I hate Stingy Men and if i realize that a man stingy i take off at a faster rate because you find that even in marriage they may fail to provide , a man is supposed to be a provider whether asked or not,

You sound like this guy is your dad. Is he?

^^Bros i wonder o!

This said guy might not be her dad but he is the man that says he loves her and he's suppossed to know when his girl needs support and help her out, after im papa no dey bleep am naa,and if d girl says no sex till after marriage he will start to complain. Nairalanders face reality here please.

Claremont
m sure u cld read n understand all d op wrote yh?
If u cant surprise ur babe wit gifts witout askin or anyth
den ur case s critical mehn

I have read on this forum about a guy that put a girl through school,helped her parents and siblings and later the girl went ahead to marry some pastor.
The guy did all these things as an investment but what dd he get in return? total rejection.
Op I dont know you or the guy but listen,that man is not responsible for your financial well being at all and you cannot accuse him of being stingy.
Every money spent on somebody who is not your better half is a risk and probably the guy has heard enough stories and is being careful.
You say you earn some money,my dear live within your means and do not expect anything from anybody who is not your parent cz they are under no obligation to do anything.
I wouldn't give a damn if he doesnt buy me icecream cz I will buy my own when we go out.

Claremont, may you live forever and a day!
Ur responses have been so on point!
@ OP: As the proverb said, since the bird has learnt to fly without perching, the hunter too has learnt to shoot without missing. . Or the other way round,
U girls have turned mugu guys into ATM's, so why shud we help? Relationship = Handling ur financial obligations?? When we have our own, indeed, more pressing than yours? (And more reasonable/realistic/important). . No no no!
Pls deal with ur problems while we deal with ours. . Till we put a ring on that finger and marry yo @ss, its all man for himself and God for all!

pendo89:

I have read on this forum about a guy that put a girl through school,helped her parents and siblings and later the girl went ahead to marry some pastor.
The guy did all these things as an investment but what dd he get in return? total rejection.
Op I dont know you or the guy but listen,that man is not responsible for your financial well being at all and you cannot accuse him of being stingy.
Every money spent on somebody who is not your better half is a risk and probably the guy has heard enough stories and is being careful.
You say you earn some money,my dear live within your means and do not expect anything from anybody who is not your parent cz they are under no obligation to do anything.
I wouldn't give a damn if he doesnt buy me icecream cz I will buy my own when we go out.

kistehsia:

@ OP
Could you not maybe ask friends and family for help instead of BF.  That way you can work on letting your relationship grow without pressure,  I would find it very hard to ask a BF to help support me if we were not in a committed relationship where we shared expenses.  I would be embarrassed to ask as well.  Take a load off your mind and ask family and friends.  I think its ok for him to dote on you financially in the way of dinner, movie, nite out etc.  But unless there is a commitment I would find it very uncomfortable.  Try to keep your finances separate from your relationship.  

JMO kistehsia  

BlueDiva:

I thought you were refering to occassional gifts, to show he cares.

You"re a lazy girl.
Get off your high horse and work hard.

I"ve seen pretty girls working at fast food joints, salons etc just to pay fees.
Have some self pride. Men end up treating women whom they give money to as sh.it.

The above statements represent the kind of fresh thinking we want all Nigerian ladies to have when it comes to relationships. It is quite interesting that the ladies who made the above statements are not Nigerian, says a lot!

Mirob
So if you can't provide for your girl at the moment, all she'll tell you is that no sex? Bros, you must have taken a prostitute for a girlfriend, pls change girl the fast.

when I say I need financial help, I do not mean monthly. If he helps in just a month, It would make a huge difference. I won't impose on him needlessly.

people here ask if he is my father - he is not. But he is the man who wants to marry me so shouldn't I be worried that this will continue even when we
are married? my father has no steady funds and that is why I am taking myself through school and accommodation and taking off the burden, My present part time job can not conveniently cover my very moderate expenses and that is why even helping for just a month would make a difference to me. I am not asking that he puts me on a monthly payroll or pay my bills monthly.

lovedgal:

when I say I need financial help, I do not mean monthly. If he helps in just a month, It would make a huge difference. I won't impose on him needlessly.

people here ask if he is my father - he is not. But he is the man who wants to marry me so shouldn't I be worried that this will continue even when we are married? my father has no steady funds and that is why I am taking myself through school and accommodation and taking off the burden, My present part time job can not conveniently cover my very moderate expenses and that is why even helping for just a month would make a difference to me. I am not asking that he puts me on a monthly payroll or pay my bills monthly.

