Dear Single Parent,[i][/i]

I am writing this to encourage you not to give up on the child(ren) that for one reason or the other have become your sole responsibility.

Few years ago, I was totally at a loss too and my only drive was to ensure that whatever was wrong would not affect these young ones because they never asked to be born or be in such situation.

I actually did not realise how far I had come until I started analysing and it occured to me that I might not be there yet but I am also not where I used to be. I was amazed.

I have tried to highlight below some of the nuggets that helped me navigate the early years of single parenting,( it gets better as they grow older)I hope it helps and encourages someone.


It's ok not to understand everything fully, one step at a time with a focus on the future is all you need.

*Selective deafness & Blindness: When you are a single parent you need to decide who to listen to and what you want to see. Some people will say things that will make you question your integrity, intelligence, moral standing and so much more, some would make you feel guilty for what was not even your fault, No one understands your story like you do, let them talk but never let them deter you from reaching your destination.
And if you made a mistake , forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness and move on, it's up to you not anyone(After All, they are not Assistant Jesus or God's P.A)

Who are you talking to & who is talking to you, whoever you are listening to that is giving you the vibe of Never, it is finished or you're such a dissappointment, please leave them. Don't be talking to people who do not have your interest at heart or believe any good thing can still come out of your Jerusalem.

Remember, single parenting is not the end of life and does not mean you should forget your dreams.
You may need to sacrifice for the children to get stability before you face your aspirations but never forget it. For example, I went back to school for my B. SC, got certification from my professional body and now I am saving towards having a M.sc. (The money is still not complete because one of them usually have one expense or the other and I have to spend it again)

PLAN,PLAN & PLAN: Have a financial budget, time budget, work schedule, house chore schedule for the children, food schedule, schedule for almost everything and achievements.

Never forget to be futuristic in your decisions, long term is always better and I cannot overemphasize ensuring that your children are well trained, don't overburden them but don't also over pamper them. single parenting becomes easier when the children are taught to be responsible, independent and can make intelligent decisions by themselves with little or no guidiance.

NO OVERSABI: My brother or sister, this is not the time to do OVERSABI or try to keep up with the Joneses, if you have to enrol them in a public school and support with a private tutor please do, don't have heart attack every new term which is every 3 months, don't join groups or clubs that will demand time or finance you can't give, aso ebi might not be feasible for some time, you might need to supplement meat with egg or garri for cornflakes, these are short term sacrifices to fulfill your long term goals.

DON'T DECEIVE YOURSELF: You see that mantra of what a man can do a woman can do better,na lie, we are created to balance each other out.
You can't be a father and mother at the same time, there is a part of a child's life either is supposed to fill, in the absence of a willing spouse, get support of family or friends, get them to interact with children with "complete" families for their mental, psychological and mental well being, at a point I sent my daughter to go spend a full school session with my sister who has kids her age and whose husband dotes on his kids, she was the youngest and I noticed she was beginning to have daddy issues. My brothers ( their uncles) fill in so they can have role models around, we sometimes go for family outings together, sometimes they drop them in school or stand in during PTAs, basically just try to fill in the gap with the right people, they can't take the place of the father but they can cushion the effect till they are mature enough to deal with it better.

MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS &SEXUAL DEMANDS:
While I understand that we all have emotional especially companionship needs and sexual demands, I beg you manage them away from the kids if you must indulge. Don't be introducing every man or woman that you get along with to them because it may come to nothing especially if you have children that want you to have a partner because of some reasons(sometimes funny reasons depending on their ages), don't mess up their emotions and sexual/ moral orientation, don't add pepper to injury, most of them dont know the meaning of just friends. Personally, male visitors were not allowed in my home, colleague ,church, business whatever until now that they are older. Especially if you are attractive (looks, intelligence or finance) and you are still getting attention from the opposite sex.
(I cannot help you on love matter biko , everyone wants a companion but my plate is full enough as it is with trying to sort our lives, I don't like the hypertension, self love is the beginning of true love.

sha don't forget to use your brain and maybe condom too in case you have the stamina for hearts issues)

Take your children's emotional and mental well being seriously, their self esteem is important, don't let them feel less because they are from a single parent home or they have less than anyone, paint a picture of a bright future for them to run with always.

Look out for the negative emotions that can lead to depression, frustration or transfer of aggression on the innocent children because you are angry at yourself, the situation or your estranged spouse.

Lastly, decide what you really want out of life and for the children, that will guide you in making long term decisions and give you strength for the short term sacrifices.

Finally, I am not sure you can survive without God. Love God and love yourself .
Remember, your life is not a rehearsal , you only live once.

So you eventually separated from your husband eventually?

Good decision with the one you say started exhibiting daddy issues, by the way.

Hehehe

Even as a single mother, i trained my kids well so they won't one day wake me up with sidekicks

When you train your kids well, you have peace of mind

Train up your children so that you won't give birth to headless mobs

Nice write up.

And again… The economy is damaged beyond redemption . Men should please render help if they’re in a position to help, people are really going through a lot especially, widows, single mothers and single ladies.

May God help us.

Wow, I was very moved by your story!

It's clear that you're an incredibly resilient, strong, and resourceful person, and you've worked hard to create a good life for yourself and your child

I also admire the honesty and authenticity you showed in describing the difficulties and challenges that come with single parenting.

It's obvious that you've learned a lot through this experience, and I hope that your story will inspire others who are going through the same thing.

You should be very proud of what you've accomplished.

Ride on

I always sorry for any young girl that usually priorities physical attributes "much more" than actual quality of being a responsible husband when going into marriages.



All these, TALL, SIX PACK , SHINING HAIRS, would become toxic if such person didn't possess quality OF RESPONSIBLE HUSBAND.


Meanwhile, person can be working in oil company and yet not being a responsible guy oo.

Naawa oooo


I need someone who can fix front loader washing machine

you for forgot to mention the role played by the the zaddies too

Omo so dollars na 1200 to naira ona nor protest , as na Yoruba person be president everywhere m quiet if na good luck ona nor go let us hear word

Kai

Another banger

Wow one of the best I have read in a while...May God continue to bless all single mother/father out there, not easy at all..
I was once a neighbor to a single mother with a 9 year old son, unfortunately she was unable to manage the sexual part as highlighted here, always bringing in diff male visitor..The result, she messed up the boys life, it was once reported that the boy was caught with a 5 year old girl in sch toilet..I was so sad when I got the news because I saw it COMING and I told my partner that this woman will ruin this boy's life..It was very painful then, wanted to help groom the boy but not an easy decision as my kids are all girls and they needed to be protected, by all means...God's grace..

I am learning from the learned here

You make it look easy. Though raised by a single parent and with grown up kids now. I never wish a single parenting life for any child

💗💗💗

Good

Jan 2023. Your story still make 'FP'... Moral of the lesson.


Never lose hope.

accordadoga38:
Hehehe

Even as a single mother, i trained my kids well so they won't one day wake me up with sidekicks

When you train your kids well, you have peace of mind

accordadoga38:



Hehehe

No home training anywhere again.

Headless mobs everywhere.

As a married man, I make sure I give proper training to my kids.

Hypocrisy everywhere, no one wants to train their kids anymore but yet they are very religious going from church to mosque everyday

You are supposedly a single mother, at the same time you are also a married man.
Poverty is terrible. Pay per post posters, na to dey write rubbish remain after your usual divisive tribalistic comments.

Kudos OP. More grace.

DON'T DECEIVE YOURSELF: You see that mantra of what a man can do a woman can do better,na lie, we are created to balance each other out.
You can't be a father and mother at the same time, there is a part of a child's life either is supposed to fill, in the absence of a willing spouse, get support of family or friends, get them to interact with children with "complete" families for their mental, psychological and mental well being, at a point I sent my daughter to go spend a full school session with my sister who has kids her age and whose husband dotes on his kids, she was the youngest and I noticed she was beginning to have daddy issues. My brothers ( their uncles) fill in so they can have role models around, we sometimes go for family outings together, sometimes they drop them in school or stand in during PTAs, basically just try to fill in the gap with the right people, they can't take the place of the father but they can cushion the effect till they are mature enough to deal with it better.

Nice one!
This is very important in the life of a child and will go a long way in determining their attitude and eventual altitude as they keep growing!
Its funny when I hear some women esp here on NL saying a child can do well without a father or father figure in their life!
They even have role models in celebrities who have deceived them into that path and at the end they keep wondering why the child gets emotionally unstable or aggressive at their teens!
Every child needs a father as well as a mother in their pathway to create that needed emotional balance!

I have no prophecy on this issue. Kindly bear with me.

This I have seen.

🤔

The journey continues.

amprat:
Dear Single Parent,[i][/i]

I am writing this to encourage you not to give up on the child(ren) that for one reason or the other have become your sole responsibility.

Few years ago, I was totally at a loss too and my only drive was to ensure that whatever was wrong would not affect these young ones because they never asked to be born or be in such situation.
.


............. .

Finally, I am not sure you can survive without God. Love God and love yourself .
Remember, your life is not a rehearsal , you only live once.

When parting with Spouse & child/ren are involved pls have second thought, if its not life threatening... hmm! This young Souls pay the huge PRICE

Fiscus105:
I always sorry for any young girl that usually priorities physical attributes "much more" than actual quality of being a responsible husband when going to marriages.



All these, TALL, SIX PACK , SHINING HAIRS, would become toxic if such person didn't possess quality OF RESPONSIBLE MAN.


Meanwhile, person can be working in oil company and yet not being a responsible guy oo.

Wittyness

Is it a case of baby mama or divorcee?

Modern generation girls are experts in making terrible decision when it comes to their choice of men, only to then start creating useless threads to get sympathy or educate potential terrible decision makers like them.

Only widows should talk about issues like this, not someone that refused to do her due diligence before making her choice.

De play

The question is what made you a single mother.

It is not by becoming a motivational speaker, some single mothers deserves all the frustrations they can get

I know two single mothers currently that their husband left them because of cheating, one even brought a bastard child to her husband and he found out, now she don turn to motivational speaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw-fXtS23GM&pp=ygUebmFzIHRpbCB0aGUgd2FyIGlzIHdvbiBseXJpY3Mg

Hmmm

I dedicate this song to this thread.
Till the war is won by Nas.

Some part of it:


Single mothers, my heart's bleeding for you
These coward men, that were beating on you (never me)
Let's silence them, with a silencer
For the violence of relationships
Hold your head up, don't take that shit, run away from it






https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw-fXtS23GM&pp=ygUebmFzIHRpbCB0aGUgd2FyIGlzIHdvbiBseXJpY3Mg