Dmowumi:

Hello everyone,
I have been scheduled for November interview
PD: October 2021
Dq: November 2022
IL: August 2023

Has anyone had his/her interview?

How did you fill the contact sheet?
What to expect during the interview?
Any affordable accommodation with close proximity to the consulate?

Kindly share please

Sorry what is DQ?

What is DQ? I have priority date of March 2022, with I-140 petition approved in March 2023

Essenza01:
I really don't know anymore, i just did my budget for the month and i am scared, i have cut from everywhere possible and i fear for my self.. i dont have a GF, Wife, Children.. my salary is N400,000 and i have added side businesses and one or two's to even survive.. but with this fuel increase, what else is left... zero savings..

- Rent - N108,333/mth (1,300,000/12)
- Fuel for car - N180,000 (36k for 5-6days)
- Auto maintenance - N30,000/mth (service/repair)
- Fuel for generator - N50,000/mth (20ltr/wk)
- Feeding - N62,000 - (N2,000/day)
- Health miscellenous - N5,000/mth
- Dstv - N4,500/mth
- Data - N7,000/mth
- Recharge card - N3,000/mth
- Dry cleaner - N4,000/mth (Starch/iron)
- Hygiene maintenance - N10,000 (body spray/perfume, roll on, soap, cream) etc..
-  Gift to people - N10,000/mth
-  Family House contribution - N20,000/mth
- Eko electric - N10,000/mth
- repairs and maintenance - N12,000/mth
- Clothing, footwear etc - N10,000/mth
- Outings, restaurant, sit outs and provisions - N30,000/mth

Total = N556,500...

My rent is average rent for where i stay, its a two bed flat, i use the other room for home office..

Feeding is N2,000/day.. its not anything out of the ordinary.. tried cooking and spent more with time wasting.

Fuel for car is at the new rate of N500/ltr, my car is a 70ltr car tank..

Auto maintenance is basic brake pads, shocks, service 2mths, tire guage, police pr, tire purchase if any, minor touch ups etc... nothing major.

Fuel for generator is 20ltr/day (2hrs or less daily)

I need help.... how are you people doing it, what am i doing wrong? The rat race is killing me..

Your rent is too much. I earn almost 20 times as much as you do but my rent is very close to yours.
Trim that down to reflect the reality of what you're earning.

Also whats up with the dry cleaning? Ask yourself if you really need to spend money on some of the things you're spending money on. Do not ever try to keep up with the Joneses cos it will leave you in debt.

Karleb:
Because she knows you will regret it in the future.

You are like that lady that chose a polytechnic over a university. Give it time, the regret will hit ya.

Why do all think abroad is everything? I lived and worked in Europe for 8 years working in several countries including the UK as a professional engineer. I got tired of Europe, moved back to Nigeria and doing like 3-4 times better than I was living in Europe.

Just to let you know, the security guard in the company I worked for while in Aberdeen was a Nigerian with MSc Oil and Gas from Robert Gordon University. The kitchen staff was filled with Nigerians with various UK masters degree. I even met a LUTH trained medical doctor washing plate in London back in 2011 and advised him to go back home. The point is, abroad is not as sweet as you all paint it to be.

Its better you encourage him to work hard on his career or business interest since he has decided not to travel.

VawulenceProMax:
To be rich in naija is a curse . Imagine , everyone wants me to give him or her something. All my friends want Christmas and new year gifts even when I clearly tell them I am not a Christian and I don't celebrate new year. I have been giving out money to a point nauseating point. Even people I don't know beg me for cash. Now I know why otedola And co choose to live in banana island.
Poor people are cancer

BROKE IDIOTS WILL WAIL TO DEATH IN THE COMMENTS

Too many entitled parasites in Nigeria.

aktem:
I'm in a state for dilemma right now, met this damsel few weeks ago...beautiful, endowed babe that ticks almost all the boxes for me.
Coupled wth the fact that I'm AS and She AA make me very happy cos I've dated many babes that I had to break up due to genotype issue. Few days ago, I realized she's an SSCE holder, Before I asked, I assumed she must have been to the University or Polytechnic because she communicates well in English, was a bit disappointed, I've always envisioned my future wife to be University/Polytechnic Graduate, I'm quite confused, don't really know what to do..
I don't want to leave this Babe cos I love her but this SSCE graduate issue is making me feel somehow.

