jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Nigerian parents, making childhoods miserable in the name of my pikin must succeed. The boy is 9 years old. I am not sure what hyper focus you are expecting from him.

They said he is 18 months ahead, so what exactly do you want from the boy? You want him to be like so many of us here, automatons without imagination?

Please give the boy a break. He is 9 years old. He will be fine. Make sure you as a parent are actually setting the right examples. Children will copy what you do more than what you instruct.

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

madam pls seek help for that child because his character isn't a normal one. I have someone that is 21 now that started out like this, and now he's worse. At his age he still plays like a 7yr old child. He's always unkempt, dirty, very stubborn, acts stupidly and always fights his mates. All the love and care in this world didn't change him, I personally resorted to beating him but he's still the same, now he has graduated into stealing and gambling. Ignore the people saying there's nothing wrong with him for the lack firsthand knowledge on this issue. Sending him to a good boarding school in nigeria will help, also meet a psychiatrist too to really check what the matter is. Don't ignore the boy because you might end up being frustrated and it would make you unleash your anger on him. Act fast!!

Stop him? It seems you aren't matured enough for the task of being a mother.

jess2019:


He is very athletic and good in all sports. Plays basketball, soccer, swimming and athletic. He won two consecutive cross country and broke the state record in 300m race. High scorer in his basketball team; plays for two clubs.

I'm even thinking this behaviour
started since he became too active in so many sports. Thinking I should stop him �

Please stop beating him. It will only worsen his condition. You can talk to him,. Keep talking. Most times kids pick up these traits in the womb esp if their mom had those tendencies during pregnancy. Please just keep reminding him. Praise him anytime he does things right. That makes him strive to do more. Don't forget to pray for you and him too. That God will give you patience and help him to be the best he can be.
Some mothers will trade their kids condition for yours and travel round the world giving testimony of how God perfected their child. Remember that and be thankful for him. Reading through your comments I see the issue is mostly with you. Stop maki g your kids scared of you. You are trying too hard to make them bend to your dictates. Stop it. You want what you want and when it doesn't go to plan you throw everything down not withstanding how long those involved have been building it up. Think back to his pregnancy and your answer will be there. Please go easy on him. Allow him continue his sports. Don't take the things he is confident in from him just because you have the power to do so.

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

OP, if the father is around, i would have adviced he do the talking to him, let him have man to man time with him.... he can figure out what he is doing...

because from all u just mentioned, i think u just gave birth to a son smarter than u even at his tender age, the boy might be playing u psychologically... having a man to man time with his father will make u see things u never saw

i remember growing up, my mum saw hell... the woman will shout and shout, i just saw her and my elder sist as mad people.... till my father came back from military peace keeping... things began to change... cant really say why, but i felt he is the only one that could understand me

I have a little girl like that in Nigeria. She is energetic, always ready to Play away her time. She is an A pupil making me proud with her studies but, will never remember to do her Assignment,she can watch cartoons all day or gather stuffs around the house to play with in fact many at time she plays like a dog. She will not remember to wash her school uniform, she doesn't know 60% for the time where her shoe is or her book is... I have to buy stacks of books and Biro to replace once she complains she can't find any.

It use to disturb my spirit seeing her character but, I have also admitted that her character maybe because of her age and that she may out grow it someday, I will need to remind her constantly to go and take her bath that she is late already for school,she will not comb her hair u have to remind her... My only consolation is that she is a very smart little girl and seeks to learn only what is written in a book... I lost her mum doing her birth and she is 8 now and starting reading books at the age of 5 on her own without my input, we have stacks of children books and she is still requesting more books... I believe it will change with time and I truly believe that to be true.

o42austino:
I have a little girl like that in Nigeria. She is energetic, always ready to Play away her time. She is an A pupil making me proud with her studies but, will never remember to do her Assignment,she can watch cartoons all day or gather stuffs around the house to play with in fact many at time she plays like a dog. She will not remember to wash her school uniform, she doesn't know 60% for the time where her shoe is or her book is... I have to buy stacks of books and Biro to replace once she complains she can't find any.

