raumdeuter:
The OP is 100% at fault.

She was already on the defensive before the guest even said a word, She looked at me somehow, she felt she was older than me etc

You mean you decoded all these from her eyes and unspoken word? Some people are witches for real. And I hope you and your children never need help in life.

So your guest needs to eat at 5am and you wont wake up till 9am, the guest has to wait because this kitchen is Holy of holies that someone cant enter? I am sure, If the guest had come to your door at 5am to knock to ask for permission to use kitchen it would have been another fight

Na wa o. I now see why God doesnt elevate or bless some people beyond a certain limit. If youre a company owner or governor then some people wont even be allowed to breathe

Sometimes I wonder what African culture is anymore. It seems we hold on the archaic parts of it and leave the important ones. As an African child, you are taught not to help yourself to anything. If you were a guest somewhere, you do not even reach out your hand to take something. Even if offered, you give your mother side eye to make sure she is okay with it because even when the host offers and you take it you might get in trouble when you get home. Why then is it okay for a grown ass mature woman not to understand that it is not okay to help yourself to anything in anybody's home. Does it mean that when you become as adult that it gives you the license to lose your mind? Yes, if I was a guest somewhere and it is 10am and my lazy host has not gotten out of bed to be a good host and serve breakfast I will stay hungry until she awakes. What kind of undisciplined person am I that I would get up and help myself to something. Serious case of otonni. Will waiting even a full hour kill you?



@edwife I hear you but your standard of clean might not even be her standard of clean. That is why when you are somewhere new, the best thing you can do for yourself id observe. Don't make yourself a nuisance. Even the dishes you wish to wash might be a major issue for your hosts. I have seen people wash the dishes and then dry them with a napkin before they put it on the rack. I have seen people just wash and rinse and dump it in the rack and let the water drip into the tray. Some people find this disgusting. I especially am grossed out when I see the water marks on the tray. My sister for example washes her dishes and actually puts then in the dishwasher . You cannot insert yourself into the runnings of someone's home. It is better to observe and let your host lead. When I visit my older sister I never watch the TV in her living room because my brother in law does so many things on it. He times things to record on his box etc. I get overwhelmed by all of that. Would he kill me if I watch tv and somehow mess his programs up. No. But I'm not going to mess with his TV. To be honest I would not be surprised if this was more of a redneckish American crowd. This is a Nigerian crowd. I'm honestly surprised to hear that it is okay to do things like this.
On Aisha's end I can see how her brain is working. She obviously understands the pettiness of some Nigerian women and is coming from that angle. While I understand that, it does not change the fact that she was a guest. I am the type of person who will stand up for myself but even if I know that someone does not like me, I will have to prepare to put up with that person if I am in their home. It's not my place to check them over anything or anyhow they decide to run their home. Especially when I am clearly the one over stepping. It's not like I don't have my own home to return to and sit on my couch spread eagled and dig my nose if I want.

@ Just to clarify:

The kitchen is not a holy of holies that cannot be entered

My guests are feel to relax in my home once I open my doors to them

I consider it rude for any guest to walk up to the kitchen, open freezers, cook etc without my consent/knowledge


I will appreciate they clean up after themselves when they can

They do not need permission to wake up in the morning, clean/sweep/wash etc. If necessary and If they can WITHOUT cooking

I will abide by same rules as a guest

Please All those who will visit moi in future and present, take note

Bukatyne 's rules

soulglo:


Sometimes I wonder what African culture is anymore. It seems we hold on the archaic parts of it and leave the important ones. As an African child, you are taught not to help yourself to anything. If you were a guest somewhere, you do not even reach out your hand to take something. Even if offered, you give your mother side eye to make sure she is okay with it because even when the host offers and you take it you might get in trouble when you get home. Why then is it okay for a grown ass mature woman not to understand that it is not okay to help yourself to anything in anybody's home. Does it mean that when you become as adult that it gives you the license to lose your mind? Yes, if I was a guest somewhere and it is 10am and my lazy host has not gotten out of bed to be a good host and serve breakfast I will stay hungry until she awakes. What kind of undisciplined person am I that I would get up and help myself to something. Serious case of otonni. Will waiting even a full hour kill you?



@edwife I hear you but your standard of clean might not even be her standard of clean. That is why when you are somewhere new, the best thing you can do for yourself id observe. Don't make yourself a nuisance. Even the dishes you wish to wash might be a major issue for your hosts. I have seen people wash the dishes and then dry them with a napkin before they put it on the rack. I have seen people just wash and rinse and dump it in the rack and let the water drip into the tray. Some people find this disgusting. I especially am grossed out when I see the water marks on the tray. My sister for example washes her dishes and actually puts then in the dishwasher . You cannot insert yourself into the runnings of someone's home. It is better to observe and let your host lead. When I visit my older sister I never watch the TV in her living room because my brother in law does so many things on it. He times things to record on his box etc. I get overwhelmed by all of that. Would he kill me if I watch tv and somehow mess his programs up. No. But I'm not going to mess with his TV. To be honest I would not be surprised if this was more of a redneckish American crowd. This is a Nigerian crowd. I'm honestly surprised to hear that it is okay to do things like this.
On Aisha's end I can see how her brain is working. She obviously understands the pettiness of some Nigerian women and is coming from that angle. While I understand that, it does not change the fact that she was a guest. I am the type of person who will stand up for myself but even if I know that someone does not like me, I will have to prepare to put up with that person if I am in their home. It's not my place to check them over anything or anyhow they decide to run their home. Especially when I am clearly the one over stepping. It's not like I don't have my own home to return to and sit on my couch spread eagled and dig my nose if I want.

