LordReed:
From my own reading of the scenario the statement "going to see his family" made me believe the husband's friend was married and this strange girl is indeed a side chic. I think it's rude to just walk into a stranger's kitchen and help yourself to anything without first finding out if its OK. IMO the madam was perfectly in her rights to question why she would do such a thing. When in Rome...

chaircover:


Its funny how we all have different perceptions about different things
I read it as his family (parents) lived in the village and he stopped over in Lagos on his way from the airport first before travelling down

This brings us back to the kind of people you let through your door in the first instance.
We wouldnt accomodate anyone who was married but brought a concubine to our home. That in its self is more disrespectful to me and my home than anyone being in my kitchen.
I trust oga. He will tell you point blank to go find somewhere else to stay for the night.

Reminds me of an uncle of mine who brough his gf to his mums home for the night. The gist I heard was that the old mama chased them both out with stick screaming not under my roof.

LordReed:
From my own reading of the scenario the statement "going to see his family" made me believe the husband's friend was married and this strange girl is indeed a side chic. I think it's rude to just walk into a stranger's kitchen and help yourself to anything without first finding out if its OK. IMO the madam was perfectly in her rights to question why she would do such a thing. When in Rome...

chaircover:
I am fully born and bred Yoruba woman and I won’t "fight" because someone else was hungry enough to cook in my kitchen

I will be more concerned that a stranger is sleeping in my home, which to me is more dangerous

What if the stranger is an axe murderer or serial killer?
.
If I trust you enough to sleep in my house, then you have my permission to enter my kitchen, have a bubble bath and sit your bum on my WC

But as Dami has explained, it all depends on the persons involved, their backgrounds, upbringing, personal experiences etc so we have to respect that.

In my home, a lot more activities go on in my kitchen apart from cooking and sometimes when we have guests we all sit at the kitchen table watcing TV & gisting instead of the living room. . . .. I do also hear that some people lock their kitchens and soup cupboards up, so really its different strokes for different folks.

I would be more concerned of the type of people walking through my door in the first instance.

bukatyne:


The bolded are definitely different from going into the kitchen to make food without permission

Re: sex in my bedroom: better be married to do that!

It is unruly for unmarried people to have sex in someone else's house esp. married.

chaircover:


Its funny how we all have different perceptions about different things
I read it as his family (parents) lived in the village and he stopped over in Lagos on his way from the airport first before travelling down

This brings us back to the kind of people you let through your door in the first instance.
We wouldnt accomodate anyone who was married but brought a concubine to our home. That in its self is more disrespectful to me and my home than anyone being in my kitchen.
I trust oga. He will tell you point blank to go find somewhere else to stay for the night.

Reminds me of an uncle of mine who brough his gf to his mums home for the night. The gist I heard was that the old mama chased them both out with stick screaming not under my roof.

LordReed:
From my own reading of the scenario the statement "going to see his family" made me believe the husband's friend was married and this strange girl is indeed a side chic. I think it's rude to just walk into a stranger's kitchen and help yourself to anything without first finding out if its OK. IMO the madam was perfectly in her rights to question why she would do such a thing. When in Rome...

Ujujoan:


My point exactly! !!
There are worse things she could have done. Imo, cooking in her kitchen is not a big deal.

aisha2:


If he was married madam would have stated it clearly seeing all the other rude and insulting remarks she has made about the lady. She just wrote that last bit to add to her bile and further degradation of the lady by calling her an ordinary bedmate who feels like a main babe

LordReed:


Yes that was bile talking but it doesn't excuse the chic from acting rudely. If she wanted to be so forward then she should have gotten her guy to go ask their hosts if it is OK. You can't enter into someone's home and just assume you can do anything.

bukatyne:


I know this was in response to my post...

You are a Yoruba woman who has lived more than 10yrs outside the country (I might be wrong) and your perspective to some things have changed due to interactions...

I am a full born Yoruba lady who was born and bred in Lagos and lived with Ibo neighbors so I am open to cooking their food which a Yoruba lady born and bred in Ekiti might not do.

I ask you straight forward two questions:

1. If you and hubby went to one of hubby's friend house whom you have never met, will you enter their kitchen the next morning making breakfast without hubby's friend's wife giving you permission?

2. If hubby invited a friend (known to you) who brings along a lady, would you like if this lady (not known to you) wakes up the next morning and jumps into your kitchen without you permitting/inviting her to do so?

I want simple yes or no answers

(In this story, the position of the guest is not my biz... wifey, side/main/only/auxillary chick is of no concern to me; it changes nothing)

The wife's trust was inconsequential in this case... the lady was thrust upon her, what was she to do? I don't trust you, don't sleep in my house or develop trust for a lady she just met overnight?

moreeni:


Technically yes. It was my bf's house and I was staying over spending some time with him. His friend came from Russia and had a girl joined him there. Its really as summarized earlier,nothing different.

