My lovely sister,

I am happy to hear from you that you read the letter I sent to Henry on manners and etiquette with keen interest. I didn't know he would be generous enough to share with you some of his secrets. That says much about his maturity and concern for your growth and welfare.

In your letter to me, you requested me to advice you on how to carry yourself properly on a date. I am even happier to hear from you that this shall be your first date. Like everything else, there is always one first time. Thank God you have to gain these basic manners before your first date. They would help you guard your actions.

Dearest sister, you know I have always reluctantly approved of dating. But I am not so naïve not to realize that though dating is a new vocabulary in our culture it is making serious waves today. However, this is not enough reason for you to propagate the parrot cry “If you cannot beat them, join them”. Rather, be a beacon of light for your contemporaries.

Nevertheless, just as I once told you, dating has some positive impact. It helps a young adult to develop psychologically. After a date, one has not only made a friend but has learned a little more about how the opposite sex feels, thinks and responds. One also learns something about oneself such as how one feels, acts and thinks around the opposite sex. Thus, I shall not pretend not to understand the need for you to relate with your opposite sex. What I demand from you is maturity and discipline. Hence, if you must go on a date, do not for any reason accept to date the opposite sex at his personal residence or hotel rooms. Many who made such mistakes had more stories to tell than they imagined. In the same vein, avoid any form of concealed meeting with the opposite sex. It always leads to disastrous effect that may include elopement, abortion, unwanted pregnancy, and so on. Therefore, plan every date with mum.
More significantly, be reminded that the beautiful ones are not yet born. Hence, do not knock at every door seeking someone to love you. When the time is ripe, love will find you. Do not also blind your future with these few people you encounter now. Experience with many opposite sex would help you make a happy choice. Take it cool, is the language!

My dear sister, know that what a young man wants is a girl with charming personality spiced with good manners lived out in appropriate dressing and perfect grooming. To make a road into the hearts of young men and win their respect, always appear in your naturalness while you radiate decency, glamour, neatness and attractiveness. This is why I pity young ladies who in the name of fashion and the desire to win the opposite sex appear awkward in their dressing.

Dearest sister, just as I condemn dating at personal residence and hotel rooms; avoid petting on your dates. Always bear in mind that the opposite attracts. That is why you must maintain a reasonable boundary and distance from your opposite sex and pull away as much as possible but not making yourself a stranger. As you have a nice time with him, maintain high sense of decency and never let your passion out of control. It usually begins with holding hands, subsequently kissing, caressing until a new story is developed. Therefore, if you reject the hand, you would not fall a prey to kissing and the concomitant evil of caressing that would eventually open a new window to other debasing possibilities.

If you wish to develop an attractive personality in such a meeting, be yourself and not pretend to be someone you are not. More rewardingly, be a good conversationist by developing the art of listening while you avoid conversation killers including bragging, gossip, arguing, monopolizing the speech and interrupting. Most importantly, do not smoke nor drink. Such action belittles a young girl before the opposite sex that is reasonable.

Please, do not fall among those who see a date as an opportunity to lay bare their bundles of trouble. The young man has brought you out to have a nice time with you. For this single reason, be generous enough to allow him relax and enjoy that moment. While on such a date, be also very careful to observe your table manners. It is another area many young adults commit a lot of blunders. Know that in an outing, you are in display and any form of misdemeanor calls to mind many questions about how your family looks like.
In a cafeteria, remember that umbrella, packages and bags are never permissible at tables. If there are no special racks made for such, you can place them on your lap, an empty chair or the ground. The napkin is also placed on the lap. You have to wipe your mouth with the napkin, by lifting only a corner to your mouth before drinking from your cup or glass to avoid leaving some marks at the rim. If you must leave the table before the end of the meal, drop the napkin at your chair...

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(NB: SEE MY PREVIOUS POST ON THIS TOPIC)


Nkechi: As you noted, there must be moments of power struggle for a true love to be developed. But how can we sustain any relationship at this time of power struggle? How can we even differentiate between power struggle and incompatibility?

Emeka: First of all, you should understand that each of you is a unique and different individual with different orientation, values, ambitions, experiences and expectations. These are the things that make us unique and special. But knowing them is not enough to solve the problem. They must be appreciated.

Nkechi: It is not as if I was never aware that every individual is unique. My fear has always been how one would keep the embers of love aglow when the romantic sides die down; when the so-called Romeo and Juliet become cat and dog.

Emeka: The so-called Romeo and Juliet did not become cat and dog overnight. The hatred develops over times, but they ignored it. At other times, the couple does not even identify such cankerworms until they have eaten deep into the fabric of their marriage.

Ngozi: It seems you have a strong point here: A good number of my friends who had problems in their marriage could not actually identify how and when their problem started.

Emeka: This is where adequate communication between the partners plays a significant role.

Ngozi: How?

Emeka: Our family orientations have a serious role to play in our relationship with people. Each family has what many people have called “unspoken rules” and “unconscious role”. The various partners usually carry these things into their marriage and relationship and begin to live them out with time.

Nkechi: What do you mean by “unspoken rules and unconscious roles?”

Emeka: Every family or group lives by certain rules that are rarely spoken about but known by the members. For instance, in some families, you do not talk while eating, you do not talk about money in the public, you do not discuss while the television is on, and so on while at another families, the time for meals is the best moment to share experiences, therefore, it becomes unusual to be silent at meals, and so on. Similarly, various families have specific role for each individual. For instance, in some families, the men are those who clean the kitchen while the women cook, the men may be the shopper and planner while at other families, the man has no place in the kitchen and is never expected to enter the kitchen for any reason. Hence when partners from families with conflicting unconscious roles and unspoken rules come together, there are bound to be problem if they do not take time to discuss the differences.

Ngozi: This is exactly one of the problems Chika had with her husband...

continue reading at http://nnamdiezema.com/2013/04/16/common-mistakes-singles-make-in-relationship-dating-and-choice-of-marriage-2

no!

MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE: LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER SO MUCH

My dear beloved brother,

I received your letter requesting me to respond to certain issues concerning manners and etiquette. I am happy that you are making such a demand at this critical stage of your life. I must say that manners and etiquette are the spices of life. They are important because they are the credentials we present to people at our first encounter with them. That is why knowing the right thing to do or say at the right place and time remains the door to a successful and happy living.

I know you may have encountered many people saying, “I am lonely and without friends”, or “Every person seems to hate me”, or “My poor background has made me to have only very few friends”. Such statements are bound to fall from the lips of a person who lacks the ingredients (good manners) necessary for influencing people and winning friends. A little change in the person’s attitude would produce a tremendous effect that he or she never imagined.

I saw from your letter that your concern has been to know why women are given preferential treatments at social gatherings. But I deem it necessary to consider other relevant issues that would present you a gentleman wherever you may go which include good appearance, good conducts among friends, sportsmanship and so on.

I may not be able to handle all of them in this single letter, but I will make every effort to discuss them in my subsequent letters.

Henry, there is one thing I wish that you would always remember even if you must forget every other thing. It is this, “Know that every individual is like a packaged gift. Just as a well packaged gift suggests that it has a good content, so does good appearance suggest you are a person of worth. In the same vein, you should bear in mind that people who don’t know you would evaluate you with the only information they have about you and in this case, it is your appearance.

More so, know that a single act can define you forever before an acquaintance because the person may not have the opportunity to meet you again after this first encounter. Thus we say “First impression matters”. For this reason, I suggest that you should never take anything for granted. Be at your best at any point in time.

You can evaluate the effect our appearances create in people’s mind when you consider how you respond to well dressed, clean-cut fellows that look debonair. I know you would wish to gain acquaintance with such individual.

But some people as you know appear haggard and repulsive. This group can hardly make friends. They may wear natural beauty but their appearance would speak so loudly that it wouldn’t allow people to look more closely to discover the beauty God has bestowed on them.

You can achieve a personal look of tidiness by using common beauty aids which include water, fresh air and sunlight. These things do not cost us anything. But failure to use them appropriately would not only mar our public image but could also pose health risks.
My dear, please, never allow yourself to appear like an ex-convict by not attending to your hair or beard. I am baffled when I see some young men who refuse to shave in due time. I do not know whether it is a new form of revolt or sense of arrival. Please brother, as you have come of age, always make effort to use your razor on your face when necessary. A face that is not properly shaved is not only repulsive but speaks of so many evils about you. You may ask yourself: “Why those in the forces (policemen, soldiers, etc) are never allowed to wear beard or mustache?” Why not claim a gentleman even if your are not one?

