debrief08:
Okay I haff stop. Any opportunity to display my 14 inches shoes

only 14 inches - make sure na the one with red sole o! i don't care if na original red sole or u paint am

cotton101: madam debrief - falling in loff u want make mr man see this and start aking questions - i'm here trying to hook him up with one of my beautiful sisters and u are accusing me of having a crush - na wah for you o (just because nice guys are my weakness - see as u want open my ynash)

as i said mr ihedinobi (in fact why all this formaility) my in law - how far now, u know I must sit on the high table o! debrief if u stop these accusations and e-flogging i may invite u to their wedding

Love Nwantiti (phase 2) on this thread.

Looks like the trend here is, even after the heated back and forth arguments, by-fire-by-force a couple of e-love birds must definitely hook up before 12 midnight.

Last time was Sisi 'n Guitar (with John Doe as Best Man)

Next in line is Cotton 'n Oga Ihe (with Debrief as Chief Bride's maid)

Now whose gonna be next in line sef?

Still on signs/red flags:

A friend of a friend was dating this guy, a known womanizer. The guy would complain about her dress sense repeatedly and compare her to other women. He talked down to her and rubbished her opinions even though she had more education than he did. He was jealous of any achievements/successes she had. He came from an abusive home himself and the women of his family were not valued. They both had good careers and great income but the guy was in charge of the purse strings, he decided how the money got spent. No alarm bells went off because in her family, her Dad was in charge of the finances too so it didn't seem odd. When she would try to break off the relationship, he begged and pleaded and she would forgive and go back to him. This lady was about 30 at the time and was feeling like she was getting too old to start over with another suitor. Eventually, they got married but the marriage didn't last because he never changed.

As far as I know, there was no physical abuse- I say this again so that people will know abuse can also be non-physical but it's still abuse.

ftmom: Still on signs/red flags:

A friend of a friend was dating this guy, a known womanizer. The guy would complain about her dress sense repeatedly and compare her to other women. He talked down to her and rubbished her opinions even though she had more education than he did. He was jealous of any achievements/successes she had. He came from an abusive home himself and the women of his family were not valued. They both had good careers and great income but the guy was in charge of the purse strings, he decided how the money got spent. No alarm bells went off because in her family, her Dad was in charge of the finances too so it didn't seem odd. When she would try to break off the relationship, he begged and pleaded and she would forgive and go back to him. Eventually, they got married but the marriage didn't last because he never changed.

As far as I know, there was no physical abuse- I say this again so that people will know abuse can also be non-physical but it's still abuse.

On point. I also think this is very important and though there are no empirical evidences, it probably occurs more frequently and might have led to the break up of more marriages

Perhaps it's time to talk about solutions and prevention. This thread won't save every abused woman but if it saves even one; all 1000 pages would be worth it.

Chaircover once started a thread about building self esteem but it got derailed in the end. Something similar or even better would work wonders - not necessarily talking about how much self esteem we each have as individuals, but more about specific ways women can build up their self-esteem, preferably before they get to the point where they have to choose life partners.

My Dear Brothers, Sisters and Friends,
this
is a clarion call for your support for the
FLOOD VICTIMS IN KOGI & EDO STATE.
I plead
with you in the Name of Almighty God to send in your food items, clothing and
whatever you can afford to give to these
innocent victims of circumstance in my
beloved state. I know I can count on
your
support at such a time as this. Please call PASTOR FEMI OBALEMO MOVEMENT
(PFOM) for more details. We have set up
collection centres in Abuja, Lagos, Port
Harcourt, Lokoja, Kabba, London, Dallas
and Johannesburg for this purpose. The
number to call is +2348039719986. For centres in Edo & environs; Call
+2347037821279. May
the good Lord reward you bountifully as
you send in your support. May you never
be a victim of such in Jesus name, amen.
God bless you richly. We prefer clothing and food stuff. You
can use the money to buy these items
and send to our collection centre. Money
is not what we need to send to them.
Thganks.

cotton101: airpure - really really REALLY

even if i was rude (and i'm not saying I was) does that mean a man should beat you up drag u along the floor, burn your body and do all manner of things. I mean in my own experience his mouth was a lot worse than mine - someone who opened his mouth to tell me I had destroyed my womb when I was having a suspected miscarrige (we thank God it didn't happen), somone who knew I had a high risk pregnancy and would lock me in the house with no way of getting out if God forbid there was an emergency - someone who to this day and his child is almost 2 does not ask after her or provide for her - that is the person according to u was verbally abused.

