A friend was always quoting nairaland for pieces of information while discussing.
I had to come and see for myself.

I still can't tell one from another...

“I do not like the way you just talked to me!” I went quiet. Then finally responded with “really”. “Yes” she said. “and you did it last week too; then I felt I deserved it some, but right now I do not think I do.” Two questions arose in my heart
1. Is it possible I have an anger issue?
2. Does my anger, no matter how justified, mean that I can speak to my “wife" rudely or with any amount of disrespect?

Eph 4 v 26: Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath.
I realized that my anger, while thoroughly justified in my head, had caused me to speak in an unloving way. I also realized that if I had the desired control I would have liked, I would not have spoken to her that way. I could have patiently told her I was angry and why. Yes, I could have made her understand what she did wrong and how she could have done it differently and better, without resorting to rude and brash rhetoric. In the definition of the man that I would like to be, I am permitted to be angry, but to also have self-control; patiently correct and in love. 1 Tim 5v1 says “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity”. Now if this is how I should treat brethren, how much more my “wife", the one to whom I am joined as one. She deserves infinitely more respect.
She had rightly said this was not the first time. I remembered the many fights we had the previous week. Twas a really horrible week. We didn’t seem to stop fighting and I shouted at her at least on 2 occasions and cut the call on her once. I had sincerely apologized but i truly felt that if the situation repeated itself, I would act the same way. And no, I did not like the way I had let my anger control me. In my anger, I had sinned. Though it had abated quickly, it had led me to act unlovingly. Do I really have an anger management problem?
I am reminded of a Bible study I once attended, it was on marriage and its issues. Someone had asked what to do with a “boyfriend/ girlfriend or fiance/fiancee” (I got the distinct impression they were not married) who was acting out in anger, and probably frequently. The answers that had come were sincere but grossly less than satisfactory. The moderator and two other people who had stood up to give their opinions suggested an immediate break in the relationship. The person who sent in the question did not elaborate as to the extent of the “acting out” but I doubt there was physical abuse. I am also sure the person wanted any other solution asides from breaking up. Now I am not saying the physical abuse is the only line that should not be crossed, but I just felt a better solution could have been found other than an immediate breakup.
We are all imperfect, but chasing perfection and as such we should give some room in our love for these imperfections. Anger and it's poor management often lead to abuse. Abuse is not only physical but also includes neglect, verbal abuse, and sexual abuse.
To those who accept that they are imperfect, and are in relationships with imperfect people but who also wish to become perfect ( long story short, if you partner dey too vex and dey take am out on you in a way you no gbadu at all), you must first of all go to your father in prayer and report the matter. Tell him everything, including the parts of it, you think is your fault. It is however extremely important to note that everybody gets angry, but not everybody acts out. It is possible to be red hot yet act ice cold. This is where we should all aspire to get to. So every “victim” must know that while you may make your partner angry, acting out in anger, regularly and frequently is not normal.
After talking with your heavenly father, talk with a reliable friend (could be a mentor or just a confidant) who will have your back no matter what but not be scared to tell you the facts and opinions as they are. You both should come up with a list of things; lines that must not be crossed. This is important because you need to objectively determine when it is necessary (especially if your safety is in question) to leave the relationship. It does not even have to get to physical abuse. Once things aggravate in frequency or gravity (as they often do in these situations) to a certain extent, or after a certain time has elapsed without change, an objective decision must be made. You should give this list to your trusted confidant and he/she should hold you accountable. Love will often blind our eyes but better a broken courtship than a bad marriage...
Next, you should have the talk with your partner. A few things are important to note here...
1. The talk should happen in peace time. Not during or immediately after a fight, rather when you guys are actually getting along and having fun.
2. You should make your partner realize unmistakably that the matter you are about to bring up is of utmost importance and that he/she would treat it with such seriousness if he/she wants you guys to have the possibility of a life together.
3. You love him/her and are doing this because you believe in the relationship, however, if things do not change, you would have no choice but to leave.
4. Talk gently about the problem giving examples. Also, talk about why you have had to resort to this (i am sure you must have tried to talk to the person many times in the past) Also inform him/her of the objective assessment that you would undertake in deciding whether to break up or not. This will give him/her a guideline or target to aspire to.
5. You must keep your calm, regardless...
6. Do not succumb to blackmail or cheap promises, rather insist on a thoughtful and planned out anger management process.
You should find a way to objectively assess progress. Praise the efforts and progress made but be patient with the failures.
You should research anger management techniques and discuss these with your partner. These include taking a walk, counting to 10 before reacting, and my personal favorite, venting on paper before talking nonsense. If possible and available, he/she can talk to a professional anger management therapist (yes they exist).
Remember, objective assessment and decisions may save you from a bad marriage, but if you throw in some love and patience, you may just end up with the relationship of your dreams...
I apologized, she forgave me. I resolved in my heart and told her about it, that I could and would be a better man. I am working on it and by Gods grace, I will soon add anger to the list of things i have conquered.
I am imperfect...but I am chasing perfection.

