jennykadry: @freecocoa
Very wrong. That's what nollywood wives do, they seize the car keys, cell phone etc. Stop it. If you have to seize things to get his attention, then something is not right.

That was the first time I did such and won't do it again since I now know its wrong.

ileobatojo: @ Pak. This type of epistle you typed is not consistent with your 'joke' that you don't want to argue with a woman.

The premise of that joke is that women are usually far better at argument and discussions than men. Nothing derogatory was intended.
Jeez !!!!!!

ileobatojo:
I deliberately did not answer you anymore because of that because I believed you were not interested in going back and forth about the issue. I also, apparently wrongly, believed that you understood what I was trying to say. So just imagine my shock at seeing this kind of long story on top of a simple matter. My point simply was; at the time you made your post about emotional abuse, you simply did not have enough evidence to make that claim since you didn't know what happened. - Proverbs 18-17

1. The phrase she said he made is something an average man will hardly ever utter, unless he is very hurt.
2. I have always been an advocate of giving fair chance to both parties in issues. Even before her posts, something told me that this was one case were we had to look at things roundly. Its always dangerous to advice ppl before hearing a full story. And my little experience has told me that when someone is telling a story, stand a little bit towards the side of the other person(the party that's not around) and you'll most likely get the proper perspective.

ileobatojo:




Thanks for exposing yourself though.

Maybe I need an education here

freecocoa: That was the first time I did such and won't do it again since I now know its wrong.

Now we know you were culpable too. If only other posters will be this sincere.

Men are not wizards, don't expect them to read your mind, you want something open your mouth and ask, games and schemes are childish.
If you asked and he didn't answer or respond simply let him be. Don't dare or force him, don't threaten, don't start blackmailing him with tears.
If you want to be taken seriously then act the part.
I will scold you because I see you as my younger sister, to get the best out of anyone you too have to give your best, we learn and grow. I hope you learn from that, because na from grabbing gamepad e dey enter jack him collar. I dare say you were the abusive one that day

FreeCocoa, you are one of the best persons, I've ever met. God Bless you.


Wish you all the best in your relationship too.

pak:
The premise of that joke is that women are usually far better at argument and discussions than men. Nothing derogatory was intended.

I knew exactly that's exactly what you meant. I'm not sure why you think I didn't get it. In the spirit of the lightheartedness, I decided not to press the issue further.

1. The phrase she said he made is something an average man will hardly ever utter, unless he is very hurt.

I doubt that any man, average or not will make that statement unless they are very hurt. The question is what things make them very hurt? For some, it may be emotional abuse, for others it is forgetting to kneel down to present water to wash his hands. Once again, you could not have concluded she was emotionally abusive without evidence.

Maybe I need an education here

Eh. Won't waste my energies.

debrief08: Men are not wizards, don't expect them to read your mind, you want something open your mouth and ask, games and schemes are childish.
If you asked and he didn't answer or respond simply let him be. Don't dare or force him, don't threaten, don't start blackmailing him with tears.
If you want to be taken seriously then act the part.
I will scold you because I see you as my younger sister, to get the best out of anyone you too have to give your best, we learn and grow. I hope you learn from that, because na from grabbing gamepad e dey enter jack him collar. I dare say you were the abusive one that day

How the tables have turned .
Thanks a lot, if I knew any better I'd probably not have acted that way, I didn't snatch the pad while he was using it though, anyways I'm glad my eyes are now open to somethings but that doesn't change the fact that he has anger issues that needs to be worked on.

pak: FreeCocoa, you are one of the best persons, I've ever met. God Bless you.


Wish you all the best in your relationship too.

Thank you again, amen to your wishes and may the same be your portion.

whats going on with this thread

ileobatojo: By the way



I can and I have. And I wasn't trying to defuse any tension, she was simply chatting pure shyte!

jennykadry: @pak

I have walked my boss out of my office before.

I have walked out on my boss on several occasion

Ok, you can continue

Guitarlife: Now we know you were culpable too. If only other posters will be this sincere.

Of course I've said countless time that I have a sharp mouth but I will never hit my man first but will probably hit back.

cotton101: whats going on with this thread

Cotton, do you have some time to give more insights into your story? When, how did the abuse start, did you know prior to marriage? How bad was it? What was the tipping point that made you leave?

freecocoa: Of course I've said countless time that I have a sharp mouth but I will never hit my man first but will probably hit back.

