mdsocks:

why not??...i was just giving you an alternative to tbaba's post ?

Something that works like magic.

Any harm in helping a fellow muslimah out?

how old are you?

deols:

how old are you?

Barka Jumah...but why do you ask?

EDITED.

It will be great if this thread can match make some couples.

olawalebabs: It will be great if this thread can match make some couples.

I would have been interested in match making you but now you are taken

deols:

how old are you?

I ask questions to make statements or sometimes make statements that are questions.

deols:

I ask questions to make statements or sometimes make statements that are questions.

So what inference can you make from the answer given to your statement/question?

olawalebabs: It will be great if this thread can match make some couples.

Has it ever worked out..??

I guess from the inception of this thread nothing of such had ever "nearly" happened .

So don't keep your hopes high bro..

deols:

I would have been interested in match making you but now you are taken

Why not, 2 is allow, 3 is permissable, 4 is the limit Who will you match me with.

mdsocks:

So what inference can you make from the answer given to your statement/question?



As it ever worked..??

I guess from the inception of this thread nothing of such had ever "nearly" happened .

So don't keep your hopes high bro..

One nearly happen, but along the line, things fall apart.

olawalebabs:

Why not, 2 is allow, 3 is permissable, 4 is the limit Who will you match me with.

I am not a fan of polygamy. will never do that

deols:
I am not a fan of polygamy. will never do that

It is not about you here!!

olawalebabs:
along the line, things fall apart.

oh...thats interesting to know. I guess i was off here then..

Let me guess....the individual differences was too much to ignore...

i shared mine, deols did hers...so what about tbabs,wizeboy and olawalebabs?

At least we can learn something new from our actions or in actions.

tbaba1234:

It is not about you here!!

I know. I don't help people do it. that is one of my principles and I hear it isnt a sin so I am practically safe.

mdsocks:

oh...thats interesting to know. I guess i was off here then..

Let me guess....the individual differences was too much to ignore...

i shared mine, deols did hers...so what about tbabs,wizeboy and olawalebabs?

At least we can learn something new from our actions or in actions.

Yes ooo, u and deols as really try to let us know the reasons why you are still single.

Hmmmmmmmmmm, the reason why WIZEBOY is still single?

I will be back to share it Insha Allah.

What if the brother is perfect but seems to favour a polygamous marriage?

See below:

Polygamous marriage

Question:

I have been discussing marriage with a brother. He seems to have everything I’m looking for in a spouse, and even though we’re still getting to know each other better, feelings get deeper on both sides. The problem is, he doesn’t oppose polygamy, and said he could have more than one wife at a time. Although I understand that it’s perfectly “legal” to have several wives, I personally would not want it for myself. I’m facing a dilemma: should I consider being in a potentially polygamous marriage, even if the guy seems to be perfect for me?

Answer:

You are feeling conflicted because you think this brother has everything you’re looking for except for his beliefs about a particular issue. Sometimes, while getting to know a person for marriage, we learn something new about our love interest that makes us reconsider the whole matter. For you, this happened to be your potential partner’s views on polygamy.

The real question here is this: Can you accept the possibility of sharing your husband with another woman in marriage, or is this a deal breaker for you?

If you can’t accept polygamy, then that’s your deal breaker, and this man is not the right person for you.

Since the brother has made clear to you his feelings about polygamy, he is basically alerting you that polygamy is a real possibility for your future with him. He has been clear with you about his views, and you must not minimize your concern in an effort to move forward with the marriage. It would be unfair on your behalf to know this, yet choose to marry him with the intention of changing his mind. If you do so, you will be setting yourself up for a volatile marriage. Marriage should be built on a foundation of trust, transparency, and full disclosure. You should share with him your concern, and if he respects and accepts your preference, then you can add this to your marriage contract as one of the conditions for divorce. However, you cannot force him to commit to a monogamous marriage if he does not want to.

Bear in mind also the legalities of such an arrangement in countries that do not allow for polygamy. Are you comfortable being married to a man who could potentially be breaking the law? And how can you ensure that your individual rights and the rights of your future family will be preserved in a polygamous marriage?

It is important to ask the difficult questions now instead of having to deal with the repercussions later. Self-awareness and honesty with yourself and with the other person are essential to helping you make the best decision without sacrificing your personal values and beliefs, and without minimizing problems in the relationship.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/polygamous-marriage/

hmmmn. I like that. The writer speaks my thoughts. complete transparency is required for a successful union.

