CeterisXVII:

Any man that says such things should be jailed. What kind of irresponsible talk is that? Does that justify the kind of beating he gave her? Why not divorce her or send her packing? Why resort to violence?

U are only saying all this becos u may be privileged to not have had encounterd such a toxic person.. U will be wondering what's got over u in no time.

I don't know what kind of beating he gave her, but from what u quote, if she hits him first, then I don't wanna know. U can't expect every man to be full of self control and discipline. We ain't all gentlemen

Ishilove:
My sister, if I were you I will dabble to the extent people will call me a witch. Not because of the silly woman but for the sake of her innocent children. I will go through her phone and call her family members.

I will take pictures and broadcast it to them, making it seem worse than it already is. I will make noise to the extent people will call me busybody. I will even give policemen money to trump up charges like 'attempted murder.'

It's not meddling. It's called tough love.

If she dies from one of the beatings, you will feel guilty because you had a chance to try to save her but you didn't.

I really cannot wrap my head around women enduring domestic abuse. I know some people will advice her to pray, and yes prayer is one of the keys to turning around a bad marriage, but kindly pray far from where his iron fists can dislocate your jaw.

Don't stay in a toxic environment. Flee!!

GOD BLESS YOU!! May the Good Lord continue to protect and preserve you and all your loved ones. May you always find someone to speak for you, in time of need.

fykes:
U are only saying all this becos u may be privileged to not have had encounterd such a toxic person.. U will be wondering what's got over u in no time.

I don't know what kind of beating he gave her, but from what u quote, if she hits him first, then I don't wanna know. U can't expect every man to be full of self control and discipline. We ain't all gentlemen

No matter how toxic a person is, you have NO right to inflict violence on anybody. Any man that decides to use his fists to settle an argument is a maniac in disguise.

A man can always walk away from such a toxic person, or take a decision to send her out. If in the process of beating her, she ended up dead, will you be saying this same thing you just said??

What you need to do is to find and report the matter to the husband's close friends or colleagues or even the boss.they will certainly caution him

CeterisXVII:

No matter how toxic a person is, you have NO right to inflict violence on anybody. Any man that decides to use his fists to settle an argument is a maniac in disguise.

A man can always walk away from such a toxic person, or take a decision to send her out. If in the process of beating her, she ended up dead, will you be saying this same thing you just said??

Worst things than this has happened. Talk is cheap, talk is really cheap.
I speak as a law officer. Marital issues are best dealt with wisdom not emotions.
When u let ur emotions get ahead of ur senses in another man's family affairs, we will all ask u if ur own marriage is perfect?
Name any couple who don't have issues??
That's when u will know that marriage matter no be "let me rush in and be her superman"

Slimdada:
Your husband is not a real Gee because real gees don't get involved in another couple's fight no matter what he should withdraw that police case
Because when you get involved in another couple's fight, the couple's will use you to settle their dispute
Get your son another nanny
And see him get another new friends to play with
Come to think of it
What if your son or any of those kids get hurt accidentally when this fighters are exchanging blows and throwing weapon's like flower vast...

The husband should not get involved and should withdraw the police case. Are you normal? What kind of lousy advice is this? So, you prefer the woman to die there, right? From your advice, it is likely that you also beat up the women in your life....

mysticgal:
First off, o would have loved to say you should mind your business but right here, that lady needs help. Most probably if I were in your situation, I would slap her hard because I don’t get why she is been bartered and still insists on going back.

Could you please help me ask her if her husband owes her anything ? Please!

And also, please remind her that she wouldn’t take care of her kids in the grave and please look for her religious leader to talk to her or call a sister or something. As for the police case, uh....it may not work out , remember you said something about not dabbling.

Ps... new haven boys do wonders. You know that new haven primary school, go there at night and bill them to beat the heck out of that man. Rubbish

Are you seriously asking somebody to hire assassins? I thought you were wise.

Stillthebest:
Just don't meddle in the affair(
The Lady has said that to you indirectly. Try and listen to Ebenezer Obey's song in that regards)

The major reason a man beats a woman is by counter replying during brawls. She perhaps knows that her husband can't manage such and he is highly tempered.

