Love800:
What is customary law?

If you married outside the Marriage Act by giving drinks and gifts to family members you are married under customary law.

You’ve made no sense.

You said stigma is the reason why divorces are low in Nigeria. And I gave you reasons why stigma is the wrong reason to stay in a marriage.

I said Instead, marriages should last because the people in it feel good about the relationship and want to maintain it rather than staying for fear of stigma.
This is such an elementary concept that it should be hard to understand.

And this is your response? Literally off tangent and meaningless.

Wow .

chidiokay:



dont know why you parade your assumptions as fact, did you carry out a survey or you have a stat [b][/b],
Talking of support, my neighbour drives his pregnant wife to work everyday n return home, is that not love, is that not support, he got her the job which i know about
couples like that is also why divorce rate is low ..

if modern marriages is filled with conditional love, then their is nothing odd about having a "Reason" to stay in marriage

maybe it my accent, I don't think divorce sounds better than "stigma" .. divorces breaks a home and stigma breaks a person ... tbh i dont know why you have a preference

Trueprophet91:


Many thanks!
This quite enlightening.

Are you practicing?
I have something I'd love to get your view on.

What would that be? 😊

Interesting.

Our conservative nature kind of protect us from some self inflicted disillusionment. I am glad Nigeria is reasonable enough.

However, the aspect that a partner gets the property after a spouse's death, I think writing one's Will should be highly encouraged.

cococandy:


But it doesn’t take too much to be a good husband. I don’t know why our Nigerian men would rather scheme and play games than just follow the easy path.

Be a husband your wife can’t imagine living without. Do to her as you want her to do to you and you won’t be afraid of such things.

I can proudly beat my chest and say the way my husband is to me now, no amount of money will make me give him up. The money won’t even be fun to spend without him. The point of money is to enjoy it with people who you know got you in all kinds of situations. Otherwise it’s pointless. What am I doing with a big mansion if there’s no one I love to share it with?

So if a woman would rather pick property and money over the man, it means he’s worth less than money to her. There’s something definitely wrong in that arrangement.

Neither does it take too much to be a loving and caring wife. You see, in Nigeria today, many women see and use marriage as a means to escape poverty and all manner of misery. The very reason you hear many women say openly "they can never marry a poor man". Now, with such a mindset, it is only prudent to agree that such women, won't even mind plotting the murder of their husband, if they know they can't manipulate or even control him.

So you see, a man can hardly be a loving and caring husband to a wife, who married him for the sole purpose of his poverty and money, no matter how loving and caring he is, he will always be an obstacle.

So, using your marriage as a yardstick isn't the main purpose here, for the fact that lawyer came out openly to say this, it shows the perverse thinking of some women in Nigeria.

They copy western culture but will never enjoy the same privileges

1st of all. Yes it doesn’t take too much to be a good wife. I agree with that part.

But as far as women marrying to escape poverty, many men have said they don’t want a woman who has a flourishing career. They want a woman who’s available whenever needed to tend to his needs and the kids. They’ve made it clear her primary responsibility is to make sure his and the kids needs are met.

A lot of your women have internalized these values and as such positioned themselves to aim for nothing more than a minor financial contributor rather than a financial equal in the relationship. Now why should a woman who’s agreed to these roles be okay with marrying a poor man? That means she’s resigned herself to a life of poverty. Is that what you’re truly asking them to do? To be okay with poverty, strife and want?

You made the rules of what marriage are. What the roles are supposed to be and who’s supposed to do what. Don’t judge the women for conforming to the rules you made.

This is not a case of women being bad wives because they want to marry up. It’s a case of women doing what they’ve been told they’re supposed to do.

The problem is that financial realities on ground do not support these traditional values as much and most people have refused to adapt to their new realities. The men are crying about women not marrying them if they don’t have money but ask him what a man’s responsibility in the home is and they’ll quickly tell you he’s supposed to provide. How? They have to pick a side.

Now more women than ever are equal financial partners with their husbands even if that’s not what they would’ve wanted. Yet the men have refused to budge on their views of marriage roles. Hence the constant clashes.

