.

.

coogar:

thanks for the heads up....
i would be watching out for my partner - if she comes back home looking miserable then she's in soup.

You're welcome.

fresh_dude: @JellyBeans, nice Ain't that some shít!

Thanks fresh dude. Like I said, just doing my bit for society...

coogar:

thou shall not get caught......

Golden rule, yes.

slimyem: African/Nigerian men are getting liberal by the day. The world is changing..so are they.
Besides,my spouse is someone with whom I share similar ideals and perceptions about life and someone flexible to reasonable extents so. Finding a middlepoint if this kind of situation presents itself should be a non-issue.

Then you are lucky. I say lucky because you do have an open line of communication with a spouse who is willing to work on whatever issues you both might have. Lucky again because you haven't reached that point of desperation where all else has failed.

I know what I'm talking about. Without having to go any further, take a look at some of the topic in this section - really depressing threads such as:

I Am Tired Of My Marriage: https://www.nairaland.com/574882/tired-marriage
Urgent Advice Please. My Marriage Is Crashing: https://www.nairaland.com/1290178/urgent-advice-please-marriage-crashing

To name a few. It's easy to see the desperation in those women and yet, I bet you, divorce is a not an option they would want to consider. Everthing else seems to have failed for them. So what next?

free2ryhme:


from what womb were you conceived?

You quoted my entire post, just to ask an irrelevant question?

Many of the comments on this thread are down-to-earth, but yours obviously is from someone not of this world. That notwithstanding, I'll humour you just this once and ask - what exactly do you find offensive about my post sir?

Sorry if you find this thread disturbing. Please ignore this thread if you live the standard life of a saint and you believe everybody should think like a saint.

I'm pointing out a brutal honest truth that cheating happens everyday. If you can remove the lust from human beings, you can wish people don't cheat. You can also use religion to control people's behaviours but not everybody is religious.

To tell people not to cheat is like to telling a person to endure the sexual hunger. Are you going to be rewarded a golden metal for being stupidly faithful to your cold a$$ spouse?

When divorce isn't an option, that's when people cheat. When divorce is an option, people get divorced really fast. Understand?

bettymafy: Following. . .

Please, all the preachers should stay off this thread!

OP, if anything, I love your boldness and honesty.

A few questions though. . . Are u male or female? Are you married? If yes, how long? Do u have kids? Are u an African living in Africa? Do u tell these men/women u cheat with that u are married? How many do u have at a time? Is there more to it other than sex? Have u considered an Open marriage?. . . I have more, but please answer these ones for now. Thank u.

Apart from the highlighted question in bold, the others are irrelevant, primarily because they are personal questions which I have no intention of answering. Let's focus on the message and not the messenger, shall we?

Is there more to it than sex? Good question.

Cheating is a lot of work, if you haven’t figured that out yet. Think about what you’re getting yourself into before you start. Before deciding to embark on having an affair, you must ask yourself why you're willing to take the risk in the first place.

If your needs are primarily sexual, then you'll certainly not need an emotional or 'needy' partner. It is even more important to decide if the affair is going to cause a divorce or a reunion with your spouse. Once you know what you want, find the guy that is going to fulfil those needs and take your time in deciding who that is.

slimyem: Definitely not. I'll consider an open marriage instead.

Goodluck to those who have done all that and making it work still and goodluck to those who'll be encouraged by your post.

Based on the assumption that your spouse or other half is willing to undertake such. Be realistic girl. How many African or better still, Nigerian men would tolerate the thought of other men having sexual access to their wives or girlfriends??

coogar:

That (tears) only occurs if the cheater in question has been sloppy or found out. If he or she sticks to the basic rules highlighted above, then that scenario would be avoided.

taryour: Laff don kill me.. Am most certain it will be very difficult for the op to be faithful in his marriage.

Not necessarily. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

slimyem: No one can play it this right. You'd slip up at some point somehow. It is too much work.

If you think it's too much work, then you obviously aren't cut out for it. Better stick to fasting, praying, ignoring him/her till they tire and develop high bp in the process.

In other words, work at your relationship. This thread is for those who've done all that and nothing's changed.

vingi: Ohk! Let's see #goes tru d list#. Think am good on all points. Tnks.

You're welcome.

ileobatojo:

Whoa!! DId you write this? I actually thought you pasted someone else's article! If so please stick around these parts for a bit. I'm really curious to know what else lies in that mind of yours.

* I liked the previous thread title better*

A bit of both. Mine and others.

Yes, the previous title was better but not many people understand the idiom 'playing the fiddle'.

^^ Thanks for the compliment.

I'm only just doing my bit for society. All's fair in love and war.

Note: This thread is not for those with the 'perfect, happy' homes, the religious fanatics or the holier-than-thous out there. It's for genuine folks who don't want the hassles of a messy divorce, still want to keep their homes intact and basically, eat their cake and have it. So here goes...

Ever felt hard done by, by your spouse, forced by 'culture' to accept that 'it is what it is' so just grin and bear it?

Tired of fasting, praying, ignoring, crying, and basically playing out all your emotional cards?