Why I am still Single

Hard to say, let me start this way, It take two to tango. At the inception of this thread some years ago, i was single, I mean real single the type my people refers to Apon, without the intention of even settling down then. Then, week in week out I do received Invite for Nikkah from friends and even younger one. Then and there, I know "Agba ma lon da yi" That mean, am not getting younger anymore. I started my 'hunting', there is this 'game' I have been eyeing, though tough to 'cage' her. But with Allah, things are getting better. Sooner than Later, I will have cause to invite you all for e- walimah.

Salam,
Someone is seriously learning here. Thanks to everyone that has shared knowledge and ideas on how to go about it with solid references.jazak Allah khairan.it is more evident from our comments that some are more enlightened on the approach than others in this area.which is normal.May Allah (SWT) lead us alright.ameen

Talking about Matchmaking, can someone matchmake me and Deols.

Masalam.

adeezz: Salam,
Someone is seriously learning here. Thanks to everyone that has shared knowledge and ideas on how to go about it with solid references.jazak Allah khairan.it is more evident from our comments that some are more enlightened on the approach than others in this area.which is normal.May Allah (SWT) lead us alright.ameen

Talking about Matchmaking, can someone matchmake me and Deols.

Masalam.

Why not, If you are up to the task. But give us what you need in woman.

olawalebabs: Why I am still Single

Hard to say, let me start this way, It take two to tango. At the inception of this thread some years ago, i was single, I mean real single the type my people refers to Apon, without the intention of even settling down then. Then, week in week out I do received Invite for Nikkah from friends and even younger one. Then and there, I know "Agba ma lon da yi" That mean, am not getting younger anymore. I started my 'hunting', there is this 'game' I have been eyeing, though tough to 'cage' her. But with Allah, things are getting better. Sooner than Later, I will have cause to invite you all for e- walimah.

You left out the challenges....Don't tell me you don't have any

Wizeboy:
Hmmmmmmmmmm, the reason why WIZEBOY is still single?

I will be back to share it Insha Allah.

I will be waiting...just don't take too long...

deols: complete transparency is required for a successful union.

I am also in support of transparency...but does your transparency also involve telling what has happened in the past? I find it amusing when ladies say they want transparency but when given excerpts from one's past they end up not being able to take it or turn very judgmental even though it might be something that's not relevant to their present relationship but its important to let her know ..

Question is; To what extent do you say things? Do you just open up and tell everything or just keep mute over things you know she might not be able to take?

olawalebabs: Why I am still Single

Hard to say, let me start this way, It take two to tango. At the inception of this thread some years ago, i was single, I mean real single the type my people refers to Apon, without the intention of even settling down then. Then, week in week out I do received Invite for Nikkah from friends and even younger one. Then and there, I know "Agba ma lon da yi" That mean, am not getting younger anymore. I started my 'hunting', there is this 'game' I have been eyeing, though tough to 'cage' her. But with Allah, things are getting better. Sooner than Later, I will have cause to invite you all for e- walimah.

Noooo, Ojoro cancelled (Cheating cancelled)

You have not given us reason why you are still single ooooo, all what you did was to tell us how you are getting old and the 'game' you are eyeing.

olawalebabs.... Tell us why you are still single oo, is it financial, quality or what?

_{*waiting eagerly to hear oooooooo*}

Hmmmmmm, why am I still single?

With the saying of the Prophet Muhammed PBUH that marriage completed half of a Muslims deen. It should always be the desire of every good Muslim to get marry BUT Prophet Muhammed also said "This life is a joy and its best joy is a GOOD WIFE." [Muslim]. Based on this fact, IT IS NOT A SIN TO LOOK FOR A GOOD/PIOUS WOMAN TO MARRY.

I know I am not perfect so also I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A PERFECT PERSON (somebody claiming to be perfect pissed me off easily) but there are some few quality I need in a person (WIFE) that I will spend the rest of my life with; because I can't marry more than ONE WIFE (I don't have the requirement of marrying two, three or four wives, which is EQUITY as stated in the Holy Qur'an; I don't think I can treat everybody equally, so let me leave the Sunnah to those who are capable of doing that ).

Few quality I really want in a girl that will be my wife are as follows (though I can let go of some while some are extremely important):

1. RELIGIOUS: I want a religious person that will always help me in upholding my deen (though I dont have so much passion for an Hijab Sister). A girl that always cover her hair and do it moderately without showing any part of which Almighty Allah prohibited, is alright for me.

