Acidosis:


It's not a stupid decision to desire a family. I think she's just unlucky to have a selfish man. A reasonable man with a decent job and income would have supported her in many ways. A woman can be "jobless" yet fulfilled. That's how it's originally planned. Failed men like this is why everyone is standing up against men today. It's the same reason we have several calls for gender equality, feminism, and the rest.

This man has failed in his role. A woman's true fulfilment is not in the kind of hard life and struggles men go through daily. A woman is supposed to make her family her number one priority and that's what she's done. I can't blame her for doing what's right.

well said. In times past, it wasn't even the norm for women to work after marriage.The op's husband doesn't love her. That's the long and short of it all. When a man loves a woman, he can spend his last dime to see her smile. Forget o.

Acidosis:


It's not a stupid decision to desire a family. I think she's just unlucky to have a selfish man. A reasonable man with a decent job and income would have supported her in many ways. A woman can be "jobless" yet fulfilled. That's how it's originally planned. Failed men like this is why everyone is standing up against men today. It's the same reason we have several calls for gender equality, feminism, and the rest.

This man has failed in his role. A woman's true fulfilment is not in the kind of hard life and struggles men go through daily. A woman is supposed to make her family her number one priority and that's what she's done. I can't blame her for doing what's right.

Hmm... why cant you clone yourself and make more monickers so that we will be reading something good on a regular basis instead of all these women-haters

Ladyboobae:
I married him because I love him...still with that love in my heart I pour out my heart here....when he was working with his company his first pay was 60k,we were dating then and when we got married in space of 4 years ,he has been upgraded,..to the present pay he has..so I never married him for money that's y I am comfused...

Then the man either didn't Love you then or something happened along the line. When a man Loves his woman, you won't need a prophet to tell you. Don't fold your hands and pray and try to kiss his ass by giving him good sex and all that.

What you need now is to call him, sit him down and communicate all these things to him very firmly. Make him know that he's not treating you fairly and you deserve better. Please, don't massage his ego or try to pray for him to be better. Take the bull by the horn.

I just went through this thread properly. Ma'am, your offshore husband is likely to be cheating on you and just keeps you there as a nanny that keeps his home and takes care of his daughter. You have a small blame there because you I think you haven't confronted him firlmy enough. Don't play the cool card. Prayers are good but it's time you take it a step further and really demand that you be treated like the wife you are.

Some men ehn.

midnighter:


This is why I asked her if her husband was angry with her

A typically irresponsible husband would lavish money outside and include their daughter in the punishment. Yet he even sent their daughter to an elite school

If its because he wants her to stay at home, he would give her money to discourage her from looking for work or from working for 12K .. even if its just chicken change he would beg her to manage it

I feel they have some issue between them that she doesnt want to explain... allowing your own wife to languish in the house without any particular explanation is a deliberately cruel action

Well she doesnt have to explain it but if she doesnt, then no point bringing the issue here with incomplete information and getting an advice that doesnt even suit what shes going through

The other aspect of it is just to ignore him and find another way of supplementing her income since the man is not interested

With the time she married and the age of her baby as someone pointed out, it is obvious pregnancy trapped the man into the marriage and he is taking his pound of flesh. Perhaps ordinarily he would have fallen in love properly with OP but with the likes of his mum constantly reminding him of the OP coming to his life to milk him, that may not happen soon.

Ladyboobae:
you made a sticking point here....he doesn't see me as wife,his still with me because of our daughter...he said he doesn't want another child yet...he is the one causing the delay

You really need to get up and pray long hours at midnight, it sure works.

