Of course, he's right. Apart from her father, the husband is the other man God specifically commands a woman to respect and SUBMIT to. If she can't respect her husband, but can respect another woman's husband, e get as e be abeg.

The first problem is that we dress our children too sexily. It's one thing to be nude (which I dont encourage) and another to dress in a way that accentuates your sexuality.

Having said that, I agree that perversion is gaining so much ground in the world. So as parents, we have the additional duty to protect our children.

Good post op. But it's almost impossible for a woman not to do 2 things at a time. I think what you meant to say is, women should spend quality time with their family, in spite of their other responsibilities.

Question ke? No o. Marriage is for better, for worst. If there is any issue with fertility, the couple need to work together and remain in love.

That's marriage, loving one another even when things are rough!

I had initially decided not to write my views on Davido’s baby mama drama, mainly because a sweet little innocent baby girl, Imade, is involved. I certainly don’t want her to grow up and read about the drama around her existence. But then again, I thought to myself, Imade is the main reason why you should write about the “gargantuan gaga”. Hopefully, people will learn lessons from it and we can spare many other “Imades” similar odoriferous sagas.

In the last days of 2015, Nigerian twitter went agog with news of how Davido’s sister attempted to take the “love child” between Davido and Sophia, out of the country without the mother’s consent. Dele Momodu (Sophia’s cousin) had gotten wind of the alleged plan and had made successful moves to stop this attempt. While Sophia and her family alleged that the Adeleke’s wanted to “abduct” Imade (a 7 month old baby BTW) and keep her in America, to restrict Sophia’s access to her daughter, the Adeleke’s have claimed that the intention was to take Imade to UAE for medical care (why do we always run out of the country for treatment?) as tests had revealed that there were traces of marijuana transferred to Imade through breastfeeding (are there medical tests that can show that? Interesting!). That’s the summary of what happened.

In response, people have taken sides with either party, hurled insults and accusations at opposing sides, dug out the past or made jokes of the whole situation.

As usual, I will refrain from casting any aspersions on any party. That’s not my calling. But, I will try to distill some key lessons to be taken from this unfortunate event. Hopefully, you will read this and learn, and not make the same mistakes these people made.


Don’t smell the food you do not plan to eat!

This is an attempt to interpret a Yoruba adage, which basically admonishes one not to start what you can’t finish. In Davido’s statement he describes Sophia Momodu as someone who will never be his wife “or qualify for that status”. His reasons are (1) Her background is very dissimilar to his and (2) she has very paltry education and equally diminished physical attributes.

To be candid, on a good day, these reasons (but for the “paltry education”) are good enough to disqualify another from being one’s life partner. Abi, who wants to marry someone with “diminished physical attributes”?

Hang on a minute, let me make a quick detour here. Ladies, hope you are paying attention? Poor education and diminishing physical attributes may be disqualifying factors for you. Stop hinging your life on your beauty alone (note, he didn’t say she doesn’t have physical attributes, his problem is that the attributes are diminishing). Your physical statistics will diminish one day, but your character, reputation and achievements will determine the (dis)honour that is given to you!

Okay, back to the matter. As I had earlier conceded, Davido’s reasons are good enough to refuse to marry someone. But, here’s my problem, how is it possible that someone who is supposedly unfit to be your help meet is fit and proper to birth your children If she is not good for you, why should she be good enough to birth your next generations? If you have high standards for your wife, you should have higher standards for your children’s mother! She shapes the destiny and future of your generations na!

I honestly can’t comprehend how someone who is not good enough to be your wife, is good enough for you to share your body, soul and spirit with. That’s what sex is, mate – sharing your being (spirit, soul and body) with another.

Really, I will like to know what Davido has to say about this. Why will you smell the food you don’t deem fit to eat?

Baby Mamas always come with drama!

From time immemorial, this has always proved to be true. Siring children with a woman who is not your lawful wife usually has drama and disgrace as value-adds. It is the bonus you get for philandering – drama and disgrace for the rest of your life.

Case in point, our dear Father Abraham. While waiting for the child of promise he was meant to have with Sarah, he (at Sarah’s request) had relations with another woman, who gave birth to Ishmael. From the time Ishmael was born till date, there is still a lot of drama. Again, I am not laying blames, but, maybe if there was no "food smelling" between Abraham and the other woman, we won’t have terrorism today. We will have lesser wars. But that is not so, and we must learn to tolerate one another.

