bukatyne:


You earn 12k/month and are able to
1. Buy toliteries
2. Buy comsetics
3. Buy cheap clothes for yourself and daughter.
4. Send to your mummy

That is interesting from N12k/ mth. You will still transport yourself and buy food or a few things once a while.

The above means your husband is responsible for:
1. Feeding in the home
2. Tuition (school fees, books, uniform, extracurricular activities)
3. House rent
4. Utility (water, security, refuse etc)
5. Electricity
6. Sponsoring his relatives
7. Family vehicle maintenance (if you have)
8. Repairs that would come up frequently
9. His own toliteries, clothing, grooming
10. Etc.

Looking at the list, you will honestly see that your husband handles 97% of the home's expenses which is dependent on where you live and the lifestyle you live. So it is ACTUALLY possible that he is always broke.

I know it is hard to look at it this clinically however you need to appreciate his financial support.

How does he actually dispense the money considering he is not home? Does he give you upkeep money or stock the house?

After that, discuss with him. What model of finances should you adopt? Can you both draw up your expenses and see how best to meet them and prune off the ones not required.

In the light of bills your husband has to handle, allowance for cloth seems frivolous especially as you are also 'working'.

And please, change your friends and enough of people say, people say.

They don't like your clothes, your next birthday they should change your wardrobe.

he doesn't give me .upkeep,I ask him for upkeep he said his salary is not fixed it fluctuate .but I told him your being paid...at this point he says nothing...he gives me money for cooking...we dont stock food stuff he gives me money to buy food stuff as it finishes from time to time..and I give him breakdowns of what I bought because he is a kitchen person and was the cook for his mum for years before he married...so he is very familiar with kitchen stuffs...I dont collect a dine from there..

crackhaus:

Okay then, keep talking to strangers instead of having a conversation with your husband.

I have had conversations with him...which result has been null,hence am here

Jmk9292:


I wonder o. Why would a man that earns up-to 300k neglect his own wife to her fate? ..
Unless the wife in question has some dubious aspects of hers' she has not told us..... If the man is free of spell and the woman as good as she states then, she deserves every assistance from the husband... ....
Unless the man has an offshore concubine....

could there be offshore concubine...he told me women dont come offshore..that the talk of prostitutes or ladies coming offshore are all fairytales.....

sisisioge:


So he doesn't drop anything for upkeep? Not even money for feeding you and his daughter? Pay utilities? Nothing?

Well, continue to apply for jobs but meanwhile, call family meeting on his head if he doesn't do any of these. If he pays for them, you should be able to put something aside for yourself to at least buy inexpensive cloths. As per the job, may God bless you soon enough.

In my mother in laws voice and I quote..."you are just a peasant lady,from a wretched home that wants to suck all her sons money and send to my wretched people in the village...so I ask,is it my husband's family I will call to the family meeting or my own people...??

baby124:
Your husband knows you have potential and simply does not want to encourage your career growth. Calm down and clear your head. You have options:

1) Where are you from? An oil producing area or? If you are from an oil producing area you can look out for scholarships.

2) Try to find better teaching jobs with higher pay or even HR. These jobs give you time to balance care for your baby and study.

3) Do you have a cooperative around you? Join one and contribute no matter how small. You will end up raising enough money to start a business or pay for your exams. I recommend starting a business.

4) You can start a food business from home. Small catering jobs or selling small things like moi moi, Akara and Zobo. Meat pie sef. All these small and fast snacks sell well. Especially in a school environment.

5) While your husband is away you can do small daycare work at home. Take care of neighbors and friends children for a fee. With this option, be careful with your daughter though.

6) Apply for scholarships and jobs with multinationals. Your chances are higher of securing an opportunity.

7) To learn a skill, if one of your students has a skilled mother, exchange lesson teacher fees for learning the skill. You can also make friends with one of these people and, learn from them.

Sell your expensive jewelry and even wedding ring. Replace it with a fake replica and use it to pay for exams. If it’s gold.

In the meantime, ask friends who have done the exams to please give you their books so you can start familiarizing with the material. So once the money enters, one time you will pass. It will save you money.
Goodluck.

thanks for the advise..I will put it to use

Redberyl:
This is why every woman should have her own money before getting married.I am not surprised at your husband's attitude.That's how most men behave when see finish has entered the picture. He can never explain his finances to you because you don't contribute to the home.

Madam, there are issues you need to take by force in your marriage. Have a conversation with your husband, let him know you are being laughed at for looking shabby.

Either he agrees to giving you upkeep money to take care of your personal needs, or let him give you money to start a business. There are men who don't have a sense of duty, they need to be told what they should do for their wives.

