bluefilm:


I agree with you.

The OP is extremely selfish and wicked too.

Maybe he came here to seek for justification so that he will be okay with himself knowing that his rejection of the young girl is a very wicked act.

Had it been he was saying something about not having enough funds to cater for the additional mouth, then I might say let's see some reason with him.

But he just rejected the little girl, not minding the fact that the said girl is still the flesh and blood of his said lover.

Now, how do you want the woman whom you claim to love actually believe that you do love her?

I just don't know what is wrong with some people.

Don't mind him. He thinks his marriage will be okay.

His marriage won't even survive it. His wife will forever resent him. He will eventually realize this. And will probably start cheating. I don't know which woman will be playful or genuinely turned on by a guy who makes this kind of decision.

Bro...He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing. Did you find a wife?....or a woman to marry? From your write up...you are very happy and proud of her.... not too many men can say that...and really mean it. Two things I'll say....accept the child...you are doing that to keep your wife happy...is that too much? and accept the child to send a message to the baby daddy and his family.....that you are a better father to his child than he can ever be let him run around...one day he will get tired running and will want to reap what he sowed but did not nurture...his child will remind him.

femichill:
It's so funny how people talk. It's easier to give advice when you are not in that position. The child father denied his own child. The child grandma denied the same child. So, because he is the child stepfather, it is now his crime to take the child without us knowing his financial condition. I feel for u bro. However, make a decision you will stand by.

babyfaceafrica:
no point...people condemning OP should condemn the father...OP has plans and that child is not part of his initial plan because he was with her father who has now rejected her....Op has to make a new life plan to include the daughter...people castigating him and not the gals father are very unfair...

Afamed:
But no one so far has blamed the man that abandoned his sole responsibility. What manner of man is the one that wants another man to raise his daughter up for him?

The girl's birth father was NOT the one that brought the matter to NL. And castigating the girl's father does not solve the step-father's dilemma. In fact, it just shifts the focus of the discussion to an area, that distracts people from the main problem. Some men can take in their brother's kids, or extended relatives to live with them, but will reject their wives' kid. It doesn't make sense.

The OP's post reeks of selfishness. He knew she had a kid out of wedlock, before he even married her. So why is he forming arrogance and irritation now, at the thought of the girl? If he is not financially buoyant, then let him ask the wife to bear all the girl's expenses, while she is living under his roof. At least the girl would be with her mum. If the birth father abandons the girl, should the biological mother ignore her existence, too? I know a retired high court judge that was brought up by his step-father. That step-father educated him and took care of him, like his own son. Nobody knew for many years, that the guy was not his biological son. Before the step-father died, that judge built a mansion for him in the village & took care of his medical bills. I know the family very well, and it is not hear say.

derrydinny:
don't accept the child my brother, if she grows up eventually, she will still remember her father no matter the adoption or whatever

tell your wife to choose between you and the child

but you get mind o, why you go marry after one when you never born?

And so? If she remembers her own father, does that mean she will ignore or forget all that her step-father has done for her, throughout her life? I know a girl, who refused to let her own biological father come to her wedding, but insisted that her step-father must give her away in the church, and also sit on the high table, because according to her, her step-father is the only dad, she has ever known. Her birth father, is like a stranger to her...she is totally indifferent to him, even though she knows who he is.

Advising the OP to choose between her daughter, and him is totally wrong! She may choose him, but will she ever be able to forget her daughter?

UBGG:
If your wife's mother cannot accommodate her own grandchild sans any modicum of guilt about it, don't let anyone emotionally blackmail you into doing it.

I too cannot be responsible for another woman's baby. I am one of those who could help financially so long as it's far away from my home. I am unashamed of my stand and so should you.

If you let the opinions of the emotional folks here compel you to do it, I assure you you'll emotionally, mentally and even physically abuse that child.

Again, there's no shame in your decision. Some of us just cannot care for certain reminders in the form of babies.

You cannot care for another woman's baby, but you can marry the person who gave birth to that baby, despite knowing about the existence of the child he/she had outside wedlock. Can you see how you are contradicting yourself?

Jiang:
The little girl has a biological father!!!! who's still alive & well

And so bloody what? If the birth father rejects her, should the woman who brought her into this world, also reject her? Isn't it both parents that have a duty towards the child?

The heart of men is extremely wicked, for you to even ask this question, you have dominic mindset bro. You married a woman with a child, that child automatically becomes your step son or daughter. Over here in America you don't see people behaving like this. My wife step dad takes care of her like his own daughter.
Our people have a dangerous mindset Jeeez.