But you also have to add work to your faith/prayer. That man doesn't see you as his wife for now, all the time and effort you use in making you to see him as one just channel into getting something for you. With the insinuation that even ICAN won't guarantee you job in your location you might need to look for money for business instead then certifications can come when you can well afford it. Infact one of the quickest way to get that man to see you as someone he can wife is when you first stop giving him all that attention you are wasting and when you pay bills by yourself confidently, when you move around him confidently like someone with enough worth just unfortunate to be with an ungrateful soul. You give him so much power with the esteem you have now, the way you look and the way you indirectly confirm to him that you won't survive without him. Wise up now and stop wasting time.

baby124:

If I did the things in the past with awareness and not in ignorance then, I am at peace with those decisions and their repercussions. This is not the point though.

The fact is the husband is aware and chooses purposely to do nothing about it. Which is very bad and can not be excused. How she chooses to pay him back when she gets on her feet is entirely up to her. She’s entitled to it too.

So, yours can be submitted as ignorance, but his is purposely? Humans. Please, whatever she chooses as you said. I've made my comments.

Did you force yourself on the man cos he's working in offshore

ifyalways:

You said you have a four years old daughter but married in 2016 meaning you had your child before marriage
If your family truly went through hell to put you through school and then you went and foolishly got yourself knocked up, rushed in to marriage as opposed to finding your feet in life via a career path then you had this coming. Your husband will never invest on you because he does not want other men to look at you when hes gone.

You have to compromise something to get what you want at this point. What would you compromise and will it be worth it? Your call.

Exactly what I observed when I read her story, she clearly got pregnant before they wedded. That you dated your man for years doesn't mean he has made up his mind to marry you. I just think the pregnancy forced the man to marry her. Then she said her mother in law doesn't like her and called her a peasant that wants to eat the husband's money and also send to her family, so I think the mother in law has poisoned her son's mind. Op Should shed more light on how she got pregnant and what led to her marriage, maybe people commenting can get a clearer picture.
I really feel for the Op.


Cc ladyboobae

GHoJes:

With the time she married and the age of her baby as someone pointed out, it is obvious pregnancy trapped the man into the marriage and he is taking his pound of flesh. Perhaps ordinarily he would have fallen in love properly with OP but with the likes of his mum constantly reminding him of the OP coming to his life to milk him, that may not happen soon.

Hm. I wish she had just said it herself instead of leaving people to dig it out and begin to use harsh words on her.. doesnt she know this already?

Well I believe the man will respect her more and she will feel better if she just leaves his issue and gets her own money. At least, he can still grow to love her later on once he sees her resourcefulness and how she took up the challenge and made a bright life for herself.

Acidosis:


It's not a stupid decision to desire a family. I think she's just unlucky to have a selfish man. A reasonable man with a decent job and income would have supported her in many ways. A woman can be "jobless" yet fulfilled. That's how it's originally planned. Failed men like this is why everyone is standing up against men today. It's the same reason we have several calls for gender equality, feminism, and the rest.

This man has failed in his role. A woman's true fulfilment is not in the kind of hard life and struggles men go through daily. A woman is supposed to make her family her number one priority and that's what she's done. I can't blame her for doing what's right.

I pity the women who’re going to take your words seriously .

Life isn’t a bed of roses my friend, life is though so you gats be rough.

If you know moving to bayela will make you jobless for life and the man also knows this it’s either he moves to Lagos or you guys get married interstately (long distance marriage ) or you don’t go ahead with the marriage . If you do much desire a family and marriage then there are thousands of men in Lagos to pick from.

midnighter:


Hmm... why cant you clone yourself and make more monickers so that we will be reading something good on a regular basis instead of all these women-haters

Lmao , so acidosis is woman lover because he said women shouldn’t work abi? Nigerian women never ceases to amaze me . Laziness will make them support any rubbish that supports that laziness ideology.

Acidosis is a traditional alpha male who shuns out misogynistic words on this section/forum at large about women.. of all the comments on this thread I haven’t seen anyone hating on women but it seems you just knew the word “hate”

Redberyl:
well said. In times past, it wasn't even the norm for women to work after marriage.The op's husband doesn't love her. That's the long and short of it all. When a man loves a woman, he can spend his last dime to see her smile. Forget o.