The most important thing you need in marriage as a man is peace of mind and not HND, BSc, MSc or Phd. She can always go to school as your wife. Don't let education to deceive you when choosing a wife

TyroneP:
To be a housewife is to be a member of a very peculiar occupation—an occupation like no other. The nature of the duties to be performed, the method of payment, the form of supervision, the tenure system, the “market” in which the “workers” find “jobs,” and the physical hazards are all very different from the way things are in other occupations. The differences are so great that one tends not to think of a housewife as belonging to an occupation in the usual sense. It is commonly said that a housewife “doesn’t work” and that she “is unpaid.” The truth is, of course, that a housewife does work and does get recompense. Like other workers, she can quit or be fired. One dictionary defines an occupation as “an activity that serves as one’s regular source of livelihood.” Being a housewife is an activity that gets one food, clothing, and a place to live, and that certainly meets the dictionary’s definition of having an occupation.

If it’s as important as you put it, why are maid paid between 10 to 30K naira? Cos you don’t need any major skill to do the job.
Maids are cheaper than house wife and they do a better job without complaining

x

InfinityFabric:
Many of you are buying into this idea of women carrying some financial load. Some even advocate for 50:50 which in turn becomes more like 50:80 for the woman.

She has to cook, clean, take care of kids etc then also work ?! Like seriously ? I don't care beautiful she's, she'd get ugly in months from all these stress. If God wants them to work like men, God will give them muscles for it.

As a man, you should take the majority of financial responsibility in the home. If a woman is helping you, it's a plus not a requirement and don't make it one. Heck even thank her for it.
Each have their own responsibility and finances is yours.

Of course there are situations where you need help from her, that's understandable. What's sad is the nonsensical "working women" men are peddling nowadays. In fact the more your wife or fiancee is exposed to the outside world the more she's likely to cheat - there's a reason 6 in 10 of DNA test are negative. Surprise! Surprise!
Married women are the easiest to bed - if you know you know.

As man, don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. Women always want someone who's above them and they can respect. Be that guy.

Lest I remember, guys don't forget: NO HYMEN, NO RING.

Maids do 90% of the things you listed above as a woman’s responsibility in my house including cooking my food. Many men really don’t need a wife in this modern world.

bewov:
Please guys, I have something bothering me so much, I will really appreciate it if I can get a matured response.

These might be long, but please bare with me

There is this girl have been dating since March 2021. Although, we met in University days and we have been dating since 2017, but because I was graduating and she has 1 more year to spend in the school, I left her and travelled to Lagos to work, because I got a job in a company in Lagos, immediately I graduated. I needed to concentrate on my future so I told her I want to pause the relationship to focus, but I will definitely be back for her, I promised her this. She was a virgin then!

After working in the company for 2years, I also learnt some IT skills online while I was working in the company, and I was earning cool money from it, so I decided to quit the job and focus more on the online business.

My business have been doing well and I have about 2 other virtual assistant helping me out, anyway I was kind of comfortable, so I thought of fulfilling my promise to my girlfriend. I called her one morning, and she was shocked! We chatted a bit and I told her I want us to see urgently, we schedule a date for her to meet me in the hotel, because I was staying in Lekki and he stays around Surulere, I wanted an hotel close to her house, so she can return early.

We met at the hotel and I can see she missed me so much, around 3pm I told her I'm back and I want us to continue dating and I'm ready to settle down, she agreed and we have been dating, all this happened around March 2021. Around April, I travelled out for about 2months, but I was very communicating with her, and when I got back around June, I discovered she had sex with another guy in May. Now, I wouldn't say she did it because of money, because I pay her 20k every month for upkeep, sometimes I just pay her 30k! She is not a wayward girl though, and she is not a type that sleeps around with guys back then in school, but once i came back into her life, I see a different girl entirely, when I came back she wasn't a virgin anymore, it's not my problem anyway, because the truth is I never forgot her during all those years I left her behind.

I didn't tell her I knew she cheated on me, but all I do tell her was that she did something bad to me and I want her to open up to me about it, but my girl kept on denying it, she sworn with her life, that she didn't cheat on me, that night I was shocked. Then, I didn't talk about it again till September, I gave her those months to regret her actions and confess to me, but she never did, also I didn't stop helping her financially, I still pay her monthly for upkeep. I know you will be wondering why I give her money, right? This girl was with me and loyal to me when I had nothing, like nothing at all! She was raised by a single mother and she is struggling a lot, after graduating she decided to go for Hair Stylist training, that is where she is currently. So I just give her money monthly just to stay strong.

So around September I decided to tell her she cheated on me, although it was that once, she begged, cried and told me she was drunk and regretted it, she told me she doesn't want to tell me because she knows I will end the relationship, well to be candid I love her so much, so I decided to forgive her, but since that day, trusting her was very very difficult for me. Although, I do watch her and since then I have never seen anything of such from her.

January 2022, her mother stopped her from coming to my place, she wants me to come see her first before she can allow her daughter to come visit me again. So, I went to see her mom last month and I made my intentions known to her, I told her I will want to marry her daughter and she said she is okay with it, if her daughter is okay with me.

This girl is my type of girl but, she has some behaviours that sincerely I don't think I can deal with.

She has this mindset of "A woman should be equal to a man".

She doesn't respect me, she chats with random guys and if they invite her for outing, she goes with them, even if I tell her not to go! When she visits me, she says I must join her in doing the house chores, she will say "It's either you clean the house and I will wash the plates and cook, or she wash the plates and cook, while I clean the house". And sometimes if she wants to cook for me, she will want me to come to the kitchen with her and do some works, maybe Grind pepper with blender or slice onion, if I dont, she gets annoyed, saying will she be the one to be doing all?

She did something that annoyed me this morning, around 6am today I went to the filling station to get petrol, well she knows I eat early always, maybe 6am or 7am, I would have taken breakfast, but she has never dished me food at that time, I always do it myself whenever she is around. When I got back from the filling station, I still met my girlfriend on the bed pressing her phone, I told her I'm hungry and I will want to eat Spaghetti with tomato sauce, and she replied "Baby, please cook it yourself, you said I'm your queen, pamper me na" Really? What does that have to do with you cooking for your fiance?

Well, I was annoyed, I went to the kitchen and prepared the food myself, the truth is when the food was ready, I only dished my own and ate, she said "What about her? Won't she eat?" I didn't answer her!

Aside from this, sincerely sometimes she talks to me rudely, and one thing she and I knows is that she is very very stubborn and not ready to submit to any man. Sincerely, this attitude is making me scared of settling down with her, I want to propose her this year and do the marriage rights but with all this behaviours I'm thinking the marriage will be hell for me.

When she came over yesterday, I prepared food for her before her arrival, and I served her, all she could say was "What is this? The food taste bad! Is this food or poison?" She never gave a good compliments about the meal, yet she finished the food and went for second round.

Last night before we went to bed, I told her to warm the rice and the stew, she said it won't get spoilt that she will do it in the morning, I asked her if she is sure, she said Yes. And I went to the kitchen before preparing my Spaghetti, I saw the rice is already bad and can't be eaten, I showed it to her and she was like "haaa she doesn't know it will spoil"

Also, the chicken I bought yesterday to cook her the meal, I couldn't use all, I left some in the pot, and I forgot to warm it last night, my girl saw it while washing the plates this morning, and she was like "What is this?" I told her chicken and she said "And you didn't warm it" she left it there in the pot like that without doing anything to revive it. Before I went to the kitchen to do it myself!

She only washed the plates, bath and went to church this morning, she didn't arrange the bed, nor sweep the room littered with all we ate last night. I'm sure of the message she is passing to me... "Have washed the plates, you clean the house".

Please guys, I want to propose her around August and settle down with her in November, but this behaviours are the things turning me off.

Will she changed and act normal when we get married, or this will continue? The guys she chat with, which I told her I don't like it, she replied that "She will never and ever leave them". All these types of attitudes and not showing me respect, do you think she will change after we get married or she will continue?

Please guys, I'm very confused here

Are yon normal at all? Please please end every relationship with her immediately. You will regret your life if you marry her

Kobojunkie:
Abeg stop spewing this bullsheet!

Men are never desperate for kids yet women who are not fertile or have a history of abortions are cast aside by men as if trash....

