naptu2:


Are you in Lagos?

And you just had to quote everything??

naptu2:


Are you in Lagos?

Enugu

GrabHisBalls:
Why don't you and your husband mind your business? Your husband went too far by going to report that man on his own accord. If that environment isn't safe for your son, take him elsewhere and stop meddling in matters you shouldn't. When this woman needs your help, she'll contact you. For now, it's obvious she doesn't need one.

To you guys, she has a thousand reasons to leave, but in her head, she's stuck up there. Thinking of how to raise her children alone without a job, if she leaves. The best you can do for her is to help her start thinking of how to get something doing to be liberated

nobody is asking to hear his side of the story. Maybe she's a nag. Maybe she opened legs for another man. It could be that her tongue is acid and the man reacted. These women can make a kitten become a tiger with their mouths. Who knows if she hit him first. She set him up. Where are the men with these questions? Waiting for them.

computergeek:
S

Please click on this link below and contact them if you are in Lagos. Don't leave it alone, done leave it up to yourself and don't leave it up to the police.

This is a very difficult case and these people have got experienced professionals that know how to tackle it. Please contact them now.

https://www.dsvrtlagos.org

Ishilove:

And you just had to quote everything??

Go back and look at the post. That was a placeholder while I modified the post.

mysticgal:
First off, o would have loved to say you should mind your business but right here, that lady needs help. Most probably if I were in your situation, I would slap her hard because I don’t get why she is been bartered and still insists on going back.

Could you please help me ask her if her husband owes her anything ? Please!

And also, please remind her that she wouldn’t take care of her kids in the grave and please look for her religious leader to talk to her or call a sister or something. As for the police case, uh....it may not work out , remember you said something about not dabbling.

Ps... new haven boys do wonders. You know that new haven primary school, go there at night and bill them to beat the heck out of that man. Rubbish

Has that school become that notorious at night? Used to live at Ifite Ukpo street.

ednut1:
Since she wishes to die let her be. She probably has no source of income and cant go home to burden her people. This is what happens when people see marriage as the ultimate. Rip in advance to her

the battered woman is confused from the battering. She is in love. It's her dear hubby. She must cover him. She's building and holding her family.

Marriage has eroded the brains of some foolish women. She will pray it back to normal.

BRATISLAVA:
nobody is asking to hear his side of the story. Maybe she's a nag. Maybe she opened legs for another man. It could be that her tongue is acid and the man reacted. These women can make a kitten become a tiger with their mouths. Who knows if she hit him first. She set him up. Where are the men with these questions? Waiting for them.

Regardless, there are other approach to such issues than hitting your wife.

naptu2:


Go back and look at the post. That was a placeholder while I modified the post.

Hokay

Ishilove:

Not when I have pictorial proof. That is why I said I will meddle till people call me busybody.

For the pictorial pictures, she can say she was even the one at fault and her husband is right for beating her. They will just make you a fool. You can't predict a woman who is hell bent in staying in her marriage come what may. That's what am telling you. She is not ready to be helped and as such, you can be termed a home breaker or even be mocked by the husband and wife when they temporarily settle their issues. You never live for face me, i face you house before. Na face me, I face you house experience am telling you.

Kendumazy:


For the pictorial pictures, she can say she was even the one at fault and her husband is right for beating her. They will just make you a fool. You can't predict a woman who is hell bent in staying in her marriage come what may. That's what am telling you. She is not ready to be helped and as such, you can be termed a home breaker or even be mocked by the husband and wife when they temporarily settle their issues. You never leave for face me, i face you house before. Na face me, I face you experience am telling you.

you are so correct. Saw such a case. Woman became aggressive at the people who intervened

GrabHisBalls:
Regardless, there are other approach to such issues than hitting your wife.

evidently not. And the women don't help matters. How desperate can they be to the point where they will gladly lose their lives? Woman in the story will be killed by the man with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. She will float up to the skies and tell how she was a good wife. And he will marry that new girl she was killed for.

Ishilove:

My sister, if I were you I will dabble to the extent people will call me a witch. Not because of the silly woman but for the sake of her innocent children. I will go through her phone and call her family members. I will take pictures and broadcast it to them, making it seem worse than it already is. I will make noise to the extent people will call me busybody. I will even give policemen money to trump up charges like 'attempted murder.'

It's not meddling. It's called tough love.

If she dies from one of the beatings, you will feel guilty because you had a chance to try to save her but you didn't.

I really cannot wrap my head around women enduring domestic abuse. I know some people will advice her to pray, and yes prayer is one of the keys to turning around a bad marriage, but kindly pray far from where his iron fists can dislocate your jaw.

Don't stay in a toxic environment. Flee!!

