Benita27:
First off, How did you not know initially whether she was a single mum or not before going fully into a relationship with her?. She was meant to tell you all surrounding the child's birth and her plans for him then the choice would've been yours to accept everything in totality or not.

Secondly, you already accepted the child, and you're aware that since the father is alive, he'll definitely come for his child someday. Whatever you do for the child is because of the love you have for the mother so I don't get why you should be worried about her using the father's name as surname. Your wife has a choice to either use her father's name if she doesn't intend giving the child back to his biological father or using his father's name if she thought it was the right thing to do.

Useless comment!
Very useless

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

That is the best thing,now will ur own family like it if she uses your name,ur family name is vital to your family,for me my surname is my clan name n only us use that name in the world,wherever i meet someone with that name i know we re related,even outside the country iput a call to my dad n somhw they trace the root and my dad gets to know the persons family,now my family wont support me giving that name to someone who is not a member of the family.
2ndly that child can never be us,what if the man responsible comes into the boys life tomorrow,wont he like the boy to bear is own name,the position God placed u is to help in anyway u can,the boy il grow up to always remember your labor over him,dont sweat it,just keep watching as scenerio unfolds,however i pray for ur own kids,wherever they go they shall be favoured,whatever you il need to raise them in life,God il provide,n may u never weep over them,it shall be joy unspeakable for your kids.....amen

Nawaoo! the girl is ungreatful, kick her ass out of your house if she refuse to change the boy,s surname to yours.
she is just buying time from your hand,because she will jump up and run to the father of that her son when the guy needs her back,without even your consent

victoronyekwelu:
Now everyone is facing the woman what about men that impregnate ladies what should the woman do to them It's a dog chop dog world

Man, read it again. Its not about who impregnated who. The issue is deeper than that. Na pros and cons of the situation we dey reason, no be who carry belle for who.

Take the child to her parents and call her family members that you want to formally adopt the child and let him bear your name. Since she is not married to the biological father of the child. If her family accepts and conducts the adoption according to their native traditions, the child becomes your own, otherwise you are just wasting your time raising another mans child which is also not a crime

ray121:
Im really down and confused .just thought of coming on here today to free my mind.I was at least thinking shes gonna use her own dad name .I dont want to claim another mans son but for her using the guy name is really getting me worried.

bro forget it,the son is not urs. the father will come for him in future so let her do what she want with the baby.

Benbobola:

Man, read it again. Its not about who impregnated who. The issue is deeper than that. Na pros and cons of the situation we dey reason, no be who carry belle for who.

tnx

She can dump u when the father comes back to her.

if the dad intends to marry her then u will b dumped a and thereby divorced.

I don't think she loves u as she still don't feel guilty as the fathers surname is captivating for her. She will dump u if he comes back

orjikuramo:
I know I should not have asked, if the boy is 2 n he is just starting school n u both have a daughter as well, then m lost, how long did u court, how much did u know of her b4 getting into the marriage or did u also clamp her because of her affluence, influence, connection or wealth cos logically it takes 9months to carry n bore a child - son is getting to 2 and u both already have a daughter as well...really hard for me to understand the story but I think u should listen to the guy who said u should hold a family meeting n make them understand that u can't continue to shoulder a responsibility that another man will just come n do like he is wearing "Ebukas agbada".
My 2 pence

Him give her belle and she move in to stay with him. He met her when the boy was less than a year. All this girls matter tire me

Op, if the boy changes his surname to yours or that of his mum., what is the assurance that he will not change the name back to that of his fathers in the future.

Whatever you are going to do, do it for the boy as if he is your own and make sure it is from your heart.

Your wife is very lucky you married her even when she was breastfeeding another mans child. Either you were very desperate or she is the one paying the bills but whatever it is you are tied to her now for life and I'll only advise you to grit your teeth, dig your heels in and carry your cross happily. Whining here will not help you o!

ray121:
Im really down and confused .just thought of coming on here today to free my mind.I was at least thinking shes gonna use her own dad name .I dont want to claim another mans son but for her using the guy name is really getting me worried.