Abeg stop yapping if you are not at least willing to to honest with yourself.

Emotional and not logical response.

Kobojunkie:
That na rubbish talk abeg... not all women want kids. Instead, society, ruled by men, have women convinced there existence is worth nothing without the birthing of children particularly a male child. For this reason, your typical African woman believes she needs to have kids, even a male one, if her life is to count.

Ofcourse the mind fuckery does not end with women as their male counterparts operate on the delusion there their DNA is somehow unique and of value to this world and so they must procreate and ensure their line does not end with them.

Women are the one's shaming one another over having kids and being married not men. Men are never as desperate for kids like women because we know the financial consequence on us. Women see small beautiful things in babies but men see them as expense for the next 25 years.

cococandy:


Don’t commit. Women don’t add anything to your life. It’s trap. You will loose. Women don’t work. They don’t bring any money to the family. They won’t even feed you. You will be the provider and “protector” and she will just sit on the couch all day and do nothing. Not even bringing up your children that’s if they even agree to have kids for you.

There’s nothing in it for you. Stay away

Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

tensazangetsu20:

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

The incentives given in the west is only transient as the men will still get bleeped in the family court when the marriage ends. So the men will always loose anyway.
The major problem I see with modern family is that the men are expected to retain the 1900 status as provider and protector while the women have abandoned their 1900 roles. What are the incentives for a man to commit in todays world?

solja147:
Life doesn't get easier when you get a woman. It gets harder. Honest people know this.

Yet one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.

People hate hearing this. Makes them defensive.
You get all these nonsense replies like

"Maybe you've just met the wrong kind of woman"

or "Men and women were made for each other and complement each other equally"

Or some other nonsense

All total cope, if you think women help men as much as men help them, you're delusional
It's the same with kids. Kids make life harder and drag you down as well.

In the hierarchy of neediness, men are least needy and children are most - with women in the middle.

Needy people make life harder, as they take up time and energy you'd otherwise allocate to building.
Does that mean you shouldn't have kids or get a woman?

No. These challenges can provide fresh meaning, and produce their own unique spiritual rewards.

Just realise every time you get with a woman or have an extra kid, you're increasing the difficulty level of your life.
Women are always the ones pushing for more. They want a baby. They want another baby. They want to get married. Why are the women always pushing for these things, rather than the men?

Because it's the men who bear the brunt of the increase in difficulty - not the women.
Don't get me wrong, a woman who's just had a child has certainly made her life harder. Before nobody relied on her. Now a child relies on her. But for the man, before it was just a woman relying on him, now it's a woman + a child relying on him. He has more people relying on him.
An easy life bereft of meaning is not a life worth living - and yet as with all things, difficulty should only rise in line with one's competence.

You don't jump straight from beginner to expert. You work your way up slowly.

Jumping into the deep end is how you wreck yourself.
Bearing all this in mind, you would think the needier sex would be the more grateful one, right?

Wrong.

It is more common for a man to be deeply thankful just to have any woman, than it is for a woman to be profoundly grateful for the man who cares for her.
You will hear "he's lucky to have her" or "I'm lucky to have her" more than "she's lucky to have him" and "I'm lucky to have him"

Women are far less modest, yet men are more pathetic. For women are more desperate than men when single, yet less grateful than men when taken.
The key to a lasting relationship is a sense of mutual appreciation, irrespective of the disparity in difficulty. If we accept we're a hierarchical species and that gender's a strong delineator of hierarchy, then it's absurd to be upset about "one having it harder than the other"
So it's not a matter of fairness in so much as it is a matter of gratitude, and readiness to endure and take on additional burden

Man's life is just one unending series of mounting burden, and a man who takes on more burden than he can endure collapses under the weight of it all
But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for - he deserves the deepest gratitude and greatest thanks. Men build great empires and move whole oceans for little more than profound gratitude.
In this sense women make men better, not because they are an asset, but because they are a challenge, and, when they are the right kind of challenge - they moralise rather than demoralise. They give him a sense of purpose, even if they slow him down by making his life harder.
So you can think of a good woman as a gracious cheerleader. Her beauty both inside and out inspires the man, irrespective of the imposition of her needs. The beauty of her loins and the modesty of her soul transcends the ugliness of her neediness to invigorate him.
That is a best case scenario.

