Metalgoong:

@poster

I think you should try to work out things with your ex. You know, sometimes people would think that the grass is always greener on the other side. Some of your girl friends, who might even be jealous of your relationship, might be telling you to "forget about the loser , baby you deserve better"   . .  You have to  avoid the slippery banana peel that would potentially lead you to jumping from one relationship to another, from one heart break to another. .  

Let me end with this proverb: If the mountain will not come to mahomet, mahomet must go to the mountain.

Goodluck!!

BTW, are both of you Nigerian??

Don't worry I didn't have any girlfriends talking in my ear or telling to leave him. And yes, we're both Nigerian.

*dhtml:

Donde es our poster?
Aye, the thread derailers are ready to start their work. . . .I prefer that part, this peacefulness does not make me too happy.

tpia@:

Dating one nigerian men does not mean you're dating all nigerian men.

Why do people keep opening these d.aft threads?

If more men havent responded its not because s.ex wasnt mentioned but because they dont know you from adam but you're calling them as if they do.

Jeez.

tpia@:

Of course i assume the poster is simply trying to drive traffic or might actually be one of those multiple ids.

How about you do me a major favor and keep your mouth shut. I may not post on this site frequently but I have certainly observed the nasty manner that you reply to people. You are very vile and full of nothing but negativity. If you honestly have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING positive to contribute then please take your poison spewing ways elsewhere. I don't know the kind of hated or evil that is a part of your life and I don't care to know but I don't need any of it. Didn't your mother ever teach you that if you don't have anything good to say then you shouldn't say anything at all?? Did you even have an positive figure in your life to teach you that? If not, then now you know. I know I cannot stop your vile comments on this thread but I certainly won't sit around and tolerate it!

Orton1_0:

#Topic,

For me, the "appropriate" time apart should depend on;
- the issue at hand,
- the guy in question and
- your very self, poster.

If you want him back so bad, why not call him? Sure he feels the same about you? Because it seems like you're the only one trying so hard to make it work. Oh well. 

I will give him a call pretty soon. Either that or I'll ask him to meet up with me so we can talk face to face. And yes, I'm sure he feels the same.

Lord_Reed:

I for one think that giving of space is a mind trick. You no longer want to deal with the issues concerning your relationship yet you don't want to say you are no longer dating, a silly step if you ask me.

Stay together and thrash out your issues or leave and get it over with. If a girl asks me for a break I'll tell her if you want a break fine but I don't accept it as a solution. What will you do in the time apart? You ain't living together so what do you need further "space" for?

As far as I know guys this side of the world don't really do the "space" thing. The mind trick is that they are preparing to jump ship but still give you the impression that they want you. A big TRICK!

I'm not one to play mind tricks. That's not a part of who I am

Mynd_44:

The OP should see me in my room for a private advice session. But the time we finish nacking akpako inspiration go come sharp sharp

Chineke! I said I wanted my boyfriend back, not that I was looking to replace him

Russialane:

let me help you all out the dude means most guys prefer the D, I, C, K and the P, U, S, S, Y TOPICS , oko ati obo let him speak for himself not every guy is a pervert,

Oh I see. I don't think most guys here are like that. Some of them seem like they genuinely care at times

lola.luv:

I just cleared my throat to call someone's attention to your post. Cause I said earlier that our guys don't fancy going on relationship breaks. . .

So I've noticed

*dhtml:

It is best you settle it quickly if you value the guy especially if you were the one that wronged him. Even if you are not the wrong try settle with him, or else you might lose him.

@inkie, most guys don't like this type of topic, they prefer the oko ati obo topics. But the poster spoke well is why some even responded sef.

Why?

*dhtml:

^^^I think the problem here is breaking the ice. Well, i dont believe Nigerian guys are different from other guys. I found the post somewhat discriminatory too, but i just wanted to let things flow. Maybe the poster has a point sha.

Please, no vex. I meant no harm with my post. I was just trying to gage the male perspective on this

Mrs, Chima:

Now that you explained further and if you really want to make it work GO TO HIM.  Mynd is right do not spend any more time APART from your man.  Men period can't be away from their loved women for a long period time and often times think you are not interested so he will start to cause "wahala" and then it would be harder for you guys to communicate.  

I know it should be the man that make the first move but this is a new era, make that move girl and get your man before SOMEBODY ELSE DO.

I appreciate the support.

Mynd_44:

well hope all the advice works out for you

Thank you so much! I'm taking it all in. I'm just trying to see how I will go about it. I never really thought I'd the type to be on a forum baring my heart to people for advice

Blackteeth:

Honestly there is nothing to advice here. The OP should know what to do by instinct. Lets move to a head cracking issue please.

Yes, I did say that I know what to do. I just wanted the opinions and views of some men, that's all. I know which path to take, all I wanted was to know how to get there. It's not that I'm looking for everyone to solve my problem. My heart has already co-signed on solving the problem. Mending things was never an issue for me. It may not be a head cracking issue for you but it definitely is one for me and perhaps anyone else who may be in the same position.

MsDarkSkin:

the right time? the moment you've calmed down and realized not speaking is fo0lishness. that's the right time to make amends. i have faith in you and i hope it works out, in fact i believe it will. just talk to your Mr. and make it right.

Thank you! You know I can't help but wonder what happened to all the guys on this section. Did they all go to church or something?

Nonetheless, the information was helpful. I'm gonna go get my guy (after I have some lunch) lol!!

MsDarkSkin:

*observing thread* 

i hope this doesn't get derailed this could be interesting. btw cuddlemii said exactly what i was leading up to, talk about it hun. life is too short and from what you told me, this is the guy you love. You are both grounded from what i hear and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I don't see why it wouldn't work out. Just talk it out with him sis.  It can only get better if you two start putting your differences aside.

