Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:22am On Jun 11, 2019 |
baby124:
You do realize that not everyone has your upbringing? She got married under 4 months. Are you expecting an angel? These are issues that people in relationships work through. But she’s now working through it in marriage. What works for A may not work for B.
Let me tell you! I take serious pride in waking up early to cook for my dear because he can cook and clean even pass me o! So, no shakara there and I am a feminist. But I hold him in esteem because even when we were dating the guy no send me at all for kitchen. So to make myself more important I try to cook what he cant . In fact I do it as competition now.
I come from a home where my dad was a good guy, but his mama spoiled him so my mum did everything for him with love because the guy de hustle die. I have seen both sides of that coin. So everyone has what works for them o!
What I am saying is that these issues did not just work themselves out! We figure out what works and we just adjust ourselves to it. I know it might sound outrageous but you may also find yourself in such peculiar situations while dating and, if you love the person enough! You will find a way to work through it! I've been reading ur comments on this thread. I'm very impressed. Balanced thinking and zero emotional drivel. That ur even married and this logical gives me hope that marriages can still be fun. Your husband is a lucky man... ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png) 1 Like |
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Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Fanbee: 12:24am On Jun 11, 2019 |
mhizdebbygold: My love, am still telling people one thing you are not supposed to take in marriage is insults and beatings. Don't let him give you flowers on your funeral.
This church combination of a marriage are usually scam, you should know that. how will you get married to someone just after 4 months you met?!
My dear give your self brain... Go and meet that pastor that joined the two of you and explain things to him. Oga has low sperm count and he's still blaming you like he doesn't have his own problem abi?! Hey! Don't also forget to pray.
Love ya Lol the four months of knowing each other is not the issue.Success in marriage is determined by love ,tolerance and personality (education ,exposure,likes,dislikes,hobbies) etc and not how long both parties had known each other.Met my wife once and didnt see her again for 2 years and when next we saw we were already planning our wedding and it was 2 weeks away.We r doing Perfectly ok today.The problem here is that the man is an animal and an abusive buffon.She should divorce him right away.For a marriage to be successful, both parties must work it out and certainly, the man is doing the opposite.I know a couple who knew for each other for just a month and got married.They are still doing well today. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:24am On Jun 11, 2019 |
bukatyne:
Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband? Hang? She already killed him online...we are just here to bury the rest!!!! ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:24am On Jun 11, 2019 |
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Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Bejusttoall: 12:25am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta:
Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk Sorry sis for what you are going through, God will come to your aid. Sis, since you noticed that he might be having mental issue, I think you should reach out to his elder brother for both of you to assit your husband by taking him to the hospital. Happy home to you. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:26am On Jun 11, 2019 |
luminouz:
Hang? She already killed him online...we are just here to bury the rest!!!! ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) abeg my landlord dey sell coffin o |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:26am On Jun 11, 2019 |
BABANGBALI: abeg my landlord dey sell coffin o Tell OP,not me ![tongue](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/tongue.png) |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Lexusgs430: 12:27am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Daboomb:
So, in your own WISE thinking, all those Women who prepare MEALS in their homes are SLAVES in that home? So, @baby123 that wakes up at 6am to prepare meals for her husband and still works up till 5pm has been turned to a SLAVE by her darling hubby? Some of you sef, it would have been better to keep mute, so as to be thought-of as wise, than to utter bunkum. When you are married happily for over 25 years, return back for some marriage lectures 101.......... Do you with your bean brain think, if her husband appreciated her efforts and not emotionally abuse her, she would open an agony thread........... |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 12:27am On Jun 11, 2019 |
yemisolar:
This will be long but I would like you to follow me through it:
First, I don't want you to see your age or the age difference between you and your husband as an issue or the reason why there are issues. There are many marriages with the same age character that are doing well. Also, the fact that your pastors introduced you to each other is immaterial. There is always an avenue to meet. It might be through pastors, parents or even friends. I am sure your pastor will not knowingly push you into something dangerous. Besides, you two are adults and you had the right to back out at any point in time.
