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See What I observed After The Death Of My Father - Family - Nairaland

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See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 9:38am On Oct 25, 2023
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

447 Likes 40 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by malcom1X: 9:44am On Oct 25, 2023
Shows you he was the one holding that family.

What you need now is to stand on your own and gain respect.

They only respected your father because he earned their respect. The focus is now on someone else now that he's dead.

What have you done to earn their respect? You don't expect them to come and pay homage to you or seek advice from you. Or is that what you want? Move on.

250 Likes 11 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Cruise777: 9:54am On Oct 25, 2023
cool


Africans tend to see alcoholics as a problem

However there are highly functional Alcoholics in the society

There are people who drink regularly and still function properly and there are people who drink and constituite nuisance



.

120 Likes 10 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 9:56am On Oct 25, 2023
Cruise777:
cool


Africans tend to see alcoholics as a problem

However there are highly functional Alcoholics in the society


.
You can only say this when you don't have a close family member as an alcoholic.
So definitely you have no ideal.

I wonder if you will still say African tends to see drug addicts as a problem... because to me alcoholism is even worst than a drug addict.

95 Likes 2 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Cruise777: 10:01am On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:

You can only say this when you don't have a close family member as an alcoholic.
So definitely you have no ideal.

I wonder if you will still say African tends to see drug addicts as a problem... because to me alcoholism is even worst than a drug addict.

An Average Russian is a regular alcoholic who is dependent on Vodka... Russia don't see that as a problem because they don't constituite nuisance after taking Vodka in moderation


Irish and Scottish Men on Average Consume more Beers, Stout, Whiskey daily even Americans

Try this is Nigeria and watch people start looking at you like sinner


.

80 Likes 10 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 10:02am On Oct 25, 2023
malcom1X:
Shows you he was the one holding that family.

What you need now is to stand on your own and gain respect.

They only respected your father because he earned their respect. The focus is now on someone else now that he's dead.

What have you done to earn their respect? You don't expect them to come and pay homage to you or seek advice from you. Or is that what you want? Move on.
Holding the family in terms of what?


My elder bro has been the one fending for us since 2009

He trained me to the stage I am now, while my father was just looking, drinking.

But hey if you say my father was still the one holding the family I agree but you have to be specific, because from your post it seems financially but it's not.

The point I am trying to make here is different.

Everyone is useful you might not know now, but when they are gone. You get to realise that

65 Likes 3 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 10:03am On Oct 25, 2023
Cruise777:


An Average Russian is a regular alcoholic who is dependent on Vodka... Russia don't see that as a problem because they don't constituite nuisance after taking Vodka in moderation


Irish and Scottish Men on Average Consume more Beers, Stout, Whiskey daily even Americans

Try this is Nigeria and watch people start looking at you like sinner


.

Now go back and read my initial post and see if you find that bolded word there.

Kids like you who hardly understand post, just to rush and comments irritates me so much

41 Likes 1 Share

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Cruise777: 10:08am On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:


Now go back and read my initial post and see if you find that bolded word there.

Kids like you who hardly understand post, just to rush and comments irritates me so much

It's a forum for general discussion not your private social media and I can bet any amount you can't even stand in my presence to call me a kid

Moderation is a vague word, your moderation isn't my moderation

While I was in the Middle East everyone smoked and we took smoking break at work

In Nigeria smoking is so frowned upon

.

96 Likes 8 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 10:09am On Oct 25, 2023
Cruise777:


It's a forum for general discussion not your private social media and I can bet any amount you can't even stand in my presence to call me a kid

Moderation is a vague word, your moderation isn't my moderation

While I was in the Middle East everyone smoked and we took smoking break at work

In Nigeria smoking is so frowned upon

.
your ignored

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by malcom1X: 10:19am On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:

Holding the family in terms of what?


My elder bro has been the one feeding us since he graduated 2009.

He trained me to the stage I am now, while my father was just looking, drinking.

