Rupertek:
This is what we get when women become the breadwinners. There was no problem at all when the man was shouldering the responsibilities

Exactly bro

Dem think say marriage na child's play

gaby:
A very dicey and tricky situation to be caught up in, I must tell you.

I pray you to find the wisdom to handle this and come out good in the end.

He helps out in the house with chores, right?

Be vigilant and open-minded.

If he's someone you can smell any whiff of potential in, keep pushing and encouraging him.

His understanding of hustling or "going out to make money" as you submitted might be different from yours.

We all will face downtime in life at some point but not giving up or in will ultimately form the key at the end.

Most men like yours, you disengage from them and within a year, you'd be regretting why and how you lost out at the "almost" hour.

Be wise and keep strong.

Tough times are, but temporary to help us see, and understand our immediate environment plus those around us.

The most important of all is to get him immediate help with his gambling addiction.

You're wise bro

You just cleared my mind

Please don't divorce him, otherwise your children will grow as products of broken home.

Try as much as possible to help your husband out of his present predicaments.

You too should start talking to people who can get him job, not only government jobs but even private jobs also.

You can force him to engage himself in quick job-search like Sales Rep. Presently NDLEA advertised some vacant positions.

If he still turn deaf ears, then report him to a responsible mature elder in his family, Pls DO NOT REPORT HIM TO PASTOR OR IMAM.

Lastly, you need constant prayers, stay away from alcohol and any other sin.

Your husband situation is not beyond control. Don't ever think of divorce, this may just be a trial period.
I pray that God will see you through.

udede:
that one is the hands of God, the motivation of the man and Buhari. Meanwhile who did you vote ?

Having an addict in the home, is life-draining.

I didn't vote, not based in Nigeria.

What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

From what you're saying, the man used to be hardworking etc until he got addicted to gambling and losses everything. Perhaps, his desire to have excess cash to take care of his family was the driving force behind it but it ended up that way.
What the man need is rehabilitation not divorce and you will get your once lovely husband back..

abimcdssi:


But she's more or less a 'single mother'. What's the point of being married to a man that doesn't provide for his family and is not ready to? The only thing she's probably getting from the man is sex.

A responsible married man that loses his job will dust himself up and make efforts to start providing no matter how little. His 'plan' is to hit the jackpot from gambling like most gamblers dream.

She said he gambled away his salary while he had a job anyways. She married an irresponsible man. She should weigh her options and decide what's best for her and the kids.

Go and look for saman for her una go just dey talk.

With what you said here shows that you also contributed to his problem. Hope you're are not giving him pressure in the house, hope you're not the one that pushed him to do what he doesn't want to do. Just calm down and sit him down with respect in order to talk with him about solution but don't shout at him at all.

His money before have always go into gambling.
I have tried several time to save some with me, but he didn't. By now, we would have been on the street begging and suffering if not the fact that I have been hard working on my little business. Put money in my business let it grow, he will not. Come to church and be worshipping so God can help, he will say he's not in the mood. Now, he has nothing and he's not planning on other things.

Many women do same you wrote their and apart from gambling and their husbands love them that way. Don't make a rash decision. If things turn out better for your husband tomorrow, you may be happy for staying with him. Work with him to grow and not against him. In all, the decision is yours to make, but understand that being a single parent is worse than having a jobless husband. You may end up not taking care of the children you have if you leave.

Kobojunkie:
1. If the man chose to shoulder it all in marriage, that was his choice in the agreement that is his marriage. OP is complaining, and rightly so because she didn't choose to shoulder the burden all by herself and so this is an unfair burden placed on her by her husband.

2. She didn't force her husband to submit himself to hypogamy in the first place. He made that choice for himself. That choice is not to meant to be shifted from one person to another in marriage unless the two parties in fact agree to it.

looool see excuse, so was she thinking dat everything will be fine and there will be no bumpy ride? She is just a lazy person stop covering for ur gender..

ElijahIme1992:
looool see excuse, so was she thinking dat everything will be fine and there will be no bumpy ride? She is just a lazy person stop covering for ur gender..