Would just like to book space as the second to comment (or third; or seventeenth...I typed for too long; I will learn from this mistake and do better)......I would like to dedicate this to the men and women who would also like to make front page one day...keep trying...your set time shall come...

The premise for all this is false; the pastor may have reported the case to the police, but the police (along with the state attorneys) chose, based on the preponderance of evidence available, to prosecute.
Kemi Olunloyo is in court for criminal defamation, not civil defamation.
Pastor Ibiyeomies forgiveness does not matter here!

A few years ago, while I was serving (NYSC), a fellow corper was accused of impregnating a 13-year-old girl in Kwara state by the media (http://naijagists.com/nysc-corper-impregnates-13-year-old-secondary-school-girl/) It was so widely published in different blogs and social media that it ruined the young man's reputation. The story appeared to be backed up by a picture of the kneeling young man in “ajuwaya” apparently begging the obviously pregnant girl (and they claimed her parents were nearby).

The truth is, this so called 13-year-old girl was also a corper, and that picture was taken during a CDS drama performed for secondary school students to demonstrate the effects of premarital sex. I know this because, I know both corpers personally, having served at the same time as they and yes the young lady did look small (funny enough she was also one of the leaders in NCCF) but if you looked at the picture well, you would notice the feet of secondary school students as they watched the drama.

Even then I began to wonder how sanity could be brought to the blogosphere. How people could be held accountable for their actions (written or spoken). They say everybody has freedom of speech, but your right to hold and express your opinions ends where my right not to be defamed, slandered or libeled against starts.

My research then and now (the lack of actual law practice considered) revealed that he had both tort law and criminal law on his side. You see, he can sue in a civil court for defamation. The burden of proof is on the defendants (bloggers in this case) to show that what they printed was true, but it did not end there. The Nigerian criminal code and penal code also defines defamation as a misdemeanor with a punishment of one to two years in prison. (https://www.icidr.org/ijalsg_vol2no1_april%202011/Right%20to%20Freedom%20of%20Expression%20and%20the%20Law%20of%20Defamation%20in%20Nigeria.pdf)


The general opinion among Nigerians seems to be that even if the journalist overstepped her bounds, the pastor should exhibit his Christlikeness and forgive her.
Truth is, he can forgive her (he may even already have), but this is now a criminal matter. So he can not just de-escalate the matter even if he wanted to. If it were not a criminal matter, there is no way she would have been remanded in jail.

Personally, and especially with the advent of blogs that turns every Chidi, Ayodele and Mustapha into journalists, there has to be enforcement of the law that guards against defamation. Everybody should prove their mettle in investigative journalism and not just publish trash based on hearsay. People's lives and hard earned reputations are at stake; we must all be held to a higher standard, even journalists.

I therefore submit, that we let the law take its course in the case of the State v Kemi Olulonyo and learn our lessons. Actions have consequences…even when against forgiving men of God!

CC...lalastica
necessary mods
#letshearbothsidesofthestory

Guestlander:


The woman have not see her daughter in three years yet she can vouch for her activities during those years she didnt see her? Does that make any sense to you?

The young lady accused the Apostle of defaulting on a promise to marry her. She claimed introductions had been done and her family had been visited. She still has not been able to produce even half of a picture to support this. The so called parents who were allegedly visited, have debunked her claims.

But I guess this will all make sense to you, right?

When it comes to pastors and Men of God and other celebrities, many people are "hoping" they fall in order to create a scandal.
Pastor David Ibiyeomie took Kemi Olunonyo to civil court for libel and defamation, and the first response was that, it must have been true that was why he is trying to bully her in court and using the police; Apostle Suleiman chose not to use the civil court process (even though the case is in criminal court, reported by him), now you say he is scared more evidence will come out. As it stands, no matter what these men do, you will find something wrong with it, so what difference does it make. The man is enjoying his life, marriage, and ministry and you are here cracking your brain. Minding your business is a full-time job, stay employed!!