I'm going to be very honest. Before I even created this thread, I had already made up my mind to talk to him. I do love him, so I never had any intentions on not working things out. That wasn't even an option in my mind. I believe that him and I have a strong heart together and can work it out, what I wanted to know was what is an appropriate amount of time before I approach him??

By the way, I'm not one of those people that sits around and waits for the guy to come around and try to fix things. If I see a problem, I will address it, learn from it, and move on

Mynd_44:

^^^
Sorry I meant being apart does not bring you together, in most cases, it rips you apart cos the only thought going through the guy's head will be that you don't care enough to come back even if the suggestion came from him.

Chineke!! I don't want that kind of situation

Mynd_44:

You really need to work out your differences. Being together does not pull you together, it rips you apart more especially if the guy is Nigerian. We like to define our relationships.

Can you please elaborate on that?

MsDarkSkin:

Cirpiana although Ink/Lola have points about the 'in or out' thing, it still depends heavily on the guy and his mentality. I see you are in NM which means you are in the U.S. so your guy may have adopted the "American mentality" when it comes to relationships.  Anyway it also depends on the issue.

Sis, i do not wish to put you out there or be in your business but did the issue pertain to culture, money or fidelity? How heated was the argument?

btw sis. becareful what you wish for (guys to respond). if the advice you get is from the following names: lefulefu, 190, born2fuck, or mr.cork, skip it!!  

Yes, we're both in the US but I wouldn't say we've adopted the "American mentality". We're still as Nigerian as can be but I can assure you that it had nothing to do with culture, money, or infidelity. I don't want to sound cliche but we are genuinely committed to each other. I don't think he'll run if I didn't talk to him but I'm not the pushy or clingy type of girls. I have brothers and guy friends and I know how they feel when a girl is clingy or pushy.

Lol, and thank you. I will stay away from those people you mentioned. I've seen their posts and threads before so I've learned to not take them seriously. Oh and you weren't putting my business out there. Like I said, all the advice I can get is appreciated.

Cuddlemii:

@op
Sorry for intruding considering I am a girl but is a relationship not supposed to be between two parties and is it not supposed to be in a solidarity(I scratch your back, you scratch mine). If you are trying to mend the fence, what is the other party doing or what steps has he taken to mend the fence?

My question is not valid, if you can authoritative tell me that, you were the cause/reason for the break or you initiated the break. But if it was a mutual thing, then both of you must work on mending things mutually as a team. I am saying this because its very possible the other party is not willing to mend things so be sure you know what you are doing.

Anyways there is nothing a matured conversation can not solve, I suggest you get to see him and have a conversation on what transpired and the way forward but don't beg him so that you won't be forcing him to comply because that would lead to a future break. Make sure he expresses himself fully, don't be in a haste to cut him short or put words into his mouth. Once you have that dialogue with him, then you would feel light even if things don't return as normal at least you guys will remain friends.

Lol, I don't mind scratching anyone's back that's understandable. I know he's willing to mend the situation based on how our disagreement ended. There are certain things that he would have said that indicated if he wanted the relationship to come to an end. He didn't say any of those things so I know for sure that there is room for reconciliation. Well, I can't go into too much detail because I'm afraid it could jeopardize my identity but overall. But I will say this though, it wasn't one of those name calling/rude remarks kind of disagreements. We just a polite exchange of opinions on the relationship as a whole. Even when he was talking, I could tell that the conversation was hard from him. We don't fight or call each other names (aside from when we're just being playful with each other).

Mrs, Chima:

I don't see what guys would say that hasn't been said here. 

Lola Luv was point blank, either YOU IN or YOU OUT.  The fact that you even asked what you should do already solidified what you are going to do next.  If you guys will break up over trivial things then I wonder what would happen if you guys were to get married? 

Let it go. 

Its nothing trivial, I can assure you. Neither one of us quarrel over trivial things. We don't really have the time or patience for that. Well, he has patience for that kind of thing but trivial things aren't part of my personality. He usually deals with trivial things from other people, not me.

Where are all the guys on this section?

By the way, thanks ladies

It's totally fine. I don't mind if the ladies reply as well. All I want is advice. All the advice I can get would be great! I know you said Nigerian guys aren't know for "giving space". I just didn't want a situation where it seemed like I was pushing things. If there's one thing that I know about guys in general, they don't want a girl that is pushy or clingy

Hello everyone!
I'm Cipriana and I'm in need of assistance. I've asked close friends for advice and have asked my siblings but I think I need an answer from some guys directly before I decide on what I'm going to do

My boyfriend and I recently took a break after a disagreement we had. I'm totally confused about what the next move should be. Even though we've taken a break we both still love each other very much. I care about him and want to make things work. And I know he cares as well. I guess what I'm trying to ask here is as Nigerian men, how much time do you think is appropriate for you and your girlfriend to stay apart before either of you decide to get together and work things out?

Based on you own personal experiences, what would you say is an appropriate amount of time? I have already asked girls their opinion on this but what I really what to hear if a guy's perspective

I have read comments on this section of the forum before so please please please, I'd appreciate it if there were no horse playing on this thread since this is something that is very dear to me. I'm not looking for any kind of trouble. All I want is answers. I just want things to be as they were before. And yes, I know they probably won't be exactly as they were because of this bump in the road but I'm just looking to get back the sense of harmony we had and see how we can make things better. So guys of the romance section can you please give me a bit of insight? If it were you, what would you say is a decent amount of time apart before you reconcile? I'm really begging you all at this point. I've got nowhere else to turn to with this

Sorry, I deleted this post and re-posted it in the romance section https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-841708.0.html