I am guilty of helping people clean sha.

aisha2:


The poster assumed she was a side chick I had to re read myself to understand. Madam just had beef and even if she was a side chick she has more respect from the men than madam main wife does

I understand the husband told her so

Indecent dressing is subject to interpretation.

Ask OP what she wore and she might tell you shorts and a tank top.
To some that's indecent while to someone like me Exceptr you're wearing a bikini top and bottom, I would consider you well dressed for staying at home.

bukatyne:
I went back to the OP due to side chick/main chick saga...

The side chick is a skunk!

How can see dress indecently in a house where her bf's husband and family is?

The fact that the friend had the guts to bring his side chick to the martial home of his buddy speaks volumes.

He knew his friend would approve of his lifestyles and I jump to assume that the husband is also a cheating scumbag too.

bukatyne:




I am guilty of helping people clean sha.

I don't even like to clean my own so I'll welcome help

bukatyne:


I understand the husband told her so

Lol that would be the same husband who took " side chick" and friends side as against ultimate madam
Yet she has better esteem than almighty madam wife.
Madam is rude and condescending
She didn't greet me
She looked at me one kind
She thinks she is everything but she is only a bedmate.

Madam is very bitter and it shows in every single sentence.
Babe is probably slim and hawt while madam is insecure with post baby weight hence the transfer of aggression

soulglo:

Sometimes I wonder what African culture is anymore. It seems we hold on the archaic parts of it and leave the important ones. As an African child, you are taught not to help yourself to anything. If you were a guest somewhere, you do not even reach out your hand to take something. Even if offered, you give your mother side eye to make sure she is okay with it because even when the host offers and you take it you might get in trouble when you get home. Why then is it okay for a grown ass mature woman not to understand that it is not okay to help yourself to anything in anybody's home. Does it mean that when you become as adult that it gives you the license to lose your mind? Yes, if I was a guest somewhere and it is 10am and my lazy host has not gotten out of bed to be a good host and serve breakfast I will stay hungry until she awakes. What kind of undisciplined person am I that I would get up and help myself to something. Serious case of otonni. Will waiting even a full hour kill you? .

How does she know the wife would get up in a full hour? WHat if she has to take a medication at a certain time? WHats the big deal about kitchen sef?

If you come into my house, you are free to help yourself to anything there. If I dont like it I would keep quiet until you are gone and next time not welcome you. Its poor manner fighting with someone who didnt even stay in your house for up to 12hours

Any husband would be embarassed to marry such lout. She woke up to fry egg? so what?

She was wearing skimpy dress early in the morning? I didnt know people were supposed to dress in full Aso Ebi and Hijab when they are just waking up to fix themselves something to eat before going back to bed

This is pure intolerance and bad behavior. In most cultures guests are welcome with both arms and catered for whether African or European culture. Whatever a guest does within 24hrs cant be enough reason to pick a fight

cococandy:
Indecent dressing is subject to interpretation.

Ask OP what she wore and she might tell you shorts and a tank top.
To some that's indecent while to someone like me Exceptr you're wearing a bikini top and bottom, I would consider you well dressed for staying at home.

When I visit people, I dress modestly; decent shorts (knee length) and a top or thick spag top with bra underneath

If I wanna flex, I stay put in my house

This is obviously a woman issue.

All the same it was her house. The guest should have behaved better.

aisha2:


Lol that would be the same husband who took " side chick" and friends side as against ultimate madam
Yet she has better esteem than almighty madam wife.
Madam is rude and condescending
She didn't greet me
She looked at me one kind
She thinks she is everything but she is only a bedmate.

Madam is very bitter and it shows in every single sentence.
Babe is probably slim and hawt while madam is insecure with post baby weight hence the transfer of aggression

The madam simply has personal problem that she needs to fix. I dont see anything wrong in what the guest has done

I would be more pissed if a guest comes to wake me up early in the morning to just fry egg

raumdeuter:


How does she know the wife would get up in a full hour? WHat if she has to take a medication at a certain time? WHats the big deal about kitchen sef?

If you come into my house, you are free to help yourself to anything there. If I dont like it I would keep quiet until you are gone and next time not welcome you. Its poor manner fighting with someone who didnt even stay in your house for up to 12hours

Any husband would be embarassed to marry such lout. She woke up to fry egg? so what?