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

You are complaining of finances, what if her coming is the opening of doors for you in the Spiritual realm? Be wise. Matthew 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. 25:41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: 25:42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: 25:43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. 25:44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? 25:45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

reyscrub:
Since your wife is hard working and is capable of taking care of the boy, nothing bad if her baby is with her ok. Blood is ticker than water so she can't let her product be far from her as you will never allow your child be taking away from you. Any body can fall prey to the love bait of boys and girls this day.

If you mistakenly have a child outside, you will think of bring him home and either appeal or force your wife to live with your boy abi.

I'm talking from experience because I married my wife with 6 years old boy and now I have a girl and a boy now they are three altogether and we live together. I ensure that all the three bear my surname and my wife agree and till this moment I claim him as my firstborn of my family and all the children see them self as the same father the same mother unknowingly.

So nothing is special or bad in married-after-one parent as a wife if she makes you happy and support you financially, spiritually, emotionally and prayerfully. My wife loves me like she can die for me nothing thinking twice on my cause because I ensure that all that consigns her is taking care off always.

Allow peace to rain in your home and don't allow people to confuse you with their local knowledge.

Take the boy home and make your wife happy ok.

Later in life , the other boy will fight for the " crown". It will be miserable if the adopted first son no too hold and the younger boy grab well. You have your work cut out bro.
Lesson: if you no fit hold body......use CD!

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

Nairaland is not the best place to bring this kind of issue unless you are of a very mature and sound mind because people tend to tow the line of what most of the early commenters say moreover immature people just sit back and type sh-it.
To answer you. Since you knew she had a kid before you married her it would be shallow of you not to think that issues like this might come up. If you don't want that kind of family then tell your wife plain and strictly that you will not accept to father another man's kid. I mean how can you when her own father is still alive and has gotten fed up and rejected her. Tell her that was not the plan and definitely not the kind of family you wanna raise because trust me if you accept that girl with anything short of whole heartedly it will end up causing problems between you and your wife and might damage your marriage. I am sure the fathers new wife did not accept the girl so he immediately shipped her off to the mum. Your wife should not be selfish and also think about what you want. tell her to convince the father to take her back and continue with his responsibility as he just wants to cause hardship on his daughter. Or you can just accept her as nothing short of your own and treat her like you fathered her.

Christie171:
Hmmm...the issue of accepting a child not yours is actually deep than we think...

People have different personalities & ways of viewing life.
...well, some years back, I dated a guy, we both know it wasn't leading to marriage but unfortunately, I became pregnant & he said he'll only marry me if the child is a boy so I simply told him to go to blazes, I rather remain single than marry him...fortunately, I gave birth to a girl. Before I could go back to school, my mom died, I took the child to my dad's sister in the village, within a year, she became unkempt, I brought her back to my elder sister who took care of her even much better than I...now my elder sister has gone abroad to live with her husband...
The nature of my job made it difficult for me to stay in one location & I can't afford a nanny now, so I begged my married younger sisters to accommodate her for me while I support them financially, they all refused because their husband wouldn't accept her...now, I had to quit my job in order to stay home with my daughter.

...my point is this, since there was no earlier agreement to accomodate the child initially before marriage and the man is not comfortable with the idea now, we shouldn't blame him but let the woman pray then choose between the husband & her child to avoid emotional/mental abuse & stress towards the child.

...as for me, everyone knows that my almost 10yrs old beautifully endowed daughter added so much beauty, prestige & value to my life so I'll choose 1001 times over any man...maybe, that's why I'm still single

As soon as a guy says hi, my first response is: I have a daughter incase you think of marrying me
so are you ready to accept both of us even though she may not bear your surname?

And you quit your job so you could raise and be there for your daughter? Could you please contact me if you got a min?

As for the Ok, it's not easy and I understand from our broader Nigeria cultural perspective. Bro, see the big picture. That little girl could have been you, deal with her with grace not the law. We will be remembered for the lives we touched and gave a meaning, not our families or friends perspective of such sensitive issue as this. God rewards, God feels, God cares. Pray and make a decision guided by the Holy Ghost, if you have a Pastor and you're a Christian, could you consider seeking his advise at least?

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

Do not bring the child in just because everyone here is advising you to. If you do that you would end up maltreating her.

Accept the child first from your heart, accept and love her the way you love your wife and kids(her half siblings). Always remember EVERY CHILD IS YOUR CHILD.

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

That she is after one or after two is not the issue,the issue is making your wife happy and building a happy family.

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

Be the father that that little girl needs even though you're not her biological father.
It is NOT as difficult as it seems if only you'll make up your mind to love her like your daughter ( I've learnt that life is not that hard if humans don't complicate it)

If you choose to accept her and protect your wife from your family's dislike, there's NOTHING anybody can do to stop you .
IT'S ALL UP TO YOU
That little girl is craving to be loved, to be accepted, to be protected, to belong...she's fully aware of what is going on, how they keep tossing her from one place to another

Open up your heart and accept that little girl and I swear you NOT regret it! (You'll be surprised at how well things will turn out for you)
Do it with a pure heart and don't rub it in your wife's face at any given opportunity .

maestroferddi:
I tire o.

Naija peeps can pretend.

Snake oil salesmen sincerity all over the place.

If this seedy outpouring of empathy I am reading here is genuine, how come our society is so wicked ?

Lol... you cracked me laughing with this one

SIRTee15:


Story....
She's got 3 children for the guy...
Where she wan put those ones....

/
She will marry someone that accepts all her children, they live off of his asset happily ever after. Or be a die-hard single mother of 4 beautiful children. Do you know what kills all the men? Don't mess with who prepares your food. E no go pass otapiapia.

I will be checking on this guy. Dem don dey discuss his matter for yonder. I can smell it. If I were the OP, I will start sleeping in a different room, locked and all the kitchen knives locked away.

/

Christie171:
Hmmm...the issue of accepting a child not yours is actually deep than we think...

People have different personalities & ways of viewing life.
...well, some years back, I dated a guy, we both know it wasn't leading to marriage but unfortunately, I became pregnant & he said he'll only marry me if the child is a boy so I simply told him to go to blazes, I rather remain single than marry him...fortunately, I gave birth to a girl. Before I could go back to school, my mom died, I took the child to my dad's sister in the village, within a year, she became unkempt, I brought her back to my elder sister who took care of her even much better than I...now my elder sister has gone abroad to live with her husband...
The nature of my job made it difficult for me to stay in one location & I can't afford a nanny now, so I begged my married younger sisters to accommodate her for me while I support them financially, they all refused because their husband wouldn't accept her...now, I had to quit my job in order to stay home with my daughter.

...my point is this, since there was no earlier agreement to accomodate the child initially before marriage and the man is not comfortable with the idea now, we shouldn't blame him but let the woman pray then choose between the husband & her child to avoid emotional/mental abuse & stress towards the child.

...as for me, everyone knows that my almost 10yrs old beautifully endowed daughter added so much beauty, prestige & value to my life so I'll choose 1001 times over any man...maybe, that's why I'm still single

As soon as a guy says hi, my first response is: I have a daughter incase you think of marrying me
so are you ready to accept both of us even though she may not bear your surname?

I'd love to meet you someday somehow. You'd make a great friend. My story is somewhat similar to yours(the part of giving up career for your child's welfare). Sometimes I go batshit thinking of how I'm passing over career opportunities because being dependent has it's downsides. Seeing your comment was really encouraging. You go girl!

TruthinAction:


Agreed. I am happily married and the kids of my wife stays with me.

How are you dealing with the kids father?

@ Nairalandfayose,please take in the little girl why? I have been in that kind of situation myself, when I married my wife(God rest her soul) I accepted her 4 year old then, I couldn't have done otherwise cos am a good man.
some years later, unfortunately, I lost my wife during labour,we had a boy together she was to have the second for me when she died with the baby.
My step daughter biological father came all the way from UK and expressed his gratitude on how I took care of his daughter and asked if I like my son to go with his sister,my step daughter and that's how my son became British .

So what am I saying,be good MAN, take the part of Honor, accept the girl;

If not for privacy sake,I would have uploaded the children pictures here.

UBGG:
The father said no. The grandmother, same response. I cannot help but think something is off with the child.

I most certainly cannot bring a child I don't know her/his behaviour, energy, emotional state or the environment he/she was raised to mingle with my kids.

Let the heaven fall. Let folks cry tears of blood. No way!!!

Have you seen the child? Or do you know her personally? So how can you say that something is "off" with the child?

The only people who have something "off" with them, because they are behaving like idi*ots in this matter, are the following:
1). The girl's biological dad (for rejecting her after she has lived with him for 7 years, not 7 months, o!),
2). The girl's biological mum (who got married to a self-centred ignoramus, without asking if he could accept her child, before their wedding),
3). The new wife of the girl's birth father (who is another selfish moro'n that does not want her new husband's child under her roof, even though she knew his daughter was living with him, before he got married to her).