Dear brother, there is one thing even worse than untidiness. That is, body odour. This usually comes from poor bathing and long used cloths. Many people seem not to know that clothes worn next to the body should be changed frequently. Most at times, you do not notice the smell while your friends around you are suffering terribly. Worse still, many deceive themselves by using body spray (perfumes) when they discover they have such odour thinking that the perfume would subside the smell, unknown to them that the perfume worsens the situation when it combines with the bad odour. Please watch this!

But, however much I may emphasize the need for good appearance, I wish to remind you that virtue lies in the middle. In as much as you should take care of yourself, you must be reasonable not to call attention to your personal appearance anytime you are in public. For this reason, I wish to remind you that certain actions are to be done privately. I would not imagine seeing you cut your nail nor brush your hair in the public. Such actions should be done in private and never in the presence of witnesses. The simple rule remains: never groom in a public even when you think others are not looking at you.

Dear brother, I wish to remind you to always take good care of our sister, Esther. Please, do not allow her to derail. I could have loved to be with her at this her puberty age when she would be entertaining so many fantasies. But my profession, as you know has taken me away from home so long. But my consolation is that I have you. I know you would always guide her rightly.

I want you to know that I was not happy the way she applied her lipstick the other day two of you visited me. I could have corrected her myself but I could not have done that in the presence of the visitors. Tell her that heavy application of lipstick makes someone appear inexpert and immature rather than sophisticated. Reasonable and mature people use cosmetics so cleverly as not to call attention to them. I should also believe that she is not among the young girls I see around who are in the habit of applying make-up in the public. Remind her that make-up, powder inclusive, should ever remain a private affair and can never be accepted to be done in the public. Ask her what would be her reactions if you were to bring out your clipper in the public and begin to shave when you have her around.

My dear brother, I would not end this piece without responding to your question that prompted this letter. You demanded to know why a man should come down of the car to open the door for the woman traveling with him and to what extent such an action is worthy and reasonable especially in our culture where women are supposed to be under the men.

My dear, I may not be able to answer why such is obtainable, though some people claim that it is because the women are the weaker sex. However, I hope to research more on that. But you should know that such preferential treatment if I may use your term is not limited to cars alone but extends to every other door and to other spheres of life. Know that anytime you are with a woman and you approach a door, it falls on you to open the door for her and allow her to pass. Ideally, a young man should not be sitting in a bus while a woman stands. Learn the courtesy of giving up your seat for a lady in a public transit. Also, if you are traveling with a female and you reach your destination, do not allow the female to alight before you. Rather, move briskly, get out and offer her some help, either to carry her bag or hold her hand while she alights. But just as I said earlier, virtue lies in the middle. Don’t over do any of this. For instance, supposing a girl wishes to do any of these by herself, do not force her against her will by insisting on doing it for her.

Another area young people have shown lack of experience in this part of the world is in introducing their fellows...

continue reading at http://nnamdiezema.com/2013/04/11/an-open-letter-to-my-younger-brother-henry-on-manners-and-etiquette/

Jane: I wish I were a man!

Tony: Why?

Jane: Men have unique opportunities that women do not have especially as it concerns the choice of marriage.

Tony: Why do you say so?

Jane: Marriage is one of the areas that women folk are at a great disadvantage. We only wait for Mr. X to come and ask for our hand in marriage before we make our choice. We cannot go about seeking those who appeal to us and go after them. Even when we admire a man, the society has made it that we cannot make the advancement. We must swallow our feelings and pray he comes around. But for men, once they see the person they like, they go ahead to make their moves.

Nkechi: The more I reflect on the recent marriages around, the less enthusiastic I become about getting married. If not because of societal approach, I would rather stay single.

Ngozi: What is actually the problem? Why all these drama of falling in love, marriage and divorce?

Jane: It is nothing other than wrong choices. Once you are able to get the right man or woman, your marriage would be heaven on earth.

Tony: My dear sister, success in marriage is not so much as a result of finding the right person but being the right person.

Jane: I don’t seem to understand you.

Tony: Many of us have the wrong conception that God has ordained for each of us a particular individual for marriage. In other words, we can only be happy in our marriage when we are engaged to this “Missing Rib”.

Ngozi: Are you suggesting that we should all go out to the streets, choose anyone for marriage and try to be the “right person” for him or her?

Tony: Far be it! I only wish to stress that success in marriage is not so much a matter of marrying the person you love but loving the person you married!

Chioma: In my own opinion, I would rather say that the major cause of failure in marriages today is that we expect more from marriage than it can offer.

Jane: How?

Chioma: We see marriage as the only normal lifestyle and that it would solve all our problems. Thus many people set into marriage to escape family difficulties, loneliness, disappointments, etc. For many others, anything called marriage is better than any form of single life. This group makes the most terrible mistake in courtship. They put up with too much and hang on for too long even when they realize that the relationship is not yielding the best for them. Their view of life is “Grow up, get Married. If you don’t, something is wrong”.

Emeka: I appreciate your evaluation of the situation. But I must not fail to warn that the major cause of failure in marriages today is that couples do not prepare adequately for marriage. The trend has been “Fall in love, marry and hope for a happy marriage”. You would agree with me that if our youth can spend the same amount of time, money and energy they spend in preparing for their wedding in preparing for a successful marriage, there must be a better result. It is not a news that very many of the couples give various excuses not to attend marriage courses, yet they find time to go for shopping, dating and so on!

Nkechi: Whenever the idea of preparing for marriage is brought up, I become confused. In what ways do we really prepare for marriage? I for one, am confused on how and what to do during courtship.

Emeka: This is a question every youth ought to reflect upon and get resolved before going into marriage. Unfortunately, only very few do that. My dear, the best way to prepare for marriage is to know what causes failures in marriage and avoid them. Similarly you should know how to build a happy union.

Ngozi: What are those things that give rise to failure in marriage?

Emeka: Majority of those who go into marriages today have little or no adequate understanding of love in relations to sex, romance and marriage. Similarly, very many of them fail to understand, appreciate and accept gender roles and differences. Other hitches include: Poor communication, unhealthy expectations from marriage and inability to settle arguments and make decisions. If you evaluate the various family crises, they usually stem from one or more of these facts.

Ngozi: We have made much noise about this thing called love. For me, it has lost its values and meaning. The rate we fall and rise from love these days are embarrassing. You may ask yourself: How many of these newlywed did not speak of undying love for each other, yet it takes only few days for the so called Rome and Juliet to become cat and dog.

Emeka: Love remains a necessary ingredient for the sustenance of every relationship and building of a happy marriage. But what
this love means is a big question. Hence Shakespeare wrote in Twelfth Night “What is Love?” Besides, love alone is not enough to give marriage a good footing. Other elements must be there.

Tony: This reminds me of a seminar I attended few weeks ago. I was fortunate enough to be part of a program organized for married couples on building a happy family. I was there to report the proceedings of the seminar. It was a shock to me when one of the paper presenters asked the participants to define love. For over two hundred couples present, none of them was able to define the term “Love”, yet they claimed to love each other so tenderly. The highpoint of the activity came when he separated the men from the women and told the men to write out what they could do for their wives as prove of their love for them. It would be hard to believe that what he men wrote as their best ways of proving their love for their wives were far from what the women expected from the men. While the men were talking about things like buying flowers for their wives, providing adequately for their family and avoiding arguments; the women were like saying, “what we need from them is a little embrace and a token of “I love you” words before they leave for work, a call from the office to know how the day is going, a tone of admiration and appreciation of our cooking and so on. The same was applicable when the women were told to carry out the same exercise.

Emeka: That was why I spoke of understanding and appreciating gender roles and differences. But before we go into that, I wish that we make a little clarification of this thing called love. The first question we need to ask ourselves is: How would you know that someone loves you?

Jane: I am not prepared for your semantics this time. Even though I do not know how to explain or define love, all I know is that once I see someone that loves me, I would know.

Emeka: What are those things you recognize in certain individuals that make you count them among your loving ones?

Jane: The person should be caring, ready to sacrifice for me and be able to make me happy.

Emeka: Therefore, anyone who reprimands you or allows you to suffer some pain so that you can learn from your mistakes does not pass your test for love?

Jane: I told you I’m not prepared for your semantics today. I still maintain that as much as I cannot define love, my heart would continue to search for my “Missing Rib”. Once I find it, I would know for we shall be ‘connected’.

Ngozi: This question is making more meaning to me. I am beginning to see the difficulty with differentiating between passing emotion and true love.

Tony: One thing I have realized about love is that it is a paradox. First of all, it involves two persons becoming one yet remaining two individuals. Secondly, it is a strange mixture of opposites: freedom and restriction, change and stability, dependence and independence. This is why it is difficult to define the term, love.

Ngozi: This still boils down to the question: How do we discover someone that loves us?