It use to disturb my spirit seeing her character but, I have also admitted that her character maybe because of her age and that she may out grow it someday, I will need to remind her constantly to go and take her bath that she is late already for school,she will not comb her hair u have to remind her... My only consolation is that she is a very smart little girl and seeks to learn only what is written in a book... I lost her mum doing her birth and she is 8 now... I believe it will change with time and I truly believe that to be true.

God bless you and her. She shall make you proud.

Your son is a perfectly normal kid. Just leave him to grow. Correct him when you can. He will outgrow all of that.

delishpot:


God bless you and her. She shall make you proud.

thank you I appreciate

olabrinks:
If his behaviour continues wait until he gets a little older and please send him to Nigeria. My parents sent me to Nigeria for boarding school 11 years ago I was 12,13 ish, and it was the best decision they could’ve done for me, I’m so grateful for them. Now I’m married with a child on the way, and I’m doing well for myself. If they ignored me, God knows how my life would’ve turned out. Whilst there, I met so many other children like me , and they all changed for the better. If you have someone trustworthy that can train your child up in Nigeria, it is better please. In the western world there’s only so much you can do, before they start calling the police on you and social services. Please give it a thought if the situation doesn’t change over the years. Your son will come back to thank you, because training at this age of 9 is very very important. If you can’t control him now at this age, it might only get worse honestly.

well said. That's the only solution send him to Nigeria boarding school a missionary school if he is 11yrs and continues like that. Stop beating him before he puts you into trouble. But always pray for him.

Impress him by buying something he likes

I swear nothing is wrong with your son, there are some talent in him that's making him restless. have you ever observed what he's good at since na all his bad behavior is what's getting your attention


beating him in a civilized country like that can make him to hate you when he share the experience with the black American and white folks, if na naija now is different, we were all guys in my house and na the beating made us not to be influence with the bad environment we grew out from


halt beating him, at your leisure time tell him a motivational story, you can even frame yours like the title obedience kids, the love of mother to her child, kids got talent. he need a psychological love, if you know what I mean


there are many problem child rising in the world lately, use psychological love to stop him from being a problem child to you

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

he is future president, that's how they behave at tender age, keep trying your best, you will be surprised when he change.

leave him alone. go on your knees and thank your God.you have a genius IQ kid on your hands. I know because he sounds just like me at that age. it is your role at that age to pick up after him. let his mind run free and be unrestricted. will be very creative. I never had time for all those clean up behaviours. today I dont work nearly as hard as the regimented lifestyle type of kids to earn a living. I have my unrestricted, unencumbered mind to thank for this. Just help him, he will grow into those behaviours eventually (especially if he sees it's necessary to get what he wants like a girl or something). I see no problem here at all.

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Jesu!

So you mean you can't see it already?!

Madam that your son is possessed.

He is possessed with the spirit of dreaming and laziness from the fourth dimensional Marine world of the seventh kingdom.

You need to act fast now.

You have to take the boy, his sister and all of your family members and rush down to meet prophet T.B. Josh.

The demons need to be cast out before they follow the boy into puberty.

Because once they do, there will be no hope for your son again.

A stitch in time saves nine!

Hahahahaha

My people my people, how una see am?

Una sure say this fake pastor job no go fit me die abi?

Abeg make i just dey perfect am small small...

No how no how, man must wack.

Abi no be so?

jess2019:


Although it's not allowed here but I've moved from smacking to beating now but no change in his behaviour. I fear this boy will put me into trouble one day or grow up to hate me. I'm thinking of sending him to naija for one school semester but hubby refused.