If catering for the child won't harm u financially, please continue. But ask for the reasons behind her action. Taking the child to the real father's house might cause trouble especially if he is married now. There is nothing in the name. When the child grows, she will be the one to explain why he is bearing a different name.

Let me be blunt. Your story does not make much sense. The boy is close to 2 and you already have a daughter. Let's assume your baby was born recently, subtract 9 months from 2 years that leaves 1 year 3 months. Are you telling me you started dating your wife when she was still nursing her son? Or am I getting something wrong?

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

ray121:
I really care but as my lawyer said, u cant adopt a child when the father is not dead.Maybe coz the father family is a well known Nigeria this is why she chose to use the name i dont know coz the father is a younger brother of a current sitting governor of one of our states. And the guy never even accepted the baby from birth.

Do you want to know the truth? She doesnt love you truly. She s with you right now cos she doesnt have a choice. If the so called Father comes for her tomoro, you ll be shocked at the way she will dump you.. Save this post for reference purpose

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

The boy has to answer his father's name. This is what you signed up for when you accepted to take in the woman withall her baggage. For better for worse. Just that many of you do not know what "for worse" means or are not interested in knowing until it starts to manifest.

Your wife is deceptive, manipulative and secretive. Divorce the cheat or you gonna b sorry dude.

Benita27:
First off, How did you not know initially whether she was a single mum or not before going fully into a relationship with her?. She was meant to tell you all surrounding the child's birth and her plans for him then the choice would've been yours to accept everything in totality or not.

Secondly, you already accepted the child, and you're aware that since the father is alive, he'll definitely come for his child someday. Whatever you do for the child is because of the love you have for the mother so I don't get why you should be worried about her using the father's name as surname. Your wife has a choice to either use her father's name if she doesn't intend giving the child back to his biological father or using his father's name if she thought it was the right thing to do.

dis is d most stupid comment I have ever see

Odeee na you born the boy because say you dey take care of the boy nor mean say you get he life Mumbai terror suspect

i am in a similar situation my brother.

the simple answer is...As long as she did not cheat on you, then you have nothing to worry about.

Secondly, you are a great guy to have allowed the child grow with you as a father figure...the name he bears really should not be your headache. The decision to love is angelic, irrespective of the persons name.

And if the finances are a problem, then you should try hand over some of the financial responsibilities to the child's dad for ease.

Truth is, most children on this planet harbor memories of the fatherly figure they had growing up as their true parental figure, not some dick-happy dude who never cared.

And registering the child in school with the dad's name has nothing to do with your wife having an attachment to the man, but you must know that the child already had a birth certificate before you met the mum and the data on birth documents should not differ from the child's academic documents, else their will be issues for the child potentially.

Another way to solve this is opting for an official name change for the child, but the golden question is "is that necessary?" especially when your own kids are on the way already

My kind advice is, love your wife...make her the woman you want her to be...and enjoy your home. Anything else, will put you through unnecessary and unending headache, especially if you go by the way of sending her away and getting another woman to start a home with...then have the new woman look after your daughter from the woman you sent away...thats when you'll taste purgatory on earth trust me.

A year plus and your wife already have another child for you?
How did it happen?
How many months did you date her before tying the knot?
Did she cheat you with the said man?
Are you smart at all?
How can you marry a lactating lady and you don't know?

I think what kept you two together is your sincerity, true love and your ability to forgive. The moment you accept to stay with her even after you have the knowledge of the child to me makes you a man with a large heart. Many of us would never accept that but the honest truth is you have made your decision which to me God is happy with you. Accept the child with the name, is the right thing to do. No matter what people say the child will one day seek out for his father. This do not reduce you neither does it make the child and your wife ungrateful. They are just being human. My advice bro, be the best you can be to the child as a father, give your best and keep loving your wife the way you do. Stay happy and be true to yourself. May God give you peace

Joemetry:
Sir, if you wish for me to chat you up privately, WhatsApp me o2

I've got some experience about this...

GOD BLESS THE STRUGGLE...

say it here for others to learn

The truth is even if she uses your name as the boy's surname now, when the boy is of age he will surely ask of his father and use his Dad's name. The woman is just trying to get things right now, so that in the future the boy will not be mad at her for not using his biological father's name. I have son and all his documents both Nigeria and international documents bear his father's surname. I was advised by my lawyer to do so. Love the boy dearly as your own blood child.

