Maria Portokalos: Toula, on my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom."
Toula Portokalos: Eww. Please let that be the end of your speech.



My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Maria Portokalos: Nicko! Don't play with the food! When I was your age, we didn't have food!


My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Vada: I'm gonna marry Mr. Bixler.
Thomas J. Sennett: You can't marry a teacher, it's against the law.
Vada: It is not.
Thomas J. Sennett: Yes it is, 'cause then he'll give you all A's, and it won't be fair.

MY GIRL 1

Vada: Daddy, how come this coffin's so small?
Harry: They come in all sizes honey, like shoes.
Vada: Is it for a child?
Harry: Of course not!
Vada: Then, for who is it?
Harry: Short people, very short people.


MY GIRL 1

Vada Sultenfuss: Life's full of barbaric customs. But I hope they all end with a kiss like that.


MY GIRL 2

Hary Sultenfuss: Hey, you're not eating your meatloaf.
Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: If I eat it I'll throw up.
Hary Sultenfuss: Well you should at least try a little bit.
Shelly DeVoto Sultenfuss: Then I'll throw up a little bit.


MY GIRL 2

Alfred Beidermeyer: Don't be a poet, be a TV repairman.

MY GIRL 2

Viktor: I made her.
Elaine: No, Viktor. She made YOU.


SIMONE

Viktor: You made me, but I made you first.

SIMONE

Pastor Skip: Patrick, this is not a gray area.
Patrick: Dad, it's all a gray area.
Pastor Skip: THE BIBLE IS BLACK AND WHITE!



SAVED

Mary: [about the Virgin Mary] I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she just made the whole thing up? I mean, it's a pretty good one. It's not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again.
[pause]
Mary: I don't really think she made it up, but I can understand why a girl would.

SAVED

Paramedic: Only one person can ride.
Dean: I'm the father,
Patrick: I'm the boyfriend,
Mitch: [points to Dean] I'm HIS boyfriend.

SAVED


(THIS IS WAS FUNNY PART I SWEAR!)

Cassandra: There's only one reason Christian girls comes down to the Planned Parenthood.
Roland: She's planting a pipe bomb?
Cassandra: Okay, two reasons.


SAVED!

Cassandra: Oh, I'm a whole new girl Hay-Faye.
Hilary Faye: I TOLD YOU! How great is Jesus?
Cassandra: Yeah, um, about that, I've decided to devote my life to Satan instead. Thanks though!


SAVED

Tony Montana: I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.


SCARFACE

Tony Montana: You know what? Bleep you! How about that?

SCARFACE

Milly: Don't you like girls?
Gideon: We ain't never hardly ever seen one.


Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

Doyle: I think you gentlemen should accompany me back to the Yard.
[Cut to Roy and Chon in a cell at Scotland Yard]
Roy: This isn't a yard! It's a JAIL!




Shanghai Knights

Roy: Hey, Rathbone! I was just thinking of a title for my new book. "Roy O'Bannon vs. Little Lord Sissy." Or how about "Roy O'Bannon versus the Man who would be Queen?"


SHANGHAI KNIGHTS

Chon Wang: If you break her heart, I break your legs.
Roy: That's fair.

SHANGHAI KNIGHTS

Chon Wang: What do you see?
Roy: He just pulled a fancy dragon key out of his desk.
Chon Wang: That was my father's! I must avenge his honor.
Roy: Slow down, Tiger. Slow down. Quit going all Chinese on me.

SHANGHAI KNIGHTS

Dean Sampson: I mean, the girl's an institution in this place. Every girl wants to be her, and every guy wants to nail her.
Preston: Basically she's you, with tits.



SHE'S ALL THAT

Laney Boggs: Am I a bet? Am I a FUCKING BET?


SHE'S ALL THAT

Mackenzie Siler: When was the last time you tweezed?
Laney Boggs: What?
Mackenzie Siler: I mean your eyebrows.
Laney Boggs: Never, why?
Mackenzie Siler: Ever watch Sesame Street?
Laney Boggs: Yeah.
Mackenzie Siler: You know Bert?


SHE'S ALL THAT

Laney Boggs: Screw the dolphins.
Jesse Jackson: A guy tried that last year, banned from Sea World for life


SHE'S ALL THAT

Donkey: Wow, that was really scary and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS.



SHREK 1

Donkey: And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day!


SHREK 1

Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: NO.
Donkey: Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak, Well, maybe you do, but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!

SHREK 1

Shrek: Um, Fiona?
Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I, I love you.
Princess Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really!
Shrek: Mmmm, I love you too.

SHREK 1

Shrek: Um, Fiona?
Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I, I love you.
Princess Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really!
Shrek: Mmmm, I love you too.


SHREK 1

Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: Getting rid of Donkey.



SHREK 1

Give it up KELLORAH!!

**Sheesh**