Acidosis:


You're seriously missing the point bro. It was never mentioned that she used to live in Lagos before marriage. I only mentioned the reality when it comes to marriage and employment in Nigeria. It doesn't matter where they live, marriage limits married women in terms of employment opportunities, travels, etc. How do you wake up one day in Bayelsa for a Lagos-based job with kids?? These are steps men should take. A woman is not supposed to leave her family behind to search for greener pastures. I do not believe in that gospel.

Ok bro.

Plead:


Weytin concern me?


If you like don’t get a job before getting married (that’s if you’re not married already) you’ll end up like her because as it seems you lack wisdom and you’re very arrogant.

Seems you've concluded in your mind that all women will end up with irresponsible men.

midnighter:


You have a problem with arrogance yourself which is why you cant seem to empathise with somebody who is experiencing a crisis

Knowledge is not exclusive to you alone, why not help her instead of being abusive?

Help her in what way? . Did I send her to get married without job?

As a Fellow woman, help her first .


I don’t even know what’s making me to still reply your mention

Plead:


That’s why I said earlier that have a good paying job/have money or save enough before accepting a marriage proposal from anybody /going into marriage .

The fact that a man is forming alpha male before marriage and doing everything for you 100% doesn’t me she should be trusted .... there are men who stop their wives from working (I personally think women who quit their jobs because of their husbands directive and not because of their own sake eg sickness or birth for the meantime are foolish) and become housewives only to start seeing the women as liabilities years after even though they were the one who stopped the women from working.




Mehn, this isn’t my business sha.

You still havent answered my questions, let me compress it to one

What if she never gets that dream job (shes just managing a small hustle) wont she get married?

Acidosis:


Seems you've concluded in your mind that all women will end up with irresponsible men.

Na your type the woman marry so! Alpha alpha male until they start feeling the heat


We know your type acidosis .

Ladyboobae:
what do you think I should do?

Is that Fed Govt job offer (the one that came with mistress clause) still open and you have a single gf that will be willing to play ball with you to achieve your purpose? If yes to both questions, go with your cute, well dressed girlfriend ( she must be prettier than you) to the mans office ,introduce them and subtly excuse yourself. If the man is a randy goat as you have painted here, he will make moves on your gf and your gf will drop the ultimatum:- he must give you your appointment letter before anything.
Get yout appointment letter, be smart in the office, learn the ropes and plant yourself in firmly by getting to know the bosses and being on their sweet side so the randy man wont have any chance to come for you incase your gf does not play ball.
Your mama no teach you how to corner men? This is Nigeria, you are already at an advantage being lady,whats left is how to be smart and act swiftly. Being married does not stop a street savy woman. Your husband will not change, you dont have to shift yout pant for anyone either unless you want to but you have to do something to change your situation. Take charge of your life.

NoToPile:


You still havent answered my questions, let me compress it to one

What if she never gets that dream job (shes just managing a small hustle) wont she get married?

Dear let’s talk about this some other time

Plead:


Help her in what way? . Did I send her to get married without job?

As a Fellow woman, help her first .

I don’t even know what’s making me to still reply your mention

You arent replying because youre only answering the parts of it that suit your vindictive agenda..is that one reply?

I guess this is how you would like somebody to talk to you when you need advice... just keep harping on about the stuff you should have done 5 years ago instead of proffering a practical solution

Plead:



Dear let’s talk about this some other time

Okay ooo, you dodged the question

ifyalways:

Is that Fed Govt job offer (the one that came with mistress clause) still open and you have a single gf that will be willing to play ball with you to achieve your purpose? If yes to both questions, go with your cute, well dressed girlfriend ( she must be prettier than you) to the mans office ,introduce them and subtly excuse yourself. If the man is a randy goat as you have painted here, he will make moves on your gf and your gf will drop the ultimatum:- he must give you your appointment letter before anything.
Get yout appointment letter, be smart in the office, learn the ropes and plant yourself in firmly by getting to know the bosses and being on their sweet side so the randy man wont have any chance to come for you incase your gf does not play ball.
Your mama no teach you how to corner men? This is Nigeria, you are already at an advantage being lady,whats left is how to be smart and act swiftly. Being married does not stop a street savy woman. Your husband will not change, you dont have to shift yout pant for anyone either unless you want to but you have to do something to change your situation. Take charge of your life.

Ifyalways ! Ifyalways


Weytin man no go see!

Plead:


That’s why I said earlier that have a good paying job/have money or save enough before accepting a marriage proposal from anybody /going into marriage .

The fact that a man is forming alpha male before marriage and doing everything for you 100% doesn’t me she should be trusted .... there are men who stop their wives from working (I personally think women who quit their jobs because of their husbands directive and not because of their own sake eg sickness or birth for the meantime are foolish) and become housewives only to start seeing the women as liabilities years after even though they were the one who stopped the women from working.




