coogar:

i am so so happy for you. . . .

Thanks man

jennykadry:

Lol good for you both jare. I knew she was going to bend na today I sabi her type?

You both can now go and continue from where una stop before the farting.(no be my mouth una go hiaaa wetin dem dey call am abegiii)

Thanks a lot. We started immediately from where we stopped before the rude interruption

seal777:

I am happy for you in that u sequenced all the ideas given and apply the ones you needed with wisdom, Ummmm, so its true that problem shared with NAIRALANDERS is half solved, lol!!!.

God bless your home and assist those still in challenges to get over it,

You are right

Outstrip:

Aww. God bless your home Akiolu

Thank you

Amen to all the prayers!

@ all
She apologized. She said she never knew I could be that heartless that ignored her for 2 days. I never told her where I was going and stuff. It was a drama but it is now all over. Let me not tell more. We are happy again. I guess she told noone as no one called me. She probably ran away from the heat and the tension in the house.

I must thank you all immensely. I have learnt a lot. I know others would have learnt a bit too.

But it is hard to watch someone you love die for attention and cry for forgiveness(last moment) while you played the hard man on the surface.
It is also hard to swallow insults from a beloved.
Over all, it takes a man to do a man's job!

Thank you!

deekay29:

This seems like a growing trend among women, my long time girlfriend; very sweet indeed but had the same issue with saying sorry. I did the smart thing any man should do, i picked my battles and got over the little ones that would be considered petty. Here is my advice to you, i understand you are frustrated with your wife, but the question you need to ask yourself is this. Is your wife your friend or your enemy, if your boy farts in your mouth would you be so angry; see her more as your boy and don't sweat over the little things. Women are very difficult to deal with but are very sweet; i couldn't imagine me doing all the domestic stuff they do, cleaning, cooking, washing, massaging your ego; and still laying down to give you a good phuck, remember that we as Africans take this things for granted, but the white man calculates all this services when Divorce comes. The least you can do is let her FART all she wants.
Like i said if you are a man's man that hardly gets into issues with his boys, treat your wife better and tolerate her more than you do your boys. we all have that one friend who is a taker and never a giver or sharer but we still love them. Your wife shouldn't be any different; i hope this helps in some way. In the bigger scheme of things, saying sorry is overrated, i think you are petty to always be demanding sorry for every and anything; that's what women do and not men.  

lol I can see your view point and I do appreciate her services. That is why I help out.

Gift4all:

One of the most decent thread on NL in recent time.

@ dayokanu and manliness, hope you guys will not kill me with laughter. I have been laughing (even on the street) all alone!

Many of the posters are just condemning the wife. I think we are just magnifying the issue of farting into her husband's mouth, what I call a usual family joke that was taken too far. If you read between the lines, you will not blame the woman so much. We probably are applying our African mentality of 'how can  a woman do such a thing to her husband' without asking 'how could a man be, {censored}.

@ OP, your wife may have done the wrong thing by farting into your mouth, but it appears there is more to it than just that.


[My wife said she finds it difficult saying sorry even when she knows she is wrong. Initially, I was the one always wrong and I always apologized to bury the issue. One day I overheard her apologizing to someone on phone. I felt may be to some people it is easy to say sorry while I am among those she cannot say sorry to.

I took a drastic action that shook her while I was about to travel. I stopped helping her do house chores and other things that I used to do with her like cutting the vegetables while she prepared food for the family, washing dishes, cooking etc. I also threatened the D word if she did not change.  When I came back, she seemed to have changed.]

You knew your wife finds it difficult to say sorry, u took a drastic action and she seemed to have changed. Why not just put it bluntly that she changed! You should have known during your courtship that your wife finds it difficult to apologize and was ready to live with that when you decided to marry her. And she later learned to apologize to you after all. That is a positive change on her part to make the marriage work.

[I did not stop providing for her like I was able to do anyway. Though she has no job her friends who have envy her. I am very romantic. I do not miss her birthdays. I compliment her. I appreciate her. I take her out and work around with her. I am proud to show her around my friends. I do not cheat on her.