You can't gum mouth, afterall he is your husband. If it means you giving attitude for some days to drive home your annoyance, please do. Every woman should know her husband and how she can get things from her him. Above all, try to figure out what you can fo for yourself. A woman needs her own money for marriage to be sweet ooo. This is 2019, everyone is securing their own bag.

In my case, i had a booming business before getting married. The business expanded after marriage and i make good money off it. Funny thing is, Oga knows i have my own money, but he practically insists on giving me upkeep money monthly and getting me stuffs i don't even ask for. In return, i use my initiative to assist him with paying for some stuffs and projects in the house which he always appreciates.

That's men for you my dear, you are respected more in marriage when you have a lot you can bring to the table. Strive not to be seen as a liability by your husband, start thinking of how to make your own small money my sister.Forget submitting of cvs, work no dey Nigeria.

I have discussed with him...the part of him giving the the money is the problem part

Ladyboobae:
could there be offshore concubine...he told me women dont come offshore..that the talk of prostitutes or ladies coming offshore are all fairytales.....

Madam, most offshore workers have concubine in town. Once they are in town, they invite their concubine to the hotel, stay for some days before going to meet their family. Your mother in law have a hand in what you are suffering because it's like your hubby is a mummys boy. I believe he seeks almost all advice from his mum and that will definitely affect your home.

baby124:
OP,
Also join women’s groups in church. Preferably attend a big church. You will meet women that can help your career and business.

my church dont have women group,I attend salvation ministries

Ladyboobae:
my church dont have women group,I attend salvation ministries

Better join a church that does to help yourself. The church you currently attend cannot even sponsor your exam, so of what use are they? Relationship with church should be both ways cause they will not hesitate to collect tithe from your 12k

Ladyboobae:
In my mother in laws voice and I quote..."you are just a peasant lady,from a wretched home that wants to suck all her sons money and send to my wretched people in the village...so I ask,is it my husband's family I will call to the family meeting or my own people...??

Really? Your mother in law said this to you... interesting.

Femsyn:
This is why I always advise women to always get themselves busy before marriage, especially when the man is conservative.

Also, this should've been one of the subjects of discussion with your potential hubby.

Look women! The society doesn't favour you per say, especially your decisions after marriage. This is why you must have salient discussions, and not be in a haste.

I see women not being able to fulfill potentials, just because they're married. OP, your destiny is in your hands and know you're someone's child, whose investment must not go down the drain.

thank you for the reminder..I needed to hear this..

baby124:

Really? Your mother in law said this to you

she doesn't like me....no matter how I try am never good enough...am emotional right now..but my life for you...and Yes,with every opportunity she has,she never make me forget.

Ladyboobae:
she doesn't like me....no matter how I try am never good enough...am emotional right now..but my life for you...and Yes,with every opportunity she has,she never make me forget.

Your husband knows this? Well this is your opportunity to make her eat her words.

You need to have a very tough conversation with your husband. If anything happens to him and you are not stable, his beloved daughter may be the one to suffer. No one can love her like her father and mother. He needs to stand and do the best he can for his family.

Owiii:

Madam, most offshore workers have concubine in town. Once they are in town, they invite their concubine to the hotel, stay for some days before going to meet their family. Your mother in law have a hand in what you are suffering because it's like your hubby is a mummys boy. I believe he seeks almost all advice from his mum and that will definitely affect your home.

yeaaaaa,I think am beginning to see a clearer picture....

baby124:

Better join a church that does to help yourself. The church you currently attend cannot even sponsor your exam, so of what use are they? Relationship with church should be both ways cause they will not hesitate to collect tithe from your 12k

thanks for this advise

baby124:

Your husband knows this? Well this is your opportunity to make her eat her words.

You need to have a very tough conversation with your husband. If anything happens to him and you are not stable, his beloved daughter may be the one to suffer. No one can love her like her father and mother. He needs to stand and do the best he can for his family.

I have had tons of this conversation which its result was negative..that's why am here

This is what happens when a woman marries a man because he is 'ready' or financially stable instead of for Love... If the man Loves you, he wouldn't be treating you like this but our Ladies won't hear...anyways, what do I know?


As others have said, in your career, you really need to get those certifications if you want to get a good job. Prayers are good but if you don't make moves, you won't get any results.

Your hubby may be investing in software.(side chicks) Watch out. Your mother in law obviously wants him to kick you out. This your situation needs urgent prayers oooo

Kaycee54321:
This is what happens when a woman marries a man because he is 'ready' or financially stable instead of for Love... If the man Loves you, he wouldn't be treating you like this but our Ladies won't hear...anyways, what do I know?


As others have said, in your career, you really need to get those certifications if you want to get a good job. Prayers are good but if you don't make moves, you won't get any results.

I married him because I love him...still with that love in my heart I pour out my heart here....when he was working with his company his first pay was 60k,we were dating then and when we got married in space of 4 years ,he has been upgraded,..to the present pay he has..so I never married him for money that's y I am comfused...

Olufemiolaolu:
Your hubby may be investing in software. Watch out. This your situation needs urgent prayers oooo

please what is software

Ladyboobae:
I married him because I love him...still with that love in my heart I pour out my heart here....when he was working with his company his first pay was 60k,we were dating then and when we got married in space of 4 years ,he has been upgraded,..to the present pay he has..so I never married him for money that's y I am comfused...

Im wondering what he is investing his money on really? It's a pity he doesn't have people to talk sense into him. Liberate your self financially through prayers.

Ladyboobae:
please what is software

side chick

Ladyboobae:
yeaaaaa,I think am beginning to see a clearer picture....

Don’t worry about mother or side chick for now. Focus on getting yourself out of the situation. You might want to make your husband use a condom
If you don’t trust him though.

Ladyboobae:
I send to my mum and little things at home like,washing soap,polish ,bathing soap,t.p recharge card,my cream,some cloths for myself and my daughter... my daughter fees in #160,000,his mum is a civil servants but he send her money whenever she ask him,he sends his elder brother when he asks,he gives his friends when they need,when his father ask he sends them...his not buiding,i ask him how he spends his money but I never get any response

serious deliverance case

Olufemiolaolu:
Your hubby may be investing in software.(side chicks) Watch out. Your mother in law obviously wants him to kick you out. This your situation needs urgent prayers oooo

why will she want me to be kicked out with nothing,have I not been through enough,I love fiercly,am dedicated wholly, I put in my best in everything I do..I practice to see the good in people even when am hated by them,I live a God fearing good life,I have never cheated on my husband both in relationships until marriage,I am very supportive,am very beautiful,I had to go on low cut because the cost of maintaining hair is beyond my reach to afford..I dont know where av gone wrong....why can't I get a good job to be useful to myself and my family who look up to me.....my life

roseboma:
Mine is worst than yours dear, the difference is I work and take care if myself and my kids

what are our men of nowadays turning into

Olufemiolaolu:
Im wondering what he is investing his money on really? It's a pity he doesn't have people to talk sense into him. Liberate your self financially through prayers.

I have been praying,and still praying

Ladyboobae:
why will she want me to be kicked out with nothing,have I not been through enough,I love fiercly,am dedicated wholly, I put in my best in everything I do..I practice to see the good in people even when am hated by them,I live a God fearing good life,I have never cheated on my husband both in relationships until marriage,I am very supportive,am very beautiful,I had to go on low cut because the cost of maintaining hair is beyond my reach to afford..I dont know where av gone wrong....why can't I get a good job to be useful to myself and my family who look up to me.....my life

some unseen forces are behind it I guess. You don't have to be bad for people to hate you OK. If you aren't careful he may do worse than this. Prayer is what you need now.

Olufemiolaolu:
some unseen forces are behind it I guess. You don't have to be bad for people to hate you OK. If you aren't careful he may do worse than this. Prayer is what you need now.

tnk you,I will keep praying

Ladyboobae:
tnk you,I will keep praying

Urw

This your story heavy o.
I think you have offended ya husband or he didn't like you good when he wanted to wife u. Given the fact that he was upgraded after he got married to u shows you deserve better. If he could part 160k for the education of ya four years old daughter and claims he has no money then he is not being sincere here and somehow he doesn't care. And I'm sure he feels justified somehow which I can say has no candour. This case is like our government feeding fat on our common wealth and saying there is no money and gullible Nigerians will believe it. Its very possible you and your husband are not connected practically in the real of it. Probably a good sex will do and in the heat of it, you ask him some of those things you mentioned here and if he however reacts somehow to ya questions even in his weakest point then this problem has left the physical realm. We should be able to identify physical problems and differentiate them from spiritual problems.

I just looked at the ICAN fee schedule and it looks like the whole thing for all the exams is 208,750 Naira or am I seeing double or not reading correctly.

Madam I salute your patience and love o for this amount of money, considering what your husband earns. Because local woman can never can biko . Chai! Abeg let me run away from this thread before I start teaching unarmed robbery . Is this not the ICAN fee schedule? Correct me if I am wrong please: