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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Many Married Men Are Unhappy... (45499 Views)
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Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Sagamite(m): 12:41am On Jun 09, 2012 |
BaBa Mike: Many married people are unhappy because they dont really get to know each other well enough before getting married or get married for the wrong reasons. I'm happily married to a lovely and charming woman,for almost 20 years we have three wonderful children, my oldest daughter is 18.It's important to have a possibility thinking attitude toward marriage before we can even begin. I think many people rush into marriage without looking at the big picture... some don't consider asking their future spouse about their views on the important things that make a marriage work. Well said. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Ralphzobia(m): 12:44am On Jun 09, 2012 |
spendogram: Reading some of these posts makes me wonder why some people don't see that unhappy people are people who continuously make choices that make them unhappy. They are simply skilled in making such silly choices and they have their spouses to blame for that?may God help everyone and we will see happiness. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by toluxe0075: 1:11am On Jun 09, 2012 |
To be honest i've never seen anything special about getting married at a point of time i was planning to become a catholic priest buh i found out that i keep thinking of sex...buh i keep asking myself when will truly marry cos i don't know if i will derive any happiness 4rm it... |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by mxxpunkxx: 1:12am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Marriage involves alot of sacrifice.. . . And one of such includes sacrificing your freedom . . . |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by jerryben12: 1:21am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Interesting thread. When I found my wife, I found happiness. Now, it is way more than just happiness. It is JOY for us. We love, trust and respect each other. Honestly, I can't look back at my single days. My wife is all for me and I am all for her. Reality is the key. Be real in marriage. Stay open and share thoughts. The way yo handle your marriage is your making and mindset. Cut off arrogance and know that this is who sees your unclothedness day and night. This is who sees everything about you. Why should you boast? Day and night, wherever I am, I am looking forward to returning home to my wife. She alway tells me that she is very lucky to have me as a husband (in my mind, I am luckier than she is). You want to know our secrets to successful and joyous marriage? I will tell you so that you can share in the same joy. The best things in life are free. Secret #1: calm your nerves. Take a deep breath and force your self to smile when you talk to your partner. Secret #2: do not be too proud to beg. Say 'I am sorry' no matter how little it is. Secret#3: love each other always! Not only in the bedroom. Say it! Honey I love you. Call your partner honey, love, sweetie etc anywhere. Many more to come. All of these are free. No lawyer will make you happy in marriage. They will destroy your marriage. Please keep your partner and keep your marriage covenant. Don't ever think that divorce is an option. It is not! Do not think that your pastor or imam is the solution. They are not! You are the solution to your marriage defects. Humble yourself and say I am sorry to your partner. 3 Likes |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Usminous: 3:44am On Jun 09, 2012 |
humm...... I am really enjoying marriage talk here. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by babeface3: 4:14am On Jun 09, 2012 |
I get so confused the more being a single man, though at an overripe age; I am compelled to believe all the odds posted about getting married cos the men around me all married and are here for studies in Europe, behaved like they were unleashed from a penitentiary were they have been starved of sex for ages; that is the very first weeks we arrived. It is so sad, God I need your encouragement. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by smiliz(f): 4:14am On Jun 09, 2012 |
shine-eye:God bless u for this post. I am married with a child nd have never had any of such unhappy feeling.is my partner a perfect person? no . But I have made it my responsibility to enjoy this union against all odds and we work towards it evryday.its just so easy wv this mindset nd making God our foundation. The baggage we bring into marriage maks it so complicated whil§t marriage is so simple. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Hozohon(m): 4:36am On Jun 09, 2012 |
My sister,y cant u refer him to his parent,mayb positive result can came out of that. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Hozohon(m): 5:44am On Jun 09, 2012 |
I really appreciate u all.just few points from me; married couple(especially man) should spice their marriage with a lot of fun everyday even if there no much and woman shuld pray for her husband evry morning and encourage him everyday,also man shuld try and buy new thing for his wife every month.I belive that till old age couple will live happily. To guz lyk me;unmarried,i beg make una do am steady steady cos woman too dey complaining of heart broken evryday.guz let b focus and contempted with one grl,too many infuriate n make life duplicate to man whereas lyf is ORIGINAL.Live,Love,Laugh. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by xyloxloto(m): 6:09am On Jun 09, 2012 |
spendogram: Reading some of these posts makes me wonder why some people don't see that unhappy people are people who continuously make choices that make them unhappy. They are simply skilled in making such silly choices and they have their spouses to blame for that?GOD Bless you packaging that is the new deceit out there now with men and women |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by xyloxloto(m): 6:30am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Joshcoli: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by xyloxloto(m): 6:42am On Jun 09, 2012 |
blakmonsta: The reason is that we have all forgotten the real reason for marriage ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by MissC1: 6:48am On Jun 09, 2012 |
