JB0707:
My husband and I both live in the uk and we join all our money and investments together, all the properties my husband acquired in Nigeria doesn’t have my name on it, at first I wasn’t bothered but now i am bothered because his family is chaotic. I started asking for my name to be included and i am not ok with the response am getting. I feel i am just working and I have nothing in my name. I love him but I don’t trust his family. Should i keep insisting or start my investment separately. I am just confused

keep insisting and start separate ones. Don’t be fooled

Odotech:
Your husband is investing in Nigeria because he knows Nigeria is a lawless place where should both of you divorce today, you will get nothing from the courts. Courts here pervert justice. But if it was in UK he invested, whether he puts your name or not, the properties belong to you both except you had prenuptial agreement. He may have his fear of losing out if divorced for insisting on investing here in Nigeria. You too have the fear of losing out because of his choice of a lawless country as investment destination. The middle point should have been investing in Nigeria under you both's full legal name ie Mrs Jane Sobotie and Mr Jude Sobotie. In law, "Mr and Mrs Jude Sobotie" is not recognized name. Tell him to put your name or henceforth forget about investment in Nigeria. Support only joint investment in UK where you have automatic right to any property in his own name or invest in your own name here in Nigeria if he refuses to include you in the existing properties. Make him understand that you know and understand his fears is about losing it all through divorce but that Nigerian courts and systems are already biased towards men in the event of divorce, so your legal name must be included. Should he relocate to Nigeria tomorrow or secretly marry another Nigerian woman, she automatically inherits properties built with your money because your name is not on those documents. Nigerian law recognizes not just court marriages but also customary marriages so your own properties will be shared between you and the secret wife of your husband. You seem like a good woman. The type most of us would like to have really. You appear supportive and not interested in divorcing your man like we read about Nigerian women dealing with their husbands in the UK

Absolutely sound advice. The best so far. I would heed this very well thought out, sensible advice if I were you. I'm not sure if Odotech is a legal practitioner but his contribution is worth it's weight in gold.

Are you thinking that your husband will die before you?

UjuJoan2:


I think the mistake is already made, if you make it as issue it might cause problems in your marriage.

Going forward, start your investments separately and You need to put your foot down. If he insists on joint investments, then make sure you see your name on the document before you contribute anything.

It’s good to be wise in love, to avoid stories that touch.

Trust me, I’m talking from experience!

Well said! @OP take note.

A lot of older women made this mistake and regretted it. Some were lucky to have trustworthy and caring husbands who didn't let them down.

Women should also note that Mr and Mrs Ade means nothing. The full names of the joint owners have to be indicated. Better still, she should work towards having a property in her name.

Mistake already made
but don't make such mistake next time

The first mistake is investing heavily in Nigeria.

Like some wise person pointed out earlier, if the investment had been in the UK, it would be hard for the husband and his funny family to lay 100% claim on it.

Nigeria might be your origin, but you gotta ask yourself - where is home?

For me, home is where you live, where you make your money, where you raise your kids, and where you make a life. Too many people abroad make investments in Nigeria while ignoring the better secured opportunities where they live. I might excuse those that are illegals in foreign countries, but if you have legit rights to live in the country, best to invest there than build houses that you might only visit for 2 weeks in a full year.

It's a Nigerian thing to feel a strong inclination to build something at 'home" but we need to escape these atavistic tendencies and think globally. if you put your money in something as basic as Apple or google stock for example, your investment is more than secure, sure to grow and a low chance of it getting stolen from your kids in the event of your death. You cannot say the same for properties and even Nigerian businesses.


For me, I'd rather choose to live out my old age in a secure country with basic needs met, investments secure and my immediate family around me rather than hope for some future where I'll go back to a 'home' where i hardly know anyone, have to deal with poor healthcare, power supply and social resources.

Think people, think.

UjuJoan2:


I think the mistake is already made, if you make it as issue it might cause problems in your marriage.

Going forward, start your investments separately and You need to put your foot down. If he insists on joint investments, then make sure you see your name on the document before you contribute anything.

It’s good to be wise in love, to avoid stories that touch.

Trust me, I’m talking from experience!

bad advice. there is no mistake here.

Medici777:
keep insisting and start separate ones. Don’t be fooled

people like una wey neva marry get mind dey advise married people how to break their home. misery loves company

JB0707:



Abroad is not bringing out the real me, i am hardworking and supportive when i was in Nigeria too, i am only asking because that is my sweat too. Am i wrong for working and having nothing to show for it? That’s my sweat too and PS i love my husband. And I don’t think i am asking for too much

Best response so far. Thank you.
The investment is 50:50. I tried asking and i was guilt tripped and no genuine reason was given that when I became worried because it my hard earned money too, i don’t want to be that kind of wife that nag’s husband. I know he loves me, i am just confused .
But thank you really

You are not wrong at all. You should have investments and properties in your name and evidence of your sacrifices and hard work. Now that you inform us that it is 50/50 contribution, your husband has to put your name. Even without telling him.

You need alot of wisdom here, you are not asking for too much as well. Calm down very well and make him see reason humbly to allow your name be on the properties. He may be taking wrong counsel outside, you have to introduce wisdom and humility to get what You want. Wish you all the best.

Please don't shout, argue or yell at him. You know how to persuade e him.
If na my wife now, she go cook my favourite meal, give me some bedmatics and hold my mumu buttons very well, then she go tender her request. You know what works for you. Best of luck

What happened to the children names ?

Kooldon:
If you guys are legally married, then you have nothing to worry about.
However, it seems your are more concern about your husband demise before you but what if the reverse will be the case?

What do you mean legally married? Thats the more reason why her name should have been added. Don’t you know people go through divorce all the time? God forbid he was to pass on, she’d not be able to claim the property because she’s not been listed. You don’t wait for rain to fall before you can buy an umbrella. Do not put your trust in flesh.

JB0707:
My husband and I both live in the uk and we join all our money and investments together, all the properties my husband acquired in Nigeria doesn’t have my name on it, at first I wasn’t bothered but now i am bothered because his family is chaotic. I started asking for my name to be included and i am not ok with the response am getting. I feel i am just working and I have nothing in my name. I love him but I don’t trust his family. Should i keep insisting or start my investment separately. I am just confused

Put your foot down for your name to be added or have your money refunded. If something happened to him God forbid! You’d have no right to the property. Going forward, start purchasing properties in your name & put your children as next of kin. If you don’t have children, put your parent or sibling. Shine your eyes!!

Kobojunkie:
There is no place for love in business. These two agreed to become business partners. For her husband to think it then OK to cheat her out of her right as a business partner means he does not value her as an individual and a business partner. Would he think to try that nonsense if he were in business with his father, sister, or even brother— all of them equally family members?

Marriage a business? Abeg carry ur infantile argument go front when u grow can start dabbling into marriage discussions because marriage is for grown ups.

Barteze:
■ Marriage a business? Abeg carry ur infantile argument go front when u grow can start dabbling into marriage discussions because marriage is for grown ups.

Even your very laws establish marriage as a contract/agreement between a man and a woman. Ideally, both partners in the agreement are meant to coexist as equals, but in the name of tradition(a form of religion in itself), some adopt an unequal union for reasons best known to them. That, however, does not change the fact of marriage in any way or form. Afterall, even a master/slave union is based on a contract/agreement between both partners. 😂😂😂😂

JB0707:



Abroad is not bringing out the real me, i am hardworking and supportive when i was in Nigeria too, i am only asking because that is my sweat too. Am i wrong for working and having nothing to show for it? That’s my sweat too and PS i love my husband. And I don’t think i am asking for too much

Best response so far. Thank you.
The investment is 50:50. I tried asking and i was guilt tripped and no genuine reason was given that when I became worried because it my hard earned money too, i don’t want to be that kind of wife that nag’s husband. I know he loves me, i am just confused. But thank you really

He loves you but apparently not enough to put your name where your sweat is? Where your money is? Then maybe love is not what you should demand from your husband right now but some fucking FAIRNESS. and a little bit more respect for his 'partner' in many ways, including retirement.

Let the reality sink in: because of your husband's actions, you don't have any joint investment as it stands. What you have is a pillow talk agreement written in the sands despite your 50:50 contributions.

The fact he didn't have your name on the ownership documents from the very beginning, without being told is unforgettable, in my books of FAIR PLAY.

The fact he'd refused to retrace his steps and have your full name in all the documents after you have raised the issue is unforgivable, in my book of FAIR PLAY.

Your husband may come up with a reason why he did this, but there's no valid reason worth the risk for you. Personally, I think it could either be one of the two potential reasons:

1. The Very Unintelligent Reason: Something so flimsy related to a man and husband's pride and ego of being the figurative and literal provider and showrunner of the family in the eyes of everyone.

2. The Intelligent Reason: This is the reason everyone can have but can't and wouldn't say it aloud. It's the 3D chess reason because it's all about the long game. When and IF it comes to push and shove, there'll only be one outcome.

Both reasons are very risky for you. Don't be fooled by "LOVE". All men are capable of the second reason.