Mehn, this isn’t my business sha.

Having a good job, business.... is good but life happens. I know someone that was comfortable before she got married, the man refuses to be diligent for over 5 years of their marriage till date and she has gone down financially due to the irresponsible hubby and she doesn't want to separate because of societal....

Acidosis:


Thanks for coming through

Lol you are welcome... dont know whats up with some people

Nobody is advocating for how she landed herself in this situation but it doesnt give the husband the right to bully her. Wont somebody take a wrong turn at some point in their life?

Plead:


Weytin concern me?


If you like don’t get a job before getting married (that’s if you’re not married already) you’ll end up like her because as it seems you lack wisdom and you’re very arrogant.

I started work as a married woman.
Married during youth service.

Don't forget age factor. The older u get, even with your money, guys will stay away from u.
If u are able o get work, very good.
If u see somebody that fits you, u can't say no because u don't have work yet.
A responsible man will help build u up.
A man's life continues straightforward after marriage . Nothing changes. A woman's life is turned upside down because of marriage. Is it pregnancy. Or taking care of the children?

That's why a reasonable man help build his wife. But the issue is that it gives men joy and satisfaction to see that their women are beneath them. That they are depending on them. Its a very powerful spell. Its very few men that on a good day will allow their wives to do something when they can comfortably provide for her.

Take a random quiz here and u will see that most of u guys are like that man. They will even make u stop work.
Its called control. A typical naija man is very controlling and the best way to keep a woman in check is denying her financial freedom

Esthered:

Having a good job, business.... is good but life happens. I know someone that was comfortable before she got married, the man refuses to be diligent for over 5 years of their marriage till date and she has gone down financially due to the irresponsible hubby and she doesn't want to separate because of societal....

You people shouldn’t get me wrong ,I didn’t say she should have her own money so that she’ll take up all financial responsibilities in the home ...no

Highest they share it somehow and not her taking up everything unless that’s their agreement and she agreed to it ,my emphasis on having money was simply because of cases like the one OP is experiencing....

If the man is always telling you to leave his house ,have no respect for you or not giving you money ... if you have your own money you wouldn’t beg him or anybody you’ll use your own money ... hope you understand me?


Infact if the husband knows you have your own money and if he misbehaves you can do without him and even better he won’t try shit with you

sassysure:

I started work as a married woman.
Married during youth service.

Don't forget age factor. The older u get, even with your money, guys will stay away from u.
If u are able o get work, very good.
If u see somebody that fits you, u can't say no because u don't have work yet.
A responsible man will help build u up.
A man's life continues straightforward after marriage . Nothing changes. A woman's life is turned upside down because of marriage. Is it pregnancy. Or taking care of the children?

That's why a reasonable man help build his wife. But the issue is that it gives men joy and satisfaction to see that their women are beneath them. That they are depending on them. Its a very powerful spell. Its very few men that on a good day will allow their wives to do something when they can comfortably provide for her.

Take a random quiz here and u will see that most of u guys are like that man. They will even make u stop work.
Its called control. A typical naija man is very controlling and the best way to keep a woman in check is denying her financial freedom

Stop generalizing. In this present Nigeria any man stoping his wife from working is simply deceiving himself.

ifyalways:

You said you have a four years old daughter but married in 2016 meaning you had your child before marriage
If your family truly went through hell to put you through school and then you went and foolishly got yourself knocked up, rushed in to marriage as opposed to finding your feet in life via a career path then you had this coming. Your husband will never invest on you because he does not want other men to look at you when hes gone.

You have to compromise something to get what you want at this point. What would you compromise and will it be worth it? Your call.

what can I compromise I dated him right from when I finished secondary school...till my final year in the university, my daughter was as a result of me being disvirgined by him...he said I should abort it I told him I can't cant,i have never done abortion and he knows thats,he insisted that this can be the first but I stood my ground my people got aware of my pregnancy and insisted the father must marry me,and he married me...would that bad why he is treating me this way....ever since we gave birth to my daughter he told me he is not ready for another child

Plead:
You people shouldn’t get me wrong ,I didn’t say she should have her own money so that she’ll take up all financial responsibilities in the home ...no

Highest they share it somehow and not her taking up everything unless that’s their agreement and she agreed to it ,my emphasis on having money was simply because of cases like the one OP is experiencing....

If the man is always telling you to leave his house ,have no respect for you or not giving you money ... if you have your own money you wouldn’t beg him or anybody you’ll use your own money ... hope you understand me?

Infact if the husband knows you have your own money and if he misbehaves you can do without him and even better he won’t try shit with you

It seems you didnt see the lady lamenting that she keeps getting kicked out of her house over tiny issues... didnt she have a job?