Emeka: The mistake we make is to think that love is something in the other fellow and all we need to do is to discover it and dig it out. But far be it. Love is cultivated, nurtured and harvested.

Ngozi: When then do we talk of love at first sight?

Emeka: There is nothing like love at first sight. We should know the difference between love, romance and passion. Though passion and romance are ingredients of love, they are not love per se. besides any love devoid of them is not truly love.

Ngozi: What then is love and how is it related to these two?

Emeka: Love has various elements and stages of development. The elements are passion, intimacy and commitment. But I shall not dwell on this now. I shall concern myself here with the various stages of its development.

Ngozi: We are all ears!

Emeka: The first stage is romance. At this time, the couple seems to forget that they are unique and separated individuals with specific identities...

continue reading at http://nnamdiezema.com/2013/04/09/common-mistakes-singles-make-in-relationship-dating-and-choice-of-marriage/

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FRIEND ON HARMFUL EFFECTS OF MASTURBATION

Dear Nkechi,
I received your letter few days ago requesting me to respond to certain issues about masturbation and its effects generally.
To be frank with you, this is an area I have avoided discussing severally for some personal reasons. But I am compelled to respond to your request at this time because very many have inundated me with the same demand in the recent past. And more, your openness in the letter especially in presenting to me in clear words your sexual life has revealed to me the much trust you have reposed on me. I wish to reciprocate this gesture. As you requested in your letter, I promise you that I would never betray you. Count on me as you have always done. More so, I would do my best to present to you as much information as would help you in this issue.
Furthermore, I do not wish that the information contained in this letter, though addressed to you personally, be retained for your personal consumption alone. I wish that you share your new knowledge with those friends of yours who you reported to me in your letter, had told you that masturbation is all good devoid of any harms or side effects.
My dear, I do not wish to deny that there is something pleasurable about masturbation just as it is with every sexual pleasure including rape and I know that you have been enjoying the act. But the important question remains: Are those pleasurable feelings worth the side effects? Do they make you a better human? Where do they lead you?
You may be shocked to hear me say that I’m not very much surprised that you are engaging in this act at this time. Rather, what has surprised me is how you managed to seek help at this time which is uncommon among the young people engaging in this act. It convinces me that you still appreciate the values we shared together as members of the Block Rosary Crusade. I’m not surprised that you engage in it because masturbation is found excessively among boarding adolescent which you are one. The reason is that boarding houses encourage exchange of information about masturbation and allows room for adventures into it. Unfortunately too, these innocent minds would be fed with the lies about the good sides just as you received from your friends. Thus, they would consider it a better option for relieving sexual tension. That is why I believed you when you said that you engage in it as a better option for fear of getting pregnant with the opposite sex and also the fear of contracting HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. But no matter how good and plausible these reasons may sound, they do not worth engaging in the act as you would see shortly. And in my interactions with other people, they have given similar excuses. Even married couples have told me that they engage in the act as a decision not to be unfaithful to their partners. Wow, could this be choosing between two evils or robbing Peter to pay Paul? Some have even reported to me that they engage in it because of bitterness and disappointment of past or recent relationship with the opposite sex, and also for lack of confidence and courage to approach the opposite sex. An unmarried adult has also told me that he has chosen it as an option for relieving sexual tension instead of seeking sexual relationship with prostitutes. And he called it a “Wise Choice”. Wise indeed?
It is equally true that many engage in it out of natural instinct, many others, and here you belong, are lured into it by bad companions and still many others engage in it because they are addicted to obscene films which arouse sexual desires. And sexual reflexes once activated are powerful reflexes that would continue to clamour insistently for expression. When this occurs, this group sees masturbation as the way out.
My dear, for whatever reason, masturbation is outright evil. It is a sin against God and against nature. Not only is it morally evil, it has various and varied harmful effects. It is outright sinful because it is the use of the sexual organs for a purpose opposed to the real end for which they are intended by God. It contradicts the essential meaning of sex. God designed the sexual act to be an expression of deep love between a husband and a wife for the procreation of children. Masturbation contradicts this purpose and frustrates this design by God. It is a perversion of the order established by God for in masturbation, one closes oneself within oneself. St. Paul on this note pleads with us, “God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin…” (1 Th. 4:3-. He further warns that any form of sexual immorality should not be mentioned among the people of God for the people who behave in such manners would never inherit the Kingdom of God. (Eph. 5:3-5). When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, and eagerness for lustful pleasure. And as you already know, any person who lives that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. (Gal 5:19-21
Aside the moral implication, masturbation has been reported to have various and varied harmful effects. One major aspect of masturbation is that it is a learned act, and as every learned act, it would soon turn to a habit and once it becomes a habit, it is difficult to come out from it. Many who have formed the habit of masturbation have presented various reports on the harmful effects in addition to reports from medical experts. Unknown to many, most of the side effects would continue to haunt one even many years into one’s marital life. At times, it frustrates the sexual life of the married couple.
NK, I would wish to save the physical effects of this act for my next letter to you, so that I would be able to give it a better touch which it deserves. I equally recognized in your letter that you seek a way to come out of this act. I shall definitely handle them in my subsequent letters. As you anticipate my subsequent letters, I would not stop this piece without informing you that masturbation causes hormonal imbalance throughout the body. This hormonal imbalance gives rise to many effects including rapid aging and early death which results from a syndrome in which one’s vitality goes down. In such cases, one feels exhausted, even as a teenager or a young man or woman. Subsequently, the hair may turn gray, the body becomes thin and loose muscle and one feels old. It also gives rise to irritability and emotional unsteadiness, low self-esteem, sexual difficulties with one’s partner when one gets married and many more. I promise to give you details on these effects in my subsequent letters...
Remain blessed
With love from
Nnamdi