You see looking back now I saw the signs but call it naivety but when You have never experienced domestic abuse or even heard about it within you family and extended family honestly I thought it was something I watched in movies - the closest I got to domestic abuse in my life was watching the julia roberts sleeping with the enemy movie. to be honest after a while you stop talking then u get slapped or verbally abused for being quiet - apparently being quiet was me being disrespectful.

Honestly I like keeping my sundays peaceful and making sure i'm always happy during the weekends as i work full time and feel like my daughter only sees a stressed out tired mother MOn- Fri and this ur post (coming from a woman) is slightly annoying.

my 2 cents

My Dear, I totally understand wat u went tru n don't judge u for it.I see my self as a realist so I take a 360 degree look at issues.I didn't state ur ex was verbally abused by u dear I just gave my general opinion on abuses. From wat is see now ur ex was d Devil himself

From my view point such hate as u ve described from ur ex don't happen over night 4 no just cos except ur ex is a mad man.burning wit Cigar etc. Most cases ve seen such happened in d followin:
1. Baby Came first n d man felt trapped into marriage. He den feels his wife ve outsmarted him n tries his all to punish u so u get fed up n leave.
2.He found out after d marriage dat he married a girl about town n didn knw d history of d gal he married n now is disgusted .
3.The woman is a verbal abuser that he sees as emasculating him whiCh he is fighting against.Nagging n all comes under here.
4. For some reason he doesn't trust his wife maybe its something she did or he heard.
5. The woman is a full Time housewife who he sees as a liability
ETC.

The point here is not just to educate about violence n divorce but I think should also be how to avoid getting into such marriages. N for younger peeps to learn they ve to see things fully.

For example wat were d signs u noticed that he could be abusive? When did d first abuse start?what lead to d abuse?what steps did u take to ensure it never occurred again?at some point before d cigar burn did u realize d love was completely gone? U see for me I wouldn ve waited till d cigar burn or that will be d last straw cos a man dat can do that can set u on fire. Really proud u got out alive n like I said in my first post on dis topic is that women like u should be given a trophy if possible.

FOr me if my hubby slaps me after the last one will probably leave him cos I nolonger do things to provoke a fight.

Wishing u all d best .

Domestic violence, also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, battering, family violence, and intimate partner violence (IPV), is defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, or cohabitation.[1] Domestic violence, so defined, has many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation.[1][2]

Above is from cotton's most recent link up there. I think I prefer the detailed definition in this particular link.

Airpure:


My Dear, I totally understand wat u went tru n don't judge u for it.I see my self as a realist so I take a 360 degree look at issues.I didn't state ur ex was verbally abused by u dear I just gave my general opinion on abuses. From wat is see now ur ex was d Devil himself

From my view point such hate as u ve described from ur ex don't happen over night 4 no just cos except ur ex is a mad man.burning wit Cigar etc. Most cases ve seen such happened in d followin:
1. Baby Came first n d man felt trapped into marriage. He den feels u ve outsmarted him n tries his all to punish u so u get fed up n leave.
2.He found out after d marriage dat he married a girl about town n didn knw d history of d gal he married n now is disgusted .
3.The woman is a verbal abuser that he sees as emasculating him whiCh he is fighting against.Nagging n all comes under here.
4. For some reason he doesn't trust u maybe its something u diD or he heard.
5. The woman is a full Time housewife who he sees as a liability
ETC.

I don't care that you think you're creating an awareness of some sort here.

Your post, especially the bolded is downright rude! Learn to express yourself in a much more sensitive way, without hurting peoples feelings.

You come across as a snide, snobbish piece of work.