Going by this, Jesus Christ would not have been dedicated in church...sometimes we think we are holier than God!

Firstly, I think Nigerians (me inclusive) are tired of celebrities airing their laundry in public. We all got stuff going on (both good and bad), and we don't bother them with our issues, do we?

Secondly, a bruise on her side does not mean anything. It could have been self-inflicted. We presently have corroborating evidence from Ghanaian Police concerning @tontolet behavior during her courtship; what you need to post along with this bruise is a police report backing up what he did.

NB. To those victims of domestic violence, you have to tell the police at least once (even if you decide to withdraw the case) so that you have a backup if things really go south and you have to defend yourself at the cost of your spouses' life or you are even faced with a social media war such as this .

It is only in politics that someone can boldly say " I do not like Obasanjo" and "Obasanjo has been my friend for a very long time" in one breath....

Did the governor of my state really just commission a filling station? Really?? a petrol station?? you mean really a place where kerosene, petrol and diesel are sold
Am I missing something
How on earth, asides from the sarcastic value, did this make news? And front page on nairaland
The heck!!!
And you say we should not march?
Unbelievable!!!!!!!!

I made front page!!! (no i did not!!!) I am moving up in the nairaland world...
Anyway, the fact that tuface pulled out from the protest, does not mean the protest can not go on.
We may all have complained only on social media, but now is the time to move out to the streets.

Friday was terrible. But network returned by Saturday. I was able to withdraw using the ATM, and I also made transfers using the mobile app yesterday and today.
I do not think its as bad as you make it out to be, though.

Firstly, if you are the front seat passenger in a car, and you are not wearing your seat belt, is it not the driver of the car that pays the fine? I think the taxi driver should be liable, infact if he has insurance (which he ought to have), the insurance company should be liable.
Secondly, dont try and work the system, trust it instead. Just call the police/FRSC and let them decide. I honestly doubt they will find you at complete fault (maybe they will find you partially liable though) but at least you will be done with that problem.

If a lady wants to earn the same salary as a man for the same work, she should also give up having doors opened for her, or having seats vacated for her....I strongly believe in gender equality, but it goes both ways!!!

Speaking as a medical doctor who graduated from UNIPORT, I gotta say getting any such list as the one you have just attempted to make, is near impossible. Unless you poll people who have "attending experience" of more than one medical school, you cant get a reliable ranking.
Medicine as a course requires hardwork, and regardless of the school you attend, becoming a good doctor depends on you.
Someone mentioned BUK in a somewhat derogatory way, and as a youth corper during orientation camp, I was privileged to meet with about four BUK graduates who definitely knew their onions.
Schools matter, but to a limited extent....students however do the bulk of the business.
That being said, NUC has its own criteria used in universities and medical schools ranking, maybe we should defer to that list....

Being left handed means that the right hemisphere of your brain is more dominant, but there is not a thing wrong with that. Ur kid is beautiful and amazing, just the way she is, so let her be...

The young lady aged 14, who is accused of killing her 35 year old husband and his friends with poison, is to be tried as an adult. Infact, the case has been moved from the juvenile court to the high court in Kano state. The reason being that she is married.
I think thats quite unfortunate. How exactly does marriage make her an adult? She is still mentally immature. Infact her resolve to kill her husband as a solution to her predicament could be blamed on her inability to handle her situation in a mature way.
Assuming she were sick and taken to a hospital, would drugs and treatment given be modified because she is married? or would she be assessed based on age and weight.
That being said, her situation right now really sucks....

I think there is a problem somewhere in the chain of reporting this news item...someone got something mixed up. The states mentioned have not reported any cases of the ebola virus, and are more known to be security challenged states...so maybe thats the reason, and not health induced excuses.

If somebody needs more than three attempts at a foreign ATM to get the money needed for one day, said person should have just gone into the banking hall...i really don't see the big deal though.

Hello. im new to nairaland and this is my first activity as a member....yaaaaay
anyways, convulsion strictly is a symptom and not a diagnosis. so u need to find out wat is causing the symptom.
ur answers will come from a doctor, in a hospital, wen many tests have been done.
during a seizure episode, its better to lie ur brother on his side, and like someone said, remove all potentially injurious stuff from around him.
many seizure types have triggers, such as flashing lights or evn a fever, so knowing and avoiding such triggers wont b a bad idea.
I do wish u and ur brother all the best.