I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

So you plan to leaver her alone in Nigeria to live in hostel and visit your siblings during vacations and holidays.

Gagantuan gaga! You are blessed with Jennyclay as a daughter. Send her to her congenial colleague in the person of Jennyclay.

Yankee is the headquarter of juvenile delinquency. Wise Africans in the West send their children to do primary and secondary education in Africa and return the children to the West for university education and career pursuit.

Meanwhile, you didn't tell us how it started. How was the girl brought up to her present age?

Hardship is real

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

It is better for kids to finish high school here, before sending them abroad.

There are still good boarding schools. I think it is a good decision you about making.

Good decision. Make sure she stays with a family that can correct and guide her.

9ja boarding skool you say? she'll add with her bad behaviour.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

If your parents are alive in Nigeria to look after her or any of your siblings who is married and can cater for her is available then your plan is ok. Many have applied this strategy with success.

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Sending her home is a good idea, but sending her to a boarding may not be the best option. Your trusted family member can be of help to monitor her activities.

Dont just send her to Nigeria but send her to a village where she will have to go to the farm,fetch water from the stream, cook with firewood, feel the bite of mosquitoes and tsetsefly, attend village schools and then learn your local language and culture. By the time she is done experiencing all these then she will become a changed person and beg you to come to her rescue.

You are sure your wife has nothing to do with this...?

I somehow get the feeling the young girl is being rebellious for a reason!

The best option is to send her back to Nigeria but not to a boarding school. Send her to any of your siblings that is married, responsible and disciplinarian. Let her go to day school. A private school. I don't subscribe to boarding school.

All these people saying...

Send her back to Nigeria. If the girl was living with her biological mother would it be so easy to do?

Oga OP you better find a way to manage your child's juvenile delinquency. Sending her away or running will not solve the problem.

No one will take care of your biological child better than you.

Let her be under your watchful eyes and try to understand the reason for her actions.

Keep talking to her with love!

You can't send her back to Nigeria, a girl for that matter. What excuse do you have to give to the management of the school she attends for withdrawing her? See you, see wahala.

I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Do her waybill to Nigeria before she kills you

Her brain will reset by force. Don't put her in those expensive private schools she will spoil more.

Carry her and put in those missionary school but not the hype ones

There is a good boarding school in Iperu, close to governor's private house.

Bring her home for Easter. Tell her she'll get to say hello to Tinubu.

Zupay:
You can't send her back to Nigeria, a girl for that matter. What excuse do you have to give to the management of the school she attends for withdrawing her? See you, see wahala.

I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.

Since your Ghanian co worker was stupïd enough to tell his daughter of his plan, then he should live with it.

Mrperfecto:
My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

That is the age they usually act up...she needs you, unfortunately you are not there and her biological mother is not there! She needs love which her step mum may not be able or willing to give her! If you can't change your work schedule to parent her at this stage of her life, talk to her, do whatever you need to do but don't send her back to Nigerian boarding school or to live with a relative.

Send her to Nigeria if you or her biological mum have parents who are firm and can correct her; grandparents that she loves and cares about because she'll respect them out of love and not fear. She can go to school from home...someone can be in the car with her for the trips to and from school.

Other relatives will milk you dry and she'll not be well taken care of; boarding schools are dangerous for the physical and mental health of children -even the so-called faith based schools...

PROPEACE:

Since your Ghanian co worker was stupïd enough to tell his daughter of his plan, then he should live with it.

Even if he had told her they are going to Ghana on holidays, she will certainly tell her friends here in the UK that she is going home with her dad for holidays. If she doesn't resume school the next term, that would be an issue, her friends will talk and social worker will knock at my colleague's door to explain the whereabout of the daughter. If e talk say she don start school for Ghana, not informing the UK school is a red flag as dem go even suspect say she carry the girl go do female circumcision for their village.. Police would be involved, there would be video call to the girl in Ghana and she go expose her papa and when dem go bring am come back him, she no go live with her parents again, na government get am.

WAHALA PROMAX.

My coworker Fola brought her two daughters over. The eldest got grown into the system and turned a rebel. She'd go as far as inviting her mom to step outside with her for a boxing match and even go as far as threatening to call the cops.

Fola jeje play her come dump her for Nigeria.