Haha...at least this is one good thing Nigeria is known for. Resetting stubborn children back to default settings

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Madam relax your mind, I was thinking of many things as I was reading your write up until I got to where u said if you tell him not to watch TV that he will wait until you are busy with something or till u are carried away before he will go and switch it on. It means he knows what he doing, there is no cause for alarm. Just relax, but keep on reminding him of what to do and be more patient with him, since he love watching TV I will recommend you get [b]Caleb and Sophia cartoon [/b]for him on JW.Org, there is a particular one that have to do with arrangement of one things and room. continually pray with him along with other family members but always mention his name and his challenges in prayer, let him be hearing you mentioning his name to God in prayer. Others will soon be things of the past I can assure you madam.
Leave the rest for God

tie your desired actions from him to his desired goals.(positive reinforcement) you've already tried negative reinforcement (beating). fewer forces greater in a human than self interest or greed. so dont shout too much. we all tried to carry first when promised a new video game. but you have to do it well. dont tell him or try to bribe or negotiate with the child, let him come to the conclusion on his own that if he does A, then b will happen. then self interest will kick in. kind of like how men think its game that made them get the girl whereas she is the one that wanted him since and deliberately positions herself to be captured.

Since you have seen a doctor, it will be best you keep observing him. He is probably acting his age and will grow out of it.

All the best.

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

There is nothing wrong with that young man. I just advise you not to get tired. Continue in the African way (flogging). But do it moderately. Sometimes, give him talk, other times, give him unexpected punishment and monitor those punishment exercise. I am sure he will come around before he is 12. Be patience with him

jess2019:


Although it's not allowed here but I've moved from smacking to beating now but no change in his behaviour. I fear this boy will put me into trouble one day or grow up to hate me. I'm thinking of sending him to naija for one school semester but hubby refused.

Ship him down to Nigeria so the African sun can shape up his brain!

jess2019:


He is very athletic and good in all sports. Plays basketball, soccer, swimming and athletic. He won two consecutive cross country and broke the state record in 300m race. High scorer in his basketball team; plays for two clubs.

I'm even thinking this behaviour
started since he became too active in so many sports. Thinking I should stop him �

NGL your first post made it look like your son is not good at anything.

keepingmum:
Your son sounds like my teenage son. He's fine in every aspect just very disorganised, lazy and forgetful. And like you, we live in the abroad so have to be mindful of been stereotyped........ i find that in terms of "responsibility and behaviour" he is/acts like 3- 4yrs younger than he should for his age.

He is been assessed for a spectrum disorder and i would suggest you get a second opinion on his diagnosis as spectrum disorders are easier and better managed when diagnosed in childhood

Finally, i would never advise you send your child to 9ja. Its the wrong place to do so in this era.....in today's world, people have physical and virtual assitants that help organise their workloads and meetings: a lot of my colleagies have cleaners that come and tidy and do their laundry 2 or 3 times a week so as far as his academics isnt lagging, i will say let him be. When hes grown he can always delegate those "tasks" ................as for personal hygiene alot of the guys in 9ja and abroad have poor hygiene but with gradual encouragement, he may improve

I agree with you. Hygiene is very important and he will not learn much of that if he comes to Nigeria. His mum should keep reminding him to always brush his teeth when he grows up, even if it means showing him gruesome images of people with severe gingivitis. It will help.

Op cut that kid some slack...I remember my young days, my mom almost ran mad lol. I worst pass your son those days I can play 6 to 6 when I've got homework and chores to do it's kids something he will over grow it and when he starts overgrowing it you won't even Notice. And send him to a Boarding School.that was what my mom did ,she sent me to a Boarding school I come get sense by force.

jess2019:


I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

I think you should go for a second opinion. He has all the classic signs of ADHD. There are many areas of ADHD so he might be more on the attention deficient side. ADHD does not preclude people from being smart.

Start him on Magnesium supplements. Find out from his doctor if he can go up to 1000mg. I don't know if your city has positive parenting classes but they help a lot. If it's ADHD, he is not doing it consciously so shouting and beating will be counterproductive. He needs those constant reminders until he learns to self regulate.

Also reduce processed foods and simple sugars.

jess2019:
My son will be 9 in October but his behaviour bothers me so much. He acts like a day dreamer. He has turned me into a shouting and miserable mum as I had to beat him after I've exhausted other punishment options. To make this short, I'm going to summarise his behaviour.

He still cannot get himself ready for school in the morning. Either he doesnt cream his body or forgets to comb his hair or doesnt brush his teeth. He forgets to brush his teeth almost everyday. This made me to make a list of step by step sticker. I sticked this on their bathroom mirror and on his bedroom wall. Yet I have to keep reminding him everyday. For example, last week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he forgot to brush his teeth and hair. I have to constantly be reminding him every morning. He is the only one that brushes teeth after getting ready. I trained them to brush teeth first before shower but he keeps forgetting.