Double post

sirabbey: Waoh! what a brilliant discourse on the issues of abuse in marriage and in the society at large. even though yours sincerely have been married for close to 3 years now, I have learnt so much and my eyes have been opened to new perspective that i dare say, I am a better person than i was before reading through this thread. That said, many issues have been thrashed here and i don't intend repeating them, but permit me to quote Honoré de Balzac, a french writer (1799 - 1850)who said "No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman".(Now don't rush signing up for anatomy class with jennyKadry or Pdude )The point here is that men and women are vastly different, so much so that they are deemed to come from two different planets (Men from mars and women from venus) and there must be a conscious effort by both sexes to study the other sex with the aim of understanding them in totality to the best of one's ability before venturing into marriage. (note I said other sex, not specifically your fiance or fiancee because at this stage you are wearing rose coloured lens known as love and your views and understanding may be skewed) Let me recommend Dr. John Gray book "Men are from mars and women are from Venus" as well as "Answers for your marriage" by Bruce and Carrol Britten.

[/b]Secondly many abuse in marriages are avoidable if only the party involve pay closer attention to the issue of communication.[b] communication is much more than dialogue between a husband and a wife, it is the life-blood of their relationship. In the words of the great Apostle Paul I Cor 13:11 (never mind if you are not a Christian, just pick the lessons) he said "When I was a child, I speak as a child, i understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man(or woman) I Put away childish things. This means a child will speak, then understand and then think. Now a child has got the sequence wrong because as a mature man/woman, the thinking has got to come first, which will pave way for understanding and then ultimately speech that will result to meaningful and healthy communication. what am getting at is that in marriage a man can not continue to talk with his wife the way he enjoys talking with "the boys" and not court trouble neither can a woman bring the kind of convo she relish with "the girls" at the saloon into her home and not have issues as well. This kind of convo as far as marriage is concerned are childish and should be outgrown or at best be reserved for the kind of audience that understands and appreciates it.
Finally we are all work in progress, and can only make progress with the help of our support base and in marriage no other support base is greater and closer than our spouse; and like the Yorubas will say, the owner of the load must be the first to make attempt at lifting his load if he/she expected to be help. We are all responsible for our actions and in-actions irrespective of the seemly effect we think other people have on us.

Great Point on avoidable conflict.respect n communication r key in marriage.

@ pak

I see you lurking how do we prevent?

Efemena_xy:

I don't care that you think you're creating an awareness of some sort here.

Your post, especially the bolded is downright rude! Learn to express yourself in a much more sensitive way, without hurting peoples feelings.

You come across as a snide, snobbish piece of work.

Whoaaaa I apologize to those concerned if u think I am targeting any1 its actually a generalized statement. Of scenarios that could lead to such abuse from most men's point of view. Cotton n Debrief I ve 120% respect for u guys cos not every1 ve d guts to do wat u did though I do.cos I don't care wat society tinks. However like I said I am tryin to understand n learn how to avoid divorce rather than when to get divorced.

Now Efe ur mentality is wat I also want to understand how did u get Snide n snobbish from my post. One of d problems that cause such issues is that people read too much meaning into stuffs n assume a lot. Too Verbal.

Efemena_xy:

I don't care that you think you're creating an awareness of some sort here.

Your post, especially the bolded is downright rude! Learn to express yourself in a much more sensitive way, without hurting peoples feelings.

You come across as a snide, snobbish piece of work.

The matter tire me, seems to me like she's just looking for reasons to justify abuse at some level.

Airpure:

Whoaaaa I apologize to those concerned if u think I am targeting any1 its actually a generalized statement. Of scenarios that could lead to such abuse from most men's point of view. Cotton n Debrief I ve 120% respect for u guys cos not every1 ve d guts to do wat u did though I do.cos I don't care wat society tinks. However like I said I am tryin to understand n learn how to avoid divorce rather than when to get divorced.

Now Efe ur mentality is wat I also want to understand how did u get Snide n snobbish from my post. One of d problems that cause such issues is that people read too much meaning into stuffs n assume a lot. Too Verbal.

I for one don't clearly understand your point, how are those reasons you stated good enough to excuse an abusive man?

freecocoa: I for one don't clearly understand your point, how are those reasons you stated good enough to excuse an abusive man?

I'm here scratching my head as well wondering if she's really blaming the victim or if I'm just not getting it.

ftmom: @ pak

I see you lurking how do we prevent?

