Only women who are married monogamously under the marriage act (in court or in an approved church) have the right to say “My husband is cheating on me”! If you are only married traditionally, your husband never vowed to be faithful to you!

when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

Constrictive criticism is allowed

Where is it explicitly stated that all traditional marriages is automatic polygamy or adultery approved? Show us proof, link pls, don't just spew your own opinion as fact.

Op.... Where is this coming from. How can u back ur statements up.... If u are using our fore fathers or grandparents to judge this.. Then u need to get ur facts right cos it was never stated that whenever u go the traditional way alone means u husband can marry more.. Na fallacy mehn

maureensylvia:
when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

So what you are attempting to say here is that traditional laws encourage adultery and is of no benefit to women?

What about the other way around? Couldn't it also be said that women who marry under native law are free to seek adventure outside of their marriage in the same light? Or are women slaves to their men under these laws you refer to?

Ok, do you also know that as far as custody of your children is concerned, if you are only traditionally married, the children belong to the man who paid your bride price 100%.

As a woman, if you want to marry, make sure you don’t do only traditional marriage, be sure you do statutory marriage either in an approved church or in court, so that your rights in that marriage will be protected.

Meanwhile, guys... Check out my signature for agro commodities from Kano at quality and affordable prices :

Biglittlelois:
Where is it explicitly stated that all traditional marriages is automatic polygamy or adultery approved? Show us proof, link pls, don't just spew your own opinion as fact.

What is traditional marriage?

Traditional/Customary marriage is a marriage ceremony that has been conducted in accordance with the customs of the bride and groom's families. In Nigeria this could involve the paying of bride price, giving of gifts, etc.

There are typically no oaths or agreements taken by either party on the issue of adultery, are there?,

habsydiamond:
Op.... Where is this coming from. How can u back ur statements up.... If u are using our fore fathers or grandparents to judge this.. Then u need to get ur facts right cos it was never stated that whenever u go the traditional way alone means u husband can marry more.. Na fallacy mehn

What you call traditional laws where handed down by our ancestors and grandparents, where they not?

Biglittlelois:
Where is it explicitly stated that all traditional marriages is automatic polygamy or adultery approved? Show us proof, link pls, don't just spew your own opinion as fact.

But my dear, have you seen or heard where they exchange vows of fidelity during the traditional marriage?

Kobojunkie:
What is traditional marriage?
There are typically no oaths or agreements taken by either party on the issue of adultery, are there?,

And there are no oaths or agreements by either party that adultery or polygamy is allowed, are there?

Kobojunkie:
What you call traditional laws where handed down by our ancestors and grandparents, where they not?

if they wer handed down by them... Was it indicated that with only traditional marriage alone, the husband is entitled to marriage more wives... Majority of our forefather and grandparents indulge in
marrying more than one wife because they are rich then and they see marrying many wife as a way to flaunt their wealth.

maureensylvia:


But my dear, have you seen or heard where they exchange vows of fidelity during the traditional marriage?

Where is it explicitly stated that infidelity is allowed when exchanging vows?

Biglittlelois:
And there are no oaths or agreements by either party that adultery or polygamy is allowed, are there?

A marriage is sort of like an open contract. It is in your interest to include those clauses which you wish to have included as part of your marriage. So, if you don't specify that polygamy, for instance, is not allowed, it is assumed that it is, and this by default.

habsydiamond:
if they wer handed down by them... Was it indicated that with only traditional marriage alone, the husband is entitled to marriage more wives... Majority of our forefather and grandparents indulge in
marrying more than one wife because they are rich then and they see marrying many wife as a way to flaunt their wealth.

Majority of our forefathers were not rich or wealthy in any way. I remember my own grandfather was not a particularly rich man but he had two wives, this because he wanted more children.

Traditional laws as far as marriage remain, in most cases, as handed down and in many of these laws, women are considered property of their husbands, so also their children. So it not really in a woman's interest to be married by those very laws as the risks are extremely high that she will be deprived a share in properties from the marriage is the case of dissolution, divorce or abandonment.

maureensylvia:
Ok, do you also know that as far as custody of your children is concerned, if you are only traditionally married, the children belong to the man who paid your bride price 100%.

As a woman, if you want to marry, make sure you don’t do only traditional marriage, be sure you do statutory marriage either in an approved church or in court, so that your rights in that marriage will be protected.

I guess the bolded is based on where you come from, as in your tribe right? Cos as far as logical sane minds are concerned, the children belong to the parents, as in the husband and wife, in case of divorce and whatnot, custody will/should be given to who is best suitable to take care of them efficiently.

Seems like Op is on a mission to create baseless unwarranted arguments and unnecessary war of words between both genders

Kobojunkie:
Majority of our forefathers were not rich or wealthy in any way. I remember my own grandfather was not a particular rich man but he had two wives because he wanted more children.

Traditional laws as far as marriage remain, in most cases, as handed down and in many of these laws, women are considered property of their husbands, so also their children. So it not really in a woman's interest to be married by those very laws as the risks are extremely high that she will be deprived a share in properties from the marriage is the case of dissolution, divorce or abandonment.

i didn't say all.. I said majority that indulge in it. Those that u heard of were large scale farmers... U know how cash crops sell those days nao.

Biglittlelois:
I guess the bolded is based on where you come from, as in your tribe right? Cos as far as logical sane minds are concerned, the children belong to the parents, as in the husband and wife, in case of divorce and whatnot, custody will/should be given to who is best suitable to take care of them efficiently.

Seems like Op is on a mission to create baseless unwarranted arguments and unnecessary war of words between both genders

You invoke logic when dealing with traditional laws? You have never considered the details it your traditional laws, have you?

There are traditional custody laws which stipulate that custody of every child born in a marriage belongs to the man in the marriage. So imagine the case of a woman who was kicked out of her marriage and stripped of custody of her kids via the same laws.

habsydiamond:
i didn't say all.. I said majority that indulge in it. Those that u heard of were large scale farmers... U know how cash crops sell those days nao.

Regardless, the same traditional marriage laws of old that allowed for polygamy are the same laws you submit to when yu opt for traditional marriage.

Kobojunkie:
A marriage is sort of like an open contract. It is in your interest to include those clauses which you wish to have included as part of your marriage. So, if you don't specify that polygamy, for instance, is not allowed, it is assumed that it is, and this by default.

Marriage it not "sort of" an open contract, it is an open contract when terms and conditions have being tabled towards it, it is not when nothing has been said, same way, it can also be assumed that since polygamy is not specified, it is not allowed, by default.

Op,like seriously!?!!

Mtcheeeeeeeww...

maureensylvia:
Only women who are married monogamously under the marriage act (in court or in an approved church) have the right to say “My husband is cheating on me”! If you are only married traditionally, your husband never vowed to be faithful to you!

when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

Constrictive criticism is allowed
Cc: Seun lalasticlala mynd44

Narrow minded comments like this, is why you never won the miss Nairaland contest.

ShaqFu:
Narrow minded comments like this, is why you never won the miss Nairaland contest.

I forgive you

Biglittlelois:



I guess the bolded is based on where you come from, as in your tribe right? Cos as far as logical sane minds are concerned, the children belong to the parents, as in the husband and wife, in case of divorce and whatnot, custody will/should be given to who is best suitable to take care of them efficiently.

Seems like Op is on a mission to create baseless unwarranted arguments and unnecessary war of words between both genders

TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE NEVER favours the woman. Never! See, celebrating traditional marriage is as good as celebrating introduction. Nothing more!

There are so many disadvantages about that type of marriage and no woman is spared especially when you have no money of your own..

So, choose a struggle. Either you have a civil wedding attached to the traditional or have traditional but make sure you're rich.

It may interest you to know that in traditional marriage;

1. You have no right to leave the marriage with your children. You're expected to leave the same way you came. Funny right? Well, that's the reality.

2. Your husband has a right to marry and impregnate as many women as possible and you have no say. Yes! You don't cos he "bought" you.

3. Even if you're to leave with the children, unless they're below 8yrs or primary 3. Yes! You read well.

Again, anything that has to do with your future, be serious about it. Read alot. Do findings.

If you're marrying into another tribe please do your due diligence and make enquiries about their traditions cos.

So, if you're a to be bride, either you do

Trad, Court and White or Trad and Court.

Biglittlelois:
Marriage it not "sort of" an open contract, it is an open contract when terms and conditions have being tabled towards it, it is not when nothing has been said, same way, it can also be assumed that since polygamy is not specified, it is not allowed, by default.

Try not to approach this emotionally please so you can clearly see what it is you continue to miss.

The very same traditional marriage laws that exist today are the same laws that were used to marry off your great grand mother, along with the other wives, her husband may have had. These laws do not exclude adultery and polygamy from from contract - marriage in this sense is defined as an open contract by these laws allowing men to have their pick of wives.

Now, what OP is telling you is that by choosing to be married under the very same traditional laws even today, you openly agree to the same deal your great grandmother's agreed to.

Kobojunkie:
You invoke logic when dealing with traditional laws? You have never considered the details it your traditional laws, have you?

There are traditional custody laws which stipulate that custody of every child born in a marriage belongs to the man in the marriage. So imagine the case of a woman who was kicked out of her marriage and stripped of custody of her kids via the same laws.

Seems like you have full details of all traditional laws of all tribes in Nigeria, pls enlighten me, I want to learn

There are also cases of kids given to their mother for full custody in traditional laws, and fathers having visitation rights cos they are unfit to fully take care of the kids,

Do not make this a gender thing, stick to the topic, or else, I'm out.

maureensylvia:
Ok, do you also know that as far as custody of your children is concerned, if you are only traditionally married, the children belong to the man who paid your bride price 100%.

As a woman, if you want to marry, make sure you don’t do only traditional marriage, be sure you do statutory marriage either in an approved church or in court, so that your rights in that marriage will be protected.

You are only stating realities and facts as obtainable in SouthEast Nigeria.

Very narrow-minded worldview.

maureensylvia:
Ok, do you also know that as far as custody of your children is concerned, if you are only traditionally married, the children belong to the man who paid your bride price 100%.

As a woman, if you want to marry, make sure you don’t do only traditional marriage, be sure you do statutory marriage either in an approved church or in court, so that your rights in that marriage will be protected.

& u haven't see men who wedded in church or court marrying more than one wife??

Biglittlelois:

Seems like you have full details of all traditional laws of all tribes in Nigeria, pls enlighten me, I want to learn

There are also cases of kids given to their mother for full custody in traditional laws, and fathers having visitation rights cos they are unfit to fully take care of the kids,

Do not make this a gender thing, stick to the topic, or else, I'm out.

Well, it's pretty much general knowledge that traditional laws in much of Nigeria allowed for polygamy- and this from North to South, east to west.

The patriarchal nature of society didn't just materialize from nothing, you know.

As for fathers getting visitation rights their kids in a traditional setting, do you happen to have an idea of the traditional background of the case in question?

Interesting points raised by Biglittlelois and Kobojunkie. These are the types of posts that should grace the front page. Posts that bring intellectual arguments and not gossips over kpokpogarri's sexual exploits.

Saintmary:
You are only stating realities and facts as obtainable in SouthEast Nigeria.

Very narrow-minded worldview.

It is not just in the South-East. The same is observed in the Southwest as well.

Kobojunkie:
Majority of our forefathers were not rich or wealthy in any way. I remember my own grandfather was not a particular rich man but he had two wives because he wanted more children.

Traditional laws as far as marriage remain, in most cases, as handed down and in many of these laws, women are considered property of their husbands, so also their children. So it not really in a woman's interest to be married by those very laws as the risks are extremely high that she will be deprived a share in properties from the marriage is the case of dissolution, divorce or abandonment.

Again, another statement that refuses to specify the exact location where these traditions are being practiced.

In case you've forgotten, Nigeria is a multi-cultural country.

Saintmary:

In case you've forgotten, Nigeria is a multi-cultural country.

True that Nigeria is a multicultural nation but when it comes to tradition and marriage, can you specify one cultural group that does not provide for polygamy as a patriarchal right

If location is what you want, I say you look in the South Easts and South West- I exclude the North where sharia has somewhat taken the place of traditional laws.