Interestingly, 5 years earlier, Davido had given advice about the drama baby mamas bring. I wonder why he didn’t take his own advice and abstain completely! Apart from paying amounts equal to some people’s dream salary for a loooong time, he has to involve the “unfit wife” in all his decisions affecting Imade (at least, till she is old enough to be independent).

Sophia on the other hand, is not off the hook. She will also be dragged into baby daddy drama. I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through, seeing that she was about to be effectively estranged from her daughter who she carried for 9 months and went through inexplicable pain to birth. That is in addition to the automated labels she will be given in the belief that she tried to peg Davido down with her baby.

From my experience in similar family matters, I can assure both Davido and Sophia, you ain’t seen nothing yet, there are more joint decisions to be made for the benefit of Imade, you had better learn how to discuss collaboratively and give your darling daughter the princess the best decisions for her life.

Worse still, my greatest pain is what Imade will have to go through as a result of her parent’s indiscretions. Growing up without the love and nurture of both her parents under one roof. Living with the label of being a “love-child”. Reading the gory details of the circumstances around her conception (which is now in public domain BTW) and in extreme cases (I truly pray this doesn’t happen), watch her parents fight dirty over her. I have seen many children in this situation and in many occasions, the children usually bear the cross of their parent’s folly for the rest of their lives. This isn't the kind of life anyone prays for.


Let’s take a break here and ponder on the lessons learnt so far. Watch out for part 2!

Yours in relationship building,
Marriagearian

Source - http://www.marriagearian.com/2016/01/davidosophiaimadeadelekemomodu.html

Mother's day this year was really hard for me. Actually painful. More like depressing. A few weeks before then, I spoke with 2 friends who told me they lost their pregnancies and while I was still grieving for them, I heard of the transition of a 2 year old baby who was like a son to me. I kept wondering how the world became such a black hole filled with so much agony and failed to comprehend how any woman can bear the pain of going through their loss.

On Mother’s day, I watched how mothers were celebrated by their children and could not help but think of the pain and anguish these 3 mothers must be going through (this led me to share the article on Hope for Mother’s day). It was really depressing. Yes, that’s me – I rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn- it is scriptural! (Romans 12 v. 15-NIV).




You can then imagine how happy I was to see that there is a day dedicated to commemorate PregnancyLosses and Infant Deaths. Honestly, these women need to be celebrated! If you have any idea of what losing a child (born or unborn) feels like, you will join the rest of the world to celebrate these Amazons!

Unfortunately, many women who have gone through this experience tend to hide and feel ashamed. They feel like they are 'unfortunate' beings who should be treated as casts-away. But, I disagree with you. You should no longer berate yourself, it's time to rejoice and reward yourself.

What? Marriagearian? I should rejoice after such a traumatising experience?

Yes darling, rejoice, and again I say, rejoice.

If you give me a moment, I will give some reasons why.

1.      Uncommon strength. For you to go through a miscarriage or infant loss and still be alive today shows that you are a strong woman! You can handle what many women can't live through and still be awesome! You are so strong darling and you should be celebrated.

2.      Of all mothers, you are the greatest!  You may have experienced a nasty fall, but you are willing and ready to rise again! It takes courage, boldness and passion to walk in the path of trying to conceive again.

3.    It is a command to rejoice. Isaiah 54 v. 1 says it all. God says that the woman without children should rejoice. The One who knows the end of the beginning says you should rejoice, why wouldn't you?

4.     Beauty for your ashes. God doesn't give beauty for success, no siree! He gives beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise in the stead of despair (Isaiah 61 v. 3).

5.      This too shall pass. I’ve got a friend who says her favourite quote in the scripture is “and it came to pass”. Really, weeping can only endure for a night, but in the morning, joy must come (Psalm 30 v. 5b). The night never lasts forever. Rejoice, for your morning has come. To the glory of God, I'm pleased to tell you that 2 of the 3 women that caused me grief on mother's day have conceived again. My heart is glad.... God remains faithful...and He will give you a bouncing reason to rejoice... very soon!

Source - http://www.marriagearian.com/2015/10/pregnancy-loss-infant-death-here-are-5.html?m=1

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Lalasticlala and Mods make my day and move to front page

Since I don't qualify 100%, I've remained at the sidelines, but I read some things that I will like to address, if you will permit.

1. Melish in very simple words, what Toks2008 etc have been telling you nicely is - GERRARAHERE! You won't understand why at this age, but when you're 30+, you will know that your 'words on marble' won't work.

2. Fairyisabel, I've read your comments on love etc and I can relate to the fact that you are speaking from experience. My prayer is that you experience love in its truest and purest form and I know you will sing a different song.

Having an orgasm is a reflex action dear. Rape is not defined by the presence or absence of an orgasm, but by the absence of voluntary consent. Thus, if Toks2008 did not consent to the liaison, it is still rape even if he had a thousand orgasms in a row.

3. Finally, born again Christians should have a list of what they want in a life partner. The Bible talks about 'he who finds a wife', how will you find if you don't have expectations of what you want to see? Whilst your list should not be unrealistic (which is what Toks2008 is trying to say), it is only proper you have a list of desirables. remember, if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything!

Back to my VIP corner on the sidelines

Hello all. I'm above 30 (not single though) and I'll like to follow this thread. I think it's a good idea and I hope to hear of many weddings stemming from this thread!

I manage a blog www.marriagearian.com, which addresses issues for people who are married and hope to marry. I'd like to learn first hand from all of you.

Having said that, I have read (with dismay) some comments from a married man on this thread. All I will say is, pay him no mind. Marriage is more beautiful and purposeful than he paints it. I will keep everyone in my prayers and I trust that one day, you will find your life partner and enjoy a wonderful home!

I recently met a young lady who shared her predicament with me. With her permission, I'm throwing this to the People's Court, what do you think she should do?

Derin* graduated since 2010 with a solid 2.1. However, she hasn't been able to get a job because she was particular about the sector she wants to work in. Luck finally smiled on her and one of her dream companies (a major player in her preferred sector) considered her application.

After going through a five-stage recruitment process, she was informed that she had been selected for employment. On the day she was supposed to pick up her letter, she was told her letter was with the MD/CEO of the company, as he wanted to congratulate and give her the letter personally.

She met with the MD/CEO who showed her the employment letter with a 5-figure monthly salary. He however told her that he had been lusting after her since the day he saw her at her interview and he wants just 'one night' with her. If she agrees, the job is hers. If she can't do it, she's back in the job market.

She mentioned it to her pastor who advised her to pray about it and let God tell her what to do. Her fiancé advised her to give in, since it's just one night and they will need the money. Her parents have threatened to disown her if she dares giving in.

She is confused, what will you advise her to do?

Yours in relationship building,
Marriagearian


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“The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.”
-      I Peter 3 vs. 7 (MSG)

I was discussing with my friend who recently got married and he shared with me how his life changed drastically (for the better) after he got married. Being childhood friends, I knew where he was coming from and how awesome it was for him to experience those miraculous events.

It however got me thinking. I know of many other men who got married with high hopes, but didn't get any miracles. Some blamed themselves, their village aunties and some have even gone as far as blaming their wives for their predicament (anyone remember Pastor Arowolo?).

One difference I observed about the miracle-laden friend (let's just call him Mr. Miracle) and the others was the way he spoke about and treated his wife. It’s one of a kind. He always has something great and prophetic to say about his wife. Could that be why he always got favourable answers to his heart’s desires?

This brings to mind 1 Peter 3:7 which tells the husbands how to treat their wives, else their prayers won't be answered.  Apparently, God is very mindful of how you treat his daughter! Treat her good? He listens to and answers your prayers. Treat her bad? No answered prayers for you. As one of God's princesses, I feel so special right now.

Considering that you have a long prayer list, and there are many obstacles to receiving answers, I believe that it only makes sense to reduce the obstacles by at least one – be a good husband to your wife!

Using Mr. Miracles as a case study, I will share with you, 3 easy steps you can take to become a better husband for the Mrs.:

1.       Think it - one thing I've learnt in recent times is the potent power of the human mind. Practically anything can be achieved once you conceive it in your mind.

While talking with Mr. Miracles on my way to work one morning, I decided to prod a little further and understand the secret to his happy home. One of the things he mentioned was that he made up his mind to live and understand his wife to the fullest. He convinced himself he could achieve it and ensured he constantly worked at it. He admitted that it was not an easy ride, but believing he could do it, he learnt to actively relate with his wife in love and honour every single day.

I've come across many many jokes about the impossibility of understanding women.  As hilarious as the jokes are (I laugh at the jokes too), they are very false. Mr. Miracles proved them wrong didn't he?

You can also do same, but you have to start from your mind. Determine today to learn to love and understand your wife.