She was wearing skimpy dress early in the morning? I didnt know people were supposed to dress in full Aso Ebi and Hijab when they are just waking up to fix themselves something to eat before going back to bed

This is pure intolerance and bad behavior. In most cultures guests are welcome with both arms and catered for whether African or European culture. Whatever a guest does within 24hrs cant be enough reason to pick a fight

Every single sentence madam wrote was laced in bitterness and condescending statements madam was asking for it jare the egg was just an excuse. How does one woman call another " just a bedmate, yet she thinks she is everything " madam you self was once a bedmate oh

bukatyne:


When I visit people, I dress modestly; decent shorts (knee length) and a top or thick spag top with bra underneath

If I wanna flex, I stay put in my house

That dressing you described to some people is indecent dressing

What type of dressing do ppl wear early in the morning?

bukatyne:


When I visit people, I dress modestly; decent shorts (knee length) and a top or thick spag top with bra underneath

If I wanna flex, I stay put in my house

i agree but when I've a visitor, I cut them some slack. It can be hard or cause friction if we expect everyone to conform to our standards

raumdeuter:


That dressing you described to some people is indecent dressing

What type of dressing do ppl wear early in the morning?

@ bolded, you took the words right out of my mouth.

cococandy:
Indecent dressing is subject to interpretation.

Ask OP what she wore and she might tell you shorts and a tank top.
To some that's indecent while to someone like me Exceptr you're wearing a bikini top and bottom, I would consider you well dressed for staying at home.

@ bolded, so true

Chai chai chai chai so this is even a copy and paste story. Poster is a male chai

aisha2:
Chai chai chai chai so this is even a copy and paste story. Poster is a male chai

someone pointed that out on the first page Na.

raumdeuter:


That dressing you described to some people is indecent dressing

What type of dressing do ppl wear early in the morning?

Whatever they like as far as it is decent.

Besides, you should have an idea of who your host is and conform to their style.

And everyone with a conscience knows the threshold of decency.

cococandy:
i agree but when I've a visitor, I cut them some slack. It can be hard or cause friction if we expect everyone to conform to our standards

Some poster opened a lovely tread a while back on etiquette of a guest.

It is a must read for anyone who wants to be a successful guest.

It is a two way street; the guest and the host must walk hand in hand to make their time together comfortable

So many rules and regulations, just stay in a hotel abeg life is too short kilode.

Kneel down and greet
Look down don't make eye contact with madam of the house because you are a mere bedmate
If you are hungry stay hungry till madam decides to wake up the kitchen is a taboo
Ask for handbook on decent and indecent dressing

cococandy:
someone pointed that out on the first page Na.

Lol still makes a good read sha
Shows so many many many issues.

edwife:


Ahahahha

Imagine o,even cleaning it's a problem....

So if i wake up before you and see the house upside down,i will just go back to my room and wait for madam to come out.I don't function well around dirt,sorry but i will clean especially if i and my man ate in your house.

even though I try to clean up before bed and you wake up and its not up to your standard, while cleaning, just make sure you dont wake me up by your sweeping or plate sounds
. If not, na fight o.

Chillisauce:

even though I try to clean up before bed and you wake up and its not up to your standard, while cleaning, just make sure you dont wake me up by your sweeping or plate sounds
. If not, na fight o.

Don't worry i will lock the kitchen door.

But i will not cook o,i will wait until you wake up

Maybe madam didn't like the fact that she just put to bed and probably still carrying the baby weight and sees this sexy girl with a flat tummy chai! i understand,and to make matter's worse she is dressed sexy in the morning in her kitchen....did she come to seduce her husband?

edwife:


Don't worry i will lock the kitchen door.

But i will not cook o,i will wait until you wake up

In my house, na standard coffee/tea and cereal for breakfast.

English breakfast, you have to do it yourself o or you wait weekend. The highest I could do for you is get croissant.

Have you forgotten I'm lazy

So all those guest wey dey eat akpu for breakfast, OYO

Chillisauce:

In my house, na standard coffee/tea and cereal for breakfast.

English breakfast, you have to do it yourself o or you wait weekend. The highest I could do for you is get croissant.

Chilli don't do me like that,what about saucisson and jambo?

edwife:


Maybe madam didn't like the fact that she just put to bed and probably still carrying the baby weight and sees this sexy girl with a flat tummy chai! i understand,and to make matter's worse she is dressed sexy in the morning in her kitchen....did she come to seduce her husband?

edwife:


Chilli don't do me like that,what about saucisson and jambo?

Those things I will get and put in fridge for you. serve yourself.

Btw, your second quote was funny. Seduce husband ke.

Chillisauce:


Those things[b] I will get and put in fridge for you[/b]. serve yourself.

Btw, your second quote was funny. Seduce husband ke.

Merci ma belle,expect moi soon!

edwife:


Merci ma belle,expect moi soon!

Hope you will not wear bra and g string to clean in the kitchen o.
kidding

bukatyne:


It is a two way street; the guest and the host must walk hand in hand to make their time together comfortable

I agree.
Just that today is the host's day.
If it was opened from the POV of a guest, we for tell am how to behave

aisha2:


Lol still makes a good read sha
Shows so many many many issues.

exactly

cococandy:

I agree.
Just that today is the host's day.
If it was opened from the POV of a guest, we for tell am how to behave

Lol @ host's day

For tonight, I do not mind being a guest