So if you say my father was still the one holding the family I agree but you have to be specific, because from your post it seems financially but it's not.

Bro I don't want to argue with you. It's your family.

My advice is for you to move on.
Things happen.

9 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 10:23am On Oct 25, 2023
malcom1X:


Bro I don't want to argue with you. It's your family.

My advice is for you to move on.
Things happen.
You don't need to argue. Just admit you didn't read the post very well and understand the message I was trying to pass.

We are not suffering okay?
I am doing well for myself same with my older siblings.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Nobody: 11:05am On Oct 25, 2023
Maybe if you guys were married, your relatives were still going to give you the same respect they were giving to your father because there's this respect that Africans tend to have for married couples even when they're younger.

My paternal grandparents were one of the royal leaders in the village... Even though they're not from any royal family, their friendship with the royal family was too deep and they were inseparable, when my grandfather passed away, my father was asked to come and take over the position... At first he wasn't sure about it because he doesn't live in the village anymore even though it's just a few hours drive, but he eventually accepted and he let them know that he wouldn't always be available, they understood.

When my grandmother passed away, my mom was also asked to come and take over, she'd travel to the village every now and then... And we still get invitations from our close and distant relatives, but I doubt my father was going to be treated with the same respect if he was not married.

Because even elders who are not married are not taken seriously by anyone... My uncle used to be disrespected all the time by other men before he got married to a point that he even stopped attending family events... But immediately he got married, people everywhere started to respect him.

27 Likes 4 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by meditator(m): 11:33am On Oct 25, 2023
Cruise777:
cool


Africans tend to see alcoholics as a problem

However there are highly functional Alcoholics in the society

There are people who drink regularly and still function properly and there are people who drink and constituite nuisance



.
Be sincere, would you like your children to become drunkards ?

26 Likes 1 Share

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by brain54(m): 1:25pm On Oct 25, 2023
Cruise777:


It's a forum for general discussion not your private social media and I can bet any amount you can't even stand in my presence to call me a kid

Moderation is a vague word, your moderation isn't my moderation

While I was in the Middle East everyone smoked and we took smoking break at work

In Nigeria smoking is so frowned upon

.
You are missing the OP’s exact point bro…

11 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Bintabisiriyu2: 3:12pm On Oct 25, 2023
Samantha124:
Maybe if you guys were married, your relatives were still going to give you the same respect they were giving to your father because there's this respect that Africans tend to have for married couples even when they're younger.

My paternal grandparents were one of the royal leaders in the village... Even though they're not from any royal family, their friendship with the royal family was too deep and they were inseparable, when my grandfather passed away, my father was asked to come and take over the position... At first he wasn't sure about it because he doesn't live in the village anymore even though it's just a few hours drive, but he eventually accepted and he let them know that he wouldn't always be available, they understood.

When my grandmother passed away, my mom was also asked to come and take over, she'd travel to the village every now and then... And we still get invitations from our close and distant relatives, but I doubt my father was going to be treated with the same respect if he was not married.

Because even elders who are not married are not taken seriously by anyone... My uncle used to be disrespected all the time by other men before he got married to a point that he even stopped attending family events... But immediately he got married, people everywhere started to respect him.

Are you married?
Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Fahvvy: 3:19pm On Oct 25, 2023
The society has painted the picture that a man is only as useful as the depth of his pockets, but nothing could be more further from the truth undecided...

The presence of a man in a family is so potent that his absence leave the family exposed to a lot of mishaps undecided...

44 Likes 3 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Nobody: 3:27pm On Oct 25, 2023
No!!!

Bintabisiriyu2:

Are you married?
Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Xxxxtentacion2: 4:04pm On Oct 25, 2023
respect is everything...

2 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Bintabisiriyu2: 4:25pm On Oct 25, 2023
Samantha124:
No!!!
Then why did you write all that sheet up there?
Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Chibuzoc(m): 5:26pm On Oct 25, 2023
Did you guys bother to know why he choose to drink?