If you like don’t get a good job before marriage ... you’ll be the one coming to open a thread ranting

Seems you’re mistaking 2019 for 1965



NB ; btw, this story seems so fake ...people do a lot of things for clout on this section ...posting fake stories for purposes only them know

Plead:
Lmao , so acidosis is woman lover because he said women shouldn’t work abi? Nigerian women never ceases to amaze me . Laziness will make them support any rubbish that supports that laziness ideology.

Acidosis is a traditional alpha male who shuns out misogynistic words on this section/forum at large about women.. of all the comments on this thread I haven’t seen anyone hating on women but it seems you just knew the word “hate”

I havent seen such from him, Ive only seen him make balanced comments but I may be wrong

You are actually the one coming across as bitter and hateful in this thread..i doubt you even read up to half of the posts before you started cursing

For your information being an alpha male has nothing to do with misogyny; it just denotes a particular set of personality traits seen in certain types of man... in fact alpha males are more likely to treat women well because their masculinity is not threatened by minor issues

sisisioge:
Hmmm...OP, if all your claims are correct, then you are not in a fruitful venture. Normally, you know what people do with fruitless ventures? They either take the bull by the horns and force it to be fruitful or they simply desert the venture. Its your call...you can't be whining upandan. I wish you success.

what do you think I should do?

Ladyboobae:
In my mother in laws voice and I quote..."you are just a peasant lady,from a wretched home that wants to suck all her sons money and send to my wretched people in the village...so I ask,is it my husband's family I will call to the family meeting or my own people...??

Do you know if your mother in law was repeating what her son told her about you. I wish I knew all about covert narcissist traits when I started questioning my own marriage. Please do not waste your time focusing on your husband's behaviour as this may drain you emotionally. Focus on developing yourself and have a plan. Believe in yourself and do not let anyone dull your sparkle

Its obvious your husband has a babymama and a child outside but you blind to see that.

There is no difference between you and a widow so pretend you are one and do what you ought to do to help yourself before reality hits you harder.

Im so sorry ladyboobae but your husband wont flinch or even think of changing if he doesnt see any change in your attitude or the way you carry yourself, same with his people.

I guess you are the calm type, so start by ignoring him/give him the silent treatment while you look for ways to improve yourself.

It might not be easy, but you have to forget about your husband or how much he earns since you not benefitting from it.


I wish you well on your new journey.

Sometimes, I wonder why there is this thing called MARRIAGE.

Depressing stories Every day.

midnighter:


I havent seen such from him, Ive only seen him make balanced comments but I may be wrong

You are actually the one coming across as bitter and hateful in this thread..i doubt you even read up to half of the posts before you started cursing

For your information being an alpha male has nothing to do with misogyny; it just denotes a particular set of personality traits seen in certain types of men... in fact alpha males are more likely to treat women well because their masculinity is not threatened by minor issues

I’m bitter and hateful because I said women should get good paying jobs/money before accepting marriage proposal from men/getting married ? Because all my posts on this thread so far have been about women having jobs.


There is only thing I’ve deduced from this ; you’re probably a lazy woman who believes women shouldn’t work and should be pampered all the time with no hard work that’s why you seem to think I’m bitter for saying if you don’t have a good paying job don’t get married or else you’ll create your own thread on nairaland to cry.


Life isn’t a bed of roses my friend

Owiii:

Madam, most offshore workers have concubine in town. Once they are in town, they invite their concubine to the hotel, stay for some days before going to meet their family. Your mother in law have a hand in what you are suffering because it's like your hubby is a mummys boy. I believe he seeks almost all advice from his mum and that will definitely affect your home.

Pls tell her o.

Even the saints in them succumbs sometimes.

After seeing their lifestyles, I advice my friends to run but everybody want to marry oil company man

All of them oil company boys both offshore on shore are like that.
My cousin is not an exemption. Stopped the wife her teaching job and made her a housewife. If u see big house, u will think she is enjoying. Though he later changed after almost killing her bc of his mum. His issue then was no male child.

