Hi House, I am here to solicit advice for a sister. Here is her story.

She and her hubby have been married for almost 5 years now. In January this year, she observed that her hubby was very fond of a particular girl on their street. Every time he passes by the girl's shade, he will stop in the pretense of buying fruits which the girl sells. It graduated to stopping without buying fruit. If he passes there 3 times in a day, he will stop 3 times. This sister approached the man, and asked what he thinks others will say about this seemingly over familiarity. Hubby dismissed her.

About 3 weekend ago, some concerned friends called this sister to alert her of a certain post on her husband's facebook wall. She was not initially moved until her brother called some hours later on that same subject. Apparently, the fruit girl had gone to the man's wall to express love to the man. The man responded freely and teasing the girl in return.

On seeing this, the lady went to the hubby ask him what is going on. The hubby walked the wife out. After a day without any explanation or acknowledging anything, the sister went to the girl's shade. She to told the fruit girl, "that I don't react to all that is going on doesn't mean I am not seeing or that I approve it, you are a women, so consider if it were you". Since then, the husband has made life unbearable for my sister. He stopped giving money for food or eating at home. He only gives the house help money to buy 'indomie' for his mother who lives with them. He sent the girl to go back to her parents until he comes for her. Everybody around the family has begged him to allow peace to reign, but he is adamant, saying his wife went too far by approaching the fruit girl. The mother is on my sister's side, but instead of listening to his mum, he is threatening to send her back.

My sister is emotionally down at the moment. Her pain is complicated by the fact that they are still trying to conceive and currently undergoing some treatment with a gynecologist.

Should she apologize to the hubby as the husband demands or just lie low? Your matured advice will highly be appreciated.

njokusboy:
Satisfaction or no satisfaction...
Selfish or not...

I CAN NEVER BRING MY MOUTH TO A WOMAN PRIVATES same way I can't kiss a woman who hasn't had a mouthwash in the morning... Do you know what committee of bacteria are trapped right there?

Men, live healthy, eat good fruits and vegetables especially water melon and cucumber and do not neglect the power of pre-intimacy, there are several other places you can put your mouth, you can also use your fingers expertly down there, don't just rush in like you're late for an appointment, your wife go bow... If she's the type that wants you to last 10hrs before exploding, take a bottle of stout or wine an our before the party...
Women, you also need to get creative, don't just lie there like a log, all the cucumbers and pre-intimacy won't amount to nothing if you don't encourage your man, kiss that man, raise those damned legs, mount him like an angry cowbow and unleash your soundtracks... It's more blessed to give than to receive...

@ the bold, it is a personal thing. If you can't do it, don't expect it from your partner, after all, who knows what we men carry down there.

Your other points are very much in line with my initial submissions. You said it as it is. Kudos!!

Ishilove:

When responsibilities sort of take the front burner, how do married folks get the spice back into their sex life?

A big question!!

Responsibilities can turn the fire low, but can't quench it fully. It is good when both partners are low in the sexual desires, but if one person still has the strong desire, it could be worked out. I had a moment like that, what helped was communication, and she also knows me ignition keys.
If wifie needs it and I am not in the mode, she will do those things I appreciate or consider special. To reciprocate, I will offer to give it to her. In the process, she will inset the right keys and I will even pick it up more than her. Same thing if I need it, and she is too tired. I will fix her special meal, and let her rest. When I finish with my seductive moves without pressuring her, na she go drag me go room.

