it.

I sure could read the riot act to myself and curb my bad behaviour as an adjusted adult, but that won't happen all the time because it is human nature for us to tend to deny something wrong about us or to be defensive when others point out our faults.

Now when I fail to, or I am unwilling to give myself a reality check in the bad behaviour department (like the poster's wife is doing) I see nothing wrong with my man or anyone regulating that behaviour with a firm hand. I sure won't think my man is a wussy in a situation like this and I believe the term be your brother's keeper will apply here.

Relationships of any kind tend to regulate our behaviours, a child may not listen to a parent on something until he is beaten, a girlfriend may take her man for granted (like poster's wife) until he puts his foot down. Behavourial regulation is necessary in some cases if we do not want to be taken for granted.

@ Violent, Thanks for explaining the be a man statement.

@ Outstrip, refer to violents post. Be a man statement,  does not mean be violent to a WOMAN

akiolu:

You are annoyed because you are concerned. Thanks

The helping in the house chore is not a daily thing. I said 'if I am not tired'
House work can be tiring. I have issues with housemaids/servants and so I am against that. However, that does not make your input irrelevant. You are still on the money

Thanks!

Like i said, being assertive is what you need.
From what i can sense, she doesn't respect you enough which is a very dangerous thing.  If your wife doesn't give a damn what you think, it means you are being too sloppy!

.

Hi my broda,

The truth is that your home could only be buit by you and your wife! Many contributions can confuse you. I think the best thin is that you go back to the Originator of marriage. Go back to Him that has everything about her in His palm. Get her reported with sincere heart.

I know its sad that she could be doing all these to u despite all your kindness to her, however, NO ONE CAN EVER BUILD YOUR HOME LIKE U.

Its also important that you don't over show your love to her at times. I speak from experience.

violent:

A man must learn to draw his lines and enforce it!. . . If you don't let people know, that there will be consequences for their actions and you re willing to punish them for the things they do wrong, you'd continue to be the pole and they the pigeon!

Being assertive without bein violent (no pun intended) is the key. . .if you don't like it, spell it out right from the onset, taking bullshyt does not make you a "loving husband",.

@ voilent[/b]

Thank you ooh God bless you! In a nutshell you've basically said everything I honestly feel, have said and I've been trying to convey to okada_man. I guess I just said too much and my meaning got lost somewhere in the many words.

The sort of man you described above is the kind of man I would secretly admire and genuinely respect for not putting up with my bullshit or allowing me treat him like the pole.

syncsilver:

Dude, my ''spidey senses'' are telling me dat she's probably cheating on you. Also, from your point of view, I would say she has a domineering personality. You guys need professional help, seek the services a marriage counselor.

No she's not. She is just feeling inferior and insecure over not having a job.
Just don't know why she should feel it's her husband's fault. I mean it's not like he can manufacture a job out of thin air for her.

@ OP
Pls just try to set up a Biz for her. And of course make sure you extract a heartfelt apology from her.
What she did is totally unacceptable and wrong and you must make her realise that.

One of the most decent thread on NL in recent time.

@ dayokanu and manliness, hope you guys will not kill me with laughter. I have been laughing (even on the street) all alone!

Many of the posters are just condemning the wife. I think we are just magnifying the issue of farting into her husband's mouth, what I call a usual family joke that was taken too far. If you read between the lines, you will not blame the woman so much. We probably are applying our African mentality of 'how can  a woman do such a thing to her husband' without asking 'how could a man be, {censored}.

@ OP, your wife may have done the wrong thing by farting into your mouth, but it appears there is more to it than just that.

[My wife said she finds it difficult saying sorry even when she knows she is wrong. Initially, I was the one always wrong and I always apologized to bury the issue. One day I overheard her apologizing to someone on phone. I felt may be to some people it is easy to say sorry while I am among those she cannot say sorry to.

I took a drastic action that shook her while I was about to travel. I stopped helping her do house chores and other things that I used to do with her like cutting the vegetables while she prepared food for the family, washing dishes, cooking etc. I also threatened the D word if she did not change.  When I came back, she seemed to have changed.]

You knew your wife finds it difficult to say sorry, u took a drastic action and she seemed to have changed. Why not just put it bluntly that she changed! You should have known during your courtship that your wife finds it difficult to apologize and was ready to live with that when you decided to marry her. And she later learned to apologize to you after all. That is a positive change on her part to make the marriage work.

[I did not stop providing for her like I was able to do anyway. Though she has no job her friends who have envy her. I am very romantic. I do not miss her birthdays. I compliment her. I appreciate her. I take her out and work around with her. I am proud to show her around my friends. I do not cheat on her.