Thanks Ishi. That's my problem. When I called the fool on phone you need to hear the anger in his voice as he threatened to kill her. Thank God my phone auto records calls. That man is so violent that he can snap a wall in two. I feel bad my son had to witness the beating. I'll just keep him preoccupied with things that make him happy so he can forget this awful ordeal. What her own kids are going through is beyond me. Trying times mehn.

BRATISLAVA:
nobody is asking to hear his side of the story. Maybe she's a nag. Maybe she opened legs for another man. It could be that her tongue is acid and the man reacted. These women can make a kitten become a tiger with their mouths. Who knows if she hit him first. She set him up. Where are the men with these questions? Waiting for them.

there is no justifications for his actions. But her wanting to go back shows how silly she is

computergeek:
Thanks Ishi. That's my problem. When I called the fool on phone you need to hear the anger in his voice as he threatened to kill her. Thank God my phone auto records calls. That man is so violent that he can snap a wall in two. I feel bad my son had to witness the beating. I'll just keep him preoccupied with things that make him happy so he can forget this awful ordeal. What her own kids are going through is beyond me. Trying times mehn.

If she foolishly insists on going back then please keep your son away from that household. It's bad for his tender mind.

Dominique is viewing. Mama please get them to take this to FP. Even if I don't get the advice I need, women really need to follow this thread. Someone could beat you to the brink of death!!! You could land in the hospital!!! I lifted a woman with a broken face into my car, her kids crying, my son speechless.

My husband does not seem like he wants to let this go. He's an activist lol.

BRATISLAVA:
evidently not. And the women don't help matters. How desperate can they be to the point where they will gladly lose their lives? Woman in the story will be killed by the man with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. She will float up to the skies and tell how she was a good wife. And he will marry that new girl she was killed for.

That's what happens in a society that pressures women into marrying the wrong people, that makes young girls feel incomplete without the MRS title, and stigmatises divorced women.

Ishilove:

That's what happens in a society that pressures women into marrying the wrong people, that makes young girls feel incomplete without the MRS title, and stigmatises divorced women.

saddening. And it's bad enough that women are being educated on such matters but still hold on to it desperately. Methinks woman in the story should be allowed to get what she's asking for. How can she be so obsessed with marriage that she can't think of saving even her life if nothing else?

ednut1:
there is no justifications for his actions. But her wanting to go back shows how silly she is

with her silly behavior she will be part of the statistics unless she wakes up. This isn't even about being a woman, but about common sense

computergeek:
Thanks Ishi. That's my problem. When I called the fool on phone you need to hear the anger in his voice as he threatened to kill her. Thank God my phone auto records calls. That man is so violent that he can snap a wall in two. I feel bad my son had to witness the beating. I'll just keep him preoccupied with things that make him happy so he can forget this awful ordeal. What her own kids are going through is beyond me. Trying times mehn.

her kids are already damaged. But the good news is that one of two things will happen, 1. They will see the beastly nature of their father and swear never to be like him or in their mothers position, or 2. It will be so normal to them that they will suffer as their mother or become woman batterers like their father

Sadly, there's only so much you can do for a woman in an abusive marriage that doesn't want to leave. There's nothing you can do to convince her to flee from danger, but for the sake of her kids don't give up on her. From your narrative, it's easy to conclude that she's from a poor family and doesn't have a steady means of income. Her family will prefer she remains in the marriage as they might not be able to cope with feeding her and her kids. She is not working, so how will she cope with fending for two kids on her own? That's probably what's still keeping her in the marriage, that and the stigma that is attached to divorced women. I wouldn't drop the police case if I were you, let it be on their records that Mr Xyz has an history of physical assault and battery.

computergeek:
Babe me sef don tire. She's already seeing the repercussions of enduring domestic violence and how it affects her kids. I'm the one taking care of the baby while David is in the hospital with her. They are already suffering.

This kain matter just tire me. Her family is too local and would try to make peace and return her there.

Ishilove
Pocohantas
Naptu2

I need mature advice.

This is a tough situation. If it were me, I will report to her family (just to clear my conscience), then withdraw the case, and leave her to get fate

Truth is there is nothing much you can do.

But don't abandon her completely, keep talking to her from time to time. Keep checking in on her and her kids. Let her know you are there for her.

And pray for her . . .

computergeek:
You sound as if we just walked into their home to pry. I found her on the floor nearly dead with my son in the same room. What was I supposed to do? Scoop my boy and leave her there? I used to share your position on people minding their businesses on such matters, but the reality changes once you're actually the one facing it.

It's a sad one.