muffins99: Why won't people be unhappy in marriage. All my friends are married and few of them are happy. In nigeria, people see marriage as a status symbol more or less the same as having a degree, house or car. But marriage is not like buying a car or choosing a career; you can move house or change your car/ career as often as you like, you can choose self employment and set up your own business but unfortunately, if your marriage does not work out, your life is changed forever. Even if you get divorced, you cannot completely move on because traces of your marriage remains, e.g. children, mutual friends, shared assets, etc. ![]() muffins99: Why won't people be unhappy in marriage. All my friends are married and few of them are happy. In nigeria, people see marriage as a status symbol more or less the same as having a degree, house or car. But marriage is not like buying a car or choosing a career; you can move house or change your car/ career as often as you like, you can choose self employment and set up your own business but unfortunately, if your marriage does not work out, your life is changed forever. Even if you get divorced, you cannot completely move on because traces of your marriage remains, e.g. children, mutual friends, shared assets, etc.Gbam!!!!! U av spoken well |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by nefertitiram: 6:54am On Jun 09, 2012 |
manugbo: My dear sister, you really must be going through a lot bt from your story, this problem began before you got married. You said 'you want him to be your friend'. Truth be said,you shouldn't find a friend in your husband, you should find a husband in your friend. You should have been friends before marriage! Not marry and start trying to mould a friendship! Also you said 'you have reported him to the church'. You don't report him to the church like he is a stubborn student playing truancy. You both should be counselled. Also, what is your motive for the court marriage? I am sure your husband feels you have a hidden agenda for INSISTING on having a court marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by RuuDie(m): 7:00am On Jun 09, 2012 |
@ topic/poster If you think married men are unhappy, wait till you hear the women side. . .they're more or less in bondage compared to what men experience in marriage! 1 Like |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by icon2: 7:10am On Jun 09, 2012 |
I thank you all for the wonderful suggestions.... GOD BLESS YOU ALL... @spendogram... Bless you Most! |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by nefertitiram: 7:17am On Jun 09, 2012 |
I will share my experience. I had series of men wanting to marry me, yet I searched for a husband. I came from a broken home, which ultimately led to the death of both parents and I said this will never happen to me. After courting one guy or the other I said to myself, something is lacking in this relationship. We are not friends, and I had this male friend for almost 7yrs, who was commitment phobic, an objective listener and was the perfect friend! Early in our friendship, I wondered if he was even gay sef! Bt really, he had this notion as well that men were unhappy in marriage! He had even vowed not to get married. Long and short of it, after suffering one heartbreak or the other for different reasons, I had a heart to heart with the woman in the mirror, I had to love myself first, and be friends with the next guy I will date 1st before I go into any relationship. Apparently I began to spend more time with my guy friend just cos he was a true friend dat says 'Guy'(that's what he calls me)you no de try, or this dress is ugly, or no chocolates for you, you are getting fat, or wow! You look splendid today! I married that commitment phobic guy eventually. He is still my best friend till date.I cannot even go to the movies without him, or buy sharwarma or chinese for myself alone. I can't go to shoprite along, there is an unspoken rule that we must do these things together And one day I overheard him telling a friend to get married, it will improve your life! I laughed, because that was what I used to tell him earlier. Men do not like pressure, I have 6 brothers and 4 brothers in law and it has been proven. So I reduce d̶̲̥̅̊ pressure on him. I can bet my husband still feels 'single' I don't breathe downn his neck you are now married! You must do this or that! Will he cheat on me later in life, I do not know, but I know I have forgiven for whatever he may do and I will always forgive. This may sound stupid but it is the only way to keep your sanity in marriage. The paranoia alone will kill you! Is he cheating, is he not? But once you have the mentality that whatever the caase, you will forgive, you will not be overbearing and be a nagging insecure wife. 'Husbands loove your wives, wives submit to your husbands' simple rule for marriage from God. It alwaz works 7 Likes |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by kay9(m): 7:29am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Donbrig: Marriage is a lovely thing to experience, but many people go into it expecting a lot and forgetting that marriage is not a bed of roses. A lot of sacrifices and compromise must be made. If you're married for a long time and very sad with your marriage life, pls try to always go on vacations with your family at least once a year in a very different enviroment, alone with your wife/husband or kids if you have any, it helps a lot. Most men often find marriage boring after many years because they dont spice up their marriage life or take their wife out to experience a new enviroment and feel refreshed like new couples. This method is a big booster in marriage life, try it and your marriage will always have a new meaning every year. My 10th wedding anniversary is just few months away and I still feel I just married yesterday, marriage is indeed beautiful, no wonder God ordained it from the beginning of creation.10yrs? Wow. Congrats bro ![]() |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by banmaster(m): 7:55am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Babzilla: that is it !! |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by banmaster(m): 7:57am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Miss_Ife: interesting answer |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Michaelmogu(m): 8:37am On Jun 09, 2012 |
freshmoney:u sure have an eye for comments |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by swiftycool(m): 8:42am On Jun 09, 2012 |
The truth be told, MOST men who are married are truely unhappy compared to when they were single. The main reason for this being that they were tricked into marriage by a pretender! Most women marry the once hapilly single men with the aim of changing him, while men who innocently married women just as they were get surprised that the women changed all of a sudden. Now imagine a life where u are forced to give up most of ur original personality to adopt a fake one because u got married to a person who showed u a Fake personality only to change to the b*tch she really is after its too late? Many of u married women don't know how miserable ur husbands truly are because of what u have forced him to become, no wonder even marriage councillors, pastors and respected role models have been caught in infidelity or end up in a separation or divorce. Make no mistake most men stay in marriage because of the vows to God rather than the happiness! Hence why many more men aren't getting married anymore and more women not finding husbands. ![]() |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Michaelmogu(m): 8:46am On Jun 09, 2012 |
I am 31yrs and counting, 95% of my friends who r married are not happy at all. This makes me so sad cos they all tell me its my turn. I've tried promising a lady marriage but had to run for my dear life because i wud not av gotten to 45yrs of age. She wud av killed me wit her nagging. How do u guys cope wit a bitching woman at home? Or even a cry cry baby? |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by swiftycool(m): 8:59am On Jun 09, 2012 |
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Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by swiftycool(m): 8:59am On Jun 09, 2012 |
nefertitiram: Now that's the kind of relationship everyone should seek, marry a friend u truly know, this way u accept each other the way u really are badass or not. Welldone sista u are one of the few who have really got it right, never ever try to change him- and u'll both always be happy! |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by kennyjvip: 9:04am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Be ur self and b happy all d tyme I rember my X We r still dating my blood pressure was high,wen she said we shld separate order by parents I was so happy Now still single and highly happy |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Nobody: 9:24am On Jun 09, 2012 |
muffins99: Why won't people be unhappy in marriage. All my friends are married and few of them are happy. In nigeria, people see marriage as a status symbol more or less the same as having a degree, house or car. But marriage is not like buying a car or choosing a career; you can move house or change your car/ career as often as you like, you can choose self employment and set up your own business but unfortunately, if your marriage does not work out, your life is changed forever. Even if you get divorced, you cannot completely move on because traces of your marriage remains, e.g. children, mutual friends, shared assets, etc.well said my dear. We both reason d same way. |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by swiftycool(m): 9:51am On Jun 09, 2012 |
To all unmarried christians, I would like you to know that contrary to what some people here are saying, it is not ungodly or antichrist to decide to remain unmarried. Not all Jesus deciples were married, and the bible never insist u must be married like many of our self styled men of God want to preach today. Yes u must be married to hold some positions in church but as much as there are purposes and advantages for being married, there are also loads of advantages in remaining single. If u are happy being alone, enjoy it and make the best of it rather than force urself into an unhappy life where u are taken advantage of. For further enlightenment on being happily single read the book : Singles 101 by Dr Myles Monroe, a true Man of God 1 Like |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by jechona(m): 9:51am On Jun 09, 2012 |
To be sincere with ourselves, happiness is not about marriage or being single, its about the inner freedom in you. How matured and successful are you? That is the key to happiness, without that, weather you are married or single, one way or the other you will be unhappy. 1 Like |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by Bontee: 9:52am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Myla Villanueva-Okinari "Happiness is a decision you make... Not an emotion you feel... Whatever situation you are facing now... Choose to stay happy rather than being upset which can't change anything..." |
Re: Many Married Men Are Unhappy... by deenee: 9:57am On Jun 09, 2012 |
Who wants to get married nowadays when after ten or "ish" years of marriage, you suddenly discover that you have been living with a total stranger, when after ten or "ish" years of marriage you 'suddenly' discover that the sweet adorable kid who calls you "Daddy" and who makes you feel like 'Superman' anytime, you lift them up is not the product of your loins! When your future 'better half' is still calling her "Ex" moments before she says "I do" to make arrangements for a "rendezvous" where she will pleasure her "Ex" with the greatest "farewell/bye bye sex" ever. When your better half wants to put you on a leash and turn you into "Bingo". Who wants to get married when, there will be a "pre-nup" indicative that both partners might not be committed in the long haul. Who wants to get married when you will have nosy in laws that will drive one crazy and by default expect to cater for the needs of your spouse's extended family(pay school fees/ house rent for your spouse's cousin, aunty, sister's uncle's niece! etc). Finally, who wants to get married and be stuck with eating "egusi" everyday, 24/7 when you can remain single and have the pleasure of vegetable, banga, bitter leaf, ewedu,okra,abula and even mix some of the above cited(e.g bitter leaf and egusi, vegetable and egusi etc ) when we like.........Food for thought! 1 Like |
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