Don't because he beats her and think he is a beast. It takes an extra in a man not to hit a woman that runs mouth. That "extra" might be lacking in him. (he might need a psychologist or a counselor)

The best way to keep your friend/neighbour alive to enjoy the fruit of her labour in that man's house is to; keep silent whenever an issue is leading to arguments since she loves him so much that she can't leave him even with the incessant beatings.. Op, your friend loves his husband very well, but as aforementioned , he can't manage argument as known by the wife.

If the man is cheating, lol, it is just a matter of time, he would soon be back home(hope not with a disease or empty pockets). It won't long. But;

let the woman address the fundamental issues that is causing the current marital imbalance( a wife can turn her husband to whatever she desires of him). She might be expecting the man to change whereas she is the one who needs to change for the better.

As for police follow up, back off ma. If your body no gree u, send a text anonymously to his family.

Your concern only is enough to gain you rewards race whom you serve

No, she won't kill her otherwise watch as she hones back the man she married.

For your child that see the place as a second house because David, I admonish u to abort so he doesn't grow to another David's dad(hope not).
I commend your good writing skills.

Bless u

This is the most INSENSITIVE and senseless advice, I have ever read on this forum.

Advocate500:
seriously is annoying hw some of this women think at times, ur fellow woman is in dare need of help, and a woman like u is struggling to help her, all u could do is to advice her to mind her business and avoid the family, who made some of us?

BabaAlabi's post was a sarcastic reply to someone who was advising the OP to 'mind her business.'

fykes:
Worst things than this has happened. Talk is cheap, talk is really cheap.
I speak as a law officer. Marital issues are best dealt with wisdom not emotions.
When u let ur emotions get ahead of ur senses in another man's family affairs, we will all ask u if ur own marriage is perfect?
Name any couple who don't have issues??
That's when u will know that marriage matter no be "let me rush in and be her superman"

If you are a law officer, then your thinking is a disgrace to the uniform you are wearing.

I repeat: No matter what she said or did, he still has no right to beat her up. What if she died? I know a man who threw his wife down from the balcony of their flat, and she died. After he was arrested, his eyes cleared.

There is no marriage without issues, but any marriage that involves violence should be nullified. Life has NO duplicate. If that battered woman was your sister or daughter, would you still be supporting the lousy man who beat her to a pulp??

GrabHisBalls:
Why don't you and your husband mind your business? Your husband went too far by going to report that man on his own accord. If that environment isn't safe for your son, take him elsewhere and stop meddling in matters you shouldn't. When this woman needs your help, she'll contact you. For now, it's obvious she doesn't need one.

To you guys, she has a thousand reasons to leave, but in her head, she's stuck up there. Thinking of how to raise her children alone without a job, if she leaves. The best you can do for her is to help her start thinking of how to get something doing to be liberated

You must be stupid for talking like this. Someones life is in danger. I lost a dear aunt from a similar case.

It is this same "mind your business" that has destroyed this country and given the elites and politicians so much power cos they know people like you will mind their business and not fight.

computergeek:
Of course my son will not be returning there, and we're in Enugu state.

Haaa east,east is well known for domestic violence dear.guess the guy is an anambra man.the guys with over bloted ego.

CeterisXVII:

If you are a law officer, then your thinking is a disgrace to the uniform you are wearing.

I repeat: No matter what she said or did, he still has no right to beat her up. What if she died? I know a man who threw his wife down from the balcony of their flat, and she died. After he was arrested, his eyes cleared.

There is no marriage without issues, but any marriage that involves violence should be nullified. Life has NO duplicate. If that battered woman was your sister or daughter, would you still be supporting the lousy man who beat her to a pulp??

Don't worry, you can stay behind ur keypad and be the judge and jury until we meet in person.
People like u usually find out very late, that too much talk is even an offense in this country.

fykes:
Don't worry, you can stay behind ur keypad and be the judge and jury until we meet in person.
People like u usually find out very late, that too much talk is even an offense in this country.

You call saving a battered person's life "too much talk?" I repeat: You are a disgrace to the law enforcement uniform that you wear. It is your kind of mindset, that makes domestic violence to thrive in our society.

Stay out of it so that, that mad man does not come for your family. Just find a way to send message to her sister or brother if she has any to come to the hospital. Tell them to say that they went to her house and neighbors said she was in the hospital.

It’s up to her family to take up the matter and, if she insists on staying with the man and dying there then there is nothing anybody can do. We all choose our paths in life and I believe she’s an adult?