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Dear Paddy

Happy Birthday to you!

I was delighted when I got a text from your mum inviting me to a birthday party organized in your honour. What a great day it would be for you again! I can see you making wonderful dancing steps. I can see Chioma, Chima, Emeka and Jane around you! I must tell you, I will miss this special day. Nevertheless, make sure you keep my own cake for me!



Though I would not be with you physically on this great day, my spirit is there with you. It is still in the same spirit that I write this letter to you: First, to appreciate God’s favour in your life and second, to respond to the discussions I had with you when you visited home for Christmas.

My dear, I must confess; I saw in you a man who is going to change the world. I saw the burning desire, the determination, the enthusiasm, the hopes and the promises in you. With these, I am convinced you would make a difference. I’m also sending you a pocket Bible as your birthday gift following your request. I hope you would love it.

Junior, you have always informed me of your desire to become a great scientist. All you need to achieve is within you. There are boys like you in the persons of Albert Einstein, Pele, Thomas Edison, Bruce Lee, King Tut, Elvis Presley, Bill Gates, Galileo and Dalai Lama who achieved great feats and changed the world history before they were 20. How did they do it? They have one thing in common. They held their dreams and with this, went ahead to make a difference! The life of Albert Einstein, a scientist, who is known today for his theory of relativity changed at 12 when a family friend gave him a geometry book to read. In a short time, he read the entire book and finished all of its equations. After this, he read all scientific books he could lay his hands on. At 13, he read “A Critique of Pure Reason”, by Immanuel Kant, a book I, myself, found difficult to understand when I was doing my first degree. When Albert was asked to tell people the secret of his success, he said, “I have no special gift… I am only passionately curious”. Junior, did you hear him say curious? Yes! His curiosity made him slip at a mountain while contemplating on how possible human beings could travel as fast as light. At 16, he wrote his first scientific paper, “On the Investigation of the State of Ether in Magnetic Field”, a book that paved way for his future as one of the notable scientists in human history. However, Albert didn’t find it easy always. Because of his contemplative nature and devotion to researches, he didn’t pay attention to class work and his teachers felt he was useless and called him Herr Langweil meaning, “Mister Stupid”. Imagine! Pele had the dream of becoming a great footballer. But his family was so poor as not to be able to buy him a football. Thus, his father stuffed an old sock full of rags and began teaching him how to play. By age 5, Pele ran wild in the streets kicking his sock into make shift goals. While in school, he earned extra money shining shoes and selling peanuts outside movie theatre. At age 16, he was already the greatest soccer player in the world. And at 17, he represented his country, Brazil, in the national team at 1958 World Cup, and became the best footballer in the tournament. He led his team to win three World Cups making him the only person ever to win three World Cups. Before Pele, people thought it was impossible for someone to score up to 1,000 goals. But in his football career, Pele scored 1,220 goals.

When he was asked to tell people the secret of his success, he pointed out that it was a result of Hard Work. Yes! Hard Work was his own. If he felt he hadn’t played his best, he would stay after a game and practice alone for hours. These thousands of hours of solitary practices helped him perfect his deadly accurate kicks, increased his speed and master countless tricks.