I take care of the family like I should. I am saving to start up a small business for her. I have looked for job for her and could not find any. She does not like teaching job which was available and I understand why. She has difficulty reading and speaking English Language though she is a graduate and it becomes an insult to her if one suggests ways of improvement. (I am polite to a fault. I love her)]

She should be a good wife to be getting all this from you. She did not stop taking care of the home. She appreciates you and your care, that is why she made you understand that her working friends envy her. She is romantic too, if not she wouldn't have been accepting all you romantic, This to me is a wonderful marriage.

[At the slightest disagreement, she claims I am disrespecting her because she has no job and brings no money to the family.]

Search yourself very well, is there anything you have been saying or doing to make her that way? She is human, she may fell depressed sometimes because of this her joblessness and she may think she is a burden on you too. What have you been doing to encourage and assure her that she will soon get a job and all that.

[I am writing this because of what happened 2 days ago.
, she laughed at it, She shouted and said, so because of what happened you have decided to wear our boxers etc . . . . . NB, when the going is good, we fart around the house  and make fun of it but not into anyone's mouth. , while scolding our daughter, she said ' even you that I gave birth to is joining in kicking me like a ball all because I stay at home and have no job. She was shouting from the balcony so that everyone heard. Later on she continued, telling everyone who cared that she is suffering even though people wished to be her when they  see her drive by.

Too much in my mind.]

What is this "too much" on your mind that you have not said? The problem could be something else, not that nasty fart. When the going is good, you make do fart around and make fun of it, but when the going is bad, then, ? And when you registered you displeasure, she laughed at it, as if to say it is just the normal fun. She asked: Are you putting on your boxers just because of that? Though she took it too far this time around, she was just joking and was making fun. She should have apologized anyway.

What did you tell her at that moment? Did you insult her, the way you probably have been doing? How did you register that your displeasure? Sometimes it is not just easy to apologize to someone who is insulting you.

Every marriage have it's ups and down. Yours is a wonderful marriage, at least from what you have told us. The issue of that fart is not just a good reason to start a big problem. How will tell her parents or yours that it was that fart that caused the problem, especially what you were doing when it happened? It is the responsibility of the two of you to do everything and anything to save the marriage from problems. Call her in the village and apologize to her for feeling so bad about what she did and tell her she should come very fast because you are missing her so much. When she returns, then talk some sense into her, I believe she will understand and apologize. Thank God you are not considering divorce.

Bro, the farting was an issue but the greatest displeasure was her treating my obvious displeasure with contempt.

I never insulted her and will never insult her. I am careful what I say to any person when I am angry because even when the anger is gone, the statement if nasty will not be gone with the anger. An insulting word to me is like driving a nail into a fence. The nail can be removed but the mark remains. I just registered my displeasure with a stern face. My wife is dear to me. And if I ever did a thing she considered an insult, I apologied instantly.

I have never insulted her about her not having a job or in any other way. I have enough to go round for us. I have said something about this earlier job thing earlier.
The 'too much' is nothing different from all I have said in this thread.

Outstrip:

Some people here are funny. What is all this be a man talk. What exactly will a "real man" do. Slap her around or what. The woman has some serious issues but it is not because the man is a wussy. Married people take each other for granted all the time. The vibe I get from this poster is that he and his wife are actually also very good friends besides their obvious love for each other. He still needs to use tough love but when friendship is a huge part of your relationship you cannot use the same approach that a dictatorial man that expects a subservient wife will use. After this wahala I am sure he still wants his wife to be his friend and not just the woman he married.

I didn't see this post earlier and I am glad I have seen it now.

back to reading other comments and then will update!

violent:

A man must learn to draw his lines and enforce it!. . . If you don't let people know, that there will be repercussion and you re willing to punish them for the things they do wrong, you'd continue to be the pole and they the pigeon!

Being assertive without bein violent (no pun intended) is the key. . .if you don't like it, spell it out right from the onset, dn't . . . . .taking bullshyt does not make you a "loving husband", it makes you a fcking pant!  if you do the dishes, cut veggie, and still have to do a full time work while she sits her [i]a[/i]rse down doing nothing, why the hell does she not have the right to fill your lungs with farts?

A woman will appreciate and respect a man who does house chores only once in a dark blue moon than the other who does it all the time.  Stop looking weak in your own house, if you do, it will only be a matter of time before even your kids begin to think "there is nothing daddy can do".