Bros to be honest that boy is not your biological son and you know it, the fact is you accepted him because u love the mother and if u love the mother u should love n care for that boy like your own. I was answering my father's name before my Mom told me to change it to my stepfather's name which I did, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not my father, now I'm planning on rewriting Waec again so I can change the name to my father's. When it comes to who is my family this family is and will always be my family and in future before I will think of my father's wife n children I will first think n help my Father and siblings because they are the family that I know and grew up with, so don't get selfish with this situation because even if he's answering his father's name he will always know you as his father. Send that child to school n forget what people are saying alright because life can be very funny and you never can tell.

dingbang:
Some kind of women sef... Will just use their hand and spoil their marriage..

.... That is her choice... He should get another woman pregnant...lol

let's just say you want to relocate with your family abroad, so that boy can't follow you and your family. Eya! your wife thinks she is been smart but she no just wise at all. Bros enjoy the ride, I pray you relocate so you can quote me later to say "weldone seer".

Bros to be honest that boy is not your biological son and you know it, the fact is you accepted him because u love the mother and if u love the mother u should love n care for that boy like your own. I was answering my father's name before my Mom told me to change it to my stepfather's name which I did, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not my father, now I'm planning on rewriting Waec again so I can change the name to my father's. When it comes to who is my family this family is and will always be my family and in future before I will think of my father's wife n children I will first think n help my stepFather and siblings because they are the family that I know and grew up with, so don't get selfish with this situation because even if he's answering his father's name he will always know you as his father. Send that child to school n forget what people are saying alright because life can be very funny and you never can tell.

ikevictor:
i am in a similar situation my brother.

the simple answer is...As long as she did not cheat on you, then you have nothing to worry about.

Secondly, you are a great guy to have allowed the child grow under you as a father figure... the name he bears really should not be your headache. The decision to love is angelic, irrespective of the persons name.

And if the finances are a problem, then you should try hand over some of the financial responsibilities to the child's dad for ease.

Truth is, most children on this planet harbors memories of the fatherly figure they had growing up as their true parental figure, not some dick-happy dude who never cared.

Exactly. It's petty asking the question he did. He already know that the child isn't his so why bother yourself with whose surname the mother chose to use.

ray121:
Im really down and confused .just thought of coming on here today to free my mind.I was at least thinking shes gonna use her own dad name .I dont want to claim another mans son but for her using the guy name is really getting me worried.

I don't see any issue here.

The boy has a real father and no amount of manipulation from you can change that.
Whether the father is in his life or not is another issue which has nothing to do with the name of the child.

Suggesting she should have used her maiden name is lame. Why will you be comfortable with that and yet uncomfortable with her using the real father's name? Do you want that kid to be called a bastard? He has a father for christ-sake.

You are just being jealousy and petty for nothing. In my opinion she did the right thing. If you want to be responsible for what that child should be called then legally adopt him.

Nobody forced the mother on you hence you should just grow up and stop making an issue over something that in reality is not.

That the kid is in your house doesn't give you the right to ostracize him from his biological father.

If the kid were to be a female and in the future when she wants to marry who do you think will collect the bride price? You, grandfather or the biological father?

Bro, this is the kind of things women argue over and not men.

Today it is the name you have an issue with, God knows what else you will complain about tomorrow.

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

Agreement is everything when it comes to marriage.

Haven't you agreed with your wife on how to go about everything that has to do with your step son?

Marriage itself is a contract and contract is simply an agreement entered into by parties with spelt out conditions that must regulate everything pertaining to the parties, their interests, duties and obligations.

If you had pre-agreed on interests, duties and obligations, you two would have had a clear plan on what obligations you have on your wife's earlier child as well as the name that child should bear officially.

Do not presume that your spouse ought to know. You should come out openly and make your preference known.

In a nutshell:
Call your spouse, seat her down in a friendly discussion and talk thing out.

DO NOT HATE THAT INNOCENT CHILD. HE IS YOUR SOURCE OF BLESSING AS YOU KINDLY TAKE CARE OF HIM.