Secondly, it is not unusual for couples to have issues in the first two years of marriage Irrespective of whether you courted for 4 months or 40 years. Marriage is a different ball game entirely and usually there is a period of 'sizing up' by both parties. This is also the period where necessary adjustments are made if the marriage will last. The issue could range from delay in child bearing (as in your case) to money/finance issues, to inability to Balance family and work to lack of communication and so on. So you have to understand that you are not alone. It's not about your fibriod operation or that your time was running out, it's a phase that if handled right will pass and you will become wiser for it.
As for the lady in question, is he still seeing her? If he is then that changes the eqaution but if he is not, the only thing I can say is forgive and move on. It painful but you stand to gain nothing from thinking about what could have been if what didn't happen had happened. Save yourself the ache and let it go. Even if he didn't have low sperm count, It was wrong to blame you for the delay in conception. However, he might (note the word might) only be using it as a weapon because he knows that that is a subject that will touch you. To him it might be more as a weapon of war than a statement of his state of mind.
The abuse: I will never condone physical abuse no matter the provocation. But having said that, you need to understand that every person has a trigger point, once you know it, stay away and there will be relative peace. Also let me say that women are more powerful than they know. And, there are wiser ways to this power to their advantage. But YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN THROUGH CONFRONTATION much less by insulting him. Instead you will put him on the defense and he will probably react.
As for you waking up by 7am on Saturday; I feel it's something you can always work around. For instance If you know that is what he wants, prepare his meal before hand such that if you need to wake up it's just to warm it up for him. There are other creative ways to work around it.
Comparing your marriage to other relationships you have had will not do you much good. The fact is that you are not married to any of your ex's so you need to face the reality. Also the fact that you work in the same place as should not be what is tying you down if you feel that you cannot cope any longer.
You said you have not seen so much acrimony, my sister you will be shocked if people tell you what is going on behind the fanciful smiles and lovely couple pictures. Some are managing it while others are working their way through it. It's called life.
You wrote that 'you don't deserve to live with this animal' that tells me two things: 1) if you could write this about him, you have told him worse things to his face (or at least thought of). 2) if you opened your eyes and married an animal then...... What I am saying is that you need to control your reactions, temper and tongue. I am not saying he is totally right. I am saying you both don't have to be wrong.
Lastly, given what you have written, your marriage is not beyond redemption. However, it depends on if you want to make it work. I will suggest the following;
A) develop a thicker skin to his words. See them as a means to get to you so don't let his words control how you feel.
B) I feel that you need to pickup books on how to make marriage work. You will be amazed at the level of insight you will find
C) look for slightly older marriages (5-10years) that can mentor you. People who walked your path not too long ago that can hold your hands through the journey.
D) look at what is good (or what good is left) in him. You mentioned that he pays the bills. That is more that what a lot of married women out there are praying for.
E) the God factor. I am a Christian and I know God answers prayers. However, the prayer is not to change him (at least in the immediate), the prayer is to change you so that you will make the necessary adjustments thereby eliciting the right response from him. Also, that your conception will easily come forth.
Sorry for writing an Epistle but I hope it helps. I really appreciate you taking out time to respond to my pain. I really do. this man says he will change n for few weeks he does, then from nowhere he starts the emotional torture again. for how long ![](/faces/huh.png) he isn't ready to adjust. he needs to be left alone for some time n receive counselling during that time |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by freecocoa(f): 12:27am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Ishilove:
He is not a lunatic. He is a stranger. You married a stranger and now he is doing very strange things. Trust me when I tell you, chances are, he is indeed a lunatic. You’ll be shocked how many lunatics masquerade as people’s husbands in Nigeria. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 12:28am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Kylce042: End the torture already. You just should have listened to your heart and not your pastors i know they meant no harm. I don't understand why someone will waist his time n resources to marry someone they don't like. If you can leave the marriage pls do the idiot that is not man enough ain't worthy of you. He should be praying that God increase his low sperm rather he is there maltreating you.. This is what you want to here.