Freecocoa, no need to keep explaining yourself. You have learnt from that experience and made the right conclusions not to do those types of things anymore. Kudos for that.

ileobatojo:

Freecocoa, no need to keep explaining yourself. You have learnt from that experience and made the right conclusions not to do those types of things anymore. Kudos for that.

Okay sir.

freecocoa: Okay sir.

Lol. It 'ma' o.

Come now! Let's give people some credit, I doubt anyone is reading this thread and going wow all men are beasts. Kill all men! Don't get married because marriage is baaaaad!

While I understand what Guitarlife is trying to do, I don't think this is the right thread for it because the thread is clearly....CLEARLY about those who were abused. Why in earth would we expect anyone to come here to talk about how their husbands doctorate the ground they walk on with rose petals and man made snow flakes every morning? This is ABUSE....The men or women who do the abusing are beasts. Again this is about ABUSERS not about ALL MEN OR ALL WOMEN OR ALL MARRIAGES.

Now if we were talking marriage in general and we had a bunch of people talking about their abusive spouses then the balancing act is understandable but you can't come to a thread about abuse and complain that there is only talk about....errr....Abuse and not talk about fairy take endings.

In an effort to "Balance" things, Guitarlife has rubbished these women's experiences. He has derided them and practically blamed them for their abuse....I am sorry but how's that different from the MO of the Abusers these women escaped from? Not saying he is an abuser....don't know him after all but his actions on this thread have a hint of it.

@Ihe
If you don't wanna wake up one morning and find yourself in a lab waiting to be cloned....then you gotta stop typing coz dude the more you speak...the better case you make for a mass IHE CLONING PROGRAM.

A friend of mine who happens to be a nairalander was slapped on the face by the boss. When I heard it, I went mad, infact I could not believe it. How I wish I was there . That man must be dealing with his wife physically at home. What demon will possess my boss to land me slap on the face? Them never born that person well, jus chat Shyte and you are out of my sight

ileobatojo:

Lol. It 'ma' o.

Ewoo, no vex ma o,

jennykadry: A friend of mine who happens to be a nairalander was slapped on the face by the boss. When I heard it, I went mad, infact I could not believe it. How I wish I was there . That man must be dealing with his wife physically at home. What demon will possess my boss to land me slap on the face? Them never born that person well, jus chat Shyte and you are out of my sight

Ah this one small, a family friends daughter was beaten mercilessly by her boss for reporting late to work\ trying to explain why when he was yelling at her, and to think that the girl was just a youth corper o doing her primary assignment in the company. The matter still dey court na, just imagine how that man go dey panel beat him wife.
My sister this abuse matter is everywhere.

...JK started this thread with a clearly stated aim. Can't say for sure that I got it, but let me not second guess and accept that at face value. As ever on NL threads tend to morph and expand - not necessarily a bad thing - going places not originally intended. Do we insist on a narow focus (can we?) or do we let the convo flow as it will and hope that it will be edifying either way?

Not sure I appreciated what apeared to be an atrtempt at exclusion/censorship either. If people are "trolling", unless it's crude and expletive, please let them say. Show maturity by ignoring the base and vulgar. They'll soon seek greener pastures. There'a danger that troll my be re-interpreted to read "dissenting voice". Let as many wishing to join issues do so and in their own way. No one os forced to post or to respond to posts.

So what's the point? What will be achieved here? Whilst it may not be a "pity party" as db08 likes to say, I am not sure that it has developed beyond mere "jist". Where are the insights? the exposition of truths, the well articulated worldviews, the game-changing POV's?

By halfway, the only concrete proposition was for women to "have an independant source of income". I thank ftmom and the other lady on mat leave (apologies for forgetting your name) for fully debunking that fallacy.

Any discussion on abuse in marriage and it's remedies, especially with divorce as an option will expand to touch on the foundation of the marital union. Take it or leave it. Divorce - excuse the pun - cannot be divorced from marriage. Marriage gains nothing from divorce, but divorce draws it's strength from weak marriages.

Funnily enough this can be wrapped up with by piecing together comment that has already been made and it's concerning to see that that hasn't been spotted. I'm going to make my submissions here based on what has already been posted. Please set me straight if I misquote or misascribe anything to you. I say "you" as I'll be speaking to posters either individually or collectively. I'll be challenging and alleging. Please fell free to rebut.

Thanks
TV

freecocoa: Ah this one small, a family friends daughter was beaten mercilessly by her boss for reporting late to work\ trying to explain why when he was yelling at her, and to think that the girl was just a youth corper o doing her primary assignment in the company. The matter still dey court na, just imagine how that man go dey panel beat him wife.
My sister this abuse matter is everywhere.