When such beauty is absent, the partnership loses its wholesome spiritual component and becomes parasitic. The man is demoralised, drained, like an unappreciated slave. He grows resentful, so he begins to crave freedom. He is slowly checking out.
A truly wise woman then is not only modest enough to accept the burden she represents - but mindful enough to actively counterbalance it by showering her man in beauty. She realises she keeps a man by showering him in the beauty of gratitude from the depths of her soul.
Women who fail to do this & allow themselves to become resentful (whether rightfully or wrongfully) will fail to keep their man in the long run.

There has to be some advantage, some reward, some positive for the man. You can't just endlessly mount him with burden with no thanks.
This is why narcissism although a terrible ugliness in general, is particularly ugly in woman.

Because at least narcissistic men provide.

What does an immodest woman have to offer a man at all in any meaningful spiritual sense?

She will cause him nothing but pain and problems.
All a woman has is her gratitude. She lives + dies by it, because it defines her immaterial beauty.

And so modesty for that reason alone is the chief + primary attribute women should cultivate and men should covet.

For without it, there can be no permanence, only temporariness.
This is why it's important for a man to cultivate a culture of appreciation within his relationship, and to set the pace at which he adopts additional burden.

Don't let women pressure you into taking on burdens you're unsuited to, and yet at the same time, do not lead her on.
Women feel anxiety about their fleeting fertility, but Rome wasn't built in a day. As such, your timescales are at odds and one party is forced to compromise.

The only real solution is to ensure a wider age difference.

Older, more established men with younger, unanxious women.

#Copied from @tellyoursonthis.

I find myself getting angrier with the whole family thing as I grow older with more responsibilities and feeling of less appreciation from everybody around me. Its like the life os a man is work, work, work and more work until he end up in the grave. He get very little appreciation or recognition from society for all the years he toiled providing for people who are mostly ungrateful for all of his wasted life.
Also children are not any gift from God cos your get poorer for every child you make. The whole marriage/ family thing is a way to brainwash men into conforming to societal manipulations while being insulted at thesame time.

ignis:
She have been together with the brother long before she met you.

Why don't she go marry the brother then?

Donpenny:
Sharp guy miss rpg . I bought only pampers today for 10k i won cry

Your own good. I just paid 600K plus for 2nd term fee of 2 kids in primary school. Just second term fee at 300K each.
Women like to marry but don’t care about what is needed to run the house financially.
Marriage is a scam for men as you will do nothing but spend and spend all your married life until you end up in the grave

Why bother to marry at all in the west? You are already planning to destroy your life because the system is completely rigged against you.
Either you marry and leave her in Nigeria or you forget about marriage all together. Native or imported wife will use the system against you. Seen so many of it while living abroad

Datboredberry:
I was raised by a single mom... She taught me the value of love... Wants me to be married with kids etc...

But through her, I learnt independence... I ain't never lived with a man... So it's not something I look forward to doing or miss... It's an experience I've never had.... couldn't care less for marriage.

Besides, I answered the question truthfully... Marriage is irrelevant to so many now...

I understand that you have answered the question "correctly" as per your currently understanding of life which is ok.
I have a 25 years old friend who was like you when she was younger and always talking about nothing more than wanting to be a CEO bla bla. She is 25 today and have graduated from the University, works in a bank and talk of nothing more than getting married because according to her, "I am getting older and want a secured future". What this means in simple terms are (1) My beauty will not be like this forever so I do not expect to get same attention from guys as I used to (2) I want to have a/some child/ children and do not want to raise them alone because it is hardwork (3) Work is not as cool as I was brainwashed to believe. It is hard to wake up all your life and hustle just to survive. Also most men don't want to be a CEO and are forced to work just to provide for their family. They don't like work per say but have little or no option but to do it because they have to provide for their family.

I am not saying that you must marry but you're too young to understand why alot of women prioritize marriage like their life depend on it.
It goes more than culture because most baby mama in the west also wished to be married to the father of their children.

I am not so much a pro marriage person myself (even though I am married with 2 children), but I can guarantee you that a single mother will start loosing grip of their sons from around the age of 7. From around 8 years, most boys are basically out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop that. This is why alot of single mum start looking for the influence of a man to help tame the excess energy that comes with being a boy.