Bruce Lee, your favourite actor and inventor of Kung Fu movies achieved the feat by practicing six hours every day. At 17, he was already a master in Martial Arts and performed his first major role in the movie, The Orphan. Bill Gates grew up in a strict family that never allowed him watch TV except on weekends. Without the opportunities to watch TV, he devoured countless books especially scientific fictions and devoted time to researches. At 15, he earned $20, 000 (About three million Naira) from his inventions on computer. Chico Mendes, at tender age of fifteen, protected workers and the environment by protesting against the rubber barons in the Amazon Jungle in Brazil. Elvis Presley, at age 19, revolutionized American Music through his dancing and his lyrics. Thomas Edison, the inventor of phonograph and electric bulb was a newspaper vendor at 15 but had his first invention on telegraph at 19. He is known for the saying, “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. Thus, he strived hard to change the world. The list is endless. I wish you also ask questions about people like King Tut who became Egyptian Pharaoh at age 9, Galilee Galilei, who became the world’s first physicist; Mozart, who before he was 20, had travelled round the whole of Europe composing and performing music and is celebrated till today by musicians; Pablo Picasso, who at 10 completed his first major painting…



Dear Junior, you can see that the secret of the success of these people is hard work. Yes! Hard work! Hard work!! Hard work!!! They held their dreams and went ahead to make a difference. You too can make a difference! Dare to be different and you will! Yes, you can! Start now! Do not think you are still too young. Einstein devoured the books that would change his life at your age. You too can! Start lighting the candle and let your light shine. Extraordinary people like Edison, Pele, Einstein, Bruce Lee, Chico … were ordinary people who let their inner light shine. Let your inner light shine! But you cannot do this unless you get involved. And to get involved, you must not do tomorrow what you can do today. Thus, let your watchword be: First thing, First! Yes! Let your studies be First! Your mum has complained to me that you usually get stuck to TV programs, video games, internet and 2go. Desist from this. Bill Gates was able to become the youngest millionaire because the parents never allowed him to watch televisions except on weekends. He used his times to study. Please, let the difficulties you encounter on your life not deter you. Even when you fail, continue to strive. Temporal defeat is never a permanent failure. Besides, do not wait until tomorrow before you start. Start today! You are not too young to make a mark. No time is the “Right Time”. Start here and now, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools would be found as you go along. If you succeed tomorrow, you owe no person any explanation. If you fail, you are not permitted to give excuses.

My warm regards to Uche, Nkechi, Chioma, Mum and Dad. I miss you so much!

Your Cousin,

Nnamdi

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[center]WHY ME? [/center]
[center]How to Discover Dangerous Relationship before You Get Hurt[/center]

Chioma: Who gave you this mark, Jane?

Jane: This is my birthday gift from James.

[b]Chioma: Birthday gift? How? What happened?

Nkiru: [/b]I can’t believe this!

[b]Jane: It is harder for me to believe it myself, but it has happened. He gave me the beating of my life on my birthday.

Florence: I’m getting all the more confused at each passing day. If this could happen between Jane and James, I wonder whether any form of love would ever last these days. I thought theirs was a perfect combination.

Nkiru: Jane, you were among the few girls I envied before now. I saw that the guy was so romantic.



CONTINUE READING AT www.nnamdiezema.com

Tony: Why do good girls always fall for bad guys?

Ngozi: How do you mean?

Tony: Why do good girls love bad bad guys?

Jane: What do you mean by a bad guy?

Ngozi: Tony, no woman wants a man who would abuse, maltreat or disrespect her.

John: I don’t seem to agree with you, Ngozi! What you are saying is far from our daily experiences. We have always seen good girls fall for troublemakers knowing fully well that the bad guy would hurt her and break her heart eventually.



Peter: The truth is that opposites attract. The good girl wants the bad guy for a balance in life.

Jane: Peter, That is not true! Every girl wants a nice guy. But what does a girl mean when she says, “I want a nice guy?”

Ngozi: Most men think that a nice guy is one who is humble, meek, buys gifts, compliments, wants her to be happy always, do not wish to offend her…

Tony: What else would you want from a nice guy?

Jane: Such guys would make good employers but not good mates!

Tony: Why?

Jane: They show up on time, respect the other, always play it safe, say all the nice things, and the likes. Hence, such guys are good, safe, and harmless but BORING to a good girl who is already used to such form of life.