You are annoyed because you are concerned. Thanks

The helping in the house chore is not a daily thing. I said 'if I am not tired'
House work can be tiring. I have issues with housemaids/servants and so I am against that. However, that does not make your input irrelevant. You are still on the money

Thanks!

gonon:

That is some bullshyte man. I cannot but pour you cold water and flog u, for you taking it all this while. Well be a man, by not being a ghadafi and not a wussy (which you were/are exhibiting) but a man. The deed has already been done, Grow a pair. Shocked
I have 2 already lol


Are you sure, you dont need another pair?lol
Since you say you do, hang them down and set them loose, Seriously bros.

Yes oo. I have done that

gonon:

That is some bullshyte man. I cannot but pour you cold water and flog u, for you taking it all this while. Well be a man, by not being a ghadafi and not a wussy (which you were/are exhibiting) but a man. The deed has already been done, Grow a pair.

I have 2 already lol

No I have not. I do not complain about her joblessness and I mentioned it in the original post.

debrief08:

@poster, olease don't get us wrong, our advice is not meant to side you or your wife but to help you amicably settle and enjoy tho joy and happiness dat comes with marriage. If only people knew how sweet marriage can be then a lot of this drama will stop. If a man will love his wife and d wife will submit you are home and dry oh, you will always be smiling and glowing. Poster pls love her, love doesn't keep account of wrong or right but love corrects wrong lovigly, when this is settled by the Grace of God don't hold it over her head, go ahead and love her, care for her and spoil her, however let the issue be settled. I wish I could talk with her, I don't want her to turn a caring and loving man to a mean vindictive one. Don't change who you are please but at the same time stand firm and correct her. I know you are angry now but still cool down so and calmly settle this once and for all. I pray by monday or even this weekend we will hear some goodnews

Thanks. I am not seeing it that way. I made that comment on Claremont's post because s/he said s/he is on my wife's side and that was on a lighter note  

All appreciated!

Thank you all. Thanks for your wonderful contributions.

I cannot respond to all the questions now as I promised earlier but some of the questions have answers in the original post.

A few I will say something about.
1. She is still in the village so the situation is still the same
2. She has not therefore apologized openly or by other means. However, I am not accepting any other form of apology except a sorry that comes from the heart. Trust me I know one when I see it.
3. You have all spoken well and everyone has taken this issue serious. I cannot thank you enough. Each of your contributions has something different to offer and I do appreciate you all immensely.
4. Someone talked about psychology. You are very right. I have thought about her growing up and her behaviour. I have tried to correlate that in the past and relationship tends to 1. It is time for a change anyway and believe you me, when I go for it, I get it.

Like I said, I do not believe I know it all which why I have consulted you all. I did not want to talk to anyone who knows her and you all have not disappointed me.

All the comments are valuable including that from Claremont.

BlueDiva:

@OP

Sorry to say but you"re a sissy.
There is a thin line between loving and being silly.

Your wife don "see you finish".
It will take the special grace of God for her to start respecting you.

Farting on you, thats the height of disrespect.
I hate weak men!

By the way, what does this mean?
You probably were giving her money to "block" her lecturers.
You are totally the problem with this relationship.

I am one of those who cover their exam sheets in exam. I do not utter a word. A hate expo and sorting with passion. So, I did not even know her when she was a student. I met her during youth service.


As per my age and hers, I am one year older than she is.
geosegun, papido, jennykadri, outstrip etc thank you.

Claremont, thank you for being on the side of my wife


Thank you all!

Thank you for all you said

tpia@:

disgusting op.

why do we need to know where your mouth goes.

keep your secrets secret, thank you.

s.tupid thread.

I was answering the question, 'what were you doing with your mouth on her bumbum? or how did that occur?' in advance. I knew someone would have asked.

dayokanu:

Ok She doesnt have a job and stays home, Why are you still the one washing plates, cutting veggies etc?

Well your wife probably thinks you are a wussy and she is treating you as such.

Fact is you are too nice and soft, toughen up better still smoke weed.

Are you in lagos? I can introduce you to Sir Kay my weed supplier for over a decade. When you wife sees you face she go behave

Sometimes strength can be shown in little things. Believe you me, I am not a wussy. Thanks anyway for the offer of Igbo. I have suppliers around me

ronkebp:

Am sorry, i could not, but laugh, when i got to the 'fart' side, lol, that was so funny,

Ok back to the issue at hand, let me tell you!, some people find it very difficult to sya they are sorry, it could be from 'ego' or just the environment, they grew up in.