2. SERIOUSNESS/FORWARD LOOKING: I just can't stand un-serious person, they easily pissed me off. I like intelligent girls who really know what they want in their life and not "only fashion-freak type" who what they think everytime is fashion and party. I like goal-getter person because if you even establish for such person, you will definitely appreciate what they will do with your money.

3. STRAIGHT FORWARD/HONESTY: Like I always said "you don't have to tell me everything BUT make sure ANYTHING you are telling me is simply the truth". Any day I discovered that somebody lied to me, my likeness for such person will start depreciating and she can never earn my trust for long time to come.

4. Express yourself and don't accuse: If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say it out. Don't drop hints or figure, I am not a psychologists to know what you need or want every time; say it exactly how you see it rather than talking in parables. Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when we calmly express our emotion without harping on what we have done.

5. Accept me the way I am: Don't expect me alone to always shift ground (successful marriage is always based on little compromise from both party). Let us correct ourselves and make compromise in order to have an harmony in our relationship. Always remember we are not born from the same parent and also not from the same background; so our behaviour will definitely be different from each other, but with time and patient we can always work things out once we can compromise.

Any girl that can possess all the above listed traits is definitely what I want.

Though, I am still searching but I will come across her very soon Insha Allah.

Maa Salam

Nvr expected a response for my last post after hoping in vain for a reply to an earlier post of mine. Reading my 3 previous posts b4 this do a lot of good and go a long way in getting to catch up with me on this 2 PART FINAL NOTE. Got bigger fishes to fry offline and unfortunately, prefer not to flog the dead horse anymore after this round.
Triggering this stalemate war of words was your (tbaba1234) initial outbust,dubbing mdsocks move as disobedience to the almighty and your jumping the gun complaint on Premarital relationship and sex, even when this brother outlined his intentions and modus operandi within stipulated islamic rulings.
Kudos to u, wholeheartedly appreciate ur endorsement for traditionally arranged marriages and perhaps i must note that it is the safest and most secure track to thread for anyone muslim or not planning for marriage, but the safety and security it comes with doesnt blast away the fact that mdsocks more mordern approach while not as safe and with its fair share of risks still maintain viability within islamic spectrum.
Tell it to d marines, project and business are not the only topic male/female could navigate around,though not as frequent or as loose as single gender talks,there is a wider range of topics to pick from provided decency/taqwa isnt taken for a grain of salt;paving way for mdsocks approach, one that evn with its admittable share of risk; Pious intentions,sincerity and 'islamically' laced mannerism could b banked upon to keep one 's head out of water.
And ur Lord knows best what is in your heart and as long as u operate with the islamic limits, u do not habor His wrath but a blissful stellar marital life await ya.
Hell no, i nvr said people should just do what they feel is right, what is the use of the law then, isnt it to cater for human imperfections. In some islamic rulings there could be options, say A,B,C. 'A' might certainly b d safest bet to follow,highly recommended but resorting to B or C either due to circumstance or personal preference while sincerely sure one could handle the risk or downsides shouldn't be looked down by the islamic populace. Such is the case with Face Veil vs Modest Dressing with no face veil.

There is dating from the West and there is Halal dating and make no mistake about it, if u sincerely understand your faith and know what you r doing with utmost fear of Allah then u shouldnt have any problem in getting to know a brother/sister a bit b4 meeting to meet the parents or caretaker and emerge as neat as a pin in d aftermaths. Where Seclusion, Seduction, Deception r typically turned off and Physical acts of affection as well as show off is entirely kept at bay, Halal Dating will certainly meet the major requirement demanded by Islam, the same requirement the Traditional/Arranged route meet : Avoiding Pre-Marital Sex. This is by no way a Premarital relationship capable of gravitating towards Premarital sex Islam strives to combat among other kinds of indecency.
Lets be down to earth, Yes dating pairs may pretend a lot to culminate into marital incompatibility complications afterwards, if fear of the Almighty and truthfulness is counted out of d mix, however on the flipside ; how many of us would reveal our mummy or daddy 's address or our friend 's parent address to some fellow we know little or nothing about, no idea about his/her motives; how well do parents recognise their kids ins and outs nowadays?,how much can our friends,neighbours or evn siblings tell about us with sincere accuracy? Is how religious/nice a person is(bone of contention of discussion with Wali) enough to promise a comfortable marriage...?? Not for a second. Incompatibility issue and force marriage could ensue at times with Traditional/Arranged marriages.
Despite my excessive ranting, citing d pros and cons of both routes, i must remind u that just like i stated previously, Trad/Arranged marriages is hands d safest and most secure lane to eliminate chances of Zina and Fornication, i still however remain candid that it is not d only islamic legal style today and mdsocks has his hands clean as a whistle.
This is what happens when an unstoppable object collide with an immovable object. U wont agree with me cos u sight me as bending or reshaping the rule and i wont totally back u(tbaba1234) up cos i believe u make the rules stiffer and more stringent than they actually are. Very well then i owe a whopping 2869 post long thread a short break.
Islam is about Intention, about Principles, about Honour, about Moderation, about Justice and Fairness. I respect and highly regard your claims but i do not wholly buy into it.