So

as a married man, my wife still have to ask me sometimes so whats the big deal

does that make me stingy?

the man is NOT a mind reader. . . . . . if you can not ask him then stop complaining about it FULL STOP

You Should only expect financial support from your dad or husband.

^^^^^unfortunately its different in 9ja

financial support is part of boyfriends responsibility to some of them like the poster

lovedgal:

when I say I need financial help, I do not mean monthly. If he helps in just a month, It would make a huge difference. I won't impose on him needlessly.

people here ask if he is my father - he is not. But he is the man who wants to marry me so shouldn't I be worried that this will continue even when we
are married? my father has no steady funds and that is why I am taking myself through school and accommodation and taking off the burden,  My present part time job can not conveniently cover my very moderate expenses and that is why even helping for just a month would make a difference to me. I am not asking that he puts me on a monthly payroll or pay my bills monthly.

Listen dear I am afraid you are will get married for all the wrong reasons.Its true a man is supposed to be responsible when you marry but dear you are missing a point here.If I were in your shoes I would not sit down and wait for a man to come and help me out of my miserable financial life.
You know why? things may change along the way.He can lose his job when we marry or anything else. He could be even be crippled.
If he is your 'major' source of finance tell me what you are gonna do in such a situation.
Since you are struggling and your parents are as well,why not promise your self that you are going to work hard, have a goal, be optimistic about your future cz you are speaking like somebody who is content with what they already have and are now waiting for the other party to come and fill the gap.
Do not marry to fill a gap.I keep saying if you are not satisfied as a single you will never be satisfied as a married person. You become a burden instead.
Focus on building your finances and love that man not for what he can do or you expect him to do for you but for what he is.
I can assure you that even God himself will bless you.

^^^^^
WOW WOW WOW
May the Lord bless you abundantly

@poster if you want a responsible man who will take care of you there is nothing wrong with your expectations. Afterall you are bettering yourself and hope to work someday to contribute to your home in a lot of ways so all those people asking whether he is your father or your mother na them sabi. You have a right to have expectations from your man as long as the expectations are not outlandish.

I read someone saying you should ask friends  and people around you so you dont pressure the rship, me i dont understand why you need to be fake with him when you can talk with him since he can assist why the need to become a beggar? afterall we all know if you had other means you wouldnt be degrading your self  and asking your bf for money. However if you are living above your income i would advise you to cut your coat to your material and avoid all the stress but if it is a real need go ahead and ask him.

is it possible to see here that I am not maintaining that it is his obligation to fulfil my financial responsibilities? But I would expect that he show some concern financially especially when he has the means and can see me struggling at this point where things just got really tight. I am not just sitting down and waiting for this man to come and attend to all my financial needs. If I had the means and saw a friend who really needed help, I would offer to help even though I am not obliged to,

I am working on getting a better paying jobs but until then, the bills are coming regarding and these are not for material things,  Its just the basic needs I am needing help for, like rent , even for just 1 month,

lovedgal:

is it possible to see here that I am not maintaining that it is his obligation to fulfil my financial responsibilities? But I would expect that he show some concern financially especially when he has the means and can see me struggling at this point where things just got really tight. I am not just sitting down and waiting for this man to come and attend to all my financial needs. If I had the means and saw a friend who really needed help, I would offer to help even though I am not obliged to,

I am working on getting a better paying jobs but until then, the bills are coming regarding and these are not for material things,  Its just the basic needs I am needing help for,  like rent , even for just 1 month, 

Red => Contradiction

Why on earth would you expect a man that isn't married to you pay your rent? Once again, is he your dad? I dislike women that expects their boyfriends to take up their own responsibilities all because they are so lucky to be tagged as bf's.
if you can afford your rent then move the heck back home.
You not being able to afford your rent speaks negatively of you. I seriously hope you aren't one of those that would rather spend money on clothes, phone et al before considering rent and food.

Make yourself responsible so you can have your dignity and self worth intact.

This argument can go on and on. @OP, work hard at supporting yourself. If the man that wants to marry you provides. Say, thank you and don't play him. If he doesn't, live within your means and decide if he has the qualities you want in a husband. Otherwise, I think you are in the relationship for all the wrong reasons and should let the man go his way and you yours.

I know it must be hard for you to make ends meet. Just focus on the positives and eliminate the negatives from your mind. You will make it, God-willing.

I would expect a friend to help me because I would do the same for anyone I call a friend and truly needs help especially if i had the means to. I would be living with my parents if school were in the same state. From the start of this post, I mentioned help - help can be towards my rent (not the entire amount necessarily) or anything else.