It all boils down to proper communication and knowing your partner. After all, no level of responsibilities can stop us from cooking and eating.

initiate:


in your research did you enquire from the women how important sexual satisfaction is to them in a marriage? more specifically how many would actually leave a marriage because of this. yes we blame it on culture bla bla bla but if its that important the woman would walk out. from observation married women consider certain things more important eg paying the bills, providing for the kids, showing respect to her parents/family, church attendance, status in the society etc. on the other hand it is married men that consider sex to be a top priority. 9 out of 10 men will chase out their wives if she denied them sex. 10 out of 10 women will walk if the man stops taking care of them and they find another man who will. except Yoruba women who don't mind providing for their husbands and children and even in-laws

Well, I agree that sex may not be a top priority to married women, as it is to men. Nevertheless, it is among the first five on their list. Our culture make and the two major religions (Christianity and Islam) put man in charge of the family. So, most women hardly take a lead in some aspects of the family except things pertaining to kitchen and child bearing. As such, men must initiate the communication or give an environment for the women to express their concerns.

The thread is not for blaming, but to let us understand the need for communication. Also, to let us know a women we term as frigid may not be if she is listened to.

Funminicrown:
OP, can we know the name of ur church?

You want the name of the church before you believe some women are not satisfied or to confirm that some churches are taking steps to heal the family?

If you read the OP, I said this was just one of several seminars. I decided to share this one because my wife and I were shocked as we usually assumed that every marriage is sexually satisfied.

shegxi:
op, are u sure u are satisfying ur wife too? examine ursef too o.
like i have always said, we live in a world were we know and can profer solutions to all dat is wrong with others EXCEPT ourselves. isn't dat irony?
in d end, man or woman, most of us are hypocrites.

About most of us being hypocrites, I agree with you wholly. Hypocrisy is a Nigerian thing.

But on this topic and your question, I can't say that I am an expect, but we discussed our expectations and limitations with wifie before we got married. We are very open about our needs, and very curious about each others body. That has kept us satisfied of our sexual lives. We experiment on a lot of stuffs. At least wifie has the freedom to complain, but she is yet to complain.

I am posting this believing that many guys visit the family section too.

My wife and I were chosen as part of the church committee on family issues. The committee has organized many seminars, talks and interaction fora for different family issues. Such include, family finances, child upbringing (children were participants too), in-laws wahalas, careers, and most recently sex as a means of oneness and procreation. The revelations from this last seminar (sex) and the discussions that emanated gave me and my wife a big shock.

It is very common to see or hear all guys bragging of their sexual prowess. On a forum like Nairaland.com, every guy (married or single) have a 7-12 inch dick, can go 30mins none stop, and can make a woman scream always. On the other hand, every married woman is highly satisfied with their sex life(I don't blame them though, afterall, it is a taboo in our society for women to talk about sex or desire satisfaction). But the reality is most married women are not getting what they desire in the bedroom from their husbands. To make matter worst, most of them had tasted good sex before marriage. But in marriage they had to pretend to be satisfied, otherwise they are labelled as sluts. Or, just lie there fantasising about their ex. Some have even contemplated getting it outside, some are doing it, while some opt for romance toys (secretly).

Out of 10 ladies that my wife interacted with, with strict confidence, 5 confessed to either having some form of satisfaction from other men by way of romance or full sex, 2 confessed of having intimacy gadgets to satisfy themselves without the husbands' knowledge, 2 had contemplated doing it (cheating), but are scared of the repercussion as they are from a place where the deities are set against such acts (Note: they are not scared of their hubbies), and only 1 said she is satisfied with hubby's strength in the bedroom. Please note, I can not take this to be a true representation of the of the society. This must be an unfortunate sample size, I guess.

In all these, I see that some women are not getting what they desire. Men are mostly blamed in all these cases. Some don't care if their women have the ability to enjoy sex too, some don't let their wives to contribute or suggest something with regards to their performance. All the 10 husbands to these ladies told me how wonderful they are with their wives in the bedroom. 7 confessed to getting BJ from their wives, but only one returned such favour to his partner. Are guys that selfish? Or these things only change after you are married? I believe "what is good for the goose is good for the gander". As a matter of fact, once you can give a good head, half of your job is done and done well.