Joint investment, joint ownership. In writing. In receipts. Better safe than sorry.

Kooldon:
If you guys are legally married, then you have nothing to worry about.
However, it seems your are more concern about your husband demise before you but what if the reverse will be the case?

If the investments are in Nigeria,she has every right to worry. She may get nothing if he their marriage ends which I hope it doesn't.

Kobojunkie:
Even your very laws establish marriage as a contract/agreement between a man and a woman. Ideally, both partners in the agreement are meant to coexist as equals, but in the name of tradition(a form of religion in itself), some adopt an unequal union for reasons best known to them. That, however, does not change the fact of marriage in any way or form. Afterall, even a master/slave union is based on a contract/agreement between both partners. 😂😂😂😂

Guy pls heed my advice leave marriage mata for now. Whose law are you talking about government laws? Marriage is not a creation of the government.

Barteze:
■ Guy pls heed my advice leave marriage mata for now. Whose law are you talking about government laws? Marriage is not a creation of the government.

See the mind of an African fraudster! Marriage was not created by the government yet when you got to marry, you took your relationship which you had to the government to sign papers to certify it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Kobojunkie:
[b] See the mind of an African fraudster! Marriage was not created by the government yet when you got to marry, you took your relationship which you had to the government to sign papers to certify it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hmm, I wonder who signed for the previous generations (forefathers) or the rural dwellers and they are in their millions or is their marriage not valid?

Barteze:
■ Hmm, I wonder who signed for the previous generations (forefathers) or the rural dwellers and they are in their millions or is their marriage not valid?

Um...So, it never occurred to you even till now that your ancestors who came up with what you consider your traditional marriage laws were the then government over the people? 😁😁😁😁😁

Plenty of reasons why today's women are feminists at heart. See the defences by most men?

If he doesn't have a bad motive why didn't he simply include your name? Or why didn't he use your name only on the properties? Why does he still refuse to include your name even after you have spoken out? As you are about to get wise and start your investments, don't be surprised if he fights back using different tactics. You have been $cammed.

If possible, get a lawyer and see if it's possible to put your name on all previously owned joint investments, or are you ready to lose them? The choice is yours, but truth is that you have been scammed.

You should know that you will not be young forever, as you get older, don't be surprised if same husband you trust so much begins to cheat on you spending your investments on other women. Protect your future now.

JB0707:
Should i keep insisting or start my investment separately. I am just confused

Kobojunkie:
Um...So, it never occurred to you even till now that your ancestors who came up with what you consider your traditional marriage laws were the then government over the people? 😁😁😁😁😁

Crickets.🤣🤣🤣

Start ur private investment

alphaNomega:
people like una wey neva marry get mind dey advise married people how to break their home. misery loves company

It is stupid people like you who think people are nothing until they’re married. You do all you can to stay married even if it’s abusive. Your parents must be morons!!!

Bongadu:



You're forking confused, why can't you be happy



Must your name be in the property documents ??

Why then should her money be in it?

IamAsiri:


Why then should her money be in it?

Very pertinent question.

michlins:
lol. Where are the papers for the properties?

If the man is hiding them or she doesn't have access to them, she wouldn't have seen their title. The family are powerless in the face of the law. Accuse her of killing the husband while she dey Yankee is like pushing a mountain. She will just ask lawyers to transfer ownership of the properties and rent paid to her own account.

These are none issues at all

That's if he doesn't carry the documents come Nigeria come give his parents.

Kobojunkie:
Um...So, it never occurred to you even till now that your ancestors who came up with what you consider your traditional marriage laws were the then government over the people? 😁😁😁😁😁

It's obvious you're mistaking marriage for wedding.
Marriage is not an event (court wedding, traditional wedding or religion wedding.)

007kjb:


U better be careful else I will personally tell your husband to push you out..what nonsense

Push me out? I can tell who you are from your comment. You don’t have to comment if you have nothing reasonable to contribute. Thank you
And i pray for you to work day and night and have nothing to show for it in your name.

Codes151:
Thief. Na because you don reach UK now and you want your name in all his properties.

Jezebel.

Witch craft

A thief is someone trying to steal something that doesn’t belong to him or her.
But when you work and pay for something and you dont get what you pay for, are you still a thief?

I pray you work for something and you can’t access it.
I can tell who you are from your comment.

ihavesense:

Do you know that as a lawfully wedded wife, she and the man’s children have a right to inheritance of his wealth. So why the fuss.

And leave room for serious trouble from the man's family in future? How are you even sure she is her husband's next of kin?

Don't be half smart. The properties are jointly owned and this fact should be obvious on the docs.