I don't waste money on material things like clothes or phones because I have my priorities placed right.

lovedgal:

I would expect a friend to help me because I would do the same for anyone I call a friend and truly needs help especially if i had the means to. I would be living with my parents if school were in the same state. From the start of this post, I mentioned help - help can be towards my rent (not the entire amount necessarily) or anything else.

I don't waste money on material things like clothes or phones because I have my priorities placed right.

What if he does not have the money? Can you not share accommodation with a female student with a similar mindset as yours. Must the man get you accommodation or pay part of it? These are some of the questions you have not asked and answered yourself?

@all,This kind of problems are created by f~ools like timaya.
They pay their gfs monthly salary.
How can any decent girl/woman expect her man to help her pay her school fees or pay her salary at the end of the month?
Some girls are into part-time ashawo and they call it relationship.
If a guy pays his gf, it means she's her mistress not his girlfriend.
@op,
Get a better paying job or better still, get help from your folks.
The guy no be your papa or your uncle.
If these two doesn't work, look for a sugar daddy.

Downsize Downsize Downsize if you are gonna struggle with your current arrangement.

The key thing here is never to expect anything from anyone bar your folks. Try being independent when in relationships as it's going to serve you in the long run

lovedgal:

is it possible to see here that I am not maintaining that it is his obligation to fulfil my financial responsibilities? But I would expect that he show some concern financially especially when he has the means and can see me struggling at this point where things just got really tight. I am not just sitting down and waiting for this man to come and attend to all my financial needs. If I had the means and saw a friend who really needed help, I would offer to help even though I am not obliged to,

I am working on getting a better paying jobs but until then, the bills are coming regarding and these are not for material things,  Its just the basic needs I am needing help for,  like rent , even for just 1 month,  

Did you mention rent? Okay maybe my views and expectations are different but I dont ever expect a man to buy anything for me no matter how pressed I am.I wouldn't feel comfortable at all esp if my parents are alive and I have these two hands.
Listen Lovegal. You are placing yourself in a very vulnerable position cz if you found a man willing to cater for your needs you will fall for him.
What am trying to make you understand is that this man is under no obligation to do anything for you and he knows that.
Hes only a boyfriend and till you are married you cannot be sure of anything. Who knows why hes holding back anyway.
Just get that 'him paying your bills' out of your mind because he is not yet your hsuband.I dont know how I can make you understand that.
Do not have loser mentality.Be a woman of intergrity and stand up with the little you have. I have told you that no condition is permanent.
Ok assume he weren't there.Would you still live?
Hold on there and work hard is my final word to you.

@ OP

Get his name changed to Donatus and all your problems will be solved.

For the last time - MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. If you need SPECIFIC help, ask him for it. If he doesn't assist you, then make your decision accordingly.

To expect him to 'use his initiatives' is nonsense. The fact that your ex-bfs were pre-programmed magas + ATMs that didn't need any prompting to donate doesn't make the current one the same.

If 'friends' seeing you are in need would already assist you, why aren't the so called friends assisting you now? Is he the only friend you have?

@ OP: go find a job, you lazy woman. I pity you. Looking to sell your pussy to the highest bidder.

Also ure being very passive - aggressive about your problems.

More importantly, go get a job. Lazy woman. Ashewo!

obowunmi:

Also ure being very passive - aggressive about your problems.

More importantly, go get a job. Lazy woman. Ashewo!

Take it easy, her state of mind may be more fragile than you think!

Guys pls
she s nt sayin he shld pay er rents n all
wat r we 4 eachoda 4 den wen we cant assist
must any ask b4 u help?
I hate greedy men,gosh
u c me in trouble y cant u raise my assss up
i do 4 him n he does 4 me willingly
d only mistake d OP made s eva pourin er hrt out ere rada shld v askd er man
tell him u nid sm cash, period

@cantell, can you read before you write? I have welcomed constructive criticism from different people here. If you think your gf (if you have one) is into part-time ashawo when she has a relationship with you then goodluck to you.

I did not ask the man to pay my school fees or put me on a monthly salary. Getting a higher paying job isn't just coming my way and yes, if he were not in my life, I would survive anyway,  But he is,  I have always held the principle of trying to be independent in everyway possible and that is why I have this job. Other girls my age have sugar daddys like you suggested or hit the streets but my moral values would not let me stoop that low. I would instead drop out of school for now or defer my admission.

My point being that why wait for a friend to ask for help when you can easily help without the person asking. I like this guy and have thought about marrying him but would he be stingy and not provide when we are married?? and like now, wish me the best and hope things just sort themselves out?