Any man worth his salt, would not allow his new wife reject his child after marriage, especially if he has been upfront about the child's existence. Many men get married again after a divorce, not just because they want companionship, but also because they want a mother for their kids. It is far easier for a man to get a new wife to accept his kids, than for a woman to get a new husband to accept her own kids.

Despite that, I have seen several families where the man accepted his wife's kids, even though her -ex was still alive. For a man who has a kind, generous, compassionate heart, it is no big deal.

Mr Poster if not for anything consider the little girl, she is 7 years and is very much aware of what is going on around her, don't you think she is going through emotional pains knowing she is being rejected by family....At this point she is craving for love and acceptance and anyone who offers her that would never be forgotten... I pray God touches your heart.

perfectedmee:

What sort of slowpoke re u.

Dis is 21st century. Wake up man.

Dre is nothing wrong wit d child staying with u.

My fiancee has a three years old boy. He is my bf. He even calls me Dad.

D day her mum moves in wit m is d day d boy will also do.

If any of my family don't want that, dey can jejely go hug transformer.

How are you dealing with the baby's father?

Dude.....it looks lyk u ve already made up ur mind.Y re u here asking wat to doare u jst trying to console ur slf??to find someone dat has the same reasoning with u...this is y I wld never get married to a Nigerian Man with their stupid mentality.

whitedove:
@ Nairalandfayose,please take in the little girl why? I have been in that kind of situation myself, when I married my wife(God rest her soul) I accepted her 4 year old then, I couldn't have done otherwise cos am a good man.
some years later, unfortunately, I lost my wife during labour,we had a boy together she was to have the second for me when she died with the baby.
My step daughter biological father came all the way from UK and expressed his gratitude on how I took care of his daughter and asked if I like my son to go with his sister,my step daughter and that's how my son became British .

So what am I saying,be good MAN, take the part of Honor, accept the girl;

If not for privacy sake,I would have uploaded the children pictures here.

I salute your courage, compassion and loyalty. God bless you real good. I pray you find love and happiness again. Accept my condolences on the passing away of your wife.

LaudableXX:



The girl's birth father was NOT the one that brought the matter to NL. And castigating the girl's father does not solve the step-father's dilemma. In fact, it just shifts the focus of the discussion to an area, that distracts people from the main problem. Some men can take in their brother's kids, or extended relatives to live with them, but will reject their wives' kid. It doesn't make sense.

The OP's post reeks of selfishness. He knew she had a kid out of wedlock, before he even married her. So why is he forming arrogance and irritation now, at the thought of the girl? If he is not financially buoyant, then let him ask the wife to bear all the girl's expenses, while she is living under his roof. At least the girl would be with her mum. If the birth father abandons the girl, should the biological mother ignore her existence, too? I know a retired high court judge that was brought up by his step-father. That step-father educated him and took care of him, like his own son. Nobody knew for many years, that the guy was not his biological son. Before the step-father died, that judge built a mansion for him in the village & took care of his medical bills. I know the family very well, and it is not hear say.

You guys are blackmailing the guy into accepting what he doesn't want. The issue is, I CAN NEVER FEEL GUILTY REJECTING A CHILD WHOSE FATHER IS ALIVE AND WHOSE GRANDMOTHER IS REJECTING. Why is the mother of the wife rejecting her? Somebody said because the mother is Alive. So is the father dead? He can accept if he is comfortable with it. If he is not, he shouldn't feel guilty. Why cant the new wife of the father accept her too? Op, you better don't care what all these nairalander moralist say. Real life is different. You know a retired judge raised by step father. Millions exist like that. Likewise millions of stepfather are hated by their step children regardless of the sacrifice the stepfather made. I know so many too. So it is not a yardstick. Reject the child if you don't want and never feel guilty (the father, the wife of the father, the mother of the mother all rejected her and they are not feeling guilty because it is not convenient for them) Accept her if you want....but never because all these moralist are blackmailing you into it

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

One of the first rules of marrying someone with a child is to love that child like he/she is your own!
You can't love the mother and not love the child and hate.
Take care of the little girl sir. She is also a blessing to you. Your wife will adore you that.
And the little girl will grow up to discover her father was such a jerk.

Swissheart:
hello, I see you are a pastry chef, can you make pizza and sharwama

God bless you.
You brought tears to my eyes

LaudableXX:

I salute your courage, compassion and loyalty. God bless you real good. I pray you find love and happiness again. Accept my condolences on the passing away of your wife.

Thanks, I have found love again but it took me 6 years!

maestroferddi:
I tire o.

Naija peeps can pretend.

Snake oil salesmen sincerity all over the place.

If this seedy outpouring of empathy I am reading here is genuine, how come our society is so wicked?

Baba, I dey tell you. Majority of the commenters are children, worse than Boko Haram because hypocrisy is even worse than terrorism.

You see them going to church on Sundays to raise & wave their filthy hands in submission & holyness to an imaginary god - when their hearts are blacker than agbari ojukwu.

Our society would reflect this hollywood fantasy lovey-dovey charade if only they were genuine.

helpee:
You guys are blackmailing the guy into accepting what he doesn't want. The issue is, I CAN NEVER FEEL GUILTY REJECTING A CHILD WHOSE FATHER IS ALIVE AND WHOSE GRANDMOTHER IS REJECTING. Why is the mother of the wife rejecting her? Somebody said because the mother is Alive. So is the father dead? He can accept if he is comfortable with it. If he is not, he shouldn't feel guilty. Why cant the new wife of the father accept her too? Op, you better don't care what all these nairalander moralist say. Real life is different. You know a retired judge raised by step father. Millions exist like that. Likewise millions of stepfather are hated by their step children regardless of the sacrifice the stepfather made. I know so many too. So it is not a yardstick. Reject the child if you don't want and never feel guilty (the father, the wife of the father, the mother of the mother all rejected her and they are not feeling guilty because it is not convenient for them) Accept her if you want....but never because all these moralist are blackmailing you into it

Nobody is blackmailing the step-father into doing anything. People are just giving their suggestions and trying to give the man reasons, to help him make up his mind, on what to do. Check my comments on this thread. I never blackmailed him into anything. He is a grown man, who can consider all options before him, and take a decision.

Both the father and the mother, brought the child into this world. They both have a responsibility to take care of the little girl, not the grandmother. If the father is alive, but has rejected the girl, should the mother also reject her? The answer you give, will determine if you support doing good even when it is hard, or if you would just ignore an opportunity to do good, simply because you want to take the easy way out.

Nobody knows the age of the grandmother. She might be weak, elderly and in poor health, which means she might lack the energy or stability, to take care of an energetic, young child. If any step-child hates the stepfather, it simply means such a stepfather treated that child, badly. Same thing goes for step-mothers, too. No child will hate anyone who takes care of her, shows her love, compassion and care, and also trains her to a level where she can achieve the best education, available. So free your mind!

The mother is not rejecting her. In fact she wants to accept the child, but her new husband does not want her to bring the child, into their home. So what should she do?

janellemonae:

Don't mind him. He thinks his marriage will be okay.

His marriage won't even survive it. His wife will forever resent him. He will eventually realize this. And will probably start cheating. I don't know which woman will be playful or genuinely turned on by a guy who makes this kind of decision.

And who told you the marriage will survive it either way by bringing the child home. The OP doesn't want the child in his home. His decision should be respected and he shouldn't be treated as if he is wicked. The mother in law is in the best position to take care of her. She rejected her without feeling guilty. Not minding the fact that it could put a strain on her daughters wedding. I know a couple that just got divorced. True life story. The man accepted the girl from primary 5 when he married the mother. When the girl was about to gain admission to university of Ilorin last year, she searched for her father on Facebook and contacted him. That one immediately took over responsibility. The new husband of the mother got annoyed because he was not even informed again when the girl started contacting the father. The girl stopped coming home for holiday...will go and spend holiday with the dad and siblings on the other side. The present husband felt sidelined as the other guy is now richer than him. To cut a long story short, he told the mother that she should take the one in jss2 to go and meet the father( she had two children from the other guy) . He said he can't take of them only for them to get to university and now remember they have a father. Like play, like play the marriage scattered. So it is not a straightforward issue. The wife too should worry that if she forced her husband to accept her against his wish, the resentment may consume the marriage.

namet:
[b]You accepted her mother. You should accept the daughter. [/b]Stop focusing on the fact she is not yours.

This is NOT TRUE... He accepted the woman ONLY, the daughter was NOT part of the agreement. And by the way... the OP said he knows the woman wont accept if such happened to him!

namet:
Stop focusing on the fact she is not yours. Treat her like your own, considering she didn't ask to be brought into this world or into a a situation where her dad is not around.

She is not his child and WILL not be. Infact if ANYTHING happens to the child under his care.. the same father will jump and give him troubles

I was that child . Nowadays my step father is my father and I say fck u to my biological father because he was never there for me, not seen him since I was 2 , help that child . Don't see her as another man's child . See her as your wife child. Your wife is a good woman. Not every woman would fight for her child