sometime we loose but remember that its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

@ MrBrownJay - I hate that saying! LOL I have always hated it! lol You would say that one in your attempt to comfort me abi? LOL (just pulling your legs)

My children are still attached to him too. My little boy asks after him almost each day as to when he is coming back. My older girl is matured but it hurts her that he is gone. They were bonding very close before things ended. So my children missing him is the pain that stings the most.

Are there still any good men out there left - who are full of integrity and have good things going on for them at the same time? I am really starting to wonder at this point.

I know Mr. BrownJay,

You are right - it is just so hard. When we were together everything was so good and he was good to my kids. We had a really strong connection and he was good and caring to me too.

But it is what it is I guess. I cannot lie - I would love to sit here and tell you that I no longer care and big deal. But I miss him so much right now I could scream.

In a strange twist of events, his cousin recently "re-surfaced" and reached out to talk to me a few times.

I really miss him. This really hurts.

Well NL's!

It turned out that he is married after all. The friend was telling the truth.

We are shown red flags while dating for a reason - not to step over them, but to take heed.

Do it now - run. When you are in a hole already - STOP DIGGING!

I had somewhat of a same situation 3 yrs ago, I saw so many red flags, etc. But I kept on and on telling myself it would get better - well it didn't!

Take heed and run!

My sistah,

#1 - Talk to your man about being more gentle and let him know that you like it slow and gentle - that it makes you feel better. Kind of stroke his ego letting him know that he is good, but say "Honey, when you go slow and smooth it turns me on so much and makes me want to climax faster" - If he cares anything about you, he should make changes within 30-60 days (if this is a contributing factor to your pain)

#2 - Try buying some lubricant and applying it before intercourse.

#3 - Please try to see your dr. soonest

Let us know how things go. Hope things get better for you guys.

My dear,

YES

It is nothing weird about it - that is called REAL and TRUE love, I hope you find her!

When it hurts, it is Love. Simply put, Love Hurts.

Unfortunately I think You are right! LOL

Ultimately though, Love is I Corinthians Chapter 13 in my opinion. But when I meditate on each trait, I realize that very few people love another person as far as romantically/relationship-wise on that particular level.

It's deep o!

I think your so called friend is sleeping with him which is why they planned to break the both of you up so they could be together. He showed up early in the morning which means your friend with whom he is sleeping with told him to hurry up and return the stuff so they could go on with their lives at least thats what im starting to suspect now.

You know, I thought of that, Or was wondering if she tried to throw herself at him because there have been a couple of "fishy" incidents on her part during this whole thing.

I didn't think that initially because, not to be mean, but she is much older (9 yrs older than him and 12 years older than me) and she is unattractive, but you never know. My family strongly suspects that she tried to go after him when he called her to "plead his case" and maybe - since she and I are supposed to be so close that threw him off and just wanted space or something,

My family also thinks that she has said negative things about me to him to make sure we do not get back together out of jealousy as she has no relationship of her own and has not had one in years. Plus she is in love with a guy who does not love her the same way so,

His good friend is a jack ass for saying that crap to your friend and when he came to drop your things you should have confronted him about the where abouts of his friend. Besides what do you care if he is married you will leave him any way. so if he is giving up on the relationship let him go because chances are, he is married back home and because he knows it will have to come out eventually he figures he should leave now so thank your stars that he is leaving

Until now, I have wondered why his good friend would tell my best friend knowing that she and I talk all the time and are tight. ***UPDATE*** My best friend did something shady last week and I have stopped talking to her for now.

NL's - 2 days after I comfronted my boyfriend, him knowing I was still hurt and upset, according to my best friend, he called her to "clear his name" and explain to her that he loved me and that he was not married, blah, blah, blah. Plus being that he is in the military that the military would have to know if he was married and he is not so, blah blah blah. But the funny thing is after he made this call to my friend - she was reluctant to be the intermediary (normally she loves this stuff) but she started acting strange about trying to put us back together. And then he went cold and began not talking. So I have been confused as to why you call to profess your love for someone and sound apologetic and then just disappear.

I could not comfront him like I wanted when he came to drop off my things as I, I was shocked how he just showed up early in the morning - no warning. Normally he would not drive such a distance that early morning so I was puzzled. My "gutt" tells me and it was obvious to people there that he did not drive 90 min. one way just to drop off software disks and a key. My mom and a family friend were there so it would have been awkward. I could tell that he wanted or was expecting for us to be able to talk but, after trying to force continue my mom in conversation, he walked over to me, handed me the things and said he would talk to me later. And that was 3 days ago. Like I said before, my mom called and he told her that he cannot trust me, he lost confidence in me, blah blah blah, he was venting and still very upset.

If he is really married, no I do not want to date him and I am thanking my lucky stars that he is gone. But if he is not, then yes I want him back. We had a good relationship. He used to drive down every weekend and we would really have fun and he was very good to my children most of all.

I am so grateful to you Nairalanders for the advice - I am pondering all that I receive. This thing has been paining me so much and is really confusing.

Not at all

@Poster - It sounds like you doubt as to whether or not she was really raped or if something else is happening, Go with your gutt,

FOR NOW you MUST support her! Until you find out a reason not too or unless you find out she was lying, my God, she needs you now more than ever!

Remember I Corinthians Chap. 13 where it talks about love. If you truly love her, show her and support her and let her know you are ready to listen when she is ready to talk and all will be well.

And if there is something dirty or dishonest going on, that will come to the light in due time, but for now, just support her.

What was your reaction or what did you say in response when he said this?

Do you think he was indirectly trying to admit something? Or ---- he is trying to tell you that he wants you to "kick things up a notch" in some areas,

Well i dont see anything wrong here weather yahoo or not, what matters is if he truely love your sister and can be able to take good care of her. make the money and spend it wisely.

Really?!?!?!!!

It does not matter if a woman tries to make a long life with a con artist? Come on! What happens when he gets caught and is sent to prison or his physical safety is threatened?!?

That's horrible I'm sorry, If it was just a fun fling that is one thing - in that case it does not matter, but this is a young girl who wants to make a good life for herself and have a long marriage with her husband who she can respect and depend on.

Here's what you do,

Talk to your sister about it but do not make it too serious or scare her. Tell her that you plan to ask him about it and you do not want her to mention anything or jump to conclusions until you talk to the guy.

Let her know that all is well, no reason to get excited - but you just want to be sure. But also let her know that if you confirm that there is sometin wrong, what the next step will have to be.

Poster - I recently had a best friend or now I should say former best friend confront my boyfriend about something without my knowledge and permission and because of that - I have cut the friendship for now. NO human being likes to feel as if their choices are being taken away from them or the rug is being pulled out from up under them without their knowledge or consent. It makes it hurt worse - trust me. If this guy is dirty, she will already have to deal with that hurt, but do not make her deal with the hurt of everything happening behind her too.

Thank You,

That is what another friend told me.

He came by the other day to drop my things to me, he drove 1 1/2 hrs to do so rather than just posting the things which would have cost him way less. He acted like he didn't care, but when he saw my mom, he went over to her and tried to prolong conversation.

After he left, my mom called him and asked what happened. He just started complaining about the situation, he still sounded angry about the whole thing and told my mom that he no longer has confidence in me and feels he cannot trust me again.

So I was wondering, is it that he is just still mad and wants me to stress before taking me back or is he really serious that he no longer is interested?

I have been dating a great guy for 3 months now, although we are kind of broken up at the moment for reasons I will post below

The problems started when my boyfriends good friend for 15 yrs told my best friend that my boyfriend was married back home but him and the wife are seperated.

Of course when i met my boyfriend, he said he was not married, of course. I have never caught him in a lie about anything else so,

The bad part is, when I heard this, I reacted a bit too rash and text my boyfriend that I wanted my things that he had borrowed back from him and that it was over because of what I had heard from his good friend who is like a family member to him.

Of course he maintains he is not married, of course

Why would his best friend lie to my best friend? Is my boyfriend the liar or the good friend? Now when I called the best friend, he did not pick his phone. And now is phone is disconnected, my best friend who was still talking to him (they were trying to start their own relationshp) says she does not have his new number.  So till now, I have not been able to talk to my boyfriends good friend at all and of course he will or has not contacted me.

Lastly, I told my boyfriend sorry for how I reacted and let's talk about things and sort things out, but now he refuses to get back with me citing the reason is how I reacted to the news. He doesn't want to talk at all.