Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . - Jokes Etc (4) - Nairaland
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Men Vs Women / Gender War Jokes (Men vs. Women) / Nigerian Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:48pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
otooro:Thanks! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 8:09pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
Mikuz, o gini? Are you owing me money? |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 9:22pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
A month overdue  Mr.Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news, I 'm a month overdue. I think we are going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from BSES (Bombay Suburban Electricity Supply) because the electricity bill has not been paid. Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma ? Yes, speaking BSES guy: "You! re a month overdue, you know!" How do YOU know? stammers the young woman.  Well, ma'am, its in our files! says the BSES guy . What are you saying? Its in your files , HOW? Yes, We have a system of finding out who's overdue GOD !!!!!!, this is too much. Madam, I am sorry, I am following orders, I have to inform you, that you are overdue I know that let me talk to my husband about this tonight, he will speak to your company tomorrow That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he mad as a bull, rushes to BSES office the next day morning. Whats going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?  the husband shouts. Just calm down, says the lady at the reception at BSES, its nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us. PAY you? and if I refuse?  Well, in that case, sir, we have no option but to cut yours off. And what would my wife do then? the husband asks. I dont know. I guess, she would have to use a candle!!! 1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 9:43pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?' He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.' Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold it.' 1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 9:56pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
Bad Hearing A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you." The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf idi[i]o[/i]t. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:14pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
Name the Leg A student needed an extra small diversified course to fill the requirements of his graduation. He picked a course on Zoology. Then came a test time. The professor handed out a sheet of paper with only four pairs of legs drawn. He then asked the class to name the four wild birds from their legs. The student kept staring and staring at legs and was getting no where. His agitation and anger grew to a boiling point. Ultimately, he got up rushed to the teacher in the front and smashed the test on the teacher's desk. "How can you give stupid test like this?" He blasted at teacher. The annoyed teacher looked up and said: "You boy, you have flunked the test. What's your name?" The angry student pulled up his pants to the knee baring his legs and yelled: "Look here at my legs, and tell me what is my name." |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 10:17pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
great jokes! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:35pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:41pm On Jan 31, 2012 |
Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils. "Johnny, what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office. The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. "What is three times three?" "Nine, Sir." "How much is nine times six?" "Fifty-four." And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough." Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed. Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of which I have only two?" Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am" "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" "Pockets!" "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" "Coconut. !" "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge. "Bubblegum!" "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" "Shake hands, Ma'am." "Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do." Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!" "OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!" "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." "Nose." "Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver." "Arrow." "Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?" "Fire truck, Ma'am!" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!" |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 8:04am On Feb 01, 2012 |
Funny. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 5:37pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
^^^ Thanks |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 5:40pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
Home Cooked Date Tom met his close friend Jerry for guidance, and narrated to him that he recently met a girl of his dreams. He asked Banta’s advise as to how should he proceed now! So wise Jerry said, "Well Send her roses, and on the name card invite her for a home-cooked meal." Tom liked the idea, so he invited the woman. Next day after the dinner Jerry called Tom and asked him how did the home-cooked dinner go. Tom cried, "It flopped miserably." Jerry asked, "Why? Didn't the girl come at your house?" Tom said, "She came, but she refused to cook and left angrily!"  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 5:43pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
Araregem you are breaking my heart. Why? |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 5:46pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
Araregem, u're breaking my heart  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 6:31pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
Guys stop crying!. . . She's with me now. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 8:17pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
mikuz: otooro: What have I done o? Abeg, free me. ~Killz~: Oh, I am? I must be suffering from amnesia.  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 8:37pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
^^^ Amnesia ke? That must be ARareAmnesia. . . |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 8:45pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
ASUU! Guy 1: Pls remind me in which year i was before the strike. . . 3 or 4? Guy 2: The worst is that i dont even remember the course i was studying!
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 8:48pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
^Lollest. ~Killz~: Yes o, it's called 'Selective Amnesia'. It usually occurs when an event never took place. Just google it. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 9:08pm On Feb 01, 2012 |
ARareGem:^^^ Thunder fire selective Amnesia. . . Amen! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 9:23am On Feb 02, 2012 |
hahahaha, killz the last joke was da bomb!! Lwgmc ( laugh wan give me carry-over) Araregem are you scared of true love or what? Eh? No no no no! Just tell me!! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:18am On Feb 02, 2012 |
Haha! I still laugh anytime i read it! O boy, leave this girl na! What part of "she is with me" dont you understand? |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:25am On Feb 02, 2012 |
Banta a construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." Banta leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the arse with a bat CRACK, CRACK, CRACK, and then sends him into the bathroom. Banta comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping your arse with cement bags.". . . |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 11:30am On Feb 02, 2012 |
Killz continue posting ya jokes jor! Or she don dey give you spiritual conji or what? . . You don dey . . . *gives him a slap and turns his head* am talking to you and you are staring at her manchester city abi? Me and you don dey drag woman kwo? Try that nonsense again. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 11:36am On Feb 02, 2012 |
^ You mean to tell me that you've found true love with me- pot-bellied, hairy as a chimpanzee, black as charcoal, 3-inches fangs for teeth with pink-coloured manicured claws sexy moi?  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:44am On Feb 02, 2012 |
mikuz:Idi[i]o[/i]t boy! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 12:31pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
Araregem my love, forget all these mumu boys. They are ony but deceiving you. You know ya a vely fine girl and im a vely fine boy too.so that makes us a perfect match! Your happiness is all I crave for! You know I can take good care of you. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 12:47pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:42pm On Feb 02, 2012 |
What you give to a woman. Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her a sp[i]e[/i]rm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home, If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal, If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of s[i]h[/i]it. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 10:55am On Feb 03, 2012 |
mikuz: Araregem, u're such a rare gem, no mind minkuz, na me make u mind me loff ya tru tru! abeg na, i go put kulikuli for your garri and salt in ur eba! join me at pluto for kool experience!   |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 4:25pm On Feb 03, 2012 |
John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door." |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 6:23pm On Feb 04, 2012 |
New seatbelt for women!
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