Our men dey fall hand honestly.

I always advice. Don't rush in. Its for life most of the time bc of our culture. Men hardly marry divorced women with kids. But a divorced man can marry miss Nigeria anytime.
Take your time and check out temperaments, who u are,
flexibility and compatibility before u rush in and rush out.

Marriage is very sweet o if u marry the right person.

Ladyboobae:
what do you think I should do?

Now you're being clowny, right? Move in with your neighbor o. Good luck.

Plead:


I’m bitter and hateful because I said women should get good paying jobs/money before accepting marriage proposal from men/getting married ? Because all my posts on this thread so far have been about women having jobs.


There is only thing I’ve deduced from this ; you’re probably a lazy woman who believes women shouldn’t work and should be pampered all the time with no hard work that’s why you seem to think I’m bitter for saying if you don’t have a good paying job don’t get married or else you’ll create your own thread on nairaland to cry.


Life isn’t a bed of roses my friend

Not at all, you sound bitter because you cant seem to voice your opinion whilst keeping another perspective in mind.

You didnt even get Acidosis' point. What is wrong in marrying with the intention of being a housewife if its what you people discussed already? Running a home is hard work if you dont know. I dont intend on it myself, but I respect another couple's right to choose that path. I dont see that as being pampered, its just another way of designating roles in a relationship. You cant say being a homemaker is bad just because OPs husband doesnt care for her again

This is the problem with people like you.. I have enjoined OP severally to start supplementing her income and ignoring the sadistic husband, but you wont read that or any other comment. You'll just quote me and start typing inanities to make yourself feel better

midnighter:


Not at all, you sound bitter because you cant seem to voice your opinion whilst keeping another perspective in mind.

You didnt even get Acidosis' point. What is wrong in marrying with the intention of being a housewife if its what you people discussed already? Running a home is hard work if you dont know. I dont intend on it myself, but I respect another couple's right to choose that path. I dont see that as being pampered, its just another way of designating roles in a relationship. You cant say being a homemaker is bad just because OPs husband doesnt care for her again

This is the problem with people like you.. I have enjoined OP severally to start supplementing her income and ignoring the sadistic husband, but you wont read that or any other comment. You'll just quote me and start typing inanities to make yourself feel better

Marry with the intention of becoming a housewife in 2019 when the said husband isn’t a billionaire ,GOOD. Not my business, just don’t come wailing on nairaland after some time that he’s not giving you money for whatever .


Now move forward with your fellow lazy sheeples who share the same thoughts with you

Plead:


I’m bitter and hateful because I said women should get good paying jobs/money before accepting marriage proposal from men/getting married ? Because all my posts on this thread so far have been about women having jobs.


There is only thing I’ve deduced from this ; you’re probably a lazy woman who believes women shouldn’t work and should be pampered all the time with no hard work that’s why you seem to think I’m bitter for saying if you don’t have a good paying job don’t get married or else you’ll create your own thread on nairaland to cry.


Life isn’t a bed of roses my friend

What if she loses her job after and doesn't get another in years?
What if she never even gets a good job but just teaching jobs that pay around 12k, wont she get married.
How many Nigerian graduates have the so called 'good jobs'


I pity the OP sha, I just know when she eventually breaks through and if she gets a good job she will most likely be vengeful and then the issues of the wife is not supporting husband will come up.

He cant even support his wife?? Thats terrible. Even men that earn 50k still try to take care of their woman with the little resources they have.

Plead:
Marry with the intention of becoming a housewife in 2019 when the said husband isn’t a billionaire ,GOOD. Not my business, just don’t come wailing on nairaland after some time that he’s not giving you money for whatever .