2.      Say it - The tongue is another powerful organ in the body. So powerful, the Bible tells us it holds the power of life and death (Proverbs 18 v. 21). In other words, you can either speak life or death to your ability to live peaceably with your wife.

Mr. Miracles had perfected this as well. Every time I asked about his wife, he always answered 'she is blessed and highly favoured!' Why won't he be testifying every day?

Can't say the same for many other husbands... typical answers are 'she's fine', 'she dey jare', 'all you these women sef, ‘is she the only one you can ask about?’ and some refuse to respond.

It may sound cool and manly to refuse to voice your emotions, but who will you rather be - a man with answered prayers or a mere manly man? Mr. Miracles chose the former, and you should too. Use every opportunity to speak great things to and about your wifey!

3.      Do it. So you've created in your mind. You have spoken life. What next? You need to act it out. The Bible uses the words 'be' or 'treat' and in some versions ‘live’, that's a verb, so it requires action on your part.

Mr. Miracles was a pro in this area. He will do anything and everything to make his madam happy. He was always on the lookout for how to treat her better every day, and will then go home and practice it.

I encourage you to emulate this. Make a conscious effort to do things to keep your wife happy.

I believe that by living with your wife in understanding and treating her as God's vessel of honour, all your prayers and heart desires will be answered! 

Yours in relationship building,
Marriagearian

www.marriagearian.com

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grad2012:
I never go anywhere without holding cash or my ATM card incase of incasity.

Good one! Wish more ladies were like you!

Today, I need to rant. I mean, really, really rant. Been reading a lot about young ladies who get stranded on dates and outings and I just cannot understand how it is possible. Somebody please help me here!

I recently read with consternation about a girl who narrowly escaped death from a ghastly accident, when she hitched a ride with a bunch of drunken boys, when leaving the club. I was livid! I hope I am not the only one that thinks it is the height of stupidity! Why will you go out and not make adequate plans for your safe return home Thankfully, her recklessness did not earn her a death certificate.

Then, I read about a lady who got stranded in Dubai because she refused to put out (what a reason!!) after agreeing to go on a holiday trip with some random lover. Because she failed to keep up her end of an implied deal, the dude left her in the hotel with no money.

These are a few examples of ladies, who out of indiscretion put themselves at the mercy of a man without a backup plan. Absolutely unbelievable!!

This has got me thinking, where did every girl’s best friend, Ms. Vex Money go to? Is she now extinct?

For people who don't know what Vex Money is, it is the money a lady keeps in her bag as some form of back up for contingencies, such as, being stood up, being stranded and to ensure her independence.

Gone are the days when ladies turned down dates because they could not afford the vex money that came with the date. The days when it was a lady's pride to let the man know that she could take care of herself if need be. Girls have become so hungry and greedy, they hop in any boat that offers them a 'good life' without first counting the cost.

The exposure to sexual, physical, psychological and emotional abuse is greatly increased when you refuse to go out with your best friend – li’l Ms. Vex Money. Ladies, please, let your trips be directly proportionate to your vex money. If it is Mr. Biggs you can afford, insist on having your date there, I recommend their meat pies (seriously), and if your vex money can handle La Scala (one of the highbrow restaurants in Lagos), by all means go there, but STOP BITING MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW!

For those who will want to categorise this as another feminist article, I'll just remind you that Vex Money can save you from being stranded, abused and getting embarrassed. Put  her to good use.

For those who have ears to hear... bring back Ms. Vex Money!

Source - http://www.marriagearian.com/2015/09/imho-where-is-madam-vex-money.html?m=1

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Yes, boyfriend was mentioned in the advert... she asked if they could swap boyfriends...

I was listening to the radio this morning when I heard the Airtel advert regarding their phone swap service. Ordinarily, I would not pay attention to adverts, but it kept playing and I had to give it my attention. Now, I wish I didn’t.

Before I proceed, let me try to paraphrase the advert so you can recall (if you have heard it) and understand my views:

Phone rings. Lady Picks up the phone

A male telemarketer starts to advertise the airtel phone swap

Another phone rings. The lady tells the other caller (obviously her boyfriend) that she will call him back and then prompts the telemarketer to continue…

Telemarketer tells her about the internet data packages etc. she will enjoy from the phone swap

The second phone rings again. The lady snaps at her boyfriend (tells him she will call him back) and hangs up.

Telemarketer continues to give information and in response the lady asks, if they can swap boyfriends too.

