Efemena_xy:

I don't hate you.

Never have, and never will.

True. Life is too short for us to spend time hating each other.

Efemena_xy:

I don't hate you.

Never have, and never will.

ehen,y den u dey vex ME? If i vex now,u no qo fit handle me aqain o

@Efemena-xy: On the contrary,the story line is good infact it has become more eventful.
THE STORY LINE IS STILL GOOD.
Remember Red admitted he wasn't familiar with writing detective novels...so he tried to be cryptic and 'left holes';blanks to keep us guessing hence his work seems RUSHED but thats one of the compartments of good writing.
@Damex333: About the body of Chief Koko,Frank 3:16 wrote it was found in an hotel room in the later part of his post.(Go check it out)
@Ishilove: There's nothing wrong in the way he used the 'TAUTOLOGY' at the beginning,infact it was a good touch in the way Red Mos. applied it,moreso as he rightly didn't use it later on.It was just a hint of FUN to provoke laughter from the readers.
NOW concerning the use of present/past tense;Frank3:16 used past tense in his discription of events and present tense in his dialogue btw the characters which is GREAT for the novel;this is a cue Red Mos. and subsequent other writers should follow.
Lastly i feel Larry Sun should post more DIRECTIVE's which the writers should follow in terms of story line,dialogue presentation and conclusion such that the next writer can pick up and continue.
Cheers!
@Efemena-xy: Calling a fellow aspiring writer's work A JUNK YARD...na wa O.
ANYWAY...all writers should STRONGLY IGNORE all insults or percieved insults and CONCERNTRATE on the story and THE DIRECTIVES Larry Sun gives us.
TAKE THE GOOD,LEAVE THE BAD.
Cheers!!!

Xsolutions, there is no point arguing. There was initially a lot of things wrong with Moss's submission, but he went back and did some patch up work, which is good because It shows he takes to corrections. I have very high standards but for the sake of this collabo, I have lowered them tremendously.

You are entitled to your opinions, so am I. In MY opinion, Moss's submission has turned the story in an entirely different direction which I personally don't like. You think it has become more eventful, I don't. You find nothing wrong with the tautology, I find a lot of things wrong it. I find that particular line very crude,immature and it definitely didn't provoke any laughter on my part. We can ignore the tense usage, but the overall storyline has being thrown out of sync.

I am not laying claim to being the best or the most proficient, but I can definitely voice my opinions. Fini.

Actually, Xsolution, I don't think the idea of giving directives is the best, it'd kill the fun. We should rather leave everybody in the dark about what the next writer is going to post. That way, the next writer will have free hand to work (and not feel spoon-fed). I trust that every writer can give us the best chapters.

About Redmosquito's chapter, not only did he use the present tense in his narration but he also used the first person singular. Now, from my own personal experience of novel-readings, using the first-person singular (I) entails that the narrator is involved in the story itself; that he's also a character. Using Pidgin English in the description is also not impressive. I know that he was only dishing some sort of humour therein but it doesn't jibe. It would have been permitted if he had used it in the dialogue.

I hope he wouldn't take umbrage from people's comments. I have initially said that we should correct with love and not insult.

Larry-Sun:
Actually, Xsolution, I don't think the idea of giving directives is the best, it'd kill the fun. We should rather leave everybody in the dark about what the next writer is going to post. That way, the next writer will have free hand to work (and not feel spoon-fed). I trust that every writer can give us the best chapters.

About Redmosquito's chapter, not only did he use the present tense in his narration but he also used the first person singular. Now, from my own personal experience of novel-readings, using the first-person singular (I) entails that the narrator is involved in the story itself; that he's also a character. Using Pidgin English in the description is also not impressive. I know that he was only dishing some sort of humour therein but it doesn't jibe. It would have been permitted if he had used it in the dialogue.

I hope he wouldn't take umbrage from people's comments. I have initially said that we should correct with love and not insult.

This guy, your big English sef is too much jor. Which one come be 'umbrage'?.

Ishilove:
This guy, your big English sef is too much jor. Which one come be 'umbrage'?.

Fuji House of Commotion after every update. I love these people

Ishilove: Xsolutions, there is no point arguing. There was initially a lot of things wrong with Moss's submission, but he went back and did some patch up work, which is good because It shows he takes to corrections. I have very high standards but for the sake of this collabo, I have lowered them tremendously.

You are entitled to your opinions, so am I. In MY opinion, Moss's submission has turned the story in an entirely different direction which I personally don't like. You think it has become more eventful, I don't. You find nothing wrong with the tautology, I find a lot of things wrong it. I find that particular line very crude,immature and it definitely didn't provoke any laughter on my part. We can ignore the tense usage, but the overall storyline has being thrown out of sync.

I am not laying claim to being the best or the most proficient, but I can definitely voice my opinions. Fini.

TRUE...then again in terms of the story line i thought it could be woven as each writer pleases as long as the storyline is intact

NEVERTHELESS,the fact that the writing isn't Top notch according to your standards but you still adjusted is REALLY ADMIRABLE...Kudos.

