dear butternut,

i believe your love is geniune but i am not sure about his. tell him your concerns. when he reassues you tell him that if he is sincere you want to meet his 1st wife. this is not to cause trouble, o! but if you are going to be a 2nd wife you must GET ALONG w/ the 1st.

my grandfathers had polygamous households and their 1st wives were always in charge. are you ready for this? would you be comfortable w/ your daughter being named after this woman? would be jealous or angry if she was preferenced or if her children were rude to you also think, are you comfortable w/ a 3rd wife? and if 5yrs from now, his business does not do well, and instead of giving you money for school fees he goes out for a 3rd wife will you be shocked or offended? or if the 1st wife passes away and you must care for the children, how will you feel?

i could go on. but the point is, PLEASE think about YOURSELF & your children, children are NOT easy, o!

also, have you met his family. marriage is about the uniting of 2 families, if he does not know about your family and he does not know about his then he cant be serious. as a married man, he must already know this.

only GOD provides. dont let the car or promises blind you. as for marriage/men/a husband. it will come to you in good time.

do you have a close older friend(s) you can introduce to him? a male cousin perhaps? if you can introduce the two, then your cousin/friend can tell you honestly what he/she thinks about this man. also, if he does not tell your cousin/friend that he wants you as his wife, he's playing you!

parting words: please dont have sex w/ him. if he is sincere, then he can wait for your wedding day. Pray, my dear!

Thanks guys for your advice, i think i will rather wait and see what is going to happen. I also understand that if ever i take this decision to be his second wife i might be lonely for the rest of my li fe. I really dont know what to do cause im in love with the guy and i also want to be his wife. Advice here, what if i get married to him and stay at my own house and dont stay with him and his family, do you think i will have problem.

Butternut:

Advice here, what if i get married to him and stay at my own house and don't stay with him and his family, do you think i will have problem.

Yes you will !! One you will be lonely, two you will always be on you toes expecting them to fight so he can be with you more.Basically he will have changed from the sweet tongue to a salty or sour tongue! God help You!!

Butternut:

Thanks boys for your advice, i think i will rather wait and see what is going to happen. I also understand that if ever i take this decision to be his second wife i might be lonely for the rest of my li fe. I really don't know what to do cause im in love with the boy and i also want to be his wife. Advice here, what if i get married to him and stay at my own house and don't stay with him and his family, do you think i will have problem.

well, what sort of wife can not live in her husband's home this is contrary to the underlying message & meaning of marriage, which is " 2 people brought together to be 1 under GOD".

also, i don't think a wife or husband should be lonely. instead, marriage should alleviate loneliness.

Patience is a virtue. Please don't think that this is the only man you will ever love or that he is the only man who will ever love you. It isn't true. I know this in my heart. Besides, GOD LOVES YOU! & that's real.

Thanks for your advice, i really have to think about it.

Butternut:

Thanks for your advice, i really have to think about it.

Please do and be very objective.Ignore your want concentrate on your true need.Put your feet in the shoes ofeveryone that matters .I don't believe being the 2nd wife thingy because as far as i know only 10% or less works(how lucky r you to take the risK? )Gd Luck!!( u need loads of it)

Butternut, I am surprised a married man will be telling you to pray about his proposal .God does not waste His time listening to such prayers.Such prayers are deceitful.Let him pray to God to make his marriage work.Let him love his wife with the God kind of love.

Believe me, you do not love him.Look inside you and you will know you do not love each other.In marriage only agape love(the God type of love) keeps it going.

I am a married man and I know it takes the grace of God to make a monogamous marriage work.Two of you in the house is hell.So run away from that man as fast as you can.He does not love you.He is cheating on his wife and there is no guarantee he won't cheat on you too.I am telling you the truth,if you don't quit now,you will cry your heart out later.Forget about what he provides for you.Unserious men are like that.Don't play with fire,please.Get a job and pay your bills.Your own man will show up.

I pray that God will direct your heart into the His love to know that you are worth more that being a victim.I pray that God will reveal Himself to you so you can get to know who you are in Christ.
God bless you.

Thanks Gospelman, i really must pray about it cause i want God to show me the way and reveal what kind of a man is he. You yesterday he spoke to his father about me. And his dad asked for my picture and i dont know how true is that but he came today early this morning to collect the picture of me. I'm not sure wether to belive him but i told my seld that time wil tell. I really love this man and sometimes i dont know wha t i must do. I know leaving him it will break me. Do you think it will be a problem if i can just have a kid with him and dont get married to him.

Butternut,I like you because you are honest.
Now,my advice to you is based on the word of God.Do not get married to a married man.Do not have a kid with him because you will end up bringing the kid into a world of problems.Polygamy is not a good idea.

Please, pray instead that God will cause you to leave the man alone.He is married.And if he is a Christian he should not be looking for a second wife.Even if he 'loves' you, His love for God should let him leave you alone because what he is doing is sowing an evil seed that will soon grow and bear like fruits and I won't want that for you.

Please,get more delighted in the Lord and He will direct you and give you the good desires of your heart (apart from this man).
Do you have a pastor?If yes go to him/her right away and let him/her know what is happening.I am convinced you will be given wise/godly counsel.

God bless you.

Thanks again Gospelman, I will visit my Pastor for more advice.