I would suggest, you talk to her candidly, not by quarelling, or becoming too controlling, (that will not work ooo), it would only result to a big gulf in your relationship. Just let her know that once she is wrong she should admit it and apologise, it is as simple as that. or better still, fart in her mouth too, and don't apologise,

I have done that recently and she went into her shell not talking for 2 days but nothing changed afterward. I am not aggressive but I am assertive so no room for quarreling as I would not like anyone to hear our voices raised.

madoba:

Ooooh! You've definitely got that right.

I can't stand a man being too soft or too easy on me when I know I am being a severe pain in the butt (like poster's wife).

I don't want a Robert Mugabe or Ghadaffi kind of man, a man who won't be too soft OR way too hard will do just fine

Just don't tolerate my excesses because that may cause me to take things for granted unconsciously or unintentionally.

I was actually very soft at the beginning believing we are all adults and no one needs to tell the other what to do. I had to change all that.

ifyalways:

wow.

Trying so hard to get over the "hot fart phase"

If what you have typed here is true then I co-sign what Coogar said.

btw,how did you know for sure that she deliberately farted?

I can assure you it was deliberate.
Thanks all

Any other angle will be appreciated

coogar:

some women love the iron hand. . . . .that's the only way they can be assured you are the man! of course, we all want to treat women the way we want our female siblings or future daughters to be treated but then it doesn't always apply. some of them still want to abuse these incentives and take you for granted and i will not stand for it. . . . .you should not stand for it as well.

cut out the lovey dovey - if you cannot stand watching her do everything - go out into the garden with your guardian newspaper or hire houseboys to aid her. there has to be a demarcation. . . .your roles should be defined, hers should be defined. no questions! you provide the raw materials, she turns the materials into products.

Thanks for your contribution. I really appreciate it

coogar:

[img]http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2010/01/SIMON-COWELL-HAPPY-GIF.gif[/img]

you have not done anything wrong(if all you have said is the truth).

the only thing i see here is your wife takes you for granted. . . .why? probably because you have over-showered her with so much love, care and attention. this is not a bad thing to do in most cases but some women will still take advantage of you when you are extra-nice to them. give a chic an inch - she would take a mile.

if i were you, i will cut the bullshyte. . . .let her do the house chores herself. . .if she gets tired, hire a housemaid for her. yours is to provide and protect her and the family. . . .hers is to make sure your food is served and your house is clean. how she achieves that should not be your business. you gave her an incentive, she abused the opportunity. . . . .remove the incentive and see how it goes. if she proves stubborn, call her parents and tell them their daughter takes you for granted and before you disappoint them - they should sit her down and talk little sense in her head.

good luck!

Thanks for your contribution. I realized that late but I still find it difficult lying down on a couch while she runs around to fix dinner when I can easily lend a finger. She is a human like me. If I was not tired, there would be nothing wrong in helping her after all she is not my slave.

However, I do understand the point in some women abusing privileges. I withdrew all the house support initially but then . . . .
When she told me she was travelling, I was happy because I felt it is better she reports herself to her parents assuming that's what she is going to do.

I feel like standing my ground on this ocassion.

jay bee:

Yes if the only problem with her is not uttering the overrated word "sorry".

If that was the only problem, I would not write this epistle. But it is not. She does not accept she is at fault. I am always wrong and I am doing everything  because she has no job.

If your wife would say sorry to some other person and would not say sorry to you even when she is at fault, how would you feel?

madoba:

Interesting story,

Personally I don't think you've done anything wrong under the circumstance. Your wife sounds like a woman frustrated by the fact that she lacks a means of livelihood (i.e a job or business) I've been there and I can remeber being moody at the time. Am glad you are working towards starting a business for her, is she aware of this?

An apology can come in different ways, a person doesn't always have to say the words "I am sorry''. These words are often abused and people utter them without sincerity. Does she try to apologize in other ways by her actions? Such as cooking your favourite meal afterwards, or just doing things to please you?

In a situation like this (as a woman) I would love for my man to put down his foot real hard and not condone my excesses or any bullshit from me, I have secretly admired a few men I dated who did not put up with my bullshit and were always firm with me about annoying habits such as moodiness, tantraums etc

You need to whip her into shape on this one (i.e the apology issue) or better still try the silent treatment when she misbehaves until she does right by you. The silent treatment has never failed to work it's magic on me.