So I think what you’re saying is different from what I’m pointing out. A woman marrying a man because he can provide doesn’t mean she won’t mind killing him for his property and money. That’s such a huge reach. Regardless of the negativity on the internet about marriage, I believe most people at least marry someone they like. Killing them to get money that you’ll end up spending alone and in a house with no one to talk to is such an extreme solution I don’t think it’s at all as common as people imagine it is.

joseph1832:
Neither does it take too much to be a loving and caring wife. You see, in Nigeria today, many women see and use marriage as a means to escape poverty and all manner of misery. The very reason you hear many women say openly "they can never marry a poor man". Now, with such a mindset, it is only prudent to agree that such women, won't even mind plotting the murder of their husband, if they know they can't manipulate or even control him.

So you see, a man can hardly be a loving and caring husband to a wife, who married him for the sole purpose of his poverty and money, no matter how loving and caring he is, he will always be an obstacle.

So, using your marriage as a yardstick isn't the main purpose here, for the fact that lawyer came out openly to say this, it shows the perverse thinking of some women in Nigeria.

cococandy:
You’ve made no sense.

You said stigma is the reason why divorces are low in Nigeria. And I gave you reasons why stigma is the wrong reason to stay in a marriage.

I said Instead, marriages should last because the people in it feel good about the relationship and want to maintain it rather than staying for fear of stigma.
This is such an elementary concept that it should be hard to understand.

And this is your response? Literally off tangent and meaningless.

Wow .

would you know sense even if you see one, shior !
Aunty would you tell that to children who stil have their mom under there father's roof ... stigma is bad

do you think a tonto dikeh or tiwa savage would not wish "stigma" had kept them back from leaving their marriage cos in most cases around the world over 60% look back n wish they didnt opt for divorce or is that a lie

Okay. You referring to traditional marriage, right?

BreconHills:


If you married outside the Marriage Act by giving drinks and gifts to family members you are married under customary law.

tuoyoojo:
Maybe that is why some women may stay in a loveless relationship as long as the money cones

However, what happens when the man or woman dies, who is entitled to what...over yo the lawyers in the house

So you didn't read that tiny piece. Now go back and read again. This time slowly.

Love800:
Okay. You referring to traditional marriage, right?

That's right.

cococandy:
1st of all. Yes it doesn’t take too much to be a good wife. I agree with that part.

But as far as women marrying to escape poverty, many men have said they don’t want a woman who has a flourishing career. They want a woman who’s available whenever needed to tend to his needs and the kids. They’ve made it clear her primary responsibility is to make sure his and the kids needs are met.

A lot of your women have internalized these values and as such positioned themselves to aim for nothing more than a minor financial contributor rather than a financial equal in the relationship. Now why should a woman who’s agreed to these roles be okay with marrying a poor man? That means she’s resigned herself to a life of poverty. Is that what you’re truly asking them to do? To be okay with poverty, strife and want?

Actually no. The snag here is not women marrying with little or no financial contribution, but to want to manipulate and take control of the man and all his affairs. Simply put, they want to be in charge, they want to sit idle, let the man sweat and work his ass off, then, they will him how and what to spend his money on, which family member he should help, who he admits into their house/home etc. This is what I'm saying.

You made the rules of what marriage are. What the roles are supposed to be and who’s supposed to do what. Don’t judge the women for conforming to the rules you made.

I'm not judging them for conforming to these rules, I'm judging them because of he ulterior motive many of them have. Women with this mentality of entitlement.

This is not a case of women being bad wives because they want to marry up. It’s a case of women doing what they’ve been told they’re supposed to do.

many still don't do what they're told to do, especially when they make demands and their husbands refuse to meet them, because he sees it as not necessary, then such women, will start showing their true color.

The problem is that financial realities on ground do not support these traditional values as much and most people have refused to adapt to their new realities. The men are crying about women not marrying them if they don’t have money but ask him what a man’s responsibility in the home is and they’ll quickly tell you he’s supposed to provide. How? They have to pick a side.

being able to provide doesn't equate to one not having money. Providing basic need for a family is a man's responsibility. The thing today is, many women aren't just comfortable with a man providing the basic needs, they want all: a big house, big car, maids, have the man build her family a house, send her brothers abroad etc. While they in turn do nothing but enjoy the man's money with impunity.

Now more women than ever are equal financial partners with their husbands even if that’s not what they would’ve wanted. Yet the men have refused to budge on their views of marriage roles. Hence the constant clashes.

women who are financial equals to their husbands tend to be rude and disrespectful. This is the reason for constant clash.

So I think what you’re saying is different from what I’m pointing out. A woman marrying a man because he can provide doesn’t mean she won’t mind killing him for his property and money. That’s such a huge reach. Regardless of the negativity on the internet about marriage, I believe most people at least marry someone they like. Killing them to get money that you’ll end up spending alone and in a house with no one to talk to is such an extreme solution I don’t think it’s at all as common as people imagine it is.

marrying someone they like is farfetched, remember they marry a man because they see him as a means to an end, so, getting rid of him and dating one small boy who will always bend to their will and fvck them shitless is what they're after.

Will you deny a son u had before marriage ? Or would you kill him just to please the one u married ?

TheMostComplex1:


Why did the man have a son outside? He's the one the brought problems upon himself

A handsome son he had before marrying the woman. Maybe because the son resurfaced and she felt threatened or she just hates the man and the son .

sandygechy:
Fair judgement!
Why will the man have a son outside?
U only critiqued the effects of an action but said nothing about the action itself!

I didn’t mention he had the handsome son before marrying the woman sha. Even at that a man can have a fling and result to pregnancy. Nothing was lost. If ain’t married be ready to be a fifth wife or steal another woman’s husband. Reality .

1Sharon:


I'm sorry, but were you expecting the wife to give him a handshake after finding out he had an outside baby? Are we supposed to feel sympathy for him? You sound like you've lost it

Before marriage- he never mentioned to us if he mentioned it to her or not. He only admitted his mistakes which is collecting money to build a house he could have built on his own. He said never go into joint biz with ur wife / never build ur home with her but if she can afford it- help her build in her name and give whatever you can afford to assist her.

CrownedPhoenix:


Hmm.. A curious story.

Did he have the child outside of the marriage, or before their marriage.

If before the marriage, was she fully aware of the child?

You re funny. Not all women are useless especially our mothers. Fact that she carried you for 9 months and backed you for 2 years is enough to let her be part of ur life forever .but you see young girls of today… many are so useless & jobless. Their only contribution is the unlimited access to their honeypot ….

cococandy:


Thank you.

Refreshing to read

I appreciate.

BreconHills:


That's right.

what type of immorality are you talking about ? Is it the one we know ?

Tightpussy2024:
are you trolling? You and I know that if women judge men half the way men judge women, no marriage will take place. Ask yourself between men and women which gender point accusing fingers the most as regards immorality. When you have the answer,direct the bolded to the gender responsible for accusing others of immorality

KIDfurniture:
You re funny. Not all women are useless especially our mothers. Fact that she carried you for 9 months and backed you for 2 years is enough to let her be part of ur life forever .but you see young girls of today… many are so useless & jobless. Their only contribution is the unlimited access to their honeypot …

Got it

Was the woman aware of the said son before marriage

KIDfurniture:
A handsome son he had before marrying the woman. Maybe because the son resurfaced and she felt threatened or she just hates the man and the son .

KIDfurniture:
what type of immorality are you talking about ? Is it the one we know ?

Does immorality have kinds? We are on romance section,it's obvious we aren't talking about money laundering or racism immorality.
I already know what answer to expect from you,I just want you to accept yourself that your "don't judge" or "he who is without sin should throw the first stone' only applies to men. Thus,you are compassionate or forgiving,you are just prejudiced.

Waiting for your answer...

The fact that u think a man can have a fling that can result to pregnancy without remorse is why I’m happy with the judgement!
He should live with his regrets for the rest of his miserable life and advice his fellow irresponsible men who will in turn get worst treatment!

Sisterhood and motherhood is so proud of Mama👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

KIDfurniture:
I didn’t mention he had the handsome son before marrying the woman sha. Even at that a man can have a fling and result to pregnancy. Nothing was lost. If ain’t married be ready to be a fifth wife or steal another woman’s husband. Reality .

SmartPolician:
I don't want to believe that ladies' obsession with court marriages is to get 50% of their husbands' assets. This is the same thing that destroyed marriage institutions in the west. And Nigerian ladies with yahoo mindsets have been its biggest beneficiaries in the west.

Well, you may have to believe even when it's not said.