THOUGH i still believe the story has taken a rather more EVENTFUL TWIST and the application of TAUTOLOGY was ok...but thats my opinion right??!
RIGHT8-)
Concerning the STORY,i think it's not about how i want the story to be or how you want it to be but how the writer wants it to be giving consideration to the next writer of course(in this collaborative novels case).
FINALLY...i look forward to reading your work Ishilove

Ur turn dey come.

Oahray: Fuji House of Commotion after every update. I love these people

Larry-Sun:
Actually, Xsolution, I don't think the idea of giving directives is the best, it'd kill the fun. We should rather leave everybody in the dark about what the next writer is going to post. That way, the next writer will have free hand to work (and not feel spoon-fed). I trust that every writer can give us the best chapters.

About Redmosquito's chapter, not only did he use the present tense in his narration but he also used the first person singular. Now, from my own personal experience of novel-readings, using the first-person singular (I) entails that the narrator is involved in the story itself; that he's also a character. Using Pidgin English in the description is also not impressive. I know that he was only dishing some sort of humour therein but it doesn't jibe. It would have been permitted if he had used it in the dialogue.

I hope he wouldn't take umbrage from people's comments. I have initially said that we should correct with love and not insult.

NICE REPLY Larry...though what i mean by directives is in terms of TENSES and NARRATION as you stated above not necessarily about the storyline.

Damex333: Ur turn dey come.

E still far
We go don fight tire before then, there would be no energy to attack me

One word REDDIE "you fall my hand"
















































Twice , , , , , .

Xsolutions:

FINALLY...i look forward to reading your work Ishilove

Haha. And I hope not to disappoint

You can have a sneak peek through the link on my siggy

Ishilove:
Haha. And I hope not to disappoint

You can have a sneak peek through the link on my siggy

sicky siqqy..

Ishilove:
Haha. And I hope not to disappoint

You can have a sneak peek through the link on my siggy

If your writing is as interesting as your profile pic... .I believe you will not disappoint

[b]
let us even forget everyone's views on the tense and narration.
The story line gan gan, I agree with Mr X jare, I made it more interesting jorh! What was I supposed to focus on?
Everybody was expecting their individual taste and I brought my own taste, I dont believe I messed up any storyline.
The character I introduced can be killed off with minute dexterity, a bigger foe can be created from the clay I left behind. I already have up to two to three mental ways about how that can be done.
I took about 45 mins to come up with the twist, I dunno if that makes it a rush work, but thats was the best I could do and I liked what I saw.
Efe still believes I wrote it on the 17th.
*shrugs shoulders*
after I done kiss ur toe finish, u still no wan gree my word. Na u sabi for that wan jare, I'm too tired to keep tryna convince u. I wrote it before the 17th, shikena!
The truth remains as it is no matter perception and beliefs.
Every writer was given a chance to roam free as long as he or she was still tethered to the story, I remained tethered even though I roamed wild, I apologise for my errors ( I only saw them after I posted), but not the story line. The story line is me, as each of yours is you all.

Peace.
[/b]

Redmosquito: [b]
let us even forget everyone's views on the tense and narration.
The story line gan gan, I agree with Mr X jare, I made it more interesting jorh! What was I supposed to focus on?
Everybody was expecting their individual taste and I brought my own taste, I dont believe I messed up any storyline.
The character I introduced can be killed off with minute dexterity, a bigger foe can be created from the clay I left behind. I already have up to two to three mental ways about how that can be done.
I took about 45 mins to come up with the twist, I dunno if that makes it a rush work, but thats was the best I could do and I liked what I saw.
Efe still believes I wrote it on the 17th.
*shrugs shoulders*
after I done kiss ur toe finish, u still no wan gree my word. Na u sabi for that wan jare, I'm too tired to keep tryna convince u. I wrote it before the 17th, shikena!
The truth remains as it is no matter perception and beliefs.
Every writer was given a chance to roam free as long as he or she was still tethered to the story, I remained tethered even though I roamed wild, I apologise for my errors ( I only saw them after I posted), but not the story line. The story line is me, as each of yours is you all.

Peace.
[/b]

you changed the tense Moss! What kind of a story that is written in the past then out of the blue its in the present?
Please tell me

Redmosquito: [b]
let us even forget everyone's views on the tense and narration.
The story line gan gan, I agree with Mr X jare, I made it more interesting jorh! What was I supposed to focus on?
Everybody was expecting their individual taste and I brought my own taste, I dont believe I messed up any storyline.
The character I introduced can be killed off with minute dexterity, a bigger foe can be created from the clay I left behind. I already have up to two to three mental ways about how that can be done.
I took about 45 mins to come up with the twist, I dunno if that makes it a rush work, but thats was the best I could do and I liked what I saw.
Efe still believes I wrote it on the 17th.
*shrugs shoulders*
after I done kiss ur toe finish, u still no wan gree my word. Na u sabi for that wan jare, I'm too tired to keep tryna convince u. I wrote it before the 17th, shikena!
The truth remains as it is no matter perception and beliefs.
Every writer was given a chance to roam free as long as he or she was still tethered to the story, I remained tethered even though I roamed wild, I apologise for my errors ( I only saw them after I posted), but not the story line. The story line is me, as each of yours is you all.