As I never marry, I think it will be safer to just borrow cocoa's classic

freecocoa: Nna menh I don't even know what to say again, the whole thing done dey confuse me.

but on a more serious note

1. I think the issue of precautions before marriage can not be over flogged and has been dealt with extensively.

2. and from my little corner of the world, in marriage, I think

LOVE, RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, UNDERSTANDING , WILLINGNESS TO LEARN AND COMMON SENSE will go a long way.


Having someone (probably an elderly person, probably a counselor) to confide in won't be bad as long as it is not the wrong person. I might be wrong , am not married so . . . .

Airpure:

Whoaaaa I apologize to those concerned if u think I am targeting any1 its actually a generalized statement. Of scenarios that could lead to such abuse from most men's point of view. Cotton n Debrief I ve 120% respect for u guys cos not every1 ve d guts to do wat u did though I do.cos I don't care wat society tinks. However like I said I am tryin to understand n learn how to avoid divorce rather than when to get divorced.

Now Efe ur mentality is wat I also want to understand how did u get Snide n snobbish from my post. One of d problems that cause such issues is that people read too much meaning into stuffs n assume a lot. Too Verbal.

Please don't attempt to understand my mentality, whatever you think it is - I'd like to spare you getting brain f*a*g.

I just told you, I find the bolded bit of your post especially offensive!

Are you slow or what? How hard is it for you to comprehend that you don't use words like: Oh, you were probably abused because your ex discovered / thinks you were a girl about town and he was disgusted with you

Doesn't that sound stooopid, even to your ears? Do you think someone reeling from an abusive relationship needs to be likened to the terms "disgusting" and "girl-about-town"?

Who the frigging hell do you think you are?? Or you think you're better than them because you "endured" your slap in the typical Nollywood fashion??

freecocoa: I for one don't clearly understand your point, how are those reasons you stated good enough to excuse an abusive man?

Hmmmmnn I AM NOT EXCUSING AN ABUSIVE MAN.but trying to understand why n how d sweetheart married became d DEVIL when he is not mad ke. If people can understand stuffs like dat it will help avoid a lot of conflict.

Logic has to follow every story except is black magic if it makes sense to u that a man can burn his wife wit Cigar for no just cos it doesn't to me. If we don't understand these basic facts then no marriage is secure.

N check all my post on this topic I am 100% against violence of any kind.

I do not see any need to dignify Guitarlife's posts as a 'balanced view' but just something veering on chauvinism. A quote from him:

I find it quite melodramatic that we have a thread [b]celebrating [/b]the 'ones that got away'. Is this a newly devised means of soothing bruised egos ?

Being anti-this thread, doesn't constitute as 'balanced' in my books.

Airpure:

Hmmmmnn I AM NOT EXCUSING AN ABUSIVE MAN.but trying to understand why n how d sweetheart married became d DEVIL when he is not mad ke. If people can understand stuffs like dat it will help avoid a lot of conflict.

Logic has to follow every story except is black magic if it makes sense to u that a man can burn his wife wit Cigar for no just cos it doesn't to me. If we don't understand these basic facts then no marriage is secure.

N check all my post on this topic I am 100% against violence of any kind.

You are clearly not against violence, from what I understand by your post, there is a just cause for violence in some cases accept where the man is a certified mad man roaming the streets and that's somewhat worrisome cos you are obviously excusing violence, I think you need to reread your post and try to make meaning out of it.
So I got pregnant and had to end up with the man is a just cause for abuse? Menh babe your theory is really scary.

Efemena_xy:

Please don't attempt to understand my mentality, whatever you think it is - I'd like to spare you getting brain f*a*g.

I just told you, I find the bolded bit of your post especially offensive!

Are you slow or what? How hard is it for you to comprehend that you don't use words like: Oh, you were probably abused because your ex discovered / thinks you were a girl about town and he was disgusted with you

Doesn't that sound stooopid, even to your ears? Do you think someone reeling from an abusive relationship needs to be likened to the terms "disgusting" and "girl-about-town"?

Who the frigging hell do you think you are?? Or you think you're better than them because you "endured" your slap in the typical Nollywood fashion??

I hope am not going to be starting another round of flame war. But me thinks no need to sound so harsh.

I definitely do not agree with Airpure's second posts - Most (or probably all) abusers have a problem with themselves and cannot hide under the victim's behavior (or history) to justify their actions. Whatever the case might be.

but going on all out attack might only make her more defensive. She might seem to be drawing issues way back but probably be more advantageous to point out what you feel are obvious flaws in her arguments.