People like you always make excuses for iniquity not realising that the same may affect you one day...stop shifting the goalposts over somebodys bad behaviour

Thats how they tried to quash the sex-for-grades saga but by the special grace of God, you people wont succeed

Ladyboobae:
Married with a beautiful daughter of 4yrs,graduated from a federal university in year 2016 with a 2:1 in Accounting...from Bayelsa state,got married year 2016 dec..applied for jobs non called..teaching in a private school where am paid 12k per month..applied for federal and state jobs gotten none..my hubby works offshore but always complaining his broke..he get paid #250,000 to #450,000 per month depending on how many times he works in a month...my daughter goes to the best school but I can't boost of an ICAN certification or any tangible thing for myself...always alone with my daughter..he is always at work....I used to day dream that some one from no where would wipe my tears and help me get a good job to at least take care of myself and my sick mum in the village after all her sacrifices to make me graduate...why me..I ask my self.. my friends laughs at me ,that with my 2:1 av gat no good jobs,wear rags and don't even look like a married woman..they see me as a failure...but I dont see myself as one..not now not ever...they say Success is when opportunity meet preparedness .I have been prepared from little for success....I put in my 100%in every thing I do and it comes out the best...what is happening to me...all my CV's I have submitted not even a call....when will my samaritan locate me....yours faithfully a faithful wife...

Hey dear, we were chatting in PC, where did u go?

ifyalways:

Is that Fed Govt job offer (the one that came with mistress clause) still open and you have a single gf that will be willing to play ball with you to achieve your purpose? If yes to both questions, go with your cute, well dressed girlfriend ( she must be prettier than you) to the mans office ,introduce them and subtly excuse yourself. If the man is a randy goat as you have painted here, he will make moves on your gf and your gf will drop the ultimatum:- he must give you your appointment letter before anything.
Get yout appointment letter, be smart in the office, learn the ropes and plant yourself in firmly by getting to know the bosses and being on their sweet side so the randy man wont have any chance to come for you incase your gf does not play ball.
Your mama no teach you how to corner men? This is Nigeria, you are already at an advantage being lady,whats left is how to be smart and act swiftly. Being married does not stop a street savy woman. Your husband will not change, you dont have to shift yout pant for anyone either unless you want to but you have to do something to change your situation. Take charge of your life.

I tried this with him..but he insisted that it must be me..that he has had an eye on me since year one.....

ifyalways:

Is that Fed Govt job offer (the one that came with mistress clause) still open and you have a single gf that will be willing to play ball with you to achieve your purpose? If yes to both questions, go with your cute, well dressed girlfriend ( she must be prettier than you) to the mans office ,introduce them and subtly excuse yourself. If the man is a randy goat as you have painted here, he will make moves on your gf and your gf will drop the ultimatum:- he must give you your appointment letter before anything.
Get yout appointment letter, be smart in the office, learn the ropes and plant yourself in firmly by getting to know the bosses and being on their sweet side so the randy man wont have any chance to come for you incase your gf does not play ball.
Your mama no teach you how to corner men? This is Nigeria, you are already at an advantage being lady,whats left is how to be smart and act swiftly. Being married does not stop a street savy woman. Your husband will not change, you dont have to shift yout pant for anyone either unless you want to but you have to do something to change your situation. Take charge of your life.

So, it’s the single girl that does not have what to do with her kpekus abi? Than to help someone else get a job with her Father Christmas kpekus. You actually think sex for job request stop just after one time? Who will cover for her when the man demands more sex? She’s the one in need, she either use her kpekus or forget about that angle. She can call her mother to open wide and collect the unpaid hammering so she can get the job.

Omojudy:

Hey dear, we were chatting in PC, where did u go?

ok..o chart in my free time

@OP

The earlier you accept the bitter truth that the man has never been in love with you genuinely, and that you don't have what it takes to command his soft spot, the better for you - this doesn't automatically make neither you nor him a bad person. Both of you have never been mutually in synchronization and altruism. He can do better though, since both of you are already married, regardless of the circumstances that necessitated the marriage. He lacks humaneness.

Only a man who has always been genuinely in love with you - a man who fell in love with you because of your innate quality (attribute/immaterial thing) - can move mountains for you at any point in time, regardless of your financial standing and overall condition.

You've to continue to sort yourself out.

Ladyboobae:
what can I compromise I dated him right from when I finished secondary school...till my final year in the university, my daughter was as a result of me being disvirgined by him...he said I should abort it I told him I can't cant,i have never done abortion and he knows thats,he insisted that this can be the first but I stood my ground my people got aware of my pregnancy and insisted the father must marry me,and he married me...would that bad why he is treating me this way....ever since we gave birth to my daughter he told me he is not ready for another child

This explains a lot. Clearly he was never interested in getting married to you. The only reason he did is because of the pregnancy which he didn't want in the first place.