Ngozi: The fact is that the good girl wants the package without the luggage inside.

Tony: How do you mean?

Ngozi: The so-called bad guy has some attractive sides: strong sense of personal authority, wild fun, playful side, knows where to be at every time…. In short, he adds condiments and spicy to the game making it interesting. However, she wouldn’t want the bad things that bad guys do: abusing, lying, etc. Hence, she wants a jerk without the bad side.

John: And at times, the girl feels safe around such a man. That is why you see a girl threaten a boy twice her size. Once the boy begins to come closer, she calls her boyfriend. She is her AK47.

Emeka: There is another side to this issue. Even though it appears as if the bad guy and the good girl are opposites, they are not. The bad guy’s reckless personality is vibrating at the same frequency with the good girl’s desire for adventure and self-exploration. Since women don’t want to be responsible for being bad themselves, the bad guy offers her the opportunity to break away from the monotony of her own world.

Chioma: Age matters a lot here too. While the younger girls would wish to explore life and go after such radicals, the older girls would wish to have the good guy who would be a good father to their kids. They want someone who would help them build a home together. But certain common mistakes make even the older girls fall prey to the bad guys.

Tony: What are the mistakes?

Chioma: Women love to change their men. Every girl believes that there is a “good him” in every bad guy and we trust our ‘nurturing instinct’ so much to think we are able to change any man. Hence, we see every bad guy as a ‘PROJECT’. Thus, the ‘badder’ the man, the better because such personalities give us more task. Worse still, we believe that we are insulated from the influences of the person’s immorality, addictions, etc; unknown to us that instead of changing them, they may end up changing us. Furthermore, bad guys are usually more assertive than good guys in terms of initiating dating relationship. Women love to be pursued and many good guys are not ready to go extra miles in pursuit of what they want. Most good guys are even so afraid of rejection that they find it difficult to ask a girl out for a date. But for the bad guy, he does not give up easily nor hesitate to make his demands. Equally, our society seems to applaud the bad guy qualities. Look at the rough actors, daring musicians, cultists, etc. They appear to have attractive popularity. Some women could be attracted to them in attempt to meet up with their desire for acceptance and relevance.

Emeka: What these girls do not know is that associating with bad guys can tarnish their image. Also, a bad guy may be fun when you go out for party…but remember that the party does not last forever. Besides, every vain pleasure is ephemeral and disappears with time. The bad guy may give you the excitement, security, pleasure and joy, you need at the moment as much as you meet up with his needs. Once you fall short of his needs, he zooms off in search of another fellow to take your place and leaves you to lick your sour heart! Why take such a risk?

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WHY DO GOOD GIRLS ALWAYS FALL FOR BAD BOYS IN TOWN?
Tony: Why do good girls always fall for bad guys?

Ngozi: How do you mean?

Tony: Why do good girls love bad bad guys?

Jane: What do you mean by a bad guy?

Ngozi: Tony, no woman wants a man who would abuse, maltreat or disrespect her.

John: I don’t seem to agree with you, Ngozi! What you are saying is far from our daily experiences. We have always seen good girls fall for troublemakers knowing fully well that the bad guy would hurt her and break her heart eventually.



Peter: The truth is that opposites attract. The good girl wants the bad guy for a balance in life.

Jane: Peter, That is not true! Every girl wants a nice guy. But what does a girl mean when she says, “I want a nice guy?”

Ngozi: Most men think that a nice guy is one who is humble, meek, buys gifts, compliments, wants her to be happy always, do not wish to offend her…

Tony: What else would you want from a nice guy?

Jane: Such guys would make good employers but not good mates!

Tony: Why?

Jane: They show up on time, respect the other, always play it safe, say all the nice things, and the likes. Hence, such guys are good, safe, and harmless but BORING to a good girl who is already used to such form of life.

Ngozi: The fact is that the good girl wants the package without the luggage inside.

Tony: How do you mean?

Ngozi: The so-called bad guy has some attractive sides: strong sense of personal authority, wild fun, playful side, knows where to be at every time…. In short, he adds condiments and spicy to the game making it interesting. However, she wouldn’t want the bad things that bad guys do: abusing, lying, etc. Hence, she wants a jerk without the bad side.

John: And at times, the girl feels safe around such a man. That is why you see a girl threaten a boy twice her size. Once the boy begins to come closer, she calls her boyfriend. She is her AK47

continue reading www.nnamdiezema.com