I remember when FTMOM came in to challenge the impression about the importance of a job to the issue of domestic abuse, she marshaled her points so sweetly that I for one conceded that even though its good for a woman to have a financial backup, it might not be as influential as I thought when it comes to spousal abuse.

My two cents

I asked a question that debrief and co haven't really answered.

How do you help an abused woman (for instance) transition into a woman of strength, what are the key factors you have to work on to get her there? It will take a while but do I be harsh(that role suits me well) or do I rub her hands and tell her it's okay when we all know it isn't?

Efemena_xy:

Please don't attempt to understand my mentality, whatever you think it is - I'd like to spare you getting brain f*a*g.

I just told you, I find the bolded bit of your post especially offensive!

Are you slow or what? How hard is it for you to comprehend that you don't use words like: Oh, you were probably abused because your ex discovered / thinks you were a girl about town and he was disgusted with you

Doesn't that sound stooopid, even to your ears? Do you think someone reeling from an abusive relationship needs to be likened to the terms "disgusting" and "girl-about-town"?

Who the frigging hell do you think you are?? Or you think you're better than them because you "endured" your slap in the typical Nollywood fashion??

Really dear why do u feel d need to be ABUSIVE. There r better ways to communicate without insults. U see by ur post I can tell d kind of person u r that's wat I am preaching about people need to learn to communicate in a civil manner . This kind of attitude won't help u in marriage if u. Continue like dis u should print this thread n keep it

R u saying I should get a divorce cos I Was Slapped. Hmmmm.no comment.

Airpure:

Hmmmmnn I AM NOT EXCUSING AN ABUSIVE MAN.but trying to understand why n how d sweetheart married became d DEVIL when he is not mad ke. If people can understand stuffs like dat it will help avoid a lot of conflict.

Logic has to follow every story except is black magic if it makes sense to u that a man can burn his wife wit Cigar for no just cos it doesn't to me. If we don't understand these basic facts then no marriage is secure.

N check all my post on this topic I am 100% against violence of any kind.

And logic tells me that the combination of your terrible written grammar and somewhat inability to reason properly only proves that you aren't really intelligent are you?

~ So Cotton was under the spell of voodoo now, was she? Going by your "logic"

~ and she was burnt alive - to a crisp, abi??

Abeg, do us all a favour and carry your lopsided logical analysis to the Romance Section. Or better still, GO TO BED!!!

Abi you nor get work to attend to in the mornining??

Efemena leave our Romance section for us o, we are very intelligent people there o, the jokes section will be better.

Airpure:

Really dear why do u feel d need to be ABUSIVE. There r better ways to communicate without insults. U see by ur post I can tell d kind of person u r that's wat I am preaching about people need to learn to communicate in a civil manner . This kind of attitude won't help u in marriage if u. Continue like dis u should print this thread n keep it

R u saying I should get a divorce cos I Was Slapped. Hmmmm.no comment.

You're even more dim witted than I'll give you credit for.

You deserve all the s*h*i*t I'll heap on you this night for your careless use of words. I'm only giving you a taste of your own medicine, child. We were all being civil till you got here. You want to preach to me about marriage? How long have you been married for child? I bet less than 3 years and your husband's already dishing out hot slaps to you!

I laugh in Chinese!

Ihedinobi:

@bolded, not quite, I haven't. My posts are of one thought. I had earlier said that there aren't really good or bad marriages, just marriages and cohabitations. My comment which you posted followed from it.

Suffice to say that God respects man's right to do as he pleases. He respects the documents signed and words said as man's effort to build the marriage alliance. But for Him, it is a failed effort unless Himself cements it and He is never under compulsion to do so simply because a couple signed special papers or spoke special words.

When Himself cements it, divorce is a non-issue. When He doesn't, it will fall apart. He is not a vindictive Person so He does not insist on the participants in such an alliance to stick to it till they expire. If the two learn that they are the wrong fit, there are two courses of action available:

1. the couple go to God to be truly married or

2. they accept the failure of their effort and walk away from each other.

If one alone of the couple is submitted to God and seeks true marriage at His hand, it's not enough. The two must agree.