I have to remind him to do his homework, and put it back in his school bag to return to school on Mondays. The book will still not make it to the school even after constant reminder. We've lost countless of lunch bags. One ended up on school roof. If you give him any form to submit back to his teacher. He will forget in his bag so I now give it to his sister to give to his teacher.

He removes his clothes, shoes, pants, belts etc and leave them on the floor, I bought two laundry baskets for him. One in his room, another in their bathroom, yet all his belongings end up on the floor that you can hardly find a space to put a foot. I dont expect him to be perfect but atleast to try so that his 70% clothes make it to the basket or shoes to their racks. He also has a book shelf and desk yet they also end up on the floor.

He plays so much that sometimes he leaves shops with items in his hands. So I have to always watch out for him. Living in a western country where black boys are stereotyped I fear for him. He can stare at the ceiling for hrs when getting ready for school or spend long time in the shower yet not using soap on his body. This usually makes us late unless I step in to help or keep shouting.

If you ask him to do any house chores, he will not do it instead waiting for us to forget so he can get away with it. When grounded not to watch TV, he will still do it once he knows am inside my room or busy with a baby.

Yesterday we revised all his lesson assignments (5 work books). I specifically asked him to put them in his lesson bag. I pointed at the bag. Now I drop him at the lesson only for him to say oh I think I came with old lesson books. I dont know how he ended up with old books in his bag. It could be he planned it as a way to avoid the lesson. If not I wonder how he will remember it himself as soon as I drop him and his sister as this is unlike him.

I've taken him to a doctor incase there is any diagnosis so I can give him all the help he needs but they said it's just his behaviour because according to the doctor he is smart academically. He is 18months ahead of his year level. So they ruled ADHD out.

Does he like food, use it to punish him. No food if he doesn't clean up after himself, no food if he is late, etc. And always say a prayer for him.

Why would you take your son to be diagnosed? They will have you drug him up.

To.find a solution to a problem...... you have to first identify the problem. The problem..... no father figure. Where is the dad? You can manage the girl as a mother....but a boy needs his father. If you think you now have a problem..... what will you do when he gets sucked up by the streets?

What do some other parents do?...take the kids back to Nigeria on vacation and leave them there for a year or years..... magically..... their behaviour change.

Don't you dare stop him at something he clearly excels at. I think your boy has tall dreams and lost in his thoughtfulness most times..you should talk to him about what he wants to become in the future, what his dreams are. Show genuine interest in whatever he shares with you. You have a star in your hands. His story reminds me of Bill gates. Pls work with him lovingly and correct with love. Once he gains your trust, he'll come around. All the best

jess2019:


He is very athletic and good in all sports. Plays basketball, soccer, swimming and athletic. He won two consecutive cross country and broke the state record in 300m race. High scorer in his basketball team; plays for two clubs.

I'm even thinking this behaviour
started since he became too active in so many sports. Thinking I should stop him �

jess2019:


Although it's not allowed here but I've moved from smacking to beating now but no change in his behaviour. I fear this boy will put me into trouble one day or grow up to hate me. I'm thinking of sending him to naija for one school semester but hubby refused.

send him back to nigeria let body tell him. Na hot air dey blow people here. The teachers here will surely reset him to factory settings

Definitely needs a psychologist and lots of love.

Don't overburden him with chores.

He's 9. Hopefully, he'll outgrow some stuff.

Is he ever violent?

Hipsofagoddess:


Does he like food, use it to punish him. No food if he doesn't clean up after himself, no food if he is late, etc. And always say a prayer for him.

never use food to punish a child

All the geniuses that ever lived always questioned the norms,,so instead of trying to put him into a straight jacket why don't you begin to ask him why he made those decisions

I'm strongly against parents forcing too many rules on kids, instead let them know why thet have to do those things, once they get the pros and cons they can make better choices/compromise before we bug them with too much rules.

Rules kills innovations and inquisitiveness.