As I type, the youngest, Fari, is now a teenager and is beginning to best her elder sister's record. Fola don tire and confuse. Na shayo she take dey hold herself right now.

She has a good share of the blame in all though from what I've noticed. Pikin wey wan dey uncontrollable go dey uncontrollable home or away. Values and norms from within the homestead is the koko.

Very tricky and dicey situation.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Please, if everything you've known of the girl's terrible behavior are all based on reports from your wife and her kids, I plead with you to investigate the matter well before making any decision. Since you're not always at home, there's high probability that your wife and her kids are cooking up stories about the girl because they consider her as not being part of them, hence, they must get rid of her. I am talking from experience. In matters like these, do not trust anyone. Investigate, and confirm the reports before drawing any inference.

If the reports are found to be true, or if what you've written also include your own first hand experience with the girl, then it's advisable for you to send her back to Nigeria. The boarding school idea is not good enough as many boarding schools would add to the child's dilemma. Anyone who has attended a boarding school in Nigeria during his school days would never pray for his kids to be there.

Put her up with a disciplinarian family member here in Nigeria. Not just any family member. Such a girl needs iron hands. She must be subdued. If the disciplinarian you know is not buoyant enough to add another human under his roof, please be responsible for her financial well being while she is with the chosen family member. Some girls at that age can be very unbecoming. God will guide you aright.

Zupay:


Even if he had told her they are going to Ghana on holidays, she will certainly tell her friends here in the UK that she is going home with her dad for holidays. If she doesn't resume school the next term, that would be an issue, her friends will talk and social worker will knock at my colleague's door to explain the whereabout of the daughter. If e talk say she don start school for Ghana, not informing the UK school is a red flag as dem go even suspect say she carry the girl go do female circumcision for their village.. Police would be involved, there would be video call to the girl in Ghana and she go expose her papa and when dem go bring am come back him, she no go live with her parents again, na government get am.

All this yarn. Send her home, to a rural school. Case closed

Seeking advice from total strangers on the internet over something as sensitive as this is just mind boggling!!!!

She needs little African mentality , by 18 yrs her mentality would grow matured .... You cant compare our local African mentality to the whites bringing up of a child

Zupay:
You can't send her back to Nigeria, a girl for that matter. What excuse do you have to give to the management of the school she attends for withdrawing her? See you, see wahala.

I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.

So the child will now dictate to the parents how she should be raised? Just imagine the guts on that little kid. That's what you get in a system that mollycoddles bad behaviour.

For the next three weeks be nice to her, use a well planned deceptive strategy to coax her into thinking she is getting the best treatment from her dad. then tell her you are takimg her to Nigeria to attend a music concert in Nigeria.

Make her believe she would personally meet wiz kid, davido, tems, rema, burna boy and her favorites nigerian artists. You may choose to do this when it's close to her birthday period and make it appear as if you want to give her a good birthday present.

When she is finally in Nigeria take her to a village school where she won't have access to a phone and Internet, that way she won't be able to communicate with her former class mates in obodo oyibo to help her contact the British or American embassy for rescue operation.

phorget:
Dont just send her to Nigeria but send her to a village where she will have to go to the farm,fetch water from the stream, cook with firewood, feel the bite of mosquitoes and tsetsefly, attend village schools and then learn your local language and culture. By the time she is done experiencing all these then she will become a changed person and beg you to come to her rescue.

I wanted to offer similar advice, your head dey there bro, this is absolutely the best decision to take. Her brain needs to be completely formated and reset to 9ja settings.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

And you're coming here to ask for advice? Instead of using the same time you used to type all this epistle, send her back to nigeria... Why are you guys like this oversea for heaven's sake

13 is a sensitive age. If she's acting out, it's because she's not happy. At 13, she's going through lots of hormonal changes (e.g. puberty), so that alone can cause behavioral changes. Besides physiological factors, environmental factors (home and school) must be contributing to her unhappiness. How is her school life: is she being teased or bullied? How is her home life: do you treat her differently than her siblings (e.g. favoritism)?, how is her relationship with her stepmom?, how about her mom - does she keep in touch with her?

Everyone is shouting send her back to Nigeria, but don't do that, as you're going to create more disruption in her life. Try and get her into therapy/counseling and have her pour her mind using the above questions, preferably via a trained professional (e.g. Psychologist, Therapist). With the right help, she will change.