Why marriage is bad for men generally, it is the best way to have a sane society where both boys are girls are raised to be a more responsible members of society. It is more of a duty from a man and a woman, rather than a place where they both come to actualise their fantasies.

Also remember that women control access to sex, while men control access to marriage and relationship. A man will not commit to a relationship if he doesn't see a benefit down the line because he is expected to be a wallet for his wife and children till he dies. Many man cannot fulfil the wallet part in the modern depressed economy while many are also not willing to live with modern women because of the effect of feminism and legal consequence of a divorce (mostly in the west). These are the main reason why single motherhood is rising especially in Africa where we do not have any welfare system for single mum. Men are just not committing to marriage when a women get pregnant for them and the people that suffers most are the children.

Your mother gave you the advice she did because she knows what she went through to raise you alone.

Datboredberry:
I don't think so...this isn't the only reason...

I'll say, as a very young person...(I'm eighteen)...most of the youths don't find the idea of marriage as appealing as our parents...

Women for one are kicking against the notion that we're created to be wives and mothers... There are most career minded women... Who would choose being a CEO over being a housewife... For example...me!

As for men, they've never really been pressured to settle down... With their female counterparts being so non-chalant also... People are getting married less...

Less religious youths...

Social movements promoting 'choice'... Such as feminism...

The media

General lack of regard for our cultures... and societal norms...

Etc

Come back when you're 26 years. You're still a child

ThickSharon123:


Abeg, leave him alone. Doesn't she know she's a woman and she has power. I would never beg a man repeatedly. If I beg you once or twice and you do shakara for me, you're history in less than a week.

What has the power done for all the women living in poverty? Power is relative and there are too many more girls than guys, so it is still the survival of the fittest for girls/ women as you all have to compete among yourselves for thesame few men with resources.
Also, don't confuse power to get a man to sleep with you with power to keep a man after sleeping with you.

obembet:
At 23 I got married immediately after my first degree. Had my first kid at 24, got a master's degree in my area of study, yet without a job. My ex was doing well in his business and he carried all the financial responsibilities of our home while I shoulder all the manual work; ranging from cooking, laundry, cleaning, buying groceries, making sure that every bills are paid, school runs, etc. All he does is to provide the money to carry all of those. I'm all- must -be -tidy kind of person so I made sure to maintain that.

I'll make sure I keep the house clean, prepare his favorite meals which I do by following the meal time table cos he loves three different meals for each day. Most times he will come back with a different meal to be prepared for him after I must have made dinner. This must be accompanied with fruits or nuts to crack, extract, slice and serve. As this continued I became perplex and may complain but he never listened or appreciated all my efforts.

As years come by our population increased and I begged him to buy a washing machine. This is a no go area as he believes it makes one lazy. After much begging and no compliance for about two years I stopped washing his main clothes, but washed only his inner wears. I saved some money and got myself one. He was happy I did so and gave me 25% of the amount I bought it. I later learnt that that was a bribe to start washing his clothes again. All my married life I never had a full house help. His relatives will come, stay for some time and leave. Even while they're still around I prefer to do some things myself for some reasons.

Now this is my round the clock non paid job from from year to year. I'll wake up by 4:00 am to prepare children's snacks or meal for school, wake everyone up by 5:00 am for morning prayers, bath the children and at the same time have clothes rolling in the machine while breakfast sits on fire simultaneously. By 7:15 am I'm with the children on the road to school. Keeps them at school and gets back home to continue the outstanding works. I may come back to meet ex still sleeping or brushing his teeth. I will serve breakfast, help him choose his day wear and most times look for one document or car keys.

I tried to get a teaching job which can help me continue my “rat race” at home. None of them lasted for more than four months, reasons I couldn't figure out till today cos I believe I'm very good at that.

By the time I could say “ehee, time to rest” it's already 3 to 4 pm, time to get the children back from school. Preparing dinner, helping in homework, correcting complains from teachers if there's any, bathing and feeding them. Sometimes I still find time to play and tell stories with the kids. I buy everybody's wears including ex's, especially during festive periods. I guess that's the only time I have to get new things for myself. It never bothered me cos I'm happy putting smiles in the faces of people around me. I'm always preparing home-made groceries cos I'm good at most of them.