Kid me not and say what? free cocoa stop telling me these kin stories abeg because it is not funny . When this friend of mine told me, I went bonkers. I used all the swear words I knew on this planet earth including those I hated so much. How dare a boss hit me? See how these men get away with things like this.

These silly men dey fear face, i keep saying it. My first year post grad, i met this guy that was such a bully, people were terrified of him. We got into an argument and before I could say jac Robinson he was standing so close to me that our nose was touching literally, let me go now for where, I moved left he moved with me, moved right he did same. For five minutes and I did not have my phone on me so couldn't even ring the police. People came to drag him away but for where. The way I pushed him out of my way, I swear I would pay a million dollars to see him fall again hard on the floor. You think say I be woman you wan intimidate me. ,I had not been that angry in a long time since my therapy session with my husband . You know when you are walking but have no idea where you are going to? Na that anger I experience. As if it wasn't enough for me, I went looking for him, found him with a Zimbabwean doctor and dragged his shirt from behind until he was facing me, then I told him never to repeat that again, even my own father that brought me into this world and my husband that paid for all the cartons of beer we used in our wedding has never been in my face like that. Till I Finished my first 12 months, never had issues with him again, ever.


Another one was going to Alaba once for one kain business and the trader dey carry me play football, I walked out got into the car and drove off, he thought I had gone to buy my roasted plantain and red oil sauce when he waited and did not see me, he called me and asked where I was, told him I was at home, the guy begin rake for phone as he started the loud voice I used in shouting at him "Heyyyyyyyyyyyy stop it right there and shut it", the guy froze on the phone, how dare you talk to me like you are talking to a child, how dare you?"



Shut it I say,, shut it you effing eediotssss

What is the point of all these guys feeling they are debunking something? Some people do not like confrontation because they react violently when pushed to the wall. Trust me, if someone was in my face I would walk away. If someone was talking and I can't get a word in, I would walk away. If you are making arguments for the sake of starting up a fight I would walk the hell away. Some people don't understand the value of peace. There are many drama kings that don't understand SILENCE. Whatever freecocoa did for attention did not warrant his reaction. As mature people looking into entering the marriage institution in the future, keep your damn hands to yourself. If your girlfriend likes unnecessary attention and gets on your nerves tell her. Even if she walks away, let her. Don't put your hands on her and don't justify that action. If she doesn't stop, dump her and find someone else that is not so attention seeking. Silent treatment is also abuse. As mature people in a relationship with 2 individuals involved, openness should be key! Never silent treatment, that is for the immature and retarded. If anyone gets physical with me, I warn them seriously because I know in physical fights I will just go totally mad! It takes a whole lot for me to get to that point and I won't stop till I feel I have gotten my pound of flesh. And you dare not hit me and sleep by me or eat my food. Because that will be your final day.

...is each thread on this section individually vacuum-sealed?

Let me start with Deepwater (I think it is), Baby123 and Freecocoa.

Three young and seemingly together women, of or around university age. On average, I don't belive it would be a disservice to consider them amongst the more exposed and priveleged in our particular context. And here they are, in abusive relationships (appreciate 2 are ostensibly over). In fact, Baby123, if I rightly recall was quite bullish about her high sense of self esteem. More worrying as there are no vows, no kids and no financial dependance here

What hard questions where asked on this thread about those 3 instances? Where did they go wrong. Forget "coming out alive/unharmed" how did they get into that kind of situation in the first place?

Let me be clear non of the girls or their alleged "abusers" are mature or well-adjusted enough to be in adult relationships. Not advice. Just comment.

Freecocoa. Not sure if anyone has explicitly said end it, but I am. I'm also saying grow up first before you embark on a fully fledged relationship. Particuarly where you effectively have freedom to do as you choose. Was sexual intimacy a factor in any of these relationships? Regardless.

There was a "superstory" type thread raised a while back about a controlling mother and her 20 year old college daughter. Regardless of it's being true/not true, it made for a lively discussion. I raised some questions, to which no one proffered answers. Funny isn't it? The same people there advocating unfettered liberty - freedom - for 20 year old university kids because they are "adults with rights" are the same one's here unable to properly support or task those same "adults" as they get abused for free.

I'll conclude on this point later.

Best
TV

Forgive me if this has been addressed in previous pages, I did not read most of the pages -

Has anyone defined abuse? A few pages back, I thought I saw the story of someone who once beat up a girl in primary school and another person said her boyfriend once slapped/beat his ex. I ask this question so that women/men do not begin to misinterprete the concept and lose good partners due to "inaccurate diagnosis."

I haven't looked up the meaning of abuse but I suspect there would be more to it than the beast that exists in each of us, showing face on an isolated occassion.

TV01: ...is each thread on this section individually vacuum-sealed?

Let me start with Deepwater (I think it is), Baby123 and Freecocoa.

Three young and seemingly together women, of or around university age. On average, I don't belive it would be a disservice to consider them amongst the more exposed and priveleged in our particular context. And here they are, in abusive relationships (appreciate 2 are ostensibly over). In fact, Baby123, if I rightly recall was quite bullish about her high sense of self esteem. More worrying as there are no vows, no kids and no financial dependance here

What hard questions where asked on this thread about those 3 instances? Where did they go wrong. Forget "coming out alive/unharmed" how did they get into that kind of situation in the first place?

Let me be clear non of the girls or their alleged "abusers" are mature or well-adjusted enough to be in adult relationships. Not advice. Just comment.

Freecocoa. Not sure if anyone has explicitly said end it, but I am. I'm also saying grow up first before you embark on a fully fledged relationship. Particuarly where you effectively have freedom to do as you choose. Was sexual intimacy a factor in any of these relationships? Regardless.

There was a "superstory" type thread raised a while back about a controlling mother and her 20 year old college daughter. Regardless of it's being true/not true, it made for a lively discussion. I raised some questions, to which no one proffered answers. Funny isn't it? The same people there advocating unfettered liberty - freedom - for 20 year old university kids because they are "adults with rights" are the same one's here unable to properly support or task those same "adults" as they get abused for free.

I'll conclude on this point later.

Best
TV

I am not that young. So not a kid. That happened many years ago. If you think I was bullish, your own cup of tea. You can exclude me and keep your opinion for others. Am doing just fine the way I am, and am very successful in every facet of my life. Insecure and immature men will not make it with me. I have about 3 proposals at the moment. Of course I love my guy and not changing him for no one. No one needs to roll over and die because they want to be married. Real men will appreciate a real woman. A lot of men see me as a challenge, because I will never sell myself short to be unhappy. My story was for others to know and learn how to differenciate unhealthy obsessive love, and the real deal. Also for mothers to be vigilant. Where do you even get off deciding who is old enough to be in a relationship? You judge too much to be taken seriously. Or does it amaze you that there are women who won't take the crap you dish at home? Seriously, give your advise to those that need it, because it is clearly unwarranted and overstepping boundaries.

Abuse is always related to control issues which I have noticed are not always anger issues

Sometimes I dont know which is a worse effect of abuse, eroding of self-esteem or violence.

I do recall a radio show on abuse when a man came and gave his story(his wife was the abuser)he didnt hit back just had to hold her back whenever she attacked him.He tried everything to save that marriage but her insecurities and jealousy were possessing her. She would through things around the house, troll his office,phone etc. Smash things up even to the point of throwing out a TV onto his car - wrecking it. She had mental issues thats what i'd say, he left cos he realised nothing he did was enough for her until she resolved her issues for herself.

@sisi_kill
LMAO @IHE cloning system...1st subscriber

In a normal courtship ( can't speak for whirlwind romances), there will be signs if your partner is prone to abuse, I know this because I am a woman too. You will see it in what impresses him, the way he acts, the things he does, how he treats you and other females, the things he says and how he says them. We will always have the rare exceptions who are able to hide it till after marriage but for the vast majority, we know when something is not quite right. If he's putting you down all the time and eroding your self esteem, what are you still doing there

As women, we are generally more tolerant of abusive men than men are of an abusive woman. In most cases of abuse, I'm pretty sure the women can pinpoint the red flags, the things he did and said before you came to this point. Do not be gullible and do not be desperate. 3 females in my larger family said "NO" before they walked down the aisle. In all 3 cases, wedding dates had been fixed and preparations were in full gear but they had the courage to back out.

You see, a woman needs the willpower/courage/confidence/determination, etc to get up and leave, especially BEFORE the wedding. Prevention is better than cure to avoid a lot of heartache down the road. The strength/conviction to walk comes from within, do not wait/ look for somebody to push you in the right direction and do not be bogged down by what somebody will think or say. Raise your head high and do what is best for you.

Thanks to TV01 and guitar (you have been naughty though) for opening up the discourse. Abuser and abusee- both are diseases. There would be no abusers without abusees.

some infomation
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence

Why does it happen?

All forms of domestic violence - psychological, economic, emotional and physical - come from the abuser's desire for power and control over other family members or intimate partners. Although every situation is unique, there are common factors involved.

Abusers come from all walks of life. They can come from any ethnic group, religion, class or neighbourhood. They may be older or younger. However, whilst they may also be any gender, the majority of perpetrators are men.

Since abusers typically display different kinds of behaviours in public than they do in their private relationships, most people are not usually aware of domestic violence when it is happening in their community. Sometimes, it is difficult to believe that a person who behaves so respectably in public can behave so appallingly with their family. This can sometimes make it even more difficult for women who are trying to reach out for support, as they may feel that they will not be believed when they speak out about the violence.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/warning_signs.html

of course there will be the people who still think its the victims fault, when there is a problem in a relationship no one is 100% to blame however, resorting to abuse is just a way of showing that the person has not developed adequate conflict resolution skills.

I don't really want to say much on a sunday about my story but having ur face and neck burnt by a cigarette, being pushed against the wall by ur neck cos u questioned the condoms found in the car (he was holding a bible with the other hand having just come back from all night vigil!! so he claimed!!, being punched and slapped cos u dared talk to a neighbour after being told he doesn't want u talking to anyone in the area, ie - u should depend solely on him for human contact, taking you phone and hiding your bag) u see the thing is you don't walk away after the first slap cos by that time the person has already run you down mentally plus add the love you still have for the person (it doesn't disappear overnight) its not that easy to leave.

anyway need to give the madam of the house her dinner - bye for now

cotton101: some infomation
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence

Why does it happen?

All forms of domestic violence - psychological, economic, emotional and physical - come from the abuser's desire for power and control over other family members or intimate partners. Although every situation is unique, there are common factors involved.

Abusers come from all walks of life. They can come from any ethnic group, religion, class or neighbourhood. They may be older or younger. However, whilst they may also be any gender, the majority of perpetrators are men.

Since abusers typically display different kinds of behaviours in public than they do in their private relationships, most people are not usually aware of domestic violence when it is happening in their community. Sometimes, it is difficult to believe that a person who behaves so respectably in public can behave so appallingly with their family. This can sometimes make it even more difficult for women who are trying to reach out for support, as they may feel that they will not be believed when they speak out about the violence.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/warning_signs.html

of course there will be the people who still think its the victims fault, when there is a problem in a relationship no one is 100% to blame however, resorting to abuse is just a way of showing that the person has not developed adequate conflict resolution skills.

I don't really want to say much on a sunday about my story but having ur face and neck burnt by a cigarette, being pushed against the wall by ur neck cos u questioned the condoms found in the car (he was holding a bible with the other hand having just come back from all night vigil!! so he claimed!!, being punched and slapped cos u dared talk to a neighbour after being told he doesn't want u talking to anyone in the area, ie - u should depend solely on him for human contact, taking you phone and hiding your bag) u see the thing is you don't walk away after the first slap cos by that time the person has already run you down mentally plus add the love you still have for the person (it doesn't disappear overnight) its not that easy to leave.

anyway need to give the madam of the house her dinner - bye for now

^^^^^^^

In some ways, I wish the topic did not include user ids but at the same time, those specifics bring home the message more effectively. Please, do not think of this as personal, there are millions of women suffering abuse so my posts are not to target you or your situation. Targeting people just derails the thread, that is not my style. My primary focus is the issue.

Ultimately, you are a survivor and maybe you can share what the red flags were or what signs you may have seen. Maybe you shared already in preceding pages or maybe you don't have the time or not in the mood-that is fine. As I said before, being an abusee is a disease in itself, which is why both parties need treatment. I am not blaming the victims.

I thank you for the links you posted.

cotton101:

I don't really want to say much on a sunday about my story but having ur face and neck burnt by a cigarette, being pushed against the wall by ur neck cos u questioned the condoms found in the car (he was holding a bible with the other hand having just come back from all night vigil!! so he claimed!!, being punched and slapped cos u dared talk to a neighbour after being told he doesn't want u talking to anyone in the area, ie - u should depend solely on him for human contact, taking you phone and hiding your bag) u see the thing is you don't walk away after the first slap cos by that time the person has already run you down mentally plus add the love you still have for the person (it doesn't disappear overnight) its not that easy to leave.

anyway need to give the madam of the house her dinner - bye for now

Good Heavens!!

Surely you must have seen some signs (red flags) prior to marrying him?

I think I should share the red flags in my relatives' experiences:

Person A: These 2 appeared to love each other very much but the guy's Mom was not always kind to my relative. Whenever the Mom complained to her son, he would go weeks ignoring his girl until she begged and begged. Eventually, she realized their love for each other was not enough to move on marriage and she left

Person B: He kept on talking about what a great catch he was and how she was very fortunate he had chosen her. He was very possessive about what he had, lots of "my this" my that" nothing about "our." He would boast about his accomplishments and make it seem she had nothing to contribute to the union. He also found it hard to appreciate any counsel or plans she had for their union. He was Mr know-it-all.

Person C: Something like 30 yrs ago, as I recall but it was around control issues


In each case, the women had jobs with good prospects and none of the abuse was physical. In the short term, the relationships may have worked out but these foundations were not strong enough for long term marriage.

I think in person C's situation, he cheated on her badly but as far as I know, the other 2 guys were faithful

TV01: ...JK started this thread with a clearly stated aim. Can't say for sure that I got it, but let me not second guess and accept that at face value.

Thank God it is still there. . . So quoting verbatim, she had some discussion with her Husband, to find out about people's experience of abuse "AND" how to help women overcome it. . .

So it is safe to "conclude" that a "balance" which Guitarlife was aiming for, is needed and relevant.

TV01:
As ever on NL threads tend to morph and expand - not necessarily a bad thing - going places not originally intended. Do we insist on a narow focus (can we?) or do we let the convo flow as it will and hope that it will be edifying either way?

Not sure I appreciated what apeared to be an atrtempt at exclusion/censorship either.

I wonder oh. Thanks for this, its an absolute gem. May your days be long.

TV01:
If people are "trolling", unless it's crude and expletive, please let them say. Show maturity by ignoring the base and vulgar. They'll soon seek greener pastures. There'a danger that troll my be re-interpreted to read "dissenting voice". Let as many wishing to join issues do so and in their own way. No one os forced to post or to respond to posts.

Again, succinctly stated. Yes Guitarlife touched on the "cabalites are at it again" issue, but seriously who takes such fictitious label seriously? Even Richvkunt who coined the term went about it in a tongue in cheek way and he got as good as he gave so what gives? And if it has already been determined that Guitarlife is a troll to be ignored, why the mass hysteria again and with such vigor too? Women!!!

TV01:
So what's the point? What will be achieved here? Whilst it may not be a "pity party" as db08 likes to say, I am not sure that it has developed beyond mere "jist". Where are the insights? the exposition of truths, the well articulated worldviews, the game-changing POV's?

Like the title said, the OP says she has got a few QUESTIONS to ask. . . Questions. . . Plural . . . Ya dig

TV01:
By halfway,

Halfway!!! Getting ahead of yourself ain't you, lol, what's to say this thread will not get to 100 pages huh What say we chill as well, and allow the OP to land

TV01: the only concrete proposition was for women to "have an independant source of income". I thank ftmom and the other lady on mat leave (apologies for forgetting your name) for fully debunking that fallacy.

Arrrrggggghhhhh, again for the umpteenth time, reference to financial angle was harped on and on and on and on and on, so that if women had to flee to save their lives albeit temporarily, lack of finance would not be an impediment to this matter of life and death.

TV01:
Any discussion on abuse in marriage and it's remedies, especially with divorce as an option will expand to touch on the foundation of the marital union. Take it or leave it. Divorce - excuse the pun - cannot be divorced from marriage. Marriage gains nothing from divorce, but divorce draws it's strength from weak marriages.

Which was what Guitarlife was trying to do with his check and balance post. . . Hence reason for his "look before you leap/what else do you expect a dog to do other than bark/etc exposition. . .

TV01:
Funnily enough this can be wrapped up with by piecing together comment that has already been made and it's concerning to see that that hasn't been spotted. I'm going to make my submissions here based on what has already been posted. Please set me straight if I misquote or misascribe anything to you. I say "you" as I'll be speaking to posters either individually or collectively. I'll be challenging and alleging. Please fell free to rebut.

Thanks
TV

Please do. And hey don't forget Guitarlife's submission too which hear seems to be the bone of contention and how I wish one particularly annoying-trying-to-be-relevant-person here would choke on it so she can zip it up