If you have weak erektion, as some of the ladies complained, discuss it with your wife and look for solution together. Look for other ways to please her aside penetration. If you have quick ejakulation problem, delay penetration till she is close to her big 'O', while you seek medical attention. You can discuss and agree to start with a romance toy or finish it up with it. This is not the age to shy away or allow the male ego to spoil things for your family. Note, a sexually unsatisfied wife is a nagging wife or a pretender.

I wish all couples a satisfying marriage life.

I had tears in my eyes while reading this. Just sad.

runzlord:

Please [abeg] and please lend me 2 mins of your time and 50kb of you data and kindly vote for me here https://mobile.twitter.com/runzlord/status/639602054546255872?p=v
The link to the voting page is in that status, cos I can't post the link directly on Nairaland due to Nairaland restrictions. Thank you very much.

It a a palm selfie contest by samsung.

You realise this is Agric section and not Celebrity section? Go to celebrity section and beg for votes. More so, if you know you are going against the rules, why try it?

obstead200:
oh how I hate to hear that word "Imported". It pains me to my very soul dat we import even fresh air in this country.
I don't blame u Sha because unfortunately, we can't help d situation right now. But I dream of a Nigeria when we cud boldly say that we can do without imports.

I hate Nigerian importation mentality so much that I don't wish to do any business that is heavily import dependent.

Inferiority complex makes most Nigerians to feel they are classy or rich by patronizing imported food/goods against Nigerian made. The funny part is our youths who won't buy any made in naija product are the one shouting unemployment. How will we generate employment when you don't support our companies.

@curiouscity, u said it all.

Thank you all for your responses. @SPG4U, motherless or orphanage home is not an option. My experience has shown that most gifts given to such homes end up being used by the owners or workers at such homes. Till integrity/transparency is enhanced in our society, children in such homes will not benefit much from the generosity of the public due to the greed of the operators or workers there.

@belamour, we don't live where these gifts are and we rarely attend functions back home. Going by the quantity of these gifts, it may take many years to give them out if we rely on giving it at other persons functions.

All the same, we will try something based on your suggestions.

My wife and I did our TM and church wedding 2 years ago. At both ceremonies we had gifts from family and friends. Most of the gifts were repeatitions, 3-5 people giving same or similar gifts. Some gifts though unique are not necessarily desired. We live outside our home state where both ceremonies took place. These excess gift have been locked in our room back home. We have given some to people whenever we go home.
While I appreciate the gesture of all that gave us these gifts, I have suggested to my wife that we sell the excess even at a reduce price. She does not agree. In fact we have quarreled several times on this. I see no point allowing these items to occupy space without any use. She wants them to remind her of her wedding day and the persons that gave the gifts.

Would you sell your excess wedding gift? Would you buy such from someone?

I was deceived!!!

As at the time this girl told me she was still going out with my friend, she was already about 6months pregnant for my guy. The guy is now living with lady and the new born baby.

Guys can be wicked at times. Fear quiet people!!

londoner: Well, I think Nigerians (and people from developing countries generally) have an impression about what they will automatically get from simply going abroad. Mentally, they are not prepared.



You see/hear it in the way they relate to family members, that are already abroad. The Nigerians honestly believe those abroad are living the high life, that they have money to burn. That is not the case.

I would not say, don't go abroad, but have a thought to looking homeward once you "make it" (whatever that means to you), and I don't mean just going at Xmas to show off and brainwash people into seeing you as an "oga". Actually make plans to replicate the changes you have seen outside, back in Nigeria. In a way that responds to where Nigeria is now. The changes you say you want to see. They are only abroad because people made it so.

That is what you/we would be enjoying, the effort of people who have made the sacrifice.

There is serious money and success to be made in Nigeria. It may be that it is out of your reach until you leave, to go back in. Many have done it. For those who claim they have not seen a man person abroad, yes you may not have seen them on the streets (which I doubt), but there will definately be hospitals for the mentally ill. There will be the homeless abroad.
If you work and pay tax, you are helping to pay for it.

Please don't let anyone abroad come to NL and lie to you.....lol

Its time Nigerians who go abroad actually tell those at home THE TRUTH about what happens here.

There ARE mad people, there ARE homeless people, there ARE peple who beg, there ARE people who have to go to food banks to be able to feed themselves and their family, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WORKING. There ARE people who really are struggling abroad, including the indegenes of those places.

It's not a paradise. I understand that things may be more accessible if you are outside of the "connection" obsessed Nigeria, but please stop thinking that going abroad is the destination. Its just the start of your journey.

Truly, you are only benefitting from the efforts of people who, previously recognised their country lacked, but they were also willing to stay and build what they wanted to see.

I find it interesting when people cite the health services, roads etc in the country they are in. I would bet money that they NEVER read up on the origins of some of these features of the west. Do they really read up and research their journey to having those things?

Its just the end result. Even countries that once had corrupt leaders, who today dont HAVE A JOURNEY to the society we are enjoying today.

Nigeria needs people who are interested in being part of the journey to the Nigeria they want to see. It is the lack of this type of citizen that ensures nothing changes in Nigeria.

Travel, if you want to, but try not to forget to make your contribution Afterall, if we dont want to contribute to a change, why should we complain, that it is staying the same?

1000Likes

You said it as it is.

What we fail to know as Nigerian youths is that people build those countries we are running to. Simple good will and cooperation built those country, not 'dog chop dog' we are practicing here.
a) How many of us can do anything that benefits the next door neighbor without asking for a favor in return?
b) How many of us are ready to obey simple rules (e.g. Traffic laws) or report any erring person? Disobeying laid down rules is a sign of smartness or 'big-manism' in Nigeria.
c) Most of the things we see 'abroad' are built by individuals, families or cooperate bodies as a way of giving back to the society. How many can we boast of?
d) When we say 'society', who do we refer to? Ourselves, friends and families. So, who caused the decay we have today?

The major problem we have today in Nigeria is self-centeredness. Running abroad may not take that from lots of us. Go to communities with large Nigerian populations in the western world (UK and US) you will still find: cutting of corners, hatred, envy, gossips, 'pull him down', 'my own better pass his own', poor maintenance to personal items, and all vices we have here.
People talk of constant electricity, internet etc. Are these things free? Do you know most of the state generate their power in US and Canada? Even private individuals install solar power, use part and feed some into the supply line for profit? How many of us ranting have friends and families who worked in the defunct PHCN? These our friends and families killed PHCN with the cooperation of the leaders.
I use to make an equivalent of =N=500K every month, but hardly saved for 2 yrs.

Making Nigeria a better place is a collective effort, running away is not a solution. Are there no poor men in 'abroad'? They all make collective effort to help the poor. We make sure we widen the gap, so we could be worshiped as a 'richman'.

IT IS ALL VANITY!!!!

BluStreak: My fear now is Miss A might just go diabolic to eliminate B to step in her shoes since she has said she can't be a 2nd wife and at the same time said she can't imagine life without the guy. Your guy should end it now else he might just have his wife's dead in his hands.

I would love to say Miss A is a Christian, but with what passes today as Christianity, I am afraid I can't say. So, your fear is valid even in my heart. After all, Nigerian girls don't let go easily except when they are on the advantage.

PassingShot: Let them go ahead and legalize things. As in polygamy stuff. No qualms.

Miss A says she doesn't want to be a second wife. Miss B is not aware of what the hubby is doing and may not be ready to welcome a second wife.

iwakolewa: Hmnnn,as the guy is your friend, your loyalty lies with him,tell him the truth,or talk to him to know what he wants,is he just having fun
,whilst deceiving the "miss A" ,or does he still truly have feelings for her?, Also talk to the lady,as a married man that you are,you should know that what they are both doing is wrong,tell her to let go of the guy,they probably have some good s.ex together, and maybe that's what's not making her let go....if at the end,she's unable to settle down because of heartbreak from her hopes being shattered by your friend, it's gonna be really sad..

so she's having a good time being a side chick....