Police should stop seeing domestic violence cases as a case that can be dropped. That is outrageous. Once there is evidence of the fact, investigations and prosecution for at least assault and battery should commence immediately.

Make sure you take the time to discuss with your son, what he witnessed. How that behavior is inappropriate and very bad. You will need to watch him closely because you exposed your son to such a terrible environment. How could you take him back after that first incident? You need cane for that!

computergeek:
Thanks Ishi. That's my problem. When I called the fool on phone you need to hear the anger in his voice as he threatened to kill her. Thank God my phone auto records calls. That man is so violent that he can snap a wall in two. I feel bad my son had to witness the beating. I'll just keep him preoccupied with things that make him happy so he can forget this awful ordeal. What her own kids are going through is beyond me. Trying times mehn.

If they ever reconcile and she gets back to her husband's house, advice her against any direct confrontation with her husband in the meantime.

I will advise you to withdraw the case because you and your husband might regret the consequence. the only help you can rendered to the woman is to find a way to reach any of her family member. let them handle the case as it pleases them


help must have limitation. don't trade your family peace of mind for charity

@Computergeek,

My immediate concern is your family's attitude to the traumatic experience your child had. In your statement, you wrote that you told the boy to forget about the experience.

It may not be to you but that is dismissing his experience and downplaying the serious effects of the event. You and your husband will need to do an in-depth search about the workings of the brain.

My advice is that you get help for your son to adequately and professionally process the experience. If not dealt with appropriately now, it may start haunting him in form of flashbacks down the lane.

Your talk is not enough. He needs a professional help to process the event.

You should know by now most Nigerians don't have sense. Anyone telling you to mind your business when a life is involved is a very big fool. "Mind your business", "mind your business" is one of the reasons Nigeria is like this. There is a certain bad road around Kaduna axis that had claimed the lives of too many people as a result of accidents. The govt didn't prioritize repairing that road until a very prominent commissioner (or so I think) lost his life and that of his son on that same road in an accident.

The point is this, you should do your best because there is absolutely nothing more precious than a human life. Do what you should do if it were your sister in that situation.

computergeek:
So many contrasting pieces of advice here. This is a wawu case. Mynd44, Lalasticlala, yours handworks are needed.

Some people sef, na another person matter dem go carry for head like ALABARU!
- You have removed your son from danger.
- You have tried to remove the woman from the situation, as you described it.
- That she, as an adult, has told you "Thank You, mind your business", that is not enough for yo and you labelled it " a syndrome" since to you, she just must accept your offer to arrest her husband!
This woman has a "free choice" of leaving her matrimonial home or remaining, she chose to remain and that is making Aprokos go crazy?

Why the heck are some people so fixated on the ruin of others?

Stop injecting yourselves into toher people's marital issues, let them sort themselves out or where you there when they met and decided to marry?
I hope this serves as a lesson to those who allow others into their homes, to the point tha they begin to pry into their marital affairs.
There are alot of evil people out there, whose only life ambition os to destroy as many homes as possible.
Ediots and bone-heads that know nothing about marriage, pretending and calling themselves marriage counsellors.
Just watch as they would gather on my post, like say l am the cause of their frustration.

You're a mad man. I pray such happens to you.

BRATISLAVA:
nobody is asking to hear his side of the story. Maybe she's a nag. Maybe she opened legs for another man. It could be that her tongue is acid and the man reacted. These women can make a kitten become a tiger with their mouths. Who knows if she hit him first. She set him up. Where are the men with these questions? Waiting for them.

Computergeek she has opened up to you a little by revealing that her husband beat her because she confronted him about a lady he is moving around with. You can use this opportunity to find out:

1. if that is the ONLY reason for the beatings.

2. if the man still does his duties as a father/husband.


If the affair is the reason for the beatings, then you can advise her not to confront her husband about it anymore for the sake of her life and children. She needs to bear it for now. Meanwhile, encourage her to start seeking ways to equip herself financially so that if the husband doesn't change and she feels she can no longer stomach his ways, she will feel confident enough to separate from him.

In all, let her remain prayerful.

You need to be with your fellow mad people at yabaleft. Allow sane people to discuss.

BRATISLAVA:
the battered woman is confused from the battering. She is in love. It's her dear hubby. She must cover him. She's building and holding her family.

Marriage has eroded the brains of some foolish women. She will pray it back to normal.

Why are you making contrasting comments?

BRATISLAVA:
her kids are already damaged. But the good news is that one of two things will happen, 1. They will see the beastly nature of their father and swear never to be like him or in their mothers position, or 2. It will be so normal to them that they will suffer as their mother or become woman batterers like their father

OP, I can see you really love your friend. Here is what you will do for her. Let her talk to somebody she can trust, she has the choice whether to stay or not, let her get a counsellor or do it for her, she should not infuriate him, she should get a help line. I wrote an article on how to protect yourself from domestic violence a long time ago in my blog. Go to the search engine and search domestic violence: www.securitymattersafrica.com

Like your mother?

AK481:

Out of all the men she has tried to date ,this one is fucking her well.

A woman once told me that ,a man’s handsomeness,riches, tallness,intelligence,smartness,degree,funniness ,loveliness ,romantic ness is “just “ an added advantage over a man that can Bleep well.

So a woman will prefer a man that can Bleep over her own life

Foolish creatures

GrabHisBalls:
Why don't you and your husband mind your business? Your husband went too far by going to report that man on his own accord. If that environment isn't safe for your son, take him elsewhere and stop meddling in matters you shouldn't. When this woman needs your help, she'll contact you. For now, it's obvious she doesn't need one.

To you guys, she has a thousand reasons to leave, but in her head, she's stuck up there. Thinking of how to raise her children alone without a job, if she leaves. The best you can do for her is to help her start thinking of how to get something doing to be liberated

"When Hand-Shake starts reaching towards the Elbow, it has become something else, an Arrest"

They wont listen to pure advice like this!
These "helpers" (or ruiners) of destiny want to help the woman, by force, by fire!
Imagine! You want to help somebody, the person says "Am okay, thank you for the offer".
You said: "No, l must help you by force, by fire".
The person said: I know things are not looking very good but l am okay and can still manage on my own.
You then said: Noo, l must escalate this further by involving the Police?

Are you saying the person you are trying to help (an adult with sane mind), does not know the way to the Police station or does not have a phone to call the Police helpline, if need be?
Oh, l forgot, anyone tha does not allow you to meddle in their family issues (while yo left yours unattended), must be suffering from some fancy word invented in Stockholm!

"Mind Your Business" nor be Abuse o, APROKO dey kill sometimes.
If you destroy that man's marriage for your own selfish reasons, it is not just the man that will come after you and your family members, his wife will also do same......and that would be a legitimate endeavor.

The way some of you talk baffles me?


Christianity is the only religion that tells a man to love to love his wife even to the point of dying for her. Yes that is what it means when the Bible says, "men love your wife's, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it".

Christianity is also the only religion that says when a man married his wife, they two become one. This means that whatever you can't do to yourself, you shouldn't do to her and vice versa. It means both should be selfless towards to one another.

So please, how does Christianity encourage men to be unreasonable?

Graxie:
Inside life, go on facebook and see how women justify cheating and battering from their husbands. You will hear things like, yours is better, I pay the house rent, food and school fees, he brings nothing but I am praying he will change. Some will say, all men are the same don't leave your marriage. Christianity has even made it more impossible for some men to be reasonable. I think you should tell her family, don't withdraw the case. For a man to be this ruthless, it shows the marriage foundation is faulty. How about his family? Why doesn't she want to involve them?

You're a big mumu.

You insulted her and all women including your mother and now that you're insulted back you're crying and screaming bullying.

Brother wey mumu.

AK481:


@ seun ,why is she insulting me in a talk that I didn’t call her.can you please stop this bullying?

Anyway,I have said my own, everybody knows it.

Jesus Christ!!!

Also had a neighbor who used an iron rod on his wife and she nearly lost her eyes. My dad called the police on the man when he beat her so badly one time and she was bleeding profusely.
When my bro went to their house day following screams of the wife, he found the man with a weapon and she was on the floor in a pool of her own blood. They're separated now though.

Turned out his wife wasn't his only victim. He had "wa boys" who he beat up mercilessly. One one occasion he beat one up with a dog chain at about midnight and the dude ran to my house at that midnight to seek succour.

Wickedtruths:
I had a neighbour who killed his wife after years of beatings. He pushed her down the stairs and she cracked her skull.

He was a CSP of Police at that time and was arrested. Next thing we heard was that he ran away from the station and was never found.