Your first likely reaction to the advert is to chuckle, ‘hahaha’ and conclude that the ad is funny. I believe that was the intent of the ad producers as well. I must confess, I chuckled too! But, with some more thought, you will agree with me that the advert has the potential of leaving a bad taste in the mouth and passing the wrong ideas to the young generation.

Let me explain why.

Anyone who is or has been in a relationship knows that his/her partner will not call incessantly, unless there is something that needs your urgent attention. In such a situation, the reasonable thing to do is to disconnect your discussion with the telemarketer and speak with your partner. I mean, who should ordinarily take priority? Your boyfriend/husband who believes so much in you, his life is interwoven with yours? Or a telemarketer who wants to sell his product and collect money from you?

The advert also paints the idea that it is perfectly acceptable to snap at your loved one if they inconvenience you with calls/messages. Really? Is that the proper thing to do? I do not think so. Being human, you may at times find yourself snapping in such situations, but it doesn’t make it right. One pillar of positive relationships is mutual respect. You should not snap at someone who you respect, it’s just wrong!

Here’s the final blow – the lady in the advert was willing to swap her boyfriend just because he called her incessantly and the telemarketer did not caution or disabuse her mind from doing this. This gives the impression that it is permissible to dump your partner for little inconveniences. By doing this, the advert inadvertently encourages listeners to consider other options to their partners for very flimsy reasons, such as repeated phone calls.

IMHO, this is not sufficient reason to end your relationship.  So your boyfriend calls you so often and the next option is to ‘swap’ him for another? Relationships are more important  than that! Being in a relationship connotes that you are with someone who you are willing to share your life and future with. It requires you to invest your time, money, emotions, soul and (in marriage) your body. Does it sound right to end such an enterprise for mere inconveniences, such as incessant phone calls?

I assume that Airtel has no intention to pass across a wrong message, but in this case, they have done so. This was also done a while ago when they released an ad for their data services by trying to define what ‘fast’ means. The campaign was stopped because of the backlash from the general public.

I strongly urge them to take the same decision on this ad, this is Africa, we are more concerned about building relationships…

Source - http://www.marriagearian.com/2015/09/imho-airtel-adverts-and-negative.html?m=1

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Hello Marriagearian,

Thank you for the good work you are doing.

Please let the good people of the People's Court assist me with an issue between my fiancée and I.

I come from a comfortable home, I have a good job. Combining my inheritance and savings from a sizeable monthly income will make me a 'hundred-millionaire'. My fiancée  on the other hand is from a humble background and works as a Front Desk Officer in an SME. I'm not bothered about her financial status because I love her so much and I know I have what it takes to sustain my family.

But now, my fiancée  wants us to open a joint account where either (not both) of us can sign out money, as category A signatories. I'm just wondering, should I open a joint account with her?

Source - http://www.marriagearian.com/2015/09/peoples-court-should-i-maintain-joint.html?m=1

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One thing Anne and Derek quickly learnt after their marriage is that managing finances as an individual is significantly different from when you are married. Unlike when they only had to think of themselves as singles, Anne & Derek were now obliged to think for 2 + x (where x is the number of children they had). Indeed, the demands of financing a marriage made it clear that they needed to unlearn their old spending habits and adjust to their new financial lives.

It is widely agreed that one of the major causes of contention in marriages is money. Indeed it is believed by many that there can be no romance without money, thus, financial prosperity is seen to be crucial to having a romantic marriage. The Bible clearly tells us that “… money answereth all things”, buttressing the fact that financial prosperity is very very very important.

Every adult who has attempted to work for, beg for or steal money, knows that money is not easy to come by. This is made worse by the harsh economy we currently live in. How then, can we as couples achieve financial prosperity for a successful marriage?

We bring to you, the 10 Commandments for Financial Prosperity in a Harsh Economy:

1.    Depressurize yourselves. Relieve yourselves of financial pressure by living your lives within your means. No one gets an award for being able to keep up with the Joneses. If you cannot afford it, don’t put yourself/your spouse under undue pressure to get it, wait till you can afford it. Focus on getting maximum value for every dime you spend!

2.    Understand Money. You need to be financially smart and understand how you can make money work for you. Money must be seen as a means to an end, not the end itself. To learn more about money, we suggest the book “Rules of Wealth” by Richard Templar.

Read more - http://www.marriagearian.com/2015/05/the-10-commandments-for-financial.html?m=1