Don't talk back at your husband, he insults you n you insult him back are you both contesting for WWE title? I know he is a dick head but i promise you most men are. That man definitely is hurting i don't think any man will react positively in his predicament. So i suggest you communicate better with him if you are too hot tempered anytime he starts his insults take a mouth full of water don't swallow it, you will control ya self beta that way, with time he will come back to his senses if he is wise enough he will realize he is insulting himself by insulting you the wife. Lastly you both should take medical steps to resolve his issues it can be treated. But after making affort and he doesn't change then ditch his worthless ass. Remember always make your choices and don't let people do for you bcs you gon live with whatever decisions you make regardless of whom told to do and not do. What you probably don't want to hear. Thank you |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Lexusgs430: 12:29am On Jun 11, 2019 |
bukatyne:
Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband? Her spirit is no longer in that union...... Just her body is stuck in the situation........ |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Seun360(m): 12:30am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta:
it's bo I typed not boo and I am still legally married to d idiot. until I leave him, I am on my own With this comment, i can tell that you are the main issue in ur marriage. Check ursef very well and let ur conscience judge you. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:32am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta:
Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. [/b]I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk 1: He would have dumped you since had it been you were the one with the problem of taking in 2:that is another reason you need t walk away, stop being sentimental 3:It is a normal thing for people to talk, but i bet you it wont be more than 3 months, moreover you wont be the first nor the last person to walk out of marriage. [b]You have every right to be happy stop living your life to please people 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:33am On Jun 11, 2019 |
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Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:33am On Jun 11, 2019 |
freecocoa: Trust me when I tell you, chances are, he is indeed a lunatic. You’ll be shocked how many lunatics masquerade as people’s husbamds in Nigeria. ![grin](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/grin.png) How many have u seen na?? If u have had interactions with a lunatic,I trust u will never type this up there!!! All these unmarried gehs dishing out advice sef...follow baby124 example biko ![undecided](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/undecided.png)
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Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:35am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Seun360:
With this comment, i can tell that you are the main issue in ur marriage.
Check ursef very well and let ur conscience judge you. She has a very sharp tongue and a sharper mouth. I know she is hurting,but abusing him online like this shows she also has issues... 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:35am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Ishilove:
He is not a lunatic. He is a stranger. You married a stranger and now he is doing very strange things. aunty ishi never sleep. Na this kind matter dey always keep her awake |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by freecocoa(f): 12:35am On Jun 11, 2019 |
IamAngelEyes: You are a bloody lair, you work in same place and your pastor introduced another pastor that introduce....that finally introduced.
You mannerless, he insulted you and you insulted him in return, you are lucky he didn't take you as a punching bag, so you expected him to come and pet you after you messed up.
Who did you take from? I'm sure it is not your mother. The thunder that will fire you will be very unfair my brother. So you call standing up for herself messing up abi? If he can insult her and she didn’t hit him, why can’t she insult him and he doesn’t hit her? See eh, I told myself that I’m now a grown woman and for that reason, I’ll try not to cuss people out so much for their bullshyt anymore, but my brother you just wrote rubbish, talking about “he insulted you and you insulted him back” like what does that even mean? So you don’t know insult hurts women too? You are a very wicked person, I swear down, nonsense. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:36am On Jun 11, 2019 |
luminouz:
She has a very sharp tongue and a sharper mouth. I know she is hurting,but abusing him online like this shows she also has issues... i dont think so, i think her love and respect for the guy are dead |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:38am On Jun 11, 2019 |
BABANGBALI: i dont think so, i think her love and respect for the guy are dead Maybe,but I dont think I will openly call someone I married a 'lunatic and an idiot' that's some deep shiit. I know she's hurting sha |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by habeesola(f): 12:38am On Jun 11, 2019 |
you said he do slap you, looking at things now I don't think he will change and this is how domestic violence start oooo, from slap to punch, punch to rape, rape to death. My dear sister, please leave that man asap. shebi na yesterday we hear say one man killed his wife by beating her. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:40am On Jun 11, 2019 |
luminouz:
Maybe,but I dont think I will openly call someone I married a 'lunatic and an idiot' that's some deep shiit. I know she's hurting sha when love is dead, anything can happen |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by MicroBox: 12:40am On Jun 11, 2019 |
As much as I m critic of this story, I will still say my mind just in case. You work same place yet you claim not to know his character. You work same place yet he never sees you attractive enough to develop a courage and date you, until the pastors join you both because time is running out. You work same place yet its your pastors in separate churches that join you both together. Sorry to say but that is how single guys will most likely continue to treat you except you divorce him and opt for a widower or a divorcée who already has one or two children and won't mind to have some more from you. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by freecocoa(f): 12:41am On Jun 11, 2019 |
luminouz:
How many have u seen na?? If u have had interactions with a lunatic,I trust u will never type this up there!!! All these unmarried gehs dishing out advice sef...follow baby124 example biko ![undecided](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/undecided.png) C’mon keep quiet there, ![angry](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/angry.png) it’s come to my attention that more than 80% of Nigerian men have one mental disorder or the other, the women have too o, but the ratio of that of men to women, is like 100:1. As in, I shudder at the thought of spending the rest of my life with a nigerian man, I’m telling you the earnest truth. There’s something seriously wrong with most Nigerian men, if you like vex, I don’t care. 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:42am On Jun 11, 2019 |
habeesola: you said he do slap you, looking at things now I don't think he will change and this is how domestic violence start oooo, from slap to punch, punch to rape, rape to death. My dear sister, please leave that man asap. shebi na yesterday we hear say one man killed his wife by beating her. bisola no dey dey for where dem dey settle matter, na to pour petrol inside fire and scatter things she sabi |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by freecocoa(f): 12:43am On Jun 11, 2019 |
luminouz:
Maybe,but I dont think I will openly call someone I married a 'lunatic and an idiot' that's some deep shiit. I know she's hurting sha If he or she is an idiot then let it b said, just fucking stay away from them is all. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by BABANGBALI: 12:44am On Jun 11, 2019 |
freecocoa: C’mon keep quiet there, it’s come to my attention that more than 80% of Nigerian men have one mental disorder or the other, the women have too o, but the ratio of that of men to women, is like 100:1. As in, I shudder at the thought of spending the rest of my life with a neigerian man, I’m telling you the earnest truth.
There’s something seriously wrong with most Nigerian men, if you like vex, I don’t care. walahi to use you do ritual just dey hungry me |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:44am On Jun 11, 2019 |
freecocoa: C’mon keep quiet there, it’s come to my attention that more than 80% of Nigerian men have one mental disorder or the other, the women have too o, but the ratio of that of men to women, is like 100:1. As in, I shudder at the thought of spending the rest of my life with a neigerian man, I’m telling you the earnest truth.
There’s something seriously wrong with most Nigerian men, if you like vex, I don’t care. Baby, why in hell will I be angry with you?? U have done me no harm. All I'm saying is,the few stories u read online about men n women issues shouldn't make u think good men n women are scarce out there. There will always be the bad. I try to see the good in people,I suggest u do so too. You are so passionately invested in this sha! ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png) |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by ndindiatu: 12:46am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Grupo:
Movies like war room is for weaklings. I have heard about it but would never watch such a movie. Hahahah me too I have heard of it . Cant waste my time and life watching rubbish. Just move on 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luminouz(m): 12:46am On Jun 11, 2019 |
freecocoa: If he or she is an idiot then let it b said, just fucking stay away from them is all. Lol, Ermmmm...can u pound yam ![wink](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/wink.png) |