I take care of the family like I should. I am saving to start up a small business for her. I have looked for job for her and could not find any. She does not like teaching job which was available and I understand why. She has difficulty reading and speaking English Language though she is a graduate and it becomes an insult to her if one suggests ways of improvement. (I am polite to a fault. I love her)]

She should be a good wife to be getting all this from you. She did not stop taking care of the home. She appreciates you and your care, that is why she made you understand that her working friends envy her. She is romantic too, if not she wouldn't have been accepting all you romantic, This to me is a wonderful marriage.

[At the slightest disagreement, she claims I am disrespecting her because she has no job and brings no money to the family.]

Search yourself very well, is there anything you have been saying or doing to make her that way? She is human, she may fell depressed sometimes because of this her joblessness and she may think she is a burden on you too. What have you been doing to encourage and assure her that she will soon get a job and all that.

[I am writing this because of what happened 2 days ago.
, she laughed at it, She shouted and said, so because of what happened you have decided to wear our boxers etc . . . . . NB, when the going is good, we fart around the house  and make fun of it but not into anyone's mouth. , while scolding our daughter, she said ' even you that I gave birth to is joining in kicking me like a ball all because I stay at home and have no job. She was shouting from the balcony so that everyone heard. Later on she continued, telling everyone who cared that she is suffering even though people wished to be her when they  see her drive by.

Too much in my mind.]

What is this "too much" on your mind that you have not said? The problem could be something else, not that nasty fart. When the going is good, you make do fart around and make fun of it, but when the going is bad, then, ? And when you registered you displeasure, she laughed at it, as if to say it is just the normal fun. She asked: Are you putting on your boxers just because of that? Though she took it too far this time around, she was just joking and was making fun. She should have apologized anyway.

What did you tell her at that moment? Did you insult her, the way you probably have been doing? How did you register that your displeasure? Sometimes it is not just easy to apologize to someone who is insulting you.

Every marriage have it's ups and down. Yours is a wonderful marriage, at least from what you have told us. The issue of that fart is not just a good reason to start a big problem. How will tell her parents or yours that it was that fart that caused the problem, especially what you were doing when it happened? It is the responsibility of the two of you to do everything and anything to save the marriage from problems. Call her in the village and apologize to her for feeling so bad about what she did and tell her she should come very fast because you are missing her so much. When she returns, then talk some sense into her, I believe she will understand and apologize. Thank God you are not considering divorce.

@ giftforall, I disagree with only one thing here

A man should <<censored>> his woman if they both enjoy it :***blushing***

Although very difficult but he that forgives RULES THE WORLD AND IS THE MOST MATURED.

Wishing you all the best and God's blessings.

interesting

Last reply to madoba, so I don't derail Akiolu's thread further, Now let me educate you:

madoba:

@ Akiolu Please pardon me for derailing your thread here.


@ Okada_man

Am still fuming ooh! am not done yet! Because it seems to me like you have deliberately chosen to misunderstand or misinterprete my words. And I am not s. e. x. i. s. t

So what exactly did you mean by " I'll give you a free ride on my okada" in your earlier post? Pls explain yourself. Because honestly that felt very suggestive and it came across as having a  s. e. x. u. a. l  undertone to it.

I sure could read the riot act to myself and curb my bad behaviour as an adjusted adult, but that won't happen all the time because it is human nature for us to tend to deny something wrong about us or to be defensive when others point out our faults.

Now when I fail to, or I am unwilling to give myself a reality check in the bad behaviour department (like the poster's wife is doing) I see nothing wrong with my man or anyone regulating that behaviour with a firm hand. I sure won't think my man is a wussy in a situation like this and I believe the term be your brother's keeper will apply here.

Relationships of any kind tend to regulate our behaviours, a child may not listen to a parent on something until he is beaten, a girlfriend may take her man for granted (like poster's wife) until he puts his foot down. Behavourial regulation is necessary in some cases if we do not want to be taken for granted.

You are s. e. x. i. s. t

Because I want to give you a free ride on my okada does not mean I want to have s. e.  x with you. It is offensive and very stereotypical for you to assume that. I can easily be offended too. Did I bring out my blocus? so because I'm a man I can't make reference to "free ride" without a s. e. x. u. a. l motive?

I am an okadaman, it is my trade, I replied you in a strong way and decided to temper that reply with a free okada ride, and you are fuming? You see now? get it?