I could remember vividly a friend advising me on improving in my outward appearance which I gave little attention to.

By the time I'll retire to bed, it's already 11 or 12:00 midnight. And so it continues.

I never received any form of appreciation; either in kind or in cash. And to worsen it all, he became so abusive; verbally, physically, emotionally and would complain and blame me in every misfortune of his life. Life was so terrible living with him. Yet, I did not complain until he pushed me out and finally left.

Most times we focus all our energy into building our homes, that is wonderful, thereby neglecting ourselves which should come first, it's not being selfish. I celebrate every member of my family every year but I was never celebrated for the thirteen years we lived together. After reading a book, “what kids need most in a mom” by a retired white nurse; Patricia Standforth, I started changing my status but things have started going sour in my marriage and I was kicked out by hubby. He got a nullification note from the church, refused me access to the children, etc. Though I'm working towards getting a civil divorce from the court.

It's been two years now and alot of people could not believe it when they meet me, as a mother of five who's so young looking, energetic and sophisticated. I've got a lot of space and time to travel, learn new things, meet new friends and recently working towards getting an MBA.

And more importantly, I wouldn't want to be seen where I was left.

Edited : Obembet

Every house chore you complained about can be done my a maid. Infact it is cheaper having a maid than a wife in modern times as the maid are more loyal than wife, don't complain while doing their job and don't bring their extended family problem to the husband.

Thesame women that complain about doing house chores will abuse the maid doing all the jobs at home from morning to night no matter how hard working they are.

Going out to make money is much more difficult than doing domestic chores hence the reason why maid don't cost more than 20-30K per month in Nigeria.

Also your University degrees are useless if they don't help you make good money.

Just like men have the right to refuse to marry her based on their own preference and choice. Men have choice too

vchinedu01:
See previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6797325/olivia-james-polytechnic-unwana-student

Following up Olivia James story this picture over here is said to be the Henry guy
That Olivia fell in love with and out of depression of a failed relationship took sniper
To get rid of the situation she was facing

Putting the guy's picture on nairaland is very irresponsible of you. And the mod pushing this thread to the front page is even more irresponsible. Kindly remove his picture from this your irrespoonsible post

Cashsteady:
Good morning.. I have a younger brother who just finished his secondary school and today is their graduation ceremony.. as an elder brother man go to spend at least give teachers and students something but I'm broke. Mum has passed on na only papa we get. My days too doesn't really have much with him too.. just don't know what to do now thinking of telling to stay home but my lil is one of the best student and loved by teachers... Any advice guys please

I did not do convocation ceremony after graduating with a 2.1 in engineering from one of the top first generation federal universities in Nigeria because I was broke back then and you are here complaining about secondary school graduation. I just went to campus, borrowed the graduation gown from a friend and took only 3 pictures that I could afford then.

Today I make alot of money.

I do not know where the culture of graduation ceremony for kids came from when they have achieved nothing in life.

Jaqenhghar:

Is that what your employer told you or what you really enjoy?
MY friend who was covered by his employer was rejected at the hospital because the Health insurance company wasnt remitting the money it was supposed to.
Another friend lost his even with his coverage after his wife was admitted in one ' reputable' hospital

Benn around for few years and everything have been covered 100% as per contract even for specialise referral.

Shakitibob0:
How are you dealing with healthcare sir?

Provided 100% by my employer covering my entire immediate family

I have a mixed feeling on my relocation to Nigeria after living in Europe for about 10 years working as an engineer but paying so much in taxes (over 50%). It was also very difficult to save any money from what is left after tax, due to very high housing and living cost. You end up living from hand to mouth because of the numerous bills you have to pay..

I got a job in Nigeria to do thesame type of job I was doing in Europe before relocating, so this made my decision easier.

Regrets: Concerned about the insecurity and the fact that nothing works here. I hope to retire in Nigeria in 20 yrs time and hope there would still be a country then.

Consolation: I save alot of money working here in Nigeria than I did in Europe. Things are so much cheaper here despite the inflation problem.

I made the move mostly because of retirement plans.

yesboss123:
Hello All, trust we're all enjoying the weekend amidst the democracy protests and demonstrations, Naija go better.
Please I need the input and advise of matured people and also Nigerians in the diaspora. Kindly bear with the length of the post and the fact that I opened a new account to post it.