The Lord God does not see as man does. He sees the true nature and reality of things not what we wish they are. So, when He's not the One grafting together, He does not see a marriage or legitimacy of offspring. But He can take a man-made "marriage" if it is offered to Him and turn it into the real thing and heal the confusion of its offspring.

Ok, thanks for your response. I've a clearer idea of your POV, although you haven't stated what your Worldview is based on. I have my thoughts, but I leave you to confirm that or otherwise as you so choose. I would question a lot of those assertions, but do not want to digress to far.

Best
TV

freecocoa: You are clearly not against violence, from what I understand by your post, there is a just cause for violence in some cases accept where the man is a certified mad man roaming the streets and that's somewhat worrisome cos you are obviously excusing violence, I think you need to reread your post and try to make meaning out of it.
So I got pregnant and had to end up with the man is a just cause for abuse? Menh babe your theory is really scary.

My dear I am so anti violence that I pride myself in spotting it n running before it happens n to do dat u must be realistic n logical which is wat I am tryin to achieve.

Dat u got pregnant is NOT a just cause for abuse but for u to understand how men feel trapped n outsmarted n react in such situations to enable u avoid violence.

I might not make sense to u but I just want u to keep an open mind to other peoples opinions.

N thanks for not being ABUSIVE lik dat EFE something girl

Airpure:


My Dear, I totally understand wat u went tru n don't judge u for it.I see my self as a realist so I take a 360 degree look at issues.I didn't state ur ex was verbally abused by u dear I just gave my general opinion on abuses. From wat is see now ur ex was d Devil himself

From my view point such hate as u ve described from ur ex don't happen over night 4 no just cos except ur ex is a mad man.burning wit Cigar etc. Most cases ve seen such happened in d followin:
1. Baby Came first n d man felt trapped into marriage. He den feels his wife ve outsmarted him n tries his all to punish u so u get fed up n leave.
2.He found out after d marriage dat he married a girl about town n didn knw d history of d gal he married n now is disgusted .
3.The woman is a verbal abuser that he sees as emasculating him whiCh he is fighting against.Nagging n all comes under here.
4. For some reason he doesn't trust his wife maybe its something she did or he heard.
5. The woman is a full Time housewife who he sees as a liability
ETC.

The point here is not just to educate about violence n divorce but I think should also be how to avoid getting into such marriages. N for younger peeps to learn they ve to see things fully.

For example wat were d signs u noticed that he could be abusive? When did d first abuse start?what lead to d abuse?what steps did u take to ensure it never occurred again?at some point before d cigar burn did u realize d love was completely gone? U see for me I wouldn ve waited till d cigar burn or that will be d last straw cos a man dat can do that can set u on fire. Really proud u got out alive n like I said in my first post on dis topic is that women like u should be given a trophy if possible.

FOr me if my hubby slaps me after the last one will probably leave him cos I nolonger do things to provoke a fight.

Wishing u all d best .

Airpure:

Hmmmmnn I AM NOT EXCUSING AN ABUSIVE MAN.but trying to understand why n how d sweetheart married became d DEVIL when he is not mad ke.

In the same vein, you can also ask, how did the sweetheart woman become the verbally abusive devil after marriage when she is not mad ke? If you can excuse one's physical abuse saying that the other caused it, can you not also see that the other must have caused the verbal abuse as well? Why are you so willing to excuse one and not the other? Cos you did put verbal abuse among your list of reasons for physical abuse.

I think you also fail to understand something. Any one that is repeatedly beating up their spouse for whatever reason is pretty much "mad". No normal, sane person will resort to repeated beatings of a fellow adult as a means of dealing with whatever issue he feels is an underlying problem in marriage. So for example, if a man feels "trapped into a marriage by a pregnancy or married a girl about town unknowingly" and has now resorted to beating her up at every little opportunity, there is a screw loose in his head. Therefore, ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, it does not matter what the person did to cause it, the bottom line is the abuser has a problem that is manifesting in an unacceptable way. Again, I'm not talking of a one off episode like the slap your hubby gave you. I'm talking about people with a pattern.

You are also deliberately closing your eyes to the fact that majority of abusers don't really have any credible valid reasons. They are just severely controlling people with personality disorders. I think you need to read a bit about the psychology of abusers.