From all indication, there is lots of emotions on both sides. During most of my calls with my friend, he mentions Miss A. But he paints a picture that he wants to help the girl. It even gets so bad that my guy wants our joint venture (He is my business partner too) to employ Miss A to run our business. I have told the girl of the consequences, but she seems to appear helpless. All the suggestions I offered seem not to make sense to her. I even ask if she sees herself having kids for this guy, she said "maybe". It is just more than good sex. My guy sees her as an escape as challenges in his marriage. The girl sees him as "the love of my life".

We lived together after while working in the same school about 10yrs ago. We knew everything each other did or plan to do. I was the wild type, having issues with ladies and sometimes seeking his help to resolve a fight whenever my girls clash. We parted when I moved to Abuja for a new and comfortable job. I also left my baggage of women back in my state. He remained there but got a new job too. He retained his girlfriend (Call here Miss A) who was starting Uni at the time I left.
Surprisingly, in early 2011, my guy married a different girl (call her Miss B) from the one I knew. He told my his reasons and I sided him. I got married in mid-2011 too. Two weeks ago, I discovered that my guy and Miss A are still seeing each other. In fact, it was Miss A who confided in me that she does not know what to do about my friend. The two of them can't seem to let each other go. They are still going as if nothing is between them. She says she can't seem to accept another man, 3 yrs after my guy married. I was alarmed!! When I probed further, she reveal that my guy is still talking of them spending life together as partners. The girl seems trapped by emotions given that the guy is her first love.

I wanted to confront my friend, they girl beg me not to. I tried talking the girl our, she doesn't believe she can exist without that guy. I have had my challenges as a married person, but at the intensity that this thing is going, this guy's marriage may hit the rocks soon. How can I help this guy and maybe the lady concerned. That my guy is even on NL here, I pray and hope he reads your advice and opinions.

I love many things in our African culture, but I believe some things are just created to control other peoples' life. For instance, the issue of telling elders everything you are about to do or are doing. It is reasonable when the said elder is like a parent or immediate family members.

My Story .......
I try my best to be independent and self sufficient. I live within my means and contented in what I have while striving for higher grounds. as such I keep my social life a private affair. I did my marriage last year. It was just the 2 families involve as agreed by my spouse. After the family TM, we headed to the marriage registry and solemnized our union. We hosted our families and few friends to a hot but close knitted reception. After that everyone started calling me names. Some even said my marriage is a fluke as I did not want people to know I'm married. Side talks don't move me. But when people I should respect at my base (ABJ) started saying i don't have regards for them, that is why I did my marriage without inviting or telling them. I was no more invited to any meeting involving people from my state in Abuja. A whole professor for my wife's villa denied my brother-in-law a scholarship opportunity. His reason was that the sister didn't invite him for our wedding. I paid little or no attention to these.
Two months ago, my wife successfully got a transfer from her coy to Abuja. I only introduced her to people around my neighborhood and my colleagues whenever she visits my office. Last Sunday, during announcement, a respected pastor said, "I am told 'Injured_man's wife is now with us but he has refused to introduce her to ELDERS." This clique of elders have a way of asking too many personal questions. They want to know everything you do. When you are traveling, the reason for traveling etc.

My questions are; Who are the true elders? Do we owe elders every milestone in our life? I am sure you have heard things like "So you bought a car without telling me" Must 'elders' know everything?

N/B: I use elders here to mean people older than you or in higher position.

FarmTech: Thanks for the response. So land can be that cheap?

It is likely a virgin forest! But that is fine, provided you can bring your products out to buyers.

