Efemena_xy: @ Red & Mazi: I do apologize sincerely from the bottom of my heart to you guys. I was wrong in biting your heads off and I'm sorry. Na stress cause am.
Friends??

Mazi_Omenuko: I never stopped being your friend, and will never stop: even if you pierce my fragile heart with red-hot metal

HumbledbYGrace: Madam E! Why did Tracy have to die

Here is ma quote of the day....if you don't approve it in 30 minutes...my detective hushband will dzeal with u

"Wd dip our colors in honour of you, dear women comrades, who march into battle together with the man."

HumbledbyGrace

Oahray: hehehe... Nice thing I'm not writing next. Would have exposed her as a tool of the anonymous 6th member before killing her off

frank3.16:
Nice work Efe, your piece gat me tripping for u.


But allow me to scream, weep and mourn my darlin Tracy.

Ahhhhhhhhh, oooohhhhh why oh why.



But seriously u for no kill this babe na, I had some plans for her... Ok, I guess we just have to move on.

Foxy_Rebirth:

Was that for me.... I'm still trying to develop the story in my head. Itz just that my day is a long way off yet appears closer than my two balls together

Mazi_Omenuko: Choi!!! You killed Tracy! Now who's lucan going to 'tidy' You didn't even allow him the pleasure of one round of something before killing his gf!!!

#. . .thinking aloud. . .shebi lucan is allowed to do a flash back of the good times he had with his girl. . .#



Ok, lemmie go and start work joor.

Efemena_xy: ^^ Oga.
Isn't it past your bedtime sef?

Efemena_xy: ^^ Seriously?

Tell me, what did you pick up from it?

Xsolutions:
1-Structure and arrangement...as you read earlier.
2-Your power of description especially in the photo shoot scene;ever been a model or something??
3-Dialogue between characters was believable and cool especially btw the er...sick Mortician and his lover(can't remember her name now)...NICE WORK.

Efemena_xy:
You know, if I had a bit more time, I would have taken it a bit further. You know, Lucan and David spotting the killer slinking off into the night, both of them (or rather Lucan) giving chase, the killer taking him round bends and dark alleyways, then turning round a firing a couple of shots from an .AK44, Lucan dodging the bullets...and him nearly catching up with the killer as the killer jumps in a waiting get-away car...Lucan throwing himself on the bonnet of the car, clinging on...the driver swerving madly from left to right in an attempt to throw him off the car onto the dual carriage highway...

Ahhh....this has really got my creative juices flowing again. No, I've got to stop this now I've already done my piece...so I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the show, jare.

Efemena_xy: Lol!

Na Xsolutions cause am...

Efemena_xy:

So, you can twist the story in such a way that they both get their freak on at his place of work! That kinda throws extra spice to the story, don't you think? Now this "tangle" of theirs can be right in the morgue filled with the dead, or even on a stretcher between a couple of dead bodies. Or you could even step it up a bit further where they actually get down to it on a stretcher with a dead body! Afterall, they both admit to being quite sick, don't they? Sometimes, doing things the "normal" way could be quite boring.

Efemena_xy: You know, Lucan and David spotting the killer slinking off into the night, both of them (or rather Lucan) giving chase, the killer taking him round bends and dark alleyways, then turning round a firing a couple of shots from an .AK44, Lucan dodging the bullets...and him nearly catching up with the killer as the killer jumps in a waiting get-away car...Lucan throwing himself on the bonnet of the car, clinging on...the driver swerving madly from left to right in an attempt to throw him off the car onto the dual carriage highway...

Ishilove:
Now this is some ...SICK shiit right here!!

Ishilove:
Lol. Someone has been watching too many action movies.

Ishilove: I've read the remaining parts of Efe's chapter. It is very obvious that Efe is a rookie in the detective genre, but for a rookie, she did one hell of a smashing job. I could sense her struggling in many parts, while she seemed hesitant in others, but at the end of the day, she delivered the goods. That's how you recognise those with real talent.
I really hope I can do as good a job as she did. Even as I type, I am mentally gnawing my fingernails.

A few points; it would have been better if you had explored the train of Lucan's thoughts as he and David up the stairs to his apartment. Then when he got to the door of the bedroom, more exploration was needed. Remember he left her sleeping and you pointed out that she looked like she was sleeping, so I think a brief description of Lucan's emotions as he advanced at the 'sleeping' Tracy would have made a more powerful ending.

'Lucan had an imminent sense of foreboding'- Scratch the 'imminent'. 'Sense of foreboding' suffices. Also, you don't have a sense of foreboding, you 'FEEL' a sense of foreboding. We have our five senses which are inbuilt in humans, it is physical, but the 'sense of foreboding' is psychological. Alien. Not like the five senses of the human body.



I sometimes wonder why I am so fussy.

Foxy_Rebirth:

Me too

Ishilove:
Oya clap for ya sef.

Oahray: Hehehe... Ishi turn dey come. Amen somebody!

Oahray: Hehehe... Ishi turn dey come. Amen somebody!

Oahray: Hehehe... Ishi turn dey come. Amen somebody!

Ishilove: I've read the remaining parts of Efe's chapter. It is very obvious that Efe is a rookie in the detective genre, but for a rookie, she did one hell of a smashing job. I could sense her struggling in many parts, while she seemed hesitant in others, but at the end of the day, she delivered the goods. That's how you recognise those with real talent.
I really hope I can do as good a job as she did. Even as I type, I am mentally gnawing my fingernails.

Ishilove: A few points; Efe, it would have been better if you had explored the train of Lucan's thoughts as he and David up the stairs to his apartment. Then when he got to the door of the bedroom, more exploration was needed. Remember he left her sleeping and you pointed out that she looked like she was sleeping, so I feel a brief description of Lucan's emotions as he advanced towards the 'sleeping' Tracy would have made a more powerful ending.

Ishilove: 'Lucan had an imminent sense of foreboding' - Scratch the 'imminent'. 'Sense of foreboding' suffices. Also, you don't 'HAVE' a sense of foreboding, you 'FEEL' a sense of foreboding. We have our five senses which are inbuilt in humans, they are physical, but the 'sense of foreboding' is psychological. Alien. Not like the five senses of the human body, so it is 'felt'.

Ishilove:
I sometimes wonder why I am so fussy.

brokoto: ^^^^
na me like that post so o!
*1st to like things*

Rap maestro: u no well

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