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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Roflmao By Migines (29042 Views)
Roflmao At This Picture. / Roflmao! / Roflmao (hope This Hasn't Been Previously Posted) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Roflmao By Migines by Gabry(f): 1:21pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Migines: because you said something about newbies ooo. . . ![]() clemcykul: Hey Cwemcy. Please do the honors first ![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 1:27pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
i dint xactly use the term "newbie" some pple get upset by that. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Gabry(f): 1:28pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
who get upset by that? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 1:30pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
abeg nor ves. . . . . . . . .LOL. . . . why take is personal now? |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 1:34pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Olympic Bid In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2004, the organizers of Manchester's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below. OPENING CEREMONY The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the Moss Side area), wearing the traditional balaclava. The flame will be contained in a large chip van situated on the roof of the stadium. THE EVENTS In previous Olympic games, Manchester's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local 'Manchester' athletes. 100 METERS SPRINT Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes. 100 METERS HURDLES As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, gardens, fences walls etc.) HAMMER Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc.) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed. FENCING Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen silver and jewelry as possible in 5 minutes. SHOOTING A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk bank teller or Securicor style wages delivery man. BOXING Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence. CYCLING TIME TRIALS Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the country on his first trip away from home. All against the clock CYCLING PURSUIT As above but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft. MODERN PENTATHLON Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joy riding and arson. THE MARATHON A safe route has yet to be decided , but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course. SWIMMING Competitors will be thrown off the bridge over the ship canal. The first three survivors back, will decide the medals MEN'S 50KM WALK Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Manchester. THE CLOSING CEREMONY Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Salford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronized rock throwing and music by the Stockport Community Choir. The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of flats next to the stadium. The stadium will be then boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler. WARNING(LONG CONTENT) i was hoping u'll scroll down b4 reading |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 1:34pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 1:37pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Perfect Couple Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor? Scroll down for the answer, The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke. Men keep'a scrollin', So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by clemcykul(f): 1:39pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
welcome back. nice one there, been long i laffed hard and well, and thanks to tyty too ![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 1:41pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
thanks to you too clemmy. will miss ya. signing out. . . . . . . . . . .M I G I N E S |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by clemcykul(f): 3:27pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
ohh jeeze not again ![]() ![]() * ![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by sima(f): 6:30am On Nov 25, 2008 |
i'm findin it difficult to laugh. . ![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Gabry(f): 9:19am On Nov 25, 2008 |
![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by clemcykul(f): 3:01pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
wats that? |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by sima(f): 8:28pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
she's squirting 4rm her eye . . |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 10:17am On Nov 27, 2008 |
sima:then uve obviously got a probnle3m with happiness \ clemcykul:well you dont av to wait too long. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 10:30am On Nov 27, 2008 |
The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away, his full annually benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose. (Something Congress came up with!) The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.00. The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet He walked out with a check for $960,000.00. Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man. "From the tip of my penis to my balls." The pension man said that would be fine, but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring. The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your balls?" The general replied, "In Vietnam." |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 10:30am On Nov 27, 2008 |
What do you call a smart blonde?? An oxymoron. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 10:36am On Nov 27, 2008 |
What do you call a smart blonde?? An oxymoron. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 10:39am On Nov 27, 2008 |
A guy went to Vegas for the first time in his life. He was very curious about the sex services offered there. Thru a bell boy, he found the best in town. When the lady came, he asked: "How much is your service?" The lady said: "$100 for a hand job." "What? Why so expensive?" the guy asked in amazement. The lady pulled the guy to the window and asked him: "Do you see that shiny red Porsche down there? That's what I earned by my hand!" The guy was convinced and decided to try her service. It was great! So he asked, "What else can you do?" The lady said: "For $200 I'll give you a Mouth Gig." "What? That's way too expensive for a Mouth Action!" he replied. The lady brought him to the window again, and said: "Do you see the restaurant down there? That's what I've earned with my mouth!" So the guy decided to go for it and gave her $200. It was unbeliveable! So he decided he wanted to try the "real" thing. So he asked: "How much for real intercourse?" The lady pulled him over to the window again, and said: "Do you see that skyscraper there? It would have been mine a long time ago if I had a pussy!" |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 10:51am On Nov 27, 2008 |
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night!" The clerk said, "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 11:05am On Nov 27, 2008 |
A group of business professionals enjoyed happy hours a couple days a week in an upscale bar in the financial district. One of them had a secret ambition to become a magician. No one would take him seriously and would poke fun at him, "how's your magic coming?" "I'm working on some things" would be his confident reply. Suddenly the wanna-be magician doesn't show for happy hour. And again and again he didn't show. This began to worry his friends so they agreed to go look for him if he misses the next one. Several days later they were just about to look for their missing friend when in he walks to the bar. "What, been busy with your magic?" they teased. To their astonishment, the guy pulls a miniature man out of his pocket and puts it onthe table. "Wow, that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, I can patent that" says the lawyer. That wasn't all. The magician next pulls out a tiny piano and the miniature manstarted playing the miniature piano. "You will make millions and I will handle your estate" says the accountant. The magician says "but, you guys were right, I'm not so good at magic after all." "What?" wonders his amazed friends, "you've done the best magic in history and you think you are not a good magician"? "Well," says he says, "you have to be very careful how you ENUNCIATE." "Why?" the crowd asks. The magician responds, "do you really think I tried to conjure a 10 inch pianist?" |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by clemcykul(f): 11:40am On Nov 27, 2008 |
lol very hilarious keep em flown |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by sima(f): 6:57pm On Nov 28, 2008 |
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Re: Roflmao By Migines by sylve11: 7:43pm On Nov 28, 2008 |
sima what's pissing u off? \ |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by krama(m): 8:18pm On Nov 28, 2008 |
Search me |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by sima(f): 2:16am On Nov 30, 2008 |
sylve11:search karama as he said. . he knows why ![]() |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 9:12am On Dec 01, 2008 |
Q. What are the three types of men? A. The handsome, the caring and the majority |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 9:20am On Dec 01, 2008 |
Why does Monica Lewinsky have chubby cheeks? She's withholding evidence! |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 9:35am On Dec 01, 2008 |
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the World Series. |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 5:24pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender and says; "I've been working on a top-secret project on molecular genetics for the past five years and I've just got to talk to someone about it." The bartender says; "Wait a minute. Before we talk about that, just answer me a few questions. When a deer defecates, why does it come out like little pellets?" The guy didn't know that. The bartender then asks, "Why is it that when a dog poops, it lands on the ground and looks like a coiled rope?" The guy again says, "I don't have any idea." The bartender then says, "You don't know shit! and you want to talk about molecular genetics?" |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by Migines(m): 5:28pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size. One night when him and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. The man unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand. He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction. His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke." |
Re: Roflmao By Migines by mykali(m): 5:36pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
lllmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaoooooo ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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