Richy4:
It is Not a country thing... all over the world, no one like a cheating partner... some women grudgingly forgive not because they are the forgiven type but because they are financially challenged... The man is the bread winner of the house... how will she manage on her own especially with kids.....?

But in advanced countries the Law made it quite easy for the ladies when it comes to separations... ... They will take half of what the man has... on top of that, the man will pay welfare for the kids weekly or monthly depending on his wages until the kid turns 18.

Not that African women forgives, the law was not favourable to them....

McSquishi:


The rule books were written by insecure men. Insecure men are intimidated by the idea their woman will find other men attractive, but also they're so insecure that they look for as many women as possible to validate their manliness.

My hubby told me of his hometown tradition that a cheating woman will kill her kids if she sleeps with her husband anytime after cheating. I asked what happens when the man cheats... of course it was nothing! I mean, if that's not clearly created by men for men...

Men might try to use religion or evolution to explain it, that's all bs. There is nothing religious about stepping outside of your relationship/marriage. And there is no evolutionary se.x craving gene that men possess & women don't. The truth of the matter is that cheating is just a sign of ones bad character.

Mindfulness:


Good morning

Just that I don't think that the truth is bitter.

We have been brainwashed into believing that we can only love and desire one person and we should be doing so for the rest of our lives when in fact our natural inclination is a different one.

Mindfulness:


No, it isn't. You may want to call it a character flaw but I cannot agree that it means that someone's character is bad.

EnlightenedSoul:


Night for me, but morning to ya

This is absolutely true....


So, I do think it bitter. Especially, when I ponder the long term.

chydel:
Because we are polygamous in culture

MsGlobalwonder:
semantics! Character flaw, bad character... what's the difference in context ??

Mindfulness:


Yeah, right. Whatever time of the day / night, have the best of it.



There are millions of people who desire a monogamous relationship and stability. If this is what you want, go for it.
I don't believe it is a bitter truth that many people desire something else. It is diversity that makes life interesting and gives us many different options to choose from.

EnlightenedSoul:


But to think that it's an incredibly flimsy concept in and of itself, even for those who do want it. To want and love someone, but then to naturally want others beside him/her as well and to willfully struggle against that. It sounds like a bitter truth (and a rather bitter existence to me), lol.

But then why are people such jealous creatures? It seems to me the only human emotion that lacks purpose. The only human emotion that is utterly and completely useless.

Mindfulness:


@bold

Because ...

- they want to have their cake and eat it
- one of the partners has let him-/herself go and is no longer sexually appealing
- one of the spouses has a decreased libido and does no longer satisfy the other one
- the spark is gone
- for fun of tasting the forbidden fruit
- some people discover that they are polygamous in nature some years into the marriage
- the marriage is frustrating
- someone else is willing to give them something they miss
- one of the spouses has a fetish s/he cannot live out in the marriage
- they have an opportunity to do so without being caught
- they do not consider it morally wrong
- they can
- they married their spouse for wrong reasons
- they feel neglected and unloved
- to take revenge
- ...

Mindfulness:


I wouldn't call it queer behavior.

Maybe you should stay true to yourself and re-consider whether a monogamous relationship is your preference instead of beating up on yourself to fit into societal conventions, which do not do yourself and they way you are any justice.

We have been brainwashed into believing that we can only love and desire one person and we should be doing so for the rest of our lives when in fact our natural inclination is a different one.

mostyg:


Na wa ooo. What a long list of reasons?

I understand you only gave some reasons people who cheats give and in no way trying to support infidelity in marriages

Now that we know the reasons, are these reasons justifiable?

If one has taken a vow to be faithful to his/her other half for better and for worse, no reason would justify infidelity.

HaneefahRN:

So u shld be able to accept and forgive ur wife readily when she exhibit such trait while trying nt to conform wt societal values

Mindfulness:


Why are you so shocked?

ronald4lif:
I don't think I can forgive a cheating wife. Mbanu.

But I'm hoping to be forgiven if erred. Too many ravishing and alluring women out there to be moored by one.

Onwe kwa ka odi na nwoke ka ne eri nani ofe egusi till onwuo. Ari ka ta egusi erienu ofe ogbono, o nwe di nu ka ana eme. Didn't say anything sha, just passing.

EfemenaXY:


I was "shocked" at your brazenness.

(Sigh) wish I could join you lot in this conversation. Just got way too much to do.

I need me some "me time"...

Mindfulness:

I don't have a wife. Can I forgive cheating? Yes, I can!

HaneefahRN:

Good.
But I don't pray u marry a chronic cheat

Mindfulness:


I thought I was notorious for being brazen.

Just do it! I have been missing you a lot.

I am sitting at my writing desk and will be sitting here for more hours than necessary just because I like the distraction that NL is.