I recently gained admission into an MBA program in the US with all expenses after partial funding to be borne by my brother who is resident there. Program starts in two months. Being a lil above average intellectual, my brother has advised that I make myself mentally ready for the program as it will be rigorous but with high ROI afterwards. The dilemma is that my partner who I have been in a relationship wt for almost two years is insisting I pay her bride price before leaving while she joins me two years later i.e. after the successful completion of the program. My brother and some older friends I have over there are not in support of such arrangement as they advise I don't commit to any relationship by means of introduction or marriage before coming over. They advised that I do that after I get a job and work permit following the completion of my program.

The thing is I love this girl; well-mannered, loyal, beautiful and would make a perfect soulmate, but she is not ambitious, although a graduate. She has told me times without number that she doesn't have plans for additional certifications, or higher degree etc. Invariably, she is contented with her secretarial/front-desk kind of jobs with meagre salary plus some mini businesses by the side. She even told me she would go into selling stuffs if she gets to the US. Before the migration plans came up, I supported her business moves in all ways. However, plans have changed and it's necessary that she supports the family considerably as obtainable over there, else man go just dey work with nothing to show cos of the high cost of living in the US. Cos as I heard, to make an honest living and earn something reasonable as an immigrant, having a career is one of the surest means.

All my brother keeps ringing in my head is that I allow nothing distract me during the program, not even marriage, cos his $50k (partial tuition, accommodation and feeding during the program) must not go to waste neither must I 'manage' after graduation, cos the plan is for me to work, earn well and sponsor my younger brother in 5 years thereabout.

To be very honest, I intend getting married to her if only she becomes more ambitious by registering to sit and build a career (I'm thinking HR). If she doesn't show any interest in doing this, I would have to end the relationship.

Lots of things are going on in my head right now. I don't want to lose a good soul-mate while searching for greener pastures, neither do I want to settle for someone who isn't ready to adapt to new circumstances but wants to enjoy the perks that come along with it.

Is there a way to work around this ? Am I being selfish if i end the relationship ? What kind of business can a Nigerian lady do in the US that will thrive ? Is it easy to bear up to 80% of the family responsibility in the US as a man and still remain sane ?

I'd appreciate your honest contributions/advise

Do not do any introduction or promise that girl friend any marriage. I was in your shoes 12 years ago when I was planning to go study abroad. I purposely avoided relationship with any girl because I wanted to concentrate and have a clear state of mind while studying and it was the best decision I ever made. It is very important that you concentrate and avoid relationship with anybody while studying because women are big distraction and dream killer. She will put so much pressure on you that you would do things to your detriment as a student just to satisfy her. She would also expect you to be sending her upkeep money as a student which you obviously cannot afford at this time.

What you need now is stability so leave the country as a single guy, finish your studies, hustle for job, then you will have so many option of women to choose from.

Do not let your testosterone to make decision for you.

kuse2:


Wow.. Quite expensive I must say..

Pls pardon my question, do you net about 2m/month in Nigeria to accommodate all these expenses?

Also, I think you can get some nice mortgage deals in Abuja with about N2m/month.. You may need to consider that a rent to own kinda scheme.
Selah!

I net much more than 2m/month, so I save more than I spend every month here in Nigeria. But I spent like 70% of my net earning in Europe cos my tax was more than 50% vs Nigerian tax of circa 18%.

When living in Europe (USD equivalent)

Rent per month: 2,000 USD per month
Feeding: 750 USD per month
Children School fees (International School): 600 USD per month
Electricity, water, water : about 500 USD per month
Miscellaneous: 500 USD

About 4,350 USD every month


I moved back to Nigeria and here is the expense in Nigeria
Rent: 1.7 million NGN per annum (141,000 NGN per month)
Children school fee: about 900,000 NGN per term for 2 children in Primary School (School fee of about 460K and private home lesson of about 440K) which is about 225,000K per month
Feeding: 250,000 NGN
Family support (money given to family member): 300,000 NGN every month
Salary of house help: 50,000 NGN
Miscellaneous: 200,000

Total monthly expense : 1,166,000 NGN per month

Note: family support can get to 500,000K in some months depending on situation.
Nigeria no easy oooooo