could you not just spam this board

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school
I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five
years.

George Burns

The young blond secretary was describing her
evening's exploits to a friend. "After dinner,"
she said, "he wanted to come back to my
apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother
would worry if I did anything like that."

"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly.
"Then what happened?"

"He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the
secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve
did you?" asked the friend.

"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his
apartment. I figured, let HIS mother worry."

heyy sweetie where ehave u been??

nice jokes there

Migines Pidgins

hold it gurl, u dont want me pissed now do ya?

i swear ure not gona like it.

clemcykul:

heyy sweetie where ehave u been??

nice jokes there

Heyyyy mi lady, hw u duin, today. really not been easy for me to be online 24hrs lyka use to. and damn, too much new users around i hardly knw dem. luks like our generation is wiping out LOL. will still be droping by tho. Adios my Clemy BUZZ to freezy ituen BEN JAY! tope, ninjabyte, oh lots of'em and all those dat made nairaland my homepage.

A blonde bought a new pair of shoes but told her
husband she couldn’t wear them for three days.
When her husband asked why, she replied, "Because
the shoe salesman said the may not be comfortable
for the first couple of days."

What is the difference between a smart woman and
a UFO?

I don't know, I’ve never seen either.

Migines:

Heyyyy mi lady, hw u duin, today. really not been easy for me to be online 24hrs lyka use to. and damn, too much new users around i hardly knw them. luks like our generation is wiping out LOL. will still be droping by tho. Adios my Clemy BUZZ to freezy ituen BEN JAY! tope, ninjabyte, oh lots of'em and all those that made nairaland my homepage.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even
though she has had no lessons or prior
experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and
the horse immediately springs into motion. It
gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to
throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to
its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail
grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and
throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in
the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground again and again. As her head
is battered against the ground, she is mere
moments away from unconsciousness when,

the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse
off.

gabrywyl:

Hi mate, watyu lukin @ lol

Why are 'Dumb Blonde' jokes one or two liners?

So men can understand them!

There was this married couple. The wife was very
upset because the husband was always after her
for sex. She finally got so upset she went to the
doctor to see if there was anything she could go.

The doctor told her to start charging her husband
for sex. The woman replied that she could not
charge her own husband for sex. The doctor said
just give it a try and let me know what happens.

Later that day when her husband came home, he
wanted to have sex. The wife replied, "It is
going to cost you." "WHAT?" the husband
exclaimed.

"Well it will cost you $10 to do it on the floor,
$20 to do it on the couch, and $30 to do it on
the bed."

The husband thought this over and handed his wife
$30.

She said, "Ok, come on lets go in the bedroom."

The husband replied, "No, I want it 3 times on
the floor!"

President Clinton is out jogging, and he
encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks
the man what kind of puppies they are, and the
man responds, "They're Democrat puppies,
Mr. President." Clinton thinks that is so great
that the next day he brings the first lady to
see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to
tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and
the man responds, "They're Republican puppies."

The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday,
you told me they were Democrat puppies." The man
smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were.
But today, they have their eyes open!"

What is the difference between Aids and golf?

In golf, one bad hole won't kill you!

asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how
often you should have it. His grandfather told
him that when you first get married, you want
it all the time, and maybe do it several
times a day.

Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a
week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex
maybe once a month. When you get really old, you
are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on
your anniversary. The young fellow then asked
his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma
now?" His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have
MouthAction now." "What's MouthAction?" the young
fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to
bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my
bedroom. And she yells, 'Bleep You!!!!!' and I
holler back, "Bleep You too."

True transcript from court record:

Q: Just what did you do to prevent the accident?

A: Closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could.

Reality is for people who can't face
science fiction.

At an amusement park, people were standing in line
at the food court. The first guy in line gave his
order, then reached in his pocket for the money to
pay the cashier. The cashier noticed the money he
gave her was wet and she made a face.

"Oh, I was just on a water ride" the man said.

The cashier laughed and took the next order.

The next guy in line reached in his pocket and
gave her the money. Again it was soaking wet.

"I just got off the water ride", he told her.

She nodded and took the next order.

The guy reached in his pocket and gave her another
handful of soaking wet bills.

"Just get off the water ride?" the cashier asked.

"No." the man said puzzled, "But I was just on the
scariest roller coaster ever!"