LordReed:


I think the husband was comfortable with his friend bringing a side chic which is why he'd ask his wife to apologise to her. For me it depends on how good a friend, I may allow but he will get an ear full about it and he wouldn't be getting an apology from my wife.

chaircover:


You cant ask questions and demand yes or no answers.
What you have to understand is that people are different and you cant a judge whole culture by your own standards
What you said indirectly was that anyone who doesnt have a problem with people going into their kitchens is not a yoruba girl
That I have lived abroad does not make me any less a Yoruba woman
There are a million other things that come together that makes me Yoruba


I still cant get my head round the fact that I will share a house with someone I am not that familiar or comfortable with in the first instance.
That is what hotels are for.
We have been invited to a party this weekend but its 100 miles away
We have "friends" in the city, but I wont feel comfortable sleeping in their home, so we booked a hotel close to the venue.

bukatyne:


My questions are pretty much yes or no. I have taken into consideration the fact people & circumstances are different and specified the scenario in the OP.

You answer according to your outlook to life. If the question was thrown to me, I would have said no in both instances.

It was a straight forward question.

@ bolded, that was exactly what happened to the OP and she handled it the best way she could.

I am still waiting for your answers

chaircover:


You cant ask questions and demand yes or no answers.
What you have to understand is that people are different and you cant a judge whole culture by your own standards
What you said indirectly was that anyone who doesnt have a problem with people going into their kitchens is not a yoruba girl
That I have lived abroad does not make me any less a Yoruba woman
There are a million other things that come together that makes me Yoruba


I still cant get my head round the fact that I will share a house with someone I am not that familiar or comfortable with in the first instance.
That is what hotels are for.
We have been invited to a party this weekend but its 100 miles away
We have "friends" in the city, but I wont feel comfortable sleeping in their home, so we booked a hotel close to the venue.

chaircover:


Maybe she wasnt a side chick . . .whatever that means
Ive seen side chicks become wives and I have seen fiancees dumped
Ive even seen wives dumped too

chaircover:
Funny enough no on is blaming Cassidy . . .
Who caused the whole thing in the first instance by not protecting his gf side chick from unfriendly wives and booking a darn hotel from the get go

chaircover:


Under the same circumstances would you have done exactly the same thing the poster did? Yes or No

chaircover: You cant ask questions and demand yes or no answers.
What you have to understand is that people are different and you cant a judge whole culture by your own standards

ileobatojo:


First of all, this is all an assumption, it doesn't say anywhere in the story that the madam was rude to her. Actually, the story told us the girl was the one giving madam rude looks. Second, if the madam was really rude to her, isn't it more reason for her to stay in her own lane? Afterall, she is still in the madam's house, not her's.

bukatyne:


You are answering my question with a question?



Remember you said the above?

Waiting for your answer

soulglo:


You are assuming though. A few people on this thread have even pointed out that Nigerian women do this and that. So how do you know the girl did not walk in with a chip on her shoulder. She even admitted that she never wanted to be there in the first place so if anything we know for sure that she had issues with being there

BrownKnight:

The madam said the girl was giving her rude looks, the madam could be lying or narrating a story to suit her case.

aisha2:


The smart lady blamed Cassidy na, and am sure if she was like me he go hear am
Men can be sturborn you will tell them something they won't hear till it turns south then them go begin beg lol

chaircover:


Exactly, you see that you cant judge or speak for a whole culture by your own standards
That is my point and I am sure that youve grabbed it.

If you and hubby went to one of hubby's friend house whom you have never met, will you enter their kitchen the next morning making breakfast without hubby's friend's wife giving you permission?

crackhaus:

Lol...just answer this one please:


It doesn't have to be a yes/no answer, just respond as you deem fit

chaircover:


gerrout

chaircover:


LOL . . he will hear it o!
Personally, side chick or not, I wouldnt even go to a place that I am not comfortable with
For all we know it was that same cassidy that woke up feeling hungry in the morning
She cooked wahala . . if she didnt cook trouble . .
I wonder if the OP would have been as angry if it had been Cassidys wife of 20 years . . . .Hmmmmm

Then a few threads down the line, we complain that single ladies are being "forced" to get married. meanwhile the undercurrents actually come from fellow women. Its not the parents, its not the men . . .its us women being nasty to fellow women

Personally I would have been acomodating to the girl and given her good advise and taken her under my wing and we become "buddys" even if we dont end up being very close, but to some wives every other woman is a threat and a danger. It is well.

aisha2:


No oh, married women are saints, its single women who are wrong and demonic

Married woman who forgot she was ones a babe too and may have been a side chick too but as soon as we get the ring by hook or by crook we become better than any other woman especially single ones, we are allowed to eye them, be rude to them, speak to them condescendingly, judge them and degrade them with all sorts of names
We are " married " they are single and so they are not entitled to any respect especially when we are younger and married and they are older and single.

chaircover:


Exactly, you see that you cant judge or speak for a whole culture by your own standards
That is my point and I am sure that youve grabbed it.

bukatyne: 1. If you and hubby went to one of hubby's friend house whom you have never met, will you enter their kitchen the next morning making breakfast without hubby's friend's wife giving you permission?

bukatyne: 2. If hubby invited a friend (known to you) who brings along a lady, would you like if this lady (not known to you) wakes up the next morning and jumps into your kitchen without you permitting/inviting her to do so?

chaircover:


Maybe she wasnt a side chick . . .whatever that means
Ive seen side chicks become wives and I have seen fiancees dumped
Ive even seen wives dumped too