efavour:
Abeg hire caterer. Am sure you have little kids which is stressful enough.Even my 5 people get together for my girl stressed the hell out of me, I didn't do the cooking oh, their father payed for caterer to deliver food but decorating amid crying and messy kids is hell on its own.I vowed that I won't be doing the decorations next time just like your wife, that is why we have vendors for everything.

Saintmary:

Cooking is not the problem here, but the mentality that women are born to cook!
Everyone should cook, especially people who can't afford helps and caterers!
He was trying to use the good woman angle on me, which will not fly.
Na so so good woman she go dey form until she drops out of exhaustion. God forbid.

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Ode.

SIRTee15:


Ok lets get something clear. Cooking in the home is the primary responsibility of the wife.
A woman has no business getting married if she doesn't want to be cooking on regular basis. Such a lady should stay single for life.
I don't understand where all this nonsense is coming from.
because last time I check, married white women ( u guys are trying too hard to copy) cook for their home, they cook for friends who come visiting and cook for family gathering/reunion.
There are thousands of youtube vlogs dedicated to married white women culinary skills in the kitchen.

Asian, Arab and latin women cook for their families without issues.
It's only in Africa that black women wants to turn modernity on its head with their warped feminist ideology that makes no sense.
I don't even see this as feminism...rather what I can perceive is a lazy but entitled generation trying to avoid responsibility.

It's not by force to marry, stay single if u don't like the responsibility that comes with it.

CanadianNaija:


It is not my fault that you’re frustrated, and your life is not worth living.
Take the easy way out and end it, Nigeria is overpopulated you won’t be missed.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

SmileDance:
I will give an advise when you answer my questions
1. Who will serve the 18-25 men after she cooks for them?
2. Who will pack the plates after the 18-23 men have finished eating?
3. Who will wash the dishes and clean the house after the 18-25 men have left?
Are you sure some of the 18-25 men will not eventually feel entitled to having your wife cook for them later on?
4. Are you sure you are not bringing see finish into your house laidis

If na me them wan force make she cook laidis if the men no chop rat poison na small e go remain. I'm just saying my own

CAPSLOCKED:
ONE OF THE MOST USELESS THREADS IN THE HISTORY OF THE FORUM, CREATED BY AN EQUALLY USELESS MAN.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

LadyExcellency:


Please, I beg you. The op is not at fault. What you see and read here is corruption of African values by Western European feminists copycats.

If the Op was anywhere around my locality, I will mobilize my friends and we will go and give him societal dishes.

Gantofi:
This is by far a very shallow advice, so you expect the OP to beg his wife to cook . For God's sake this is an event that happens just once in a year . That's absolute rubbish even God knows I can't take this shit from my future wife.

Even after the husband has invited an helping hand that also includes him too, it's either they are underlying cracks in the marriage or the wife is just been stubborn either way OP if I were you I'd pay her back in her own coin if I eventually call a caterer or serve snacks

CAPSLOCKED:


I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING BUT THERE'S NO WAY I'M MAKING MY PREGNANT WIFE COOK FOR A BUNCH OF GLUTTONS. IF I CAN'T AFFORD CATERING SERVICES I'LL TAKE A LOAN, OR DISSAPOINT ALL THOSE INVOLVED ALTOGETHER.

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE IS SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. THE WIFE HAS A WILL THAT SHOULD BE RESPECTED SOMETIMES (IF NOT ALL THE TIME) AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WESTERN VALUES OR FEMINISM. THIS IS JUST COMMON SENSE. IF I HAVE A MAID AND SHE CAN'T DO A CHORE BECAUSE IT'S HECTIC, IT'S SOMETHING WE CAN TALK THROUGH INSTEAD OF NAILING HER HEAD. WE'RE ALL HUMANS!

Image123:


There are underlying problems in the marriage which the Lady is reacting to. Who knows how many nos the man has said to the woman only to bring this undiscussed unwarranted meeting up. Who knows how many faces she does not want to see talk less of cook for. This is 2020, even pikin now has some say in the family. You can't just go and finish discussion and party with church members then come back home to order your servants to carry it out and entertain your bros in the lord.

CAPSLOCKED:


I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING BUT THERE'S NO WAY I'M MAKING MY PREGNANT WIFE COOK FOR A BUNCH OF GLUTTONS. IF I CAN'T AFFORD CATERING SERVICES I'LL TAKE A LOAN, OR DISSAPOINT ALL THOSE INVOLVED ALTOGETHER.

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE IS SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. THE WIFE HAS A WILL THAT SHOULD BE RESPECTED SOMETIMES (IF NOT ALL THE TIME) AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WESTERN VALUES OR FEMINISM. THIS IS JUST COMMON SENSE. IF I HAVE A MAID AND SHE CAN'T DO A CHORE BECAUSE IT'S HECTIC, IT'S SOMETHING WE CAN TALK THROUGH INSTEAD OF NAILING HER HEAD. WE'RE ALL HUMANS!

Saintmary:

Which part of "cooking is not a problem" do you not understand?
Interesting enough, I love treating my family to delicacies (on a steady basis) and I'm not even married yet!
What makes you think you have the authority to decide what my husband and I will do in our own home (who are you again?)?
Oga, face the man who can't run his home properly and leave my matter out of it!

SmileDance:
who were it up to o? It were up to who? It were not up to you to decide how your home is run? I were not understanding

SirMichael1:


It's a monthly get together ran every other month. Different men (about 20) host the get together. That is, the next time it will be my turn, the remaining 19 other men must have hosted it and that will be in the next 1year and 8months.

CanadianNaija:


Abeg she’s right to refuse. You’re just inconsiderate.
Did you plan to invite people with her or you just invited them and informed her as the cook you have at home?

You think she doesn’t have a life because she’s married to you? You like to play host but you don’t have money.

Just go and hire a caterer and stop stressing the woman abeg!

LadyExcellency:


She is not pregnant now. It was during the last turn.

Moreover, is pregnancy a burden? Do you know how many children I have?

Tell her to cook for her bosses in the bank or place of work and see how happy she will be doing it for free.

SIRTee15:


Any woman who thinks she's not born to cook for her family should not marry but remain single for life
Simple.
This is not about u and your husband.
But about enforcing strong family values n entrenching healthy communal fellowship.
African feministas should not come n destroy traditional values that's proven valid n trusted for thousands of years because of their laziness n entitled mentality.
Western feminist who detest family responsibility simply stay away from the marriage institution. I don't know why that's so difficult for our African feminists to copy. Rather than getting married n becoming headache for everybody.

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

Sarah20A:
who will do the serving and the cleaning?

sharpwriter:


Dear, he may not be trolling. In one church I attended while in Ibadan (a RCCG Church), it's the same pattern. In fact, I was initially tempted to ask him if he resides in Ibadan. It was the first of its kind I will see in RCCG.

Unless OP took up someone else's story to come troll for here.

Sarah20A:
I'm not wishing you bad but na small small e take dey start.

Think with your brain not religion

You might not know how stressful cooking for over 20 people is so please try to understand and respect her feelings