Male Wisdom

DISCLAIMER NOTICE!
I'm not the male in question {I'm} the male in bracket}


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d!<k or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.{With my connections I bribed my way and chose the two}

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.{I' God's gift to makind}

A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.{I dont av a wife}

Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings, '{I'm my Father's son}

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.{Okay by me}

Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.{Most def}

There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.{More like"pls come again"}

Virginity can be cured.(Ive got the biggest cure)

Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.{I concur}

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.{Hell no}

I tried phone intimacy once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.{dats my neighbor, he's blonde}

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.{I aint marid, i dont want to ruin ma lyf yet}

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.{the perfect match}

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed' many men still sleep with their wives.{They re blonde}

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to
her class the definition of the word "definitely"
to them. To make sure the students have a good
understanding of the word, she asks them to use
it in a sentence. When called upon the first
student says " The sky is definitely blue". The
teacher said " Well that isn't entirely correct
because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Another
student says" Grass is definitely green". Teacher
again replies " If grass doesn't get enough water
it turns brown, so that isn't really correct".
Another student raises his hand and asks the
teacher "Do farts have lumps?". The teacher
replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question
for class discussion". The student replies,
"Then I definitely shit my pants".

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to
her class the definition of the word "definitely"
to them. To make sure the students have a good
understanding of the word, she asks them to use
it in a sentence. When called upon the first
student says " The sky is definitely blue". The
teacher said " Well that isn't entirely correct
because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Another
student says" Grass is definitely green". Teacher
again replies " If grass doesn't get enough water
it turns brown, so that isn't really correct".
Another student raises his hand and asks the
teacher "Do farts have lumps?". The teacher
replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question
for class discussion". The student replies,
"Then I definitely shit my pants".

Hi mate, watyu lukin @ lol

Just that I feel sad with what you had just said. . . .  

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to
her class the definition of the word "definitely"
to them. To make sure the students have a good
understanding of the word, she asks them to use
it in a sentence. When called upon the first
student says " The sky is definitely blue". The
teacher said " Well that isn't entirely correct
because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Another
student says" Grass is definitely green". Teacher
again replies " If grass doesn't get enough water
it turns brown, so that isn't really correct".
Another student raises his hand and asks the
teacher "Do farts have lumps?". The teacher
replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question
for class discussion". The student replies,
"Then I definitely shit my pants".

gabrywyl:

Just that I feel sad with what you had just said. . . .

Owww, why?

At a local college dance, a guy from America asked
the girl from Sweden to dance.

While they were dancing, he gives her a little
squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this
a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it
a hug too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek,
and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss
too."

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks
later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and
proceeds to have sex with her, and says,
"In America, we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass
sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

A bat came flying into his cave where all his
mates were hanging around. He had blood all over
his face and this was noticed by all. They were
insanely jealous as they had not eaten yet and
proceeded to badger him as to where he'd been.

"Leave me alone, I've had a bad night!" They, of
course, were hungry and wouldn't give up.

Finally, in desperation, he said: "OK, you want to
know where I've been, follow me."

They all flew out of the cave, down the valley,
half way up the mountain and landed in a tree.

"All right you guys, see that tree over there?"

They all nodded, eager to know more.
"Good, because I didn't!"

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He notices
a foot-tall piano player playing up a storm.

Man: Hey, this guy's really good! Where'd you get
him?

Barkeep: Oh, I have a magic lamp that gives me
anything I want.

Man: Can I try?

Barkeep: Sure just rub it and say what you want.

Man (rubbing the lamp): I wish for ten thousand
bucks.

* Ten thousand ducks appear *

Man: What the hell happened? I asked for 10,000
BUCKS, not DUCKS!

Barkeep: Think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?

A young woman was so depressed that she decided
to end her life by throwing herself into the
ocean. She went down to the docks and was about
to leap into the frigid water when a handsome
young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the
pier crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got
a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the
morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on
my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring
you food every day." Moving closer he slipped
his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep
you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she
have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her
aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on
every night he brought her three sandwiches and a
piece of fruit, and they made passionate love
until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection,
she was discovered by the captain. "What are
you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an
arrangement with one of the sailors," she
explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and
he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is
the Staten Island Ferry"

Clinton bumps into a new intern in the hall.
He stops, stares at her a moment and then asks
"are you new here?"

The intern replies "Why yes, I am, this is my
second day."

"I thought so," said Clinton, "I didn't think I
had come across your face before, "

gabrywyl:

Just that I feel sad with what you had just said. . . .  

lol hit ur head on the wall then

@lmao keep em coming

One more for you sweetie

There were 3 girls who went to the doctor's office
for their annual checkup.

The first girl goes in and the doctor asks "Why is
there a letter "H" printed on your chest?" The
girl replies, "Well, everytime my boyfriend and I
make love he wears his "Harvard Letterman
sweater."

The second girl goes in and the doctor asks, "Why
is there a letter "P" printed on your chest?" The
girl replies, "well, everytime my boyfriend and I
make love he wears his Princeton Letterman
sweater."

Finally, the third girl goes in and the doctor
says, "Don't tell me, everytime you and your
boyfriend make love he wears his 'Wisconsin
Letterman sweater?"

The girl replies, "No. My boyfriend goes to
Michigan".