The fact that he doesn't want another child with you goes to show that he has emotionally checked out of that marriage. Make serious effort to plan your life without him, that man doesn't love you. He never did in the first place. I won't be surprised to know he has another woman outside that he is crazy about and lavishing his money on.

Redberyl:
This explains a lot. Clearly he was never interested in getting married to you. The only reason he did is because of the pregnancy which he didn't want in the first place.

The fact that he doesn't want another child with you goes to show that he has emotionally checked out of that marriage. Make serious effort to plan your life without him, that man doesn't love you. He never did in the first place. I won't be surprised to know he has another woman outside that he is crazy about and lavishing his money on.

thanks for these...my reasoning has thus, been re arranged.....

OP,
Don’t feel bad about your marriage. Too late for had I knows. He was your boyfriend from secondary school through go university and disvirgined you. If he knew he did not want a child or did not like you he would not be having unprotected sex with you. Don’t blame yourself for that, the fault lies squarely with him.

Your parents pushed for the marriage thinking it’s in your best interest, which at the time it probably was with good intentions. I don’t think no one could really have forced him into marriage if he didn’t want to get married in the first place. Especially seeing that you are from a disadvantaged home.

Just ensure you do well for yourself with all the advice you have now. What has happened in the past has happened. He probably has an issue with you because of the perception of his family that you are not good enough for their status. Pull yourself up and work towards your goal of sitting and passing your exams. You can do it.

LordKO:
@OP

The earlier you accept the bitter truth that the man has never been in love with you genuinely, and that you don't have what it takes to command his soft spot, the better for you - this doesn't automatically make neither you nor him a bad person. Both of you have never been mutually in synchronization and altruism. He can do better though, since both of are already married, regardless of the circumstances that necessitated the marriage. He lacks humaneness.

Only a man who has always been genuinely in love with you - a man who fell in love with you because of your innate quality (attribute/immaterial thing) - can move mountains for you at every point in time, regardless of your financial standing in particular and overall condition in general.

You've to continue to sort yourself out.

thank you too....but my problem now is,I dont know where to start from

Ladyboobae:
thank you too....but my problem now is,I dont know where to start from

Don’t worry about your husband for now, focus on yourself and help yourself. Start by paying the 300 Naira registration fee for ICAN by yourself... then see how much you need for exemptions and work towards finding a way to pay for it. You can even take a loan from school if that is available.

Plead:


Na your type the woman marry so! Alpha alpha male until they start feeling the heat


We know your type acidosis .

Ahahah No be my type she marry sha. I think the problem here is foundational, based on further comments from @op. Even with a job and money, she won't find fulfilment. She needs love and attention from the man she calls her husband. There's more to this life than job, sex, business and money.

LordKO:
@OP

The earlier you accept the bitter truth that the man has never been in love with you genuinely, and that you don't have what it takes to command his soft spot, the better for you - this doesn't automatically make neither you nor him a bad person. Both of you have never been mutually in synchronization and altruism. He can do better though, since both of are already married, regardless of the circumstances that necessitated the marriage. He lacks humaneness.

Only a man who has always been genuinely in love with you - a man who fell in love with you because of your innate quality (attribute/immaterial thing) - can move mountains for you at every point in time, regardless of your financial standing in particular and overall condition in general.

You've to continue to sort yourself out.

You must talk

Ladyboobae:
I tried this with him..but he insisted that it must be me..that he has had an eye on me since year one.....

Hmmmmmn
This your problem tie gele

Ladyboobae:
what can I compromise I dated him right from when I finished secondary school...till my final year in the university, my daughter was as a result of me being disvirgined by him...he said I should abort it I told him I can't cant,i have never done abortion and he knows thats,he insisted that this can be the first but I stood my ground my people got aware of my pregnancy and insisted the father must marry me,and he married me...would that bad why he is treating me this way....ever since we gave birth to my daughter he told me he is not ready for another child

You can compromise in so many ways. Im not your mother nor know the level of your inner strenght so i cannot lead you in that direction. It is all up to you.

Imo, there is no marriage or better still you are married to yourself,he kept you in his house so that you can take care of his child.

I dont want to comment on the sex pre-marriage but no to safe abortion and/or pregnancy preventive measures since its a dead horse.

Its your life, you either take charge or remain there. YOLO.

Keep doing good wife while life passess you by.
Do you want to die unfilfilled?

Lock the doors and ask him of he is happy in ur unhappiness.Both of you must arrive at a positive conclusion before the doors are opened.Change Tactics.Dont let poverty/marriage demean ur
person.

How can he be paying #160k fees for your daughter while you cant boast of #1k in ur acc?

What if he dies today?What if he loses his job.How can he earn 250_450 and no side biz/investment?

Both of you are jokers!!!!!