There is dating from the West and there is Halal dating and make no mistake about it, if u sincerely understand your faith and know what you r doing with utmost fear of Allah then u shouldnt have any problem in getting to know a brother/sister a bit b4 meeting to meet the parents or caretaker and emerge as neat as a pin in d aftermaths. Where Seclusion, Seduction, Deception r typically turned off and Physical acts of affection as well as show off(beauty/wealth) is entirely kept at bay, Halal Dating will certainly meet the major requirement demanded by Islam, the same requirement the Traditional/Arranged route meet : Avoiding Pre-Marital Sex. This is by no way a Premarital relationship capable of gravitating towards Premarital sex Islam strives to combat among other kinds of indecency.
Lets be down to earth, Yes dating pairs may pretend a lot to culminate into marital incompatibility complications afterwards, if fear of the Almighty and truthfulness is counted out of d mix, however on the flipside ; how many of us would reveal our mummy or daddy 's address or our friend 's parent address to some fellow we know little or nothing about, no idea about his/her motives; how well do parents recognise their kids ins and outs nowadays?,how much can our friends,neighbours or evn siblings tell about us with sincere accuracy? Is how religious/nice a person is(bone of contention of discussion with Wali) enough to promise a comfortable marriage...?? Not for a second. Incompatibility issues and forced marriage could ensue at times with Traditional/Arranged marriages.
Despite my excessive ranting, citing d pros and cons of both routes, i must remind u that just like i stated previously, Trad/Arranged marriages is hands d safest and most secure lane to eliminate chances of Zina and Fornication, i still however remain candid that it is not d only islamic legal style today and mdsocks has his hands clean as a whistle.
This what happens when an unstoppable object collide with an immovable object. U wont agree with me cos u sight me as bending or reshaping the rule and i wont totally back u(tbaba1234) up cos i believe u make the rules stiffer and more stringent than they actually are. Very well then i owe a whopping 2869 posts long thread a short break.
Islam is about Intention, about Principles, about Honour, about Moderation, about Justice and Fairness. I respect and highly regard your claims but i do not wholly buy into it.

wize, I like the part, let me leave the sunnah to those who are capable of doing it. I am also leaving that part to them..lol


I am guilty of no. 4 but not entirely. I have been working on expressing myself better. people dont get what I am implying sometimes.

I hate lies too and pretence. Why would you pretend to anyone esp someone you want to spend an eternity with.

not 2 forget that this relationship doesn't end in this world.

I pray Allah gives you what you want.

I responded to your comment:

tbaba1234:

Difference of opinion is actually a healthy thing in the religion but those opinions are based on knowledge, based on evidences. In the sunnah, we see that the companions varied in their understanding of instruction but not in matters that are absolutely clear.

Fiqh comes in, when things are unclear. For things in the middle. Then we look for evidence to decide the best course of action.

In this case, there are NO differences of opinions. It is clear from the Quran and the sunnah that pre-marital relationships are not allowed. Everything should be geared towards marriage.

The challenge for the muslim community is to find ways to get her youth married within the acceptable limits not trying to disregard what is clear. In that case, it is clear disobedience not a difference of opinion.

As regards, the understanding of violence in Islam. Read through classical religious books and you will find out that the understanding is uniform. There is no difference of opinion amongst classical scholars. Now, if muslims have committed atrocities by manipulating ayat of the Quran for whatever political or religious objective, it does not change the Islamic understanding of violence.

Go through lectures by Islamic scholars in the 70's, you would find that was already a complaint by scholars about the manipulation of religious texts for political gain.

The problem arose from a complete disregard of historical contexts of religious teachings. Disregarding clear religious texts is also as bad.

This is why opinions must be based on knowledge and evidence not what you feel is correct.

mdsocks, that should be in stages. by the time it is leading no way but marriage, everything must be laid out plain.

Wiz...typical naija person

Mopping two things together a one..

olawalebabs, your story get as e be o.

wize, abeg leave olawalebabs. He already has a game, he is only waiting to put the catch in a cage

adeezz: Salam,
Someone is seriously learning here. Thanks to everyone that has shared knowledge and ideas on how to go about it with solid references.jazak Allah khairan.it is more evident from our comments that some are more enlightened on the approach than others in this area.which is normal.May Allah (SWT) lead us alright.ameen

Talking about Matchmaking, can someone matchmake me and Deols.

Masalam.

funny.

I am here and that is not happening

usermane: There is dating from the West and there is Halal dating and make no mistake about it, if u sincerely understand your faith and know what you r doing with utmost fear of Allah then u shouldnt have any problem in getting to know a brother/sister a bit b4 meeting to meet the parents or caretaker and emerge as neat as a pin in d aftermaths. Where Seclusion, Seduction, Deception r typically turned off and Physical acts of affection as well as show off(beauty/wealth) is entirely kept at bay, Halal Dating will certainly meet the major requirement demanded by Islam, the same requirement the Traditional/Arranged route meet : Avoiding Pre-Marital Sex. This is by no way a Premarital relationship capable of gravitating towards Premarital sex Islam strives to combat among other kinds of indecency.
Lets be down to earth, Yes dating pairs may pretend a lot to culminate into marital incompatibility complications afterwards, if fear of the Almighty and truthfulness is counted out of d mix, however on the flipside ; how many of us would reveal our mummy or daddy 's address or our friend 's parent address to some fellow we know little or nothing about, no idea about his/her motives; how well do parents recognise their kids ins and outs nowadays?,how much can our friends,neighbours or evn siblings tell about us with sincere accuracy? Is how religious/nice a person is(bone of contention of discussion with Wali enough to promise a comfortable marriage...?? Not for a second. Incompatibility issue and force marriage could ensue at times with Traditional/Arranged marriages.
Despite my excessive ranting, citing d pros and cons of both routes, i must remind u that just like i stated previously, Trad/Arranged marriages is hands d safest and most secure lane to eliminate chances of Zina and Fornication, i still however remain candid that it is not d only islamic legal style today and mdsocks has his hands clean as a whistle.
This what happens when an unstoppable object collide with an immovable object. U wont agree with me cos u sight me as bending or reshaping the rule and i wont totally back u(tbaba1234) up cos believe u make the rules stiffer and more stringent than they actually are. Very well then i owe a whopping 2869 long thread a short break.
Islam is about Intention, about Principles, about Honour, about Moderation, about Justice and Fairness. I respect and highly regard your claims but i do not wholly buy into it.

SO far you have presented no evidence of anything you have said. Islam is not about what you feel is correct.

I have not made anything stiffer, it is just the way it is. There is no such thing as halal dating. I am not talking about arranged marriages either.

I am talking about getting to know about your potential spouse with the knowledge of the wali...

As regards the laws of the sharia, it is about preventing the greater evil. Even righteous people when caught in compromising situations might lose control.

When it relates to a relationship between a man and a woman, you can only control your own intentions. You can not control the intention of the other. When if, something changes in that intention and you are both caught in a compromising situation. Do you think your intention will save you , when your hormones start raging.

Like the prophet said, when a man and a woman are together alone, shaytan is the third.

Many great intentions are in hell. You can not plant the trees of paradise with the seeds of hell.

You seem to view me like some kind of stringent guy but you couldn't be farther from the truth. I just present the Islamic position of things not things from my desire.

The knowledge of the wali or mahram is vital for any marriage arrangement.

deols: wize, I like the part, let me leave the sunnah to those who are capable of doing it. I am also leaving that part to them..lol


I am guilty of no. 4 but not entirely. I have been working on expressing myself better. people dont get what I am implying sometimes.

I hate lies too and pretence. Why would you pretend to anyone esp someone you want to spend an eternity with.

not 2 forget that this relationship doesn't end in this world.

I pray Allah gives you what you want.

Amin... Almighty Allah will give everyone of us the best of partner that we desire and pray for.

mdsocks: Wiz...typical naija person

Mopping two things together a one..

Mopping two things as in.... I didn't get you