You did the right thing, by reporting to the police. You found someone unconscious, almost murdered by an assailant.
You took her to the hospital, and if she had passed on from there, the police will be on your neck questioning why you were in her home in the first place. They could say you and your husband killed her for whatever reason, so reporting to the police was the right thing to do.
Sadly, you can't force her to receive help.
Because you reported a crime doesnt make the case automatically you versus the criminal. You weren't the victim. The police might have a case of assault against the devil husband, but even they have no case if the victim denies she was beaten, and she still goes back to her assailant. Everybody's hands are tied.
If you really want to help her, find out if she has other friends that can talk some sense into her. Are there people that can house her for sometime till she's able to find her feet? You can only keep talking to her not to go back, because he has promised to kill her.

dominique:
Sadly, there's only so much you can do for a woman in an abusive marriage that doesn't want to leave. There's nothing you can do to convince her to flee from danger, but for the sake of her kids don't give up on her. From your narrative, it's easy to conclude that she's from a poor family and doesn't have a steady means of income. Her family will prefer she remains in the marriage as they might not be able to cope with feeding her and her kids. She is not working, so how will she cope with fending for two kids on her own? That's probably what's still keeping her in the marriage, that and the stigma that is attached to divorced women. I wouldn't drop the police case if I were you, let it be on their records that Mr Xyz has an history of physical assault and battery.

We have the death threat on record. So we should proceed with the case even when she's not interested?

BRATISLAVA:
the battered woman is confused from the battering. She is in love. It's her dear hubby. She must cover him. She's building and holding her family.

Marriage has eroded the brains of some foolish women. She will pray it back to normal.

Its deeper than marriage. Her sense of self worth is all gone up in smoke. She needs a renewing of the mind before she can leave that man.

.

yeyeosoronga:


Its deeper than marriage. Her sense of self worth is all gone up in smoke. She needs a renewing of the mind before she can leave that man.

how can one lose themselves and become only a marriage or a wife? Has she no knowledge of her true self? Also wonder at those who have become so brutal that in order to live, they need to strip another bare. Human beings!

computergeek:
We have the death threat on record. So we should proceed with the case even when she's not interested?

Yes, at least file a case with the evidence on you though I don't think you will be able to press charges. It's up to the victim to do that. One thing about bullies is that they're cowards. Once you stand up firmly to them, they tend to retract. If he gets invited by the police and made to sign undertaking that he won't hurt his wife again, that could rattle him enough not to inflict injuries on her again. She needs to get something doing and start being less dependent on him though her safety is of topmost priority right now.

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best to do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Lalasticlala, Mynd44, Seun, Dominique, RoyalRoy, please push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

Out of all the men she has tried to date ,this one is fuccking her well.

A woman once told me that ,a man’s handsomeness,riches, tallness,intelligence,smartness,degree,funniness ,loveliness ,romantic ness is “just “ an added advantage over a man that can fucck well.

So a woman will prefer a man that can fucck over her own life


Funny creatures!

AK481:

Out of all the men she has tried to date ,this one is fucking her well.

A woman once told me that ,a man’s handsomeness,riches, tallness,intelligence,smartness,degree,funniness ,loveliness ,romantic ness is “just “ an added advantage over a man that can Bleep well.

So a woman will prefer a man that can Bleep over her own life

Foolish creatures

look at this one.. you just described the women in your life as the ones who are foolish and befitting of the title.

Mumu that thinks life starts and end with their chewing stick penis. Kwasia!

computergeek:

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

computergeek:
Thanks Ishi. That's my problem. When I called the fool on phone you need to hear the anger in his voice as he threatened to kill her. Thank God my phone auto records calls. That man is so violent that he can snap a wall in two. I feel bad my son had to witness the beating. I'll just keep him preoccupied with things that make him happy so he can forget this awful ordeal. What her own kids are going through is beyond me. Trying times mehn.

Honestly, I don't think you have heard the full story about what is really going on between that woman and her husband.


In the meantime, you have done almost everything you can do at this point. The police told you to notify them once she's awake to give her statement but she is clearly not interested in giving any statement.
Why not get in touch with the friend she asked you to get in touch with, this friend may know her family and can take it up from there (you can join too). Also start making other arrangements for your kid.

Please do not mind your business in this issue.. some times keeping quiet and minding one's business is making the world go cold.. that is why some people will see someone drowning instead of helping, they bring out their phones take pictures and walk away... then paste on social media..

The woman is ashamed and embarrassed with herself. She doesn't have any source of income, no job, probably her family has warned her against marrying the man but she went ahead.. that is probably why she wants to die trying.

All she needs is a family member that will reassure her that it's OK if she leaves the marriage. She needs that strength. If she gets it nothing will make her remain on it.. please do one last favour. Find her people.. when you have done that, u have done your duties as a neighbour and a good citizen. Let her people handle the issue...

by the way thank you and extend my regards to your husband for your kindness.. a lot of people would not have cared.. they will just be waiting to attend funeral... and start claiming @ the funeral how they have witnessed it.. when it was already late.