Peace.
[/b]

Hello Red...storyline is cool.Just TENSES AND NARRATIVE FORMAT needs tweaking.
Take a cue from Frank 3:16's post.

I agree with Redmos on this one. Wonder why peeps are going on and on about changing storyline. What storyline? The one that is still being developed or another? The fact that every writer can twist the story anyway he likes while picking up from where the last writer stopped is what makes the whole collabo idea fun.

Besides the 1st person narrative, the tense, and some grammatical errors which everyone is capable of making, I think he's on point like a full-stop!

Oahray: I agree with Redmos on this one. Wonder why peeps are going on and on about changing storyline. What storyline? The one that is still being developed or another? The fact that every writer can twist the story anyway he likes while picking up from where the last writer stopped is what makes the whole collabo idea fun.

Besides the 1st person narrative, the tense, and some grammatical errors which everyone is capable of making, I think he's on point like a full-stop!

Agree with you on this;storyline is on point...use of tenses and narrative formation can still be improved upon though.

Oahray: I agree with Redmos on this one. Wonder why peeps are going on and on about changing storyline. What storyline? The one that is still being developed or another? The fact that every writer can twist the story anyway he likes while picking up from where the last writer stopped is what makes the whole collabo idea fun.

Besides the 1st person narrative, the tense, and some grammatical errors which everyone is capable of making, I think he's on point like a full-stop!

[b]
Gbam! I agree I've always had a problem with my tenses and now I am forcing myself to right that.
I also agree with my narration bleep as you and X have said.
But it is the way people are shunning the thing like wan kain plague that is troubling me. They say I push the tory too far. How na?
Did I say na Ayo be killer?
This thing is meant to be a detective novel. I dont read detective novel's much, but from the few detective games I've played and the movies I've watched, I know that there is always a misleading suspect who eventually turns out to be just a pawn or even innocent.
I went alien with my story, let us break from the norm and do something beautifully weird and twisting, let us go through a forest and leave a path behind, not following the norm of what we want.
Let us think weird and strange and incorporate our disapproving craziness into this story jare. I want to see heart thumping creativity of crytographic origin, we young and wild and free.
Let us challenge ourselves beautifully.
As far as I'm concerned frank left me only clues, no challenges, it was too easy for me to make something out of it and I planned on robbing the next poster of that priviledge( Efe I'm sorry for robbing u of time too) I just wanted to be intrigued by whatever shall be built on my addition.
As of now I have no expectations or even the slightest thought of what she'll make of it.
She calls it garbage. Pfft! I call it obscure diamond, she only has to polish it with her unique imagination.
You cannot ruin something that never existed, Its like I was building a castle on water, you all should not hold specific trains of thought in your head and expect me to follow. U sit down and smile at the craziness.
Peace
[/b]

^^ *applause*
There is only one mosquito on NL, and he is red

Enough of all these talk jare. When is the next poster posting?

The next poster is Efemena_xy, and she'll be posting on Wednesday (February 20, 2012).

Ishilove: Enough of all these talk jare. When is the next poster posting?

these talks keep the thread alive
Can't wait for 'after your update' It will be bloody

Redmosquito: But it is the way people are shunning the thing like wan kain plague that is troublingme.

Ignore them,'NO NEGATIVE CRITIC EVER WON'

Redmosquito: I went alien with my story, let us break from the norm and do something beautifully weird and twisting, let us go through a forest and leave a path behind, not following the norm of what we want.
Let us think weird and strange and incorporate our disapproving craziness into this story jare. I want to see heart thumping creativity of crytographic origin, we young and wild and free.
Let us challenge ourselves beautifully.

NOW THIS IS PURE GOLD...

Redmosquito: She calls it garbage. Pfft! I call it obscure diamond, she only has to polish it with her unique imagination

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

Oahray:
Can't wait for 'after your update' It will be bloody

I get 'made in Aba' bullet proof jacket.

On a more serious note, criticism is meant to help us grow, so we have to learn to take it in our stride.

Ishilove:
I get 'made in Aba' bullet proof jacket.

On a more serious note, criticism is meant to help us grow, so we have to learn to take it in our stride.

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT...thing is there are two types of Criticism:the type that encourages and improves you and the one that drains and kills you..

Xsolutions:
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT...thing is there are two types of Criticism:the type that encourages and improves you and the one that drains and kills you..

Damn straight. I was writing a series and towards the ending part, I was dallying too long on a particular scene because I was dishing it out piecemeal and was too busy to just write everything once and for all. The wake up call came when semid4lyf bluntly stated that my story was getting boring. That jolted me and gingered me to create time out of NO TIME to finish up the series on my siggy.

That is what criticism, whether positive or negative, should do: ginger us to reach inwards and strive to be better at what we do.

So this is going out to all o' y'all who are waiting for Ishilove to present her submission so that you can rip her creation to pieces because y'all think the biatch too like to dey condemn other people work. The only thing I'm gonna say is. . .

BRING IT ON.