Hey am not married, but this is my candid opinion as a single mature lady.

Thanks Madoba. I thought was too soft at the beginning believing she would change but it became worse. I still do apologize when I feel I have done something wrong even when I did that unknowingly.

jay bee:

Should your marriage be a competition then?
Think about it bro, what's more important to you, peace @ home or non heartfelt sorry?

Thanks bro. I want peace. When I married her, I told her there is not gonna be servant Lord relationship. That is what I wanted. I realized not long after that I am blamed for everything and I have no right to complain.

Do you mean I should accept it that way?


She is the one that sees it as a competition. I sat her down some time ago and told her I am not competing with her.
One of her mantra is that she will not sit and let anyone walk over her. I swear I do not want to do that. I only want a measure of respect. Not being shouted at etc

Except you think that is me competing. I appreciate every of your opinion. I will think about it even if I do not accept it now.

jay bee:

What's the word Sorry going to validate? Rub your ego perhaps?
What if she says sorry but doesn't necessarily act sorry?

I need both word and the true feeling of sorry. That's why her refusal to acknowledge that I can be wronged is annoying.

Ego rubbing is not entirely bad I think.

Am I paranoid?

hi

I know that I am not perfect and I am not claiming such but please I need your candid opinion especially if you are married.

My wife said she finds it difficult saying sorry even when she knows she is wrong. Initially, I was the one always wrong and I always apologized to bury the issue. One day I overheard her apologizing to someone on phone. I felt may be to some people it is easy to saysorry while I am among those she cannot say sorry to.

I took a drastic action that shook her while I was about to travel. I stopped helping her do house chores and other things that I used to do with her like cutting the vegetables while she prepared food for the family, washing dishes, cooking etc. I also threatened the D word if she did not change.  When I came back, she seemed to have changed. I did not stop providing for her like I was able to do anyway. Though she has no job her friends who have envy her. I am very romantic. I do not miss her birthdays. I compliment her. I appreciate her. I take her out and work around with her. I am proud to show her around my friends. I do not cheat on her.

I take care of the family like I should. I am saving to start up a small business for her. I have looked for job for her and could not find any. She does not like teaching job which was available and I understand why. She has difficulty reading and speaking English Language though she is a graduate and it becomes an insult to her if one suggests ways of improvement. (I am polite to a fault. I love her)

At the slightest disagreement, she claims I am disrespecting her because she has no job and brings no money to the family. I swear to God, her not bringing money to the family does not affect my decision or action at any time. I have searched for jobs but could not get one for her. I am one of those who believe that I should provide for my wife and family whether my wife is working or not. Even if she was working, I would still do the same without asking for her contribution. A working mother is an asset to the children not the husband.

I am writing this because of what happened 2 days ago.

My wife was lying in a <<censored>> during a pre-intimacy. I was <<censored>> when she deliberately farted and almost the whole thing emptied into my mouth.

I rushed to the sink and cleaned my mouth. When I came back and registered my displeasure, she laughed at it. I expected an apology because I was serious but she offered none. I was turned off and wore my boxers. She shouted and said, so because of what happened you have decided to wear our boxers etc . . . . I was the more incensed and I lied down to sleep on one side of the bed. I decided to ignore her until I get the apology which is not forthcoming anyway. NB, when the going is good, we fart around the house  and make fun of it but not into anyone's mouth. I was not as offended by the act as I was by her refusal to acknowledge that I have a right a right to be wronged.

Yesterday, while scolding our daughter, she said ' even you that I gave birth to is joining in kicking me like a ball all because I stay at home and have no job. She was shouting from the balcony so that everyone heard. Later on she continued, telling everyone who cared that she is suffering even though people wished to be her when they  see her drive by. She wished to get stick thin so that people will know she is suffering.
At night, she came to bed and told me she was going to her village. She should have gone by now probably to report me.

Too much in my mind. Sorry if you could not make any meanings out of the rubble. I do not want to talk to anyone who knows her. I am bursting and I am emptying my mind here. Tell me what you want but spare me the 'didn't you notice this during courtship?' question. I am already in it and wanna fix it.

Where am I going wrong?

Ask me any question(s) and I will answer! Thanks