EfemenaXY:


Shocked, in quotes.

Miss you too, but can't.

Been meaning to ask you, how do you grow (not sure "emotionally" is the right word to use), to the point where you're physically able to exert enough power over your mind to control your levels of happiness? i.e. The determination not to let external factors / people get you down by adopting the concept: I / you are in in full control of my / your happiness?

Mindfulness:


Because?

HaneefahRN:

Did tht come out wrong? I pray u marry one then, so u'll av alot of forgiving to do or u cld simply look d other way while he or she goes abt their business, moving from yellow to black and in btw.
U're female, ryt? I like the way u don't seem to care, but make sure he buys and uses condoms wt his gfs or u cld get them for him so he doesn't get u infected wt STIs

Mindfulness:


You conclude too much. Who told you I wasn't married? And why do you think I would marry a slowpoke who doesn't know that he has a responsibility to protect himself and me when cheating?

Thanks for your prayers but I doubt you would pray on my behalf and that's why I asked why you would pray for me at all?

HaneefahRN:

Alryt. I sincerely prayed for u. I lost a close family friend and her new born baby to HIV/AIDs late last yr, she contracted it from her husband, the man was a known adulterer, he probably didn't use protection just once or d protection failed. Tht woman and tht poor baby lost their lives to his recklessness, he incidentally isn't dead nw, he is on treatment.
So when I made tht prayer, I was serious

Mindfulness:


We have been brainwashed into believing that we can only love and desire one person and we should be doing so for the rest of our lives when in fact our natural inclination is a different one.

Mindfulness:


It is a flimsy concept because people accept it without questioning it and hence do not go for it truly based on what works for them but on what society has set up for them. However, not everyone in a monogamous relationship struggles. There are people who are perfectly ok, happy and fulfilled with one partner only.

Jealousy is the result of insecurity and the need to have someone else validating your worthiness. It is also the result of a (meanwhile almost global) society that tells people that true love is exclusive.
[size=3pt]It is fun having this conversation with you. Don't leave. I have a lot of work to do today and will spend the day at the writing desk so nice conversations are a welcomed distraction and not many people here have the ability to think outside the box.[/size]

Mindfulness:


This is my favorite topic.

Mediation is the magic word in this context. Learn to quiet your mind first. This will enable you to control your thoughts in the next step and it is important because your thoughts determine your mood. Once you have learned to quiet your mind and control your thoughts, you will think in a way that feels good to you and this will determine your mood.

I can't live without meditation. I do it every day for 15-30 minutes. It is very easy. Sit down comfortably, set an alarm clock and pay attention to your breathing. Your mind will wander off again and again. This is normal and ok, especially in the beginning. Each time you notice it has wandered off, bring your attention back to your breathing. You will notice that you relax when you quiet your mind and life will become much easier. Pay attention to the moments where thoughts are absent. It is sensational.

It is a beautiful journey and extremely empowering.

Mindfulness:


You made the following statement:



And I disagree here because someone may cheat and still be a wonderful person otherwise.



Here we go again. There is a HUGE difference between saying that cheating is bad and saying that a cheater is a bad person.



Since we all have character flaws, we are all bad people according to your logic.



No, it isn't.

Have you ever lied in your life? I am sure you have. Lying is bad so you are a bad character, aren't you?

neoapocalypse:



Not that we can but we should , of course we find attractive numerous people we come by everyday and with it comes the desire to have sex but we have to control our urges and desires , that is one area which distinguishes us from other lower animals.

If a man requires absolute fidelity from his partner then she deserves the same.

EnlightenedSoul:


I know that. But I feel the vast majority of people aren't happy with the status quo, yet still gravitate toward it and desire it especially on the part of their partners ('cuz jealousy). I've heard so many stories of married people I know whose sex lives are, like, dead. They're young. 3-7 years in and though they care about each other and have families, they're already fed up with each other sexually. My sister before she got divorced (she's remarried now), would visibly cringe when her ex-husband would so much touch her on the shoulder for no reason she could put into words. That's freakin' scary. I wonder if that could happen to me.

Poly friends seem to have healthier relationships, but their lifestyle is markedly more risque and high-risk. Still, IDK, but a big part of me thinks monogamy just isn't sustainable, and I wonder sometimes.

Yeah, but have you noticed how anger, sadness, happiness, etc, and every other human emotion known to man has some discernable purpose, except jealousy?

EnlightenedSoul:


Hmm. I haven't been able to accomplish this at all. Either my body is active, my mind is, or both. I enjoy yoga, swimming, and aerial silks for winding down and getting rid of excess energy/keeping myself in shape, but I can't, for the life of me, keep still long enough to meditate.

When and how did you start?