You did not even get the "hot and cold attitude-mood when I hit you with it, and you want us to be some Superman "hot and cold" decoder?

Hypocrisy much??

The Education: Men are humans too, do not allow yourself to be over influenced by the duuuumb conventional wisdom that assumes men should take a particular role and act like some knight in shinning armour, decode emotions, not soft, not hard, be cool, be tough reh reh. Una wan kill us? wetin sef?


The Education: It is wrong to expect your potential partner to be a behavioral psychology expert. Pipe down on the expectations and modify the behavior yourself. You don't want to drive another human crazy.


Because I'm a nice guy I will still allow you to ride my okada, but this time, I'll charge you half-fare  

@ giftforall
I beg to differ, OP should call and apologize for what?
For not happilly swallowing her majesty's fart? *SSMH*

IMO he should even start the silent treatment by not calling her at all!
Okay maybe that's taking it far, but he shouldn't call to apologise.
That's just plain rubbish!

Bros ur not paranoid. Trust me. You wife has issues that need to be dealt with fast else the issues will gain tap root. That's broken marriage for you. But you don't have to be mean about it sha. But you cannot be cutting vegetables for her in the kitchen too. But why do you think guys drink beer watching TV on saturdyas while the wifey sweat in the kitchen?

Spare the rod and spoil the child was not a metaphor. Everybody on top must wield a big kane; must not abuse woman/human rights; but must wield it. Hmm! Bros am talking from experience.

They mark slaves with iron rod not just to show ownership but also to remind the slave that master is mean. People respect mean because they know what it means. Tua!  Tua! Nerves go die off, sensory nerves go send terrible pain signals to the brain. That does not mean you should hurt your wife in any way. Never hurt your wife.  That was just a metaphor.

You lack power in your house.[size=50pt] Read 48 Laws of Power[/size]

As far as i am concerned, you have the right to demand for an apology from her at any time in as much as you are at least ready to do same whenever you erred. I will only advise you to be lenient with her because women are ordinarily not expected to be 100% perfect. Hopefully, her family will invite you if she truly reported you, though ridiculous, you should be able to explain to them and let them understand that you still love your wife if truly you still love. I wish you a tujedic time.

debried08:


Showstopa am a divorcee and remarried I beg to differ, when a spouse clearly doesn't love or respect the other divorce is a better alternative than bitterness, hatred, unhappiness and death. See the case of Titi, latest one Tola Spiff, who died from poisoning and her husband and family have refused to report for questioning in the police station. We have read about spouses poisioning and stabbing their husbands and wives, if one spouse is not willing to work on the marriage the other spouse wull be carryong the burden for two and it gets really heavy. If I didn't take the bold step to leave my ex, probably would ve been dead or horribly miserable by now. What started with verbal abuse graduated to slaps and broken ribs and a shattered spleen. So please stop telling people that divorce is not an option and pple should stay and die in bad marraiges, this has nothing to do with this mans case but when marriages get really bad pple please consider divorce if both of you are not willing to work. Don't die cos of an unhappy marriage, marriage should be love, happiness and peace not a death sentence

@Debrief i was soooooooooooooo shocked to see your comments on Tola Spiff's name. My God so Tola Spiff is dead? How come I never read it anywhere? I just googled it up now and saw the news all over, even on sahara. RIP Tola. She worked with Future Technology Systems (a subsidiary of JKK) where I worked for a short time. I never really knew much about her, but i know she was married to one George.  oooohhh, Tola.

This seems like a growing trend among women, my long time girlfriend; very sweet indeed but had the same issue with saying sorry. I did the smart thing any man should do, i picked my battles and got over the little ones that would be considered petty. Here is my advice to you, i understand you are frustrated with your wife, but the question you need to ask yourself is this. Is your wife your friend or your enemy, if your boy farts in your mouth would you be so angry; see her more as your boy and don't sweat over the little things. Women are very difficult to deal with but are very sweet; i couldn't imagine me doing all the domestic stuff they do, cleaning, cooking, washing, massaging your ego; and still laying down to give you a good phuck, remember that we as Africans take this things for granted, but the white man calculates all this services when Divorce comes. The least you can do is let her FART all she wants.
Like i said if you are a man's man that hardly gets into issues with his boys, treat your wife better and tolerate her more than you do your boys. we all have that one friend who is a taker and never a giver or sharer but we still love them. Your wife shouldn't be any different; i hope this helps in some way. In the bigger scheme of things, saying sorry is overrated, i think you are petty to always be demanding sorry for every and anything; that's what women do and not men.