Good evening folks.

Straight to business.

Half of these are what I composed myself and racked my brain intensively and overtime to formulate, and others are what I found on the internet and heard directly from people
They are mainly jokes carrying the Romance and Relationship theme, but other none related witty one-liners and jokes are included as side attraction...

Let's enjoy ourselves a little amidst the whole tense and suffocating Miss Nairaland Palava

You are free and more than welcome to contribute yours, but ensure it bears and has some minute traits of Romanticism in it at least.

Leggo ....




Lemme kick start with mine...

• Noah should be blamed entirely for why we have malaria.... ...why did he have to take those mosquitoes into that Ark?

• Boy: I want to take you out on Saturday night, would you be free?
Girl : No.
Boy: why? what would you be doing?.
Girl: Nothing, but because I would be having a headache on Saturday night.

• A pushup bra is like a bag of chips. You open it
up and its half empty

• They say nothing rhymes with orange... Lies!
nothing and orange don't rhyme at all.

• Nigerian girls leaves me as confused as Rick Ross with a bowl of salad.

• I took a Nigerian girl out to a restaurant on Monday and Tuesday...and she ate more than I have eaten in ten years in two days

• Why do men die before their wives?
Ans: Because they want to.

• Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.

• Never underestimate a woman's ability to
make anything your fault.

• I finally married my MISS RIGHT......only thing i didn't realise was that she had the word 'ALWAYS' in front of the 'MISS'

• The doctor told me to watch my drinking.....now I'm having a white cup pressed to my lips with a mirror positioned in front of me.

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes
you a car.

•Telling a girl to calm down works about as well
as trying to baptize a cat.

• I don't agree that females talk too much, but If a woman had written the Bible...we'd have 20 testaments. ... and that's just under the old testament alone

• When a girl sends you 'K' in a Whatsapp convo...it really means: ''You're very boring, fu¢k you!"

(Whatsapp chat)
• Girl: Do you really love or do you just wanna fu¢k me? Pinocchio : I sincerely love you with all my heart, body and soul. (Press sends button)
Whatsapp: Error Error..Sorry your message is too Long and please tell the truth.

• You wanna raape 30 camels?...learn to do it one 'hump' at a time

• They just made a new Lesb1an shoe....its called Nikes ………oops..I meant Dikes

• Four most powerful words women say that can deflate any man's ego?

Ans : Is it in yet?

• Dumb girls: Is flirting cheating?
Me: If I slap you with my left hand though I'm right-handed, did you still get slapped?

• When two 'fat' women are gossiping.... Its called a 'Heavy' discussion

• When your teacher gives a 30 minute speech about not wasting time..

• What do Booobs do during earthquakes?
Ans: They give milk shakes.

• One day i said to Rokiatu's ass-"Hi I'm an astronaut and I wanna explore URANUS
What I really meant was: Hi I'm an Astronaut and I wanna explore 'UR ANUS'

• What is long, hard and has "¢um" in it?
Ans: CuCUMber

• What is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy?
Ans: $100 Dollar Bill


• (You visit your girl while she's working on a chemistry homework)
(after 30 minutes...)
Girl: I can't seem to find my PERIOD.
Boy: (cuts in) are you mad? We only shagged once, so you've been sleeping around? Its over between us.
(boys leaves in anger)

Moral of the story: Learn to be a Patient listener.. She was studying chemistry and wanted to say: I can't seem to find my PERIODIC TABLE".

• This Volcano is a one-minute man...It 'erupted' 'prematurely'

• Why do men get great ideas on bed?
Ans: Because they are plugged into a genius

• What's is 72?
Ans: 69 with 3 people watching

• What do you call an Afghan Virgin ?
Ans: Never been Laid on

• What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
Ans : A little get together.

• Why can't you 'hear' a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Ans: Cos the 'P' is silent

• What's an artist with an arrow head?
Ans: PRICKasso


• Why do single women take advise from other single women?...that's like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles

• There are two oranges strapped to a woman's chest and one island between her thighs... .
yet 'bra' is singular and 'panties' have a plural form ..

• Women can never be as equal as men....unless they can walk on the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

• I think a girl called Marieolae is stalking me cos she was googling my name last night...
How did I know? .
I was watching her with a telescope from my house..

• what did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Ans: Is that you mum?

• That awkward moment when a female doctor is on her knees checking for symptoms on my balls...and I put my hands on her head and run it through her hairs....Feeling like boss#

• Girls logic:- I'm gonna wear this shirt that shows 3/4 of my booobs then call you a perv€rt for looking

• Say EYE ……spell MAP …then say NIS .. Do them together

• Fastest of communication?
Ans: Tell a girl a rumour and make her promise to keep it as a secret.

• (In a wedding)
Boy: Mom, why is that woman wearing a white gown
Mom: Cos today is the happiest day of her life
Boy: Why is the Man wearing black then?

• I told my daddy to embrace his 'mistakes'...he cried then 'hugged my sister and me"

• Just imagine how short class would be if Busta Rhymes was your teacher

• What starts with P and ends with ORN - POPCORN

What starts with F and ends with UCK...- FIRETRUCK

• Internet is the only place hoes give advise and people take them serious

• +Whatsapp chat)

Greg: Babe I want you to send me your nak€d picture.
Girl: Promise and swear you won't show any body ?
Greg: I swear to god and on my mother's grave that I won't ..
(10 Minutes later)
Greg's friends: DAMNNNNNNNNNN !!!!


• What do you say to someone that tells you that your zipper is open?
Ans: The cage is open but the beast is asleep

• Mznelly sent me this : YOURE ADORABLE
I replied by sending: YOU'RE ADORABLE...and now she loves me passionately..
Meanwhile, all I did was add a punctuation mark to the YOURE she sent to point out her typo ...

• Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's day
Girl: Yes, February 14

• Boy: Can you tell me what other thing you're very good in?
Girl: I'm great in bed
Boy: Wow...I love that..
Girl: Yeah, and it means I love sleeping for hours.

•Math Teacher: what comes after 69 ?
DarkRebel: A mouth wash.
Teacher: get out of my class!

I'm not Mommy's boy ooo.. but if my mom ask me this this--
Mom: Shawarma can I see your Facebook and nairaland account?
(here's what imma do)--
( throw laptop with erratic velocity out of the window, somersault out of the room, run to Airport, take a flight to Mexico then change my name to Pepito)

Let's continue... add yours if you got any

..

dirty jokes on fp? I think not

.

"We need to go deeper"...

when i see your face, there is not a thing i would like to change........except the direction am walking in

feran14:
dirty jokes on fp? I think not

Okay..corrected..

Medunah:
when i see your face, there is not a thing i would like to change........except the direction am walking in

Lol...good one

Borussia
Naijaboiy
cherryice
sinizia
dechandel
Nneka123
Ireneony
Ipledge
Tashaamania
Victoriabee
Sonofthemark
wristwatch
chiam55
missclasssy
truckpusher
Rokiatu
Mhizkel
Lala247
Danbrownmf
2dice
Marieolae
Mznelly
Mzlaurel
Tohpahz
ronald4lif
twaci
lurlah2014



couldn't tag all.... y'all check this out ..

Q. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GENEALOGIST AND A GYNAECOLOGIST??



A.A GENEALOGIST LOOKS UP UR WHOLE FAMILY TREE,A GYNAECOLOGIST LOOKS UP WHOLE FAMILY's BUSH

I've been pondering why cars got speed, then it hit me.

Q. the down-side of being an atheist?




A. no one to talk to during an orģasm.

Well it's night can't really see quite right cos it's not that bright, in here where I sit on my seat.

True Love they say it's unrealistic and a fantastic fantasy still if with delegency sought after can be not only a thought in the after but a Reality in the sight of humanity.

Truth is an unbending fact yet the fact about the fact will always be the fact that the fact will always be the fact irrespective of the fact opposing the available fact.

Even the condition that condition one condition is conditioned to condition ones condition in other words Whatever will be will be.

It's night right?I think it well alright its The bright time to switch off the light for the right reason with the right person.

Joke

Girl: I want a First Class wedding

Starling: Alright I will give you

Girl: But we don't have enough money for it

Starling: That won't be a Problem dear

Girl: Really?

Starling: Yea

Girl: Thank You dear

Starling: But

Girl: But what?

Starling: We will have to go to my Village

Girl: For what dear?

Starling: Didn't you said You want a First class I wedding?

Girl: Yes I do

Starling: Then will we have to go to my village so we can visit my primary school and you can get to have your wedding in my First class!!.

©Starlingslimnet

Nice one kardleber.. Nice compilations.

don't always get asked out on a date. But when I do... It's on April 1st.

I'm naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.

I saw an Arab shaking a rug. I just had to ask, "What's wrong Ahmed, won't start?"

Daughter: Mommy, what's it like to have the most awesome daughter in the world ?
Mother: I don't know, ask your grandmother.

Ain't it funny how the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind your car.

I walked into the bedroom and tripped on the wife's Bra.It was a booby trap

One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance... so i pushed her over.

My iPhone battery dies quicker than a black guy in a scary movie.

Auctioneers are proof that white guys could rap if they try hard enough.

Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll.....or you're taking shit from some asshole.

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doin nothing for years.

I'm not calling you a slut, but if you were a video game you'd be rated 'E For Everyone'

nice!

I'm coming with mine

The world isnt coming to an end soon. It's already tommorrow in Australia..

Santa Claus had the smartest idea - Visit people only once a year

I dey come

Phikom:
"We need to go deeper"...

Supported .

He who says nothing lasts forever has never tried Hausa women's perfume.......Nelson Mandela

Any whiteman who refuses to acknowledge that agege bread and akara is a type of sandwich is a complete racist.......Martin Luther King Jnr

-I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring and then i call immediately and no one picks.."what the hell did you do after you called me? You dropped the phone and ran away"

- If I called a wrong number, why the hell did you pick

Any girl that doesn't squeeze her face when you touch her nippple for the first time is likely to cheat on you.........Senator Yerima.

- I hate it when I'm seeing a movie and someone says.."omg, did you see that?"
"NO, I didn't. I paid #1500 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!!"

- Dear God please break all my enemies leg, so that by their limping, I shall know them..

- I studied Law so hard that I graduated from the college, sued the college and got my tuitions back

Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

If a guy remembered your eye color after the first date you probably have small bòobs.

Whoever said money doesn't grow on trees has obviously never sold weed.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear it’s a brighter day.

People think Cupid is a symbol for love. Personally, I find an arrow being shot through your heart by a flying baby very horrifying.

Titanic is just one example of the ice bucket challenge going wrong...

With great power comes great electricity bill

Don't blame the holidays, you were fat in August.

Tashaamania:
- Dear God please break all my enemies leg, so that by their limping, I shall know them..

- I studied Law so hard that I graduated from the college, sued the college and got my tuitions back

LMAO. By their limping, i shall know them.

No how a girl prove expensive there must be someone to f**k her free....
Blessed are the hard working fone cos they will surely leave BROKElyn....

If I get one dollar each time I was called Beautiful, I'd have one dollar. Thank you Mama.