Hope you do with an Open Mind!!

Thanks I will

That's great Butternut.
In the meantime,stay away from him and every form of communication has got to cease (apply wisdom here).Do not tell him you are going to see your pastor because he may not let you do that.After you have seen your pastor, tell him what your Pastor and stand by the words of your Pastor(I am convinced your pastor will give you counsel based on the Word).
Besides, do not seek further advice from this forum (Go straight to you Pastor).You can testify to us later how the Lord delivered you.

Cheers!!

Thanks, i will give you feedback.

Gal I don'nt think that this man loves u at all,and how can you fell for such lies if the man is cheating on his wife with u and telling u that he wants to marry u while he is still married to his wife,how come u are still seeing this punk gal run and save ur self.I know u will bump into some one who will love u solely and cherish u forever and he is not the only man in Nigeria if u can'nt find one run to South Africa,

But is all the same even the single guys they still cheat. What is the use of beign involve with a single man and yet he still does not treat you right. Most single guys they untreat their women. Most single guys they dont know what they want, this people they are great liars, they cheat and they bitch around with lot of girls. Moreespecially these days they dont want to commit to anyone. So what must i do if all man are the same.

Dear Butternut,this was the reason I said you should not seek further opinion out here because you will end up being discouraged and confused.Forget about the single people who cheat.Forget about the good ones.
Your duty is to pray that God would give you the kind of man you desire and He will if you delight yourself in the Lord first.Ok?

Cheers!

Hey b***h, u don't understand do u, or maybe u don't know what u want in life, 2 be a stoflap hell no, leave the man alone, he's married and will never marry somebody else aslong as he's married to his Cayote that he calls a wifey.  Girl come to Namibia there are plenty of diks hanging around everywhere looking for hungry and desperate bimbo's like u?

Venice, I think you are very rude. Go to the nearest hell and stick it where the sun does not shine. I also think you are seeking for attention so i wont entertain you. Your grandmother must teach you how to behave.

Thanks very much Gospelman, I think you are quite right cause i will end up dealing with morons like Venice.

To Butternut

i don't want to be entertained by married man chaser like u, or shuld i say ho,
Cause i know what i want, and always get what i want, not run after married sugar daddies. for your info i'm engaged to be married by a millionare, the Pres Son, so i mean why would i want to be entertained by a low life nigerian ho, like u, i mean ,

u are the one that needs a good show i mean girl wake up, smell the coffee, the summer breeze since its so hot in nigeria that the cockroaches are crolling naked everywhere somebody save me hello?

Venice, good for you you are getting married to the rich guy any I did not asked you. Becareful he does not make a first wife. The way it sounds is like you a claiming to be happy and i can sense it rom your voice. A person who brags about his or her relationship, just know that person is not happy.

well i guess u'r jealous of my happiness, no offence though sometimes i can't help bregging about it, i hope u'll make up u'r mind, u seem to be a bit tipsy girl, get off u'r high horse, wear those sexy red high heels, with u'r leather mini, i know u have one, he might have bought it for u, i mean the man is mr cash! walk down the street and the first man u see kiss him maybe it will make u feel better cause girl u are scaring the hell out of me, nothing personal, have a nice day in niger, go for a swim in the river or something

You are a heartless human beign. Any way i dont want to hear from you anymore.

Butternut,

It's ok to go ahead with the man if:

1. Wife No.1 doesn't mind.
2. You can't opt for a brand new husband
3. If you don't mind being wife No.3 in the nearest future, get the picture?

just my two cents.

To Butternut & Venice, what's eating u 2 can'nt u just get along any way u need a get together.U seems to be good frends.

do unto others as u would have them do unto u, what goes around comes around. the same man that wants a second wife, mite want a third wife, what will u do then? u sure as hell cant complain cause u did the same 2 someone else. I suggest u go find a single man and not disrupt people's homes and family!! a word is enugh 4 the wise. u asked 4 advice, and there u have it!

@Butternut

i love butter and i love nuts it makes butternut

I'm not what you make me out to be a heartless human being, i have a heart, a good one too i was just trying to advice you.

You don't want to hear from me, its okay, cause when one door closes a new door opens, remember that amateurs built the ark and Professionals built the titanic!

i hope you make your final decision, and believe in yourself, follow your heart that's all i can say and Good Luck cause you'll need that, whether u want it or not!

Cheers, i'm out

Why not our culture allows it.
´MAny women however that I have seen as second wife, allways try to frustrate the older wife or even kick her out. Remember she was there before you. That means you have to respect her and her children.

nawah:

Why not our culture allows it.
´MAny women however that I have seen as second wife, allways try to frustrate the older wife or even kick her out. Remember she was there before you. That means you have to respect her and her children.

Yes, that would be the key to being a '"good" 2nd wife. By how can a woman do this if, the process of her becoming the 2nd wife was based on disrespect of the 1st wife (i.e., colluding & encouraging the infedilty, lies, and prejudice of the husband)

It's a Catch 22 isn't it? To be a 2nd wife you must be respectful of the 1st wife, but to become the 2nd wife you must disrespect.

´That is just it, Even though our society still condones polygame, most women are not really prepared tp share. IT does not work out so smootly these days and it involves alot of pain for both women,