June last year, I started having irregular heartbeat at night, coupled with migraine headaches. I met a neurologist who after some scan placed me on long term Inderall. About January this year, I noticed that my libido and sexual energy was on a fast decline. I complained to him, but he assured me that there is nothing to fear, even when I read that the medicine can cause low libido or even ED(erectile dysfunction). Now, my libido is almost gone. Any time I manage to get erection for up to 5minutes, the headaches come back. I am only 33 and have lots of duties for my wifie.
Drs in the house, how can I reverse this effects? Or what is possible way of getting rid of the migraine headaches while keeping libido high or at least normal?

If a babe makes advances at U directly or indirectly and you turn her down, U are called a f.o.o.l, mumu, chaff, dump etc.
Yet, if U ask a babe out and she refuses/turn U down, u still be mumu.

Which kind life??

When almost everyone evades in Naija, yet evading tax by a foreign firm in a foreign land is news for us?
For those doing private biz, be it stand alone or joint venture, when last did U walk into any BIR office to pay ya taxes.
Most Nigerian businesses anly pay tax when they need govt contracts. So leave those guys alone!!

No land in SS/SE? It means we(SS/SE) don't engage in commercial farming or ........

I need a good land in AKS, CRS or Rivers.

nenergy: The Banking sector does more than generate revenue for the government, it is generating refuse for the environment. Go to any bank’s ATM and you will find pieces of ATM transaction receipts littered all over the premises, that is after the waste baskets are full to the brim. Now the question is; Why do Nigerians collect ATM Transaction receipt only to dump them?

I don't think the bold above is very accurate. I use to think banks make their profits as cooperate entity. Their sole purpose is to make profit like any other biz, not to generate revenue for gov't, except the VAT which every service outlets collect from customers.

Imagine!!!

I want to believe these numbers are the number of students from each state who met the cut-off mark, not the cut-off mark itself. Otherwise, this would really be a mockery on our collective co-existence as a country.

How about the "rapes" legislate that we have steady power supply to maintain the ATMs. Frequent booting/rebooting of the ATMs due to power outages affect their efficiencies. Also, when they keep quiet and watch few people sell NITEL with all the facilities to themselves without giving a hoot. Now Nigeria has now fiber optics internet. If electronic banking and proper working of ATMs must take place, we need fiber optics as internet back-bone. They should start from that area.

No body sits down to seize customers' cash. It is just a true picture of our country - NOTHING WORKS except DIRTY POLITICS!!

Inik: Godswill Akpabio.
During the Yaradua sickness bruhaha he was opposed to the emergence of Goodluck Jonathan as substantive president, he used money and other resources to ensure that Goodluck wasn't sworn in as president but when Goodluck came into power he quickly aligned himself with him and today he is the chief defender of Goodluck jonathan. This has attracted federal resources and projects into Akwa ibom state. He will discard Goodluck jonathan quickly as a rag if he spots a better opportunity with another politician.

Also he has used the state resources to transform his village and senatorial district. Every single road in his lga has been tarred, the streets are beautified, every bank operating in Akwa ibom state must have a branch in his senatorial district etc.
He is contesting for the post a senator in his senatorial district in 2015 and there is no way that he will contest elections there and fail!!

Your 1st reason U stated above is due to lack of personal ideologies exhibited by most Nigerian politicians. BTW, what federal project(s) has been situated in Akwa Ibom since Akpabio started licking GEJ's behind? Akpabio's bromance with GEJ is borne out of his selfish/personal interest and not in the interest of the state.

Your 2nd reason is laudable. It is what is expected from any leader. Also, he has come to define what family or constituency means in a nepotistic country like ours. If every politician can develop his senatorial district like "Talkative Akpabio", then we'll be few steps ahead. That does not exonerate his sharing the state wealth with brothers and cronies.

PeeDaVinci: how come i never hear about this man!!! i really love his passion

Because he is not a politician.
More directly, maybe you've not visited Abuja recently(some yrs now) and listen to Love FM in the morning hours.
His presentations are streamed online, but not real time!