Define Bumpy ride!

Kobojunkie:
Define Bumpy ride!

in life people go through a tough spell, nobody goes through a smooth ride from the day he/she was born to wen dey die, there are challenges and storms people will face in life but what will make you overcome is the capacity u have built.. dat woman thinking to jump ship because of a small challenge she is facing is just a coward... The challenges we face and overcome builds our capacity and character..

Short-term thinking

What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

ElijahIme1992:
in life people go through a tough spell, nobody goes through a smooth ride from the day he/she was born to wen dey die, there are challenges and storms people will face in life but what will make you overcome is the capacity u have built.. dat woman thinking to jump ship because of a small challenge she is facing is just a coward... The challenges we face and overcome builds our capacity and character..

So her husband gambling all of his income away ,income that should have gone instead towards paying the kids school fees, paying rent and bills, including food for the house, is what you consider a rough spell, a rough spell, a challenge?

The Bible is referring to the person who “will not” provide, not the person who “cannot” provide.

ezegold4we:
Gambling, drug's, laziness, procrastination and womanizing are the 3 easiest ways to remain in perpetual poverty

The word of God says that's if any man does not provide for his family,He is worse than an infidel,

That man should sit up and look for any work or Job to do and provide for his family,

A transfered responsibility is a transferred crown,

Any healthy man being fed by a woman on a daily basis should just go on hunger strike and pray to God to help him because it's never the will of God from the beginning, God made man the Head in everything especially in marriage.

It’s a part of life.

Shit happens, even to the best of us.

It’s difficult to choose and pick the challenges that will surface during any marriage.

Better is the mindset that says “whatever challenges come our way, we will go through it together without complaint.”

Kobojunkie:
So her husband gambling all of his income away ,income that should have gone instead towards paying the kids school fees, paying rent and bills, including food for the house, is what you consider a rough spell, a rough spell, a challenge?

Isabi4lov:
That has been the standard from time immemorial.

Men should provide for their families.

Even the Bible says that a man that cannot provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel.

Your right sha.

..

Where work de for this country sef
Woman, you are in a situation right now, in an African setting,
divorce can never be an option, even the gospel have made it clear. most especially when u have kids, except u are seeing another man!
Engage his people, to help u manage this circumstances, dont keep silence, wake up!

Most of these young mothers out there, any small thing, divorce. Were u not married in the way of Christian or Islam?.... divorce is one of the worst things before GOD.
there are still some women, even their husband died leaving children behind, they will never marry again, just for their children.....

Some women will quickly think divorce because of one small test of life and the next few months another man will still going out with them, pls even if we are not holy, let try and have fear of God....

I have someone close to me battling this issue ... O would have said this is the exact story, its like a replica .. Let me tell you the mind set of the husband ... Number 1) He is okay not wanting to try to feed the family.. Because as a man .. You have the responsibility to feed your family .. If things go south or u lost your job, you need to try and keep on trying to see job or bring little for the family.. If a woman see you are trying .. A sensible woman will appreciate the effort and manage it .. But when a man , grown up man wakes up in the morning and turn up the AC and sleep again .. That is very bad. The wife will get tired .. And a tired wife is not good for the family ... It brings up bad thinking

What would you advice in a situation where a husband loses his job due to gambling and decided not to make any effort in search of another job or business or any legal means of making even little money.

He just wakes up in the morning, have his bath, put on the AC and go back to sleep. Only expecting any little thing the wife can cook to eat? He wouldn't pay any bills, provide anything but very humble helping out with house cleaning and washing.

Knowing that the situation is not funny on the wife and two children.

The wife must struggle to make food available no matter how little for the children, because she can't watch the children go hungry.
In a situation like this, when men goes out looking for means of making food available for their children and family, he is comfortable not having anything to offer all the time.
Is this the character of a father and husband that loves?

Is this not enough reason to divorce him?