Ever felt that having forgiven, you can't forget and want to 'even' things out?

Or do you find that having communicated your emotional needs times without number, you still feel overworked, under appreciated but just need an outlet to release all that pent up emotion? Well then, this thread might just be what you need.

So you plan on cheating, or you're already cheating and you're worried about getting caught. Maybe part of the lure is that fact that you could get caught. After all the naughty, and taboo nature of cheating can be tantalizing but, do you really want to get caught? I didn't think so. There are some measures that you can take to insure that your secret stays a secret.

1) Who are they? Make sure that you keep a distance between your new lover, and yourself. Do not cheat with someone you know, or work with. Instead find a stranger that you can successfully lie to. Personal ads, clubs, and even shopping centers are great ways to meet strangers.

2) Your name is? Never let the other person know your full name. Lets face it, some people are obsessive, and vindictive. You can use your first name if you want, but make up a last name if they ask. Keep up with your new name, be careful not to contradict yourself.

3) Where do you work? I don't care what you do, don't tell them where you work. You don't need them showing up at your job, because everyone you work with will know. The less people who know your secret, the better off you are. Lets say you have a "sexy" job, that you can use in your favor, such as a law enforcement officer. If you want to tell them in order to improve your chances fine, but make sure you keep it bleak. Don't tell them the department, or city. Instead stick with a county or state.

4) Can I Call? Buy a disposable pay as you go, no contacts cell phone. You want to make sure there is no records of incoming or outgoing calls to unidentified numbers. And do not pay for this phone with a credit or debit card! Use cash only.

5) Who buys? No matter what you buy, pay cash. You do not want your credit card statement to show certain charges, especially hotel rooms. Call the hotel ahead, and make arrangements to pay in cash. You can use the excuse that interest rates are killing you, if your embarrassed. Better yet, if you can have them put the room in their name, and you can pay them in cash, or split the bill.

6) What did I buy? Some of us have a habit of keeping receipts. Drop the habit now, or pay the price. You don't want things like wine, hotel rooms, condoms, on a receipt lying in your pants pocket. Trash them when you leave the store.

7)What's that? Make rules and stick to them. Make sure that you don't come home with bruises, bite marks, scratch marks, or God forbid a hickey. If you didn't leave with it, don't come home with it.

Where have you been? Make sure you have the time to cheat. Do not do something foolish like call in sick to work. Instead make the time, for example: start taking a karate class twice a week, but tell everyone it's three times a week. Or join a gym. Just make sure that it's not some place super close to home where they can check to see if you are there. And do not stay gone for over two hours at anytime, unless your pulling a seminar, or overnight stunt. Keep in mind if your lover knows people you work with, the topic of the training seminar might come up. And that never works out well for the cheater. Also never leave after you take a phone call. Everyone knows what a booty call is, so don't fall into that trap.

9) I have what? Protection, protection, protection, I can't say it enough. You don't want to bring something home, so protect yourself. The male should always have a condom on, and ladies should be taking some form of birth control. You don't want a baby to be conceived this way, and you don't want to take a disease home.

10) What are you sorry for? Don't confess everything because you had one to many drinks, or suddenly seen the 'light'. If your going to do it, then do it. But, be sure that you're able to take it to your grave. Show your loved one you love them even if you are a good for nothing cheater. Buy them roses, draw their bath, make them think they are special. It sounds cold, and harsh but it's the life of a player.

And most importantly, don't return home with a big grin on your face. It's a dead give away. If anything, try to look miserable.

LADIES:

** Always have an extra change of underwear:Carry a change of panties, that you can toss out the window if you need to, or use and discard the other ones if you can’t get them washed before he has a chance to encounter them. Always take a shower afterwards. You will smell like sex and so will the panties you had on before they came off. Deodorant, and toothpaste and toothbrush are musts. Little hairs can stick in your teeth where others will notice them and you might not. The same goes for your guy. Buy your husband the same cologne for his birthday that your other guy uses.

** Bodybuilders of any age usually make a bad choice of partners: Bodybuilders of any age usually make a bad choice of partners. They are using their testosterone to build mass and they are often too focused on themselves to do you much good in the ego department. Guys that are fat are also usually lousy choices. Stamina and strength can be important however.

** Put the sex in perspective:If you hook up with the right guy he may be very, very good, and that will be a very good thing for you, but keep in mind what your goals really are. If you need and want some good hot sex where you climax a dozen times in four or five hours and you find it that is great, but, is it worth giving up your marriage for? Many ladies are grounded enough to stay married. Their husband gets to enjoy their improved disposition and glow and many times these women find him a better husband without him knowing all the work that's been put into helping these women feel better about themselves, and having the relief they need.

Anyway, Now that you know a few ways to help keep your secret safe your own your way to being a decent cheater. Just remember to think things through each and every time. If you get cocky you'll not only let your guard down, but you will also get sloppy. Before I leave you, I have one more tip. Never do anything from your home computer. Make up a screen name and use a public computer, or buy a laptop (with cash) and keep it hidden.