Now move forward with your fellow lazy sheeples who share the same thoughts with you

You seem to have comprehension issues dear... move forward yourself and try not to get so angry on somebody's matter next time

NoToPile:


What if she loses her job after and doesn't get another in years?
What if she never even gets a good job but just teaching jobs that pay around 12k, wont she get married.
How many Nigerian graduates have the so called 'good jobs'


I pity the OP sha, I just know when she eventually breaks through and if she gets a good job she will most likely be vengeful and then the issues of the wife is not supporting husband will come up.

He cant even support his wife?? Thats terrible. Even men that earn 50k still try to take care of their woman with the little resources they have.

That’s why I said earlier that have a good paying job/have money or save enough before accepting a marriage proposal from anybody /going into marriage .

The fact that a man is forming alpha male before marriage and doing everything for you 100% doesn’t me she should be trusted .... there are men who stop their wives from working (I personally think women who quit their jobs because of their husbands directive and not because of their own sake eg sickness or birth for the meantime are foolish) and become housewives only to start seeing the women as liabilities years after even though they were the one who stopped the women from working.




Mehn, this isn’t my business sha.

Rehoboth97:


Do you know if your mother in law was repeating what her son told her about you. I wish I knew all about covert narcissist traits when I started questioning my own marriage. Please do not waste your time focusing on your husband's behaviour as this may drain you emotionally. Focus on developing yourself and have a plan. Believe in yourself and do not let anyone dull your sparkle

Listen to this advice.

midnighter:


You seem to have comprehension issues dear... move forward yourself and try not to get so angry on somebody's matter next time

Weytin concern me?


If you like don’t get a job before getting married (that’s if you’re not married already) you’ll end up like her because as it seems you lack wisdom and you’re very arrogant.

Plead:



I pity the women who’re going to take your words seriously .

Life isn’t a bed of roses my friend, life is though so you gats be rough.

If you know moving to bayela will make you jobless for life and the man also knows this it’s either he moves to Lagos or you guys get married interstately (long distance marriage ) or you don’t go ahead with the marriage . If you do much desire a family and marriage then there are thousands of men in Lagos to pick from.

You're seriously missing the point bro. It was never mentioned that she used to live in Lagos before marriage. I only mentioned the reality when it comes to marriage and employment in Nigeria. It doesn't matter where they live, marriage limits married women in terms of employment opportunities, travels, etc. How do you wake up one day in Bayelsa for a Lagos-based job with kids?? These are steps men should take. A woman is not supposed to leave her family behind to search for greener pastures. I do not believe in that gospel.

Plead:


That’s why I said earlier that have a good paying job/have money or save enough before accepting a marriage proposal from anybody /going into marriage .

The fact that a man is forming alpha male before marriage and doing everything for you 100% doesn’t me she should be trusted .... there are men who stop their wives from working (I personally think women who quit their jobs because of their husbands directive and not because of their own sake eg sickness or birth for the meantime are foolish) and become housewives only to start seeing the women as liabilities years after even though they were the one who stopped the women from working.

You are correct + you have a point on the bolded.

The problem you are having is being 100% focused on the reality without minding the theoretical, which is what we are talking about.

We didnt say that what happened to OP was unrealistic or that she shouldnt have seen the writing on the wall, but it doesnt make it right and it doesnt give her husband the right to oppress her.. if he didnt want to marry her he didnt have to

Plead:


Weytin concern me?

If you like don’t get a job before getting married (that’s if you’re not married already) you’ll end up like her because as it seems you lack wisdom and you’re very arrogant.

You have a problem with arrogance yourself which is why you cant seem to empathise with somebody who is experiencing a crisis

Knowledge is not exclusive to you alone, why not help her instead of being abusive?

midnighter:


I havent seen such from him, Ive only seen him make balanced comments but I may be wrong

You are actually the one coming across as bitter and hateful in this thread..i doubt you even read up to half of the posts before you started cursing

For your information being an alpha male has nothing to do with misogyny; it just denotes a particular set of personality traits seen in certain types of men... in fact alpha males are more likely to treat women well because their masculinity is not threatened by minor issues

Thanks for coming through