I have never been married nor been in your situation; so I am not in a position to give you advice. But I could give counseling, if I may. If I have a partner that did not provide when he had a job; each time I tried to help him save his money he would refuse, when I was pregnant in third trimester, he wouldn't contribute... I would like to divorce him.
I feel he has something on his mind. Whether it is something that will bring big cash later, i dont care. Honesty is important in a family.
Who knows maybe he is not really gambling, but saving the money where you don't know, because he wants to separate or seeing another woman or he wants to leave the country without you.
Honestly I don't know how someone can loss his job out of gambling. Can you please explain it to us

.

The replica situation i said . any little change the husband has , na bet, the wife works in V.I and they stays in Sango , She will wake up as early as 4am, cook, leave for work by 5am- 5:30am and comes back around 9pm-10pm , while the husband wakes up , go to kitchen .. Dish himself , eat break fast then sleep all tru the day , she comes back again to cook dinner .. The husband might be in a viewing center watching Chelsea vs Leeds utd, come back again and eat .. While he pays no bills, drops no penny .. No attempt to look for work ... So u want to tell me the wife won't get tired ??

.

Klass99:


Okay

Have you read Angela's ashes?

True story by Frank mccourt about grinding poverty he grew up in as a child.

Several working class Irish men from that time had a serious drinking problem. As you collect wages on Friday you blow it all in the pub same day

The only way a woman could save the wages for the family is if she could way lay the man before he got to the guiness pub on Friday.

This is the same issue.

In her laziness, she dey go work, she dey pay bills and most importantly, she no dey gamble

ElijahIme1992:
looool see excuse, so was she thinking dat everything will be fine and there will be no bumpy ride? She is just a lazy person stop covering for ur gender..

No jobs in the country.

The husband is depressed!

GloriousGbola:



I am not sure what vices you can hide from a spouse, but unless you have mad cash inflow, gambling is not one of them. Infact a gambling problem will show when you are courting. The guy will always be broke and will always be in one money problem or another. And he will always be in trouble with his friends and possibly family.

The day after salary is paid, if not the same day, guy will already be complaining.

Gambling can be hidden while courting.
I don't know about after marriage but during courtship, it can be 100% hidden.
You can even control the person's finance, bet accounts' etc. If he has made up his mind to hide it from you, you won't know.

You will even be financing it unknowingly.

CC: Klass99

main24:


Gambling can be hidden while courting.
I don't know about after marriage but during courtship, it can be 100% hidden.
You can even control the person's finance, bet accounts' etc. If he has made up his mind to hide it from you, you won't know.

You will even be financing it unknowingly.

CC: Klass99

Unless you have serious cash flow, you cannot hide money problems.

Everyone will know something is up. A salaried employee within a week of receiving salary is already complaining of being broke. Every other day the guy is hitting anyone and everyone up for loan. He is getting calls and harassment from strangers. He is engaging in small fraud here and there

It is now left for you to figure out what is his money hole?

Drugs, alcohol, women, gambling, bling bling lifestyle?
Or bad investment?

Be patient with him. As long as he doesn’t fight or harass you. Any opportunity for a job always let him know and as well speak to people for them to help him with a job.

Each time I talk to him about getting a job or his next plan, he always tell me. He have a plan. But I know he don't

Also ask him this plan of his, when exactly is the maturation or gestation period?
How long will this plan take to fruition

LilMissFavvy:
Don't divorce him. According to you he is peaceful and helps with chores. You have to look for a business he can do around the house environment. Look for financial help and talk to him about a home business. Set up any of the business below:

1. Poultry
2. Fiah farming using Artificial Fish Pond
3. Baking

Start the business by yourself, so that he doesn't use the money. Since he does chores, he will be good with the home business. If possible go for poultry. The business will be yours, while he takes care of the birds. Go on Facebook and market your broilers. Give him money from whatever profit you make from time to time. If his gambling addiction is a spiritual problem yet he is not a praying type or goes to church, then it's a big pity.

Thumps up. you don fall back on track dey wise up. naso e gats be. me self no like violence. person just gats dish am surplus when necessary. ah go dey watch you once once sha. ciao cunt

.