5 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 5:34pm On Oct 25, 2023
Chibuzoc:
Did you guys bother to know why he choose to drink?
A self habit since he was a teenager. Na talk we never talk? Abi na cry we never cry? Abi na complain we never complain.

Smile.


But how wish it was now, me especially would have toke it easy on him.

7 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by frozen70(f): 7:08pm On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.

What you should understand is that information is power
Any one that has knowledge of certain information is a powerful person, even if he is just an ordinary man

People will still go to such person for information especially when it involves traditional setting

So now that he is gone, no need for such recognitions and loyalty again because the source has gone with him

Its nothing to blame anyone for

26 Likes 1 Share

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by NFBI: 8:17pm On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:
No matter how useless a man is, once he dies the household of the family strength changes. It might not be financially rather emotionally and physically.

Here are my reasons

My dad is a man who drinks alot to the extend we the children are embarrassed for him because we can't go to functions he goes to... because as he goes, he comes back in a different way.

So we do everything possible to avoid where he is at, but on some occasions we cant..depends on how close the celebrant is. Then we bore it in mind that that day we might get to hear something that offends us.. the shame and embarrassment and might retaliate or ignore.


Being one of the senior men alive, they always come to pay homage everytime despite being the way he is..to settle dispute and to also pray for them.. and also tell them about history how we related and mention names of our forefathers, tracing back their Roots step by step..he knows all..because his father also told him. so they respect him for that as an elderly man even though dry gin is his best friend. all they can do was to talk and laugh behind his back. When he's sober they dare not make jest of him.
I repeat they dare not.


But now he's been dead about 4years ago and I tell you we that normally get the first invitation of marriage ceremony or any functions happening in the extended family no longer gets invited.

Nobody has come in to ask hwfar from us the children since he was buried. They see us as not important since the elderly man is no more.

Our family house that used to trooped in by different new faces almost every week don't see it no more


I am not talking about money here, I am good... But even if I don't have...my elder brother who is a graduate the back bone is there...but I am just stating the obvious fact...

THAT everybody has use no matter how useless you perceive them to be and one day you might get to realise that.


The thing is that during those period we don't even take it as anything. Instead we the children gets angry whenever they comes to inform him for a function because we know that week we will not sleep at night...but as it has its advantages so those it has it disadvantages.
I hope you won't take his alcohol gulping footstep

1 Like

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Adonisteve: 8:25pm On Oct 25, 2023
shocked

You think your father was useless just because he drank a lot?

5 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Tonero5200: 8:25pm On Oct 25, 2023
NFBI:
I hope you won't take his alcohol gulping footstep
you are so foolish for this statement

5 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by Obakoolex(m): 8:27pm On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:
you are so foolish for this statement

I took my time to read your post and all your response.....bro you're little bit damaged already you just don't know it yet.
Is either you have anger issue or you're not a very happy person.
Forget all this your talk about being financially stable, bro you're not!
You kept talking about it and that shows it's not rossy as you paint....
I'll advise you to leave your father's house ASAP and work on yourself so your children in future will love you even though you didn't love your dad. Safe

39 Likes 4 Shares

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by NFBI: 8:27pm On Oct 25, 2023
Tonero5200:
I'm so foolish for this statement
Kpele o, get well soon

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by biggy00000(m): 8:28pm On Oct 25, 2023
No matter how useless you are; you can still be used as a bad example

3 Likes

Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by tunjijones(m): 8:30pm On Oct 25, 2023
.
Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by adesegun121(m): 8:31pm On Oct 25, 2023
Ok
Re: See What I observed After The Death Of My Father by lanocfoods: 8:33pm On Oct 25, 2023
Cruise777:
cool


Africans tend to see alcoholics as a problem

However there are highly functional Alcoholics in the society

There are people who drink regularly and still